CONTROVERSY ON OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE RESOLVED!

He wasn't born. He was hatched.

INDIAN TERRORISTS ARE HEROES!

Let's celebrate by releasing theirs pals from Gitmo. After all, it IS the holiday season.....The season to forgive and make peace.

(Dear God, how will all of this horse shit nonsense end?)

MORE LEGS ON THE DINNER PLATE?

Just think...if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey we'd all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL

'Tis the LACK of money that builds character.

THE REAL REASON HILLARY WILL BE SECRETARY OF STATE

Somehow, I don't think Rosie McDonnell's mouth is big enough yet.

PRICE OF GLASS SKY ROCKETS!

All of the Congressmen and Senators and government officials leading our nation need glass stomachs so they can see their way around!!

ILLEGAL MEXICANS AGAIN RUSHING ACROSS SOUTHERN BORDER!

Demanding their share of bail out money!

Batney Franks, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid want to include their share in their Social Security checks!

PRICE OF TOILET TISSUE GOING UP!

They're bound and determined to bail out Detroit, the banks, the finance companies, the credit card companies, the cities, the counties, the states...ad infinitum.

CITIBANK LAYOFFS = OUR PERSONAL BAILOUTS!

Pssst! Hey! Since they're laying off all of those folks at CitiBank, there won't be anyone there to record whether or not you make your car payments! I therefore vote..... Let's all quit paying CitiBank!

FREE SEX!

The government is going to screw us every day.

GAYS MARCHING IN THE STREETS

If gays don't give a flying fuck about the fact that Californians have twice voted down the right to gay marriage, then they should ZIP their damn flies and move to Denmark. They have no right to tell me how to vote.

WHITE HOUSE COMPUTERS TAPPED

Monica diaries missing!

BAD JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

They say that the costs to install a suicide prevention barrier net on the Golden Gate Bridge is way too high.

I guess that makes it a dead issue.

DISGUSTNG

For some reason, all of the whites are moving out of the neighborhood of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

TRANSITION

That's all we're hearing now, "Transition, Transition, Transition."

Do suppose Obama had the slightest idea that he was going to end up being a woman?

NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAY?

BLACK TUESDAY!

First Tuesday of November!

WELL, THE YEAR OF UGLY CAMPAIGNING IS FINALLY OVER

Pardon me while I change the fucking channel.