BARNEY FRANKFARTER TO RESOLVE ISRAELI-HAMMAS CONFLICT

Let's send Barney Frankfarter over there with $880 billion. Since Congress seems to think that throwing billions at problems will make them go away, giving that kind of money to Hammas should solve THAT problem for a few weeks...... (At least until Obama gets sworn in and can go sit down and have a nice chat with them.)

OBAMA IS NEEDED IMMEDIATELY

Hammas says they won't quit firing off missiles and rockets to Israel until Israel quits bombing them.

Now's as good a time as any for Obama to show up on the scene and sit down and have a nice, polite chat with Hammas to calmly discuss the situation. Maybe we could have Nero show up to fiddle some background music.

WINE IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

That explains why politicians live so long.

But, too much wine rots the brain.

And that explains why they make the decisions they do?

PAKISTANI NUKES

The big worry is what will happen to nuclear weapons in the hands of Pakistan if its government should fall.

I vote they be shipped to Syria.... on the heads of some missiles.

HOW TO FIX NATIONAL HOUSING - MORTGAGE CRISIS

Now that the mortgage rates are at an historical low, let's have all of the failed loans refinanced at the new rate. That way, everyone involved will be able to skip one month's payment, all loans will be brought current, payments will be reduced, and we can get the $700 billion back.

Unsweetened lemon juice tastes better. Even alum tastes better.

NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS PREDICTION

If Congress keeps throwing good money after bad and spending money and ignoring the energy crisis, there won't be any lumps of coal around to stick in our stockings NEXT Christmas!

SANTA IS ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Just ask Detroit.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, GOVERNOR BLAGOJEVICH

I'm not going to ask for the Illinois Senator's seat because I don't want want to risk having my good name associated with those corrupt, ignorant, thieving, malevolent idiots in Washington.

Do you mind if I ask... Is it true that you really wanted the job for yourself?

DEAR MSRS FRANKFARTER & PAULSON

Where's MY goddam Christmas bonus?

An American taxpayer wants to know.

WASHINGTON KNOWS HOW TO LOWER ENERGY COSTS!

They're giving everyone a lump of coal in their stockings for Christmas.

BUSH SURE KNOWS HOW TO SHUCK AND DUCK

Looking at the video of him ducking those shoes proves the point.

THE BIG THREE

EL FORDO
EL GENERO AUTOMOBILS
EL CHRYSLERO

PAULSON WINS NOBEL PRIZE?

I don't think there's any real truth that Hank Paulson is about to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Philanthropy due to his dishing out of over 1.3 trillions of dollars to need businesses. I hear the money isn't really his to give, despite his opinions to the contrary......

Or IS there?

YOU'RE A PISSANT!

That's right, Mr. & Mrs. America; that's exactly what I called you.

Bush, Pelosi, Reid, Paulson, Frankfarter.... Inspite of the fact that less than 40% of Americans are in favor of the Detroit bailout, those guys are going to find a way to make it happen, anway.

Obviously, then, you and I and the rest of America are truly mere pissants in the bigger scheme of our government, "of the people, by the people, and for those in charge."

AUTOMAKERS DESPARATE

Need bail out money before Christmas bonuses can be paid!

THE OLD GUY SEZ......

Americans got sick and tired of having foreigners think we are stupid, so we went to the polls in 2008 and removed all doubt.

WRIGHT IS RIGHT: WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DROPPED THE A-BOMBS ON JAPAN.

That's probably why they bombed Pearl Harbor.

BLAGOJEVICH AND OBAMA

All Obama needs to say is that he has never heard of Rod Blagojevich and that problem will dry up and blow away.

I DID hear that Rod called Barney in Congress and asked for some bail out money.....

HOW TO TELL WHEN BARNEY FRANK IS LYING TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC

That's when his lips move.

DONKEY KONG

Last night, I dreamed that I saw Jesus riding through the streets of Washington on his jackass. First time I've ever seen a Congressman let a constituent get on his back......

MAYBE I'LL JOIN THE "WHIG" PARTY

Gunmen in drag steal over $100 Million in jewelry.

THE O.J. SHOW

'Twas fitting in several ironic ways that part of the FOX News coverage for the sentencing had advertisements featuring Robert Shapiro of LEGALZOOM.com

GOD MAY HAVE SPECIAL REQUEST FOR BURUEAU OF ENGRAVING AND PRINTING

Actually, the way Congress is now throwing money at everything, maybe it WOULD be a good idea to take "In God We Trust" off our currency. It's really getting to be embarrassing.

A DOUBLE GASSER

The price of fossil fuels rose dramatically this year. So did the price of air travel and anything sold on store shelves that was shipped by trucks and trains.

Now that the prices of gas and diesel have dropped, the cost of eating and air travel have not. Where is the extra money going?

I'd ask my Congressman, but he's too busy trying to figure out a way to get $34 billion of taxpayer money to Detroit.

EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US!

We're going to have a blonde as Secretary of State!

A LITTLE MINUET?

Can't you just hear the music playing as Obama and Company come on stage?

I hate to say it, but it reminds me of the old Ed Sullivan Show!

NO SMELL

They've finally announced that the country has been in a recession since December of 2007.

No shit, Dick Tracy.