ABSENCE

Nancy Pelosi won't be around on Halloween night this year....

The bat is in the belfry.

CONGRESS: DIRTY HALLOWEEN TRICK ON AMERICA

HEALTH CARE BILLS:
Senate, 1,500+ pages.
House, 1,900+ pages.
Shut up, bend over and get out of the way.

ALAN GRAYSON'S OFFICE

Is staffed with whores.

U.S. MUSLIM HEADQUARTERS LOCATED?

Check the list of employees at the White House and at top levels of the Administration.

FLY NORTHWEST

Get more mileage for your money.

BANNED IN WASHINGTON!

Effectively immediately, the following words are BANNED from being used in Washington:

Why?
Why not?
Constitution
Government-Run Health Care
Freedom of the Press
Illegal Alien
Terrorist
Hannity
Beck
Fox

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Good God, if they managed to get the "death counseling," government-run option, $900 billion in costs they will admit to, Medicare benefit cuts, and all of the rest of that crap into the bill in OPEN sessions, Lord only knows what they're sneaking in behind closed doors. Now it's up to 1,500 pages and ballooning by the minute... On the other hand, as they all say, who's going to read it anyway?

WHY OBAMA DESPISES FOX

The FOX is snooping around in the chicken coop.

PELOSI SHOULD HAVE PLAYED TRUMPET

She's excellent at double, triple and forked tonguing.

CHENEY GETS HOT AT OBAMA

Carter, Clinton and Cosby about to accuse him of blatant racism...

95% SATISFIED WITH CURRENT HEALTH INSURANCE

5% MAJORITY BACKED BY OBAMA, REID, PELOSI

NEW MOVIE ABOUT OBAMA AND THE WHITE HOUSE

"THE SWINE FLU OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST"

REID TO THE RESCUE!

Senators Dodd and Baucus, along with "Chicago Enforcer" Rahm Emmanuel, have been stumped about how to stuff the President's "Public Option" health plan down up our rears, but their leader, Harry Reid, was able to move them forward by letting it "slip" that the true cost of the pan would be $2 trillion. Now, of course, we'll be revlieved to learn that it's only going to cost us $1 trillion.

EARLIEST SNOWS IN RECORDED HISTORY

Al Gore also invented the Internet.

ECONOMIC RECOVERY COMPLETE

Bank of America loses $2.42 billion, unemployment up, foreclosures skyrocket.

NEW NFL OWNERS

I just heard that Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, O.J. Simpson, Charles Wrangel and Jeremiah Wright are going to buy an NFL Franchise...

FRANKENSTEIN HEALTH CARE BILL?

Don't you feel really warm and fuzzy with "Mr. Clean" Senator Harry Reid, Senator Christopher Dodd (who should be under investigation for ethics and criminal violations), and the Senate Finance Committee Chair Max Baucus meeting behind closed doors with White House "Strong Arm" Rahm Emanuel to piece together the details about a Government-Run Health Care Plan for 300 million people? Gosh, maybe they'll have Doctor Kevorkian as an assisting surgeon...

DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO FOX?

Anita "Dunn" did it!

NEW GOVERNMENT HEALTH PLAN FOR SENIORS!

Come into my sweat lodge and let's talk about it.

DUMB, DUMB, DUMB

When we migrated to this continent, we thought we were so smart, leaving behind high taxes without representation, kings and queens who didn't give a hoot about the little people, wars and plagues.... And, now look at us!

LOST HOLIDAY?

If Columbus had known what this "new world" of his was going to eventually turn into, he probably would have stayed home.

BIBLICAL NEWS REPEATS ITSELF

MESSIAH WINS PEACE PRIZE!

JUST AS I FIGURED OBAMA HAD RUN OUT OF WAYS TO GET HIS MUG ON T.V.

He won the Nobel Prize.

CHRIST NEVER EXISTED?

Researchers have been able to produce a fake Shroud of Turin using 14th century technology. Their fake shroud was artificially aged using heat and water, and the "shroud" was then placed over a student who wore a mask to produce the "face" and the "shroud" was rubbed with red ochre in a process that took over a week.

All of which probably explains why David Letterman went after all of those women, because he knew that Christ never existed and therefore, he wouldn't have to worry about the afterlife. And, of course, that would also explain a lot of the goings-on in Washington.

OBAMA'S AFGHANISTAN TROOP DECISION

Right after Congress passes his new Government-run Health Care Plan, the Taliban will surrender AND unemployment problems will go away in the U.S.

EXCUSES

Excuses are like assholes; everyone has one...

Guess why the dynamic duo...Barack and Michelle... lost the Chicago Olympics? Because of hard feelings toward the U.S. left over from the Bush Administration.

(Really... Jessie Jackson said so.)

THIS NUMBSKULL DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE

Obama's answer to the jobless numbers...
What we need is another economic stimulus!

(In fishing lingo, they call it flounder... in farming terms,
they call it manure.)

COUNTING

How many positives can you count that Obama has accomplished so far in his Presidency?

(Cash for Clunkers? Does increasing the National Debt count as a positive?)

KNOWLEDGE

Well, at least the whole world now knows that Letterman has had sex, and with women at that.

WHAT? CHICAGO DIDN'T WIN?

We, the taxpayers, sent the two Obama's on two separate planes and we didn't win?

Oh, my. Maybe he should have taken three planes.

IF ALL TELEVISION STATIONS WENT OUT OF BUSINESS

Obama would lose his identity.

BANK OF AMERICA AND ACORN

Bank of America paid absurd bonuses and had questionable transactions with Merrill Lynch. BUT.... They got a government bailout. Now, we see that the government and Bank of America had a common denominator.. ACORN. I wonder what that's all about?