WHAT MAKES YOU THINK OBAMA IS GOING TO SOLVE ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION?

Not even the swine flu can close the borders!

NEW DHHS MANUAL

"WHEN THE SWINE FLU OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST"

WHITE HOUSE PARTY PLANE?

You don't suppose the folks at the White House decided to have a little party to celebrate Obama's first 100 days in office do you? I mean, that would be a real trick idea, to jump on the 747 backup to Air Force One and to fly around New York City with a military-jet escort, sipping on wine, vodka and cranberry juice while popping down a croissant or two, wouldn't it? You know, invite over a few of the "friends" of the new establishment to reward them for their support and such.

Nah, they wouldn't be dumb enough to do that. I mean, that's a real stupid idea, now that I think of it.

Isn't it?

WHY GUN BANS MAKE SENSE TO ME!

With a gun ban in effect, Lee Harvey Oswald could not possibly have killed President Kennedy with his Russian made rifle.

EMERGENCY!

CONGRESS NEEDS TO FLY OUT OF THE COUNTRY IMMEDIATELY!!!

THE SWINE FLU IS COMING! THE SWINE FLU IS COMING!

COULD CONGRESS FACE INVOLUNTARY BANKRUPTCY PROCEEDINGS?

It is a well-established rule of law that creditors can force a debtor into bankruptcy in order to protect the assets of the debtor from being squandered or hidden away. The rule does require that creditors prove that the debtor owes more than it can pay.

Since the Congress represents the country as its "trustee," it seems to me that we lowly citizens could file involuntary bankruptcy proceedings against Congress, thereby freezing government funds and stopping the ridiculous and thieving bailouts; the country obviously owes more in debt than it can pay.

And, it seems to me that we could also easily declare Congress to be morally bankrupt as well. That's a no-brainer.

JOE BIDEN'S DAUGHTER ARRESTED ON DRUG CHARGES

How can you blame her?

ARCHEAOLOGISTS UNCOVER ANCIENT TOMBS!!!

Can you dig that?

MISS CALIFORNIA BELIEVES IN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE

That's her belief and, according to pageant directors, she's obviously not entitled to it.

Freedoms of speech and religious belief be damned!

FREDDIE-MAC OFFICIAL COMMITS SUICIDE

David Kellerman, CFO of Freddie Mac, was found hanging dead in his basement this morning.

Who knows what this news portends.

WE SHOULD GO TO WORK FOR A BANK

Since the government is planning to take over all of the common stock and nationalize the banks, that means employees will have to work less and get paid more!

THANK GOD FOR HUGO CHAVEZ!!!

Without him, the United States wouldn't have ANY friends!

ISN'T HE JUST A RAY OF SUNSHINE?

So there he his, getting an autographed book from Hugo Chavez, talking warmly and fondly of the Castro brothers, acknowledging that the dirty Americans are supplying Mexican drug cartels with dangerous guns, even generating warm smiles from Daniel Ortega.

NEW YORK TIMES

It's a downright shame, and it oughta be against the law. Just because they insist on publishing things that people don't want to read, sales and profits are down. Where's that good old "Fairness Doctrine" when you really need it?

BANKS HAVE MONEY TO LOAN?

Just wiggle your fanny into a seat in the loan office and see where that gets you. Don't let the horse laughs get you down.

PELOSI SLAMS TEA PARTIES

She says they were nothing but "astroturf" paid for and backed by right-wing, rich radicals. Obviously, she doesn't recognize a true American when she sees one. She most certainly doesn't see one when she looks in a mirror....

OBAMA HEADS FOR MEXICO

Don't drink the water!

CALLING "MISTER T"

IT'S YOUR DAY TO HOWL!

FOX

When is the Fox News Channel going to start reporting the news? Why don't they start a new channel....Fox Opinion Channel... and stick with the news on the Fox News Channel? Or, are they of the mind that the rest of the media is in..."Dumb Down America?"

Sorry, Barack...no offense intended.

ZINGER LAYS AN EGG

In the interest if having a nice and peaceful Easter, I have decided not to zing Barney Frankfarter today.

OBAMA SOLVES IRANIAN NUCLEAR THREAT

Iran's refusal to stop their nuclear agenda has become an embarrassment to the President. Since he doesn't like embarrassments, he has decided to simply allow them to continue.

Problem solved; we win again.

ECONOMIC CRISIS WILL BE OVER VERY SOON?

After the Russians shut down our power grids, we won't be able to use our ATM cards, charge cards, or bank accounts. And we won't care because...there will BE no economy. Period.

PIRATES

Are in training to run for Congress.

WHAT'S ALL THE FLAP ABOUT OBAMA'S BOW TO ABDULLAH?

Thank God he didn't curtsy!!

TODAY'S DEFINITION: Liberal

A person who will give away everything they don't own.

HOLD ON TO YOUR WALLETS!

Obama's coming back to the country!

TODAY'S DEFINITION: Condescending

And how are you this morning, you dismissive, arrogant little American, you?

BRAIN DROPPINGS

The way the Republicans act when around Democrats would tend to make you think that the Republicans have dropped their brains on the floor.

ON HUMAN LIFE: Why Is It....

The left believes in the right to abort an innocent fetus, but will fight like hell to prevent the hanging of a guy who just slaughtered 30 people?

$3.6 TRILLION BUDGET BEING PASSED REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE PEOPLE THINK

Because they know you don't have the balls to stop it.

JUST THINK: IF IT WASN'T FOR HUGO CHAVEZ...

The United States wouldn't have any friends at all.

HEY! PSST! I'VE GOT A GREAT IDEA!

Since Obama is a hep cat, and since the mice play while the cat's away...

Obama's out of the country, so let's visit the banks, the car manufacturer's, AIG, Freddie Mac , Fannie Mae, and the rest of the sinkhole gang.... and let's get our $3 trillion back!

PELOSI MAY RESIGN!

Hee, hee. You're an April Fool!

Don't forget to send her a tea bag. Too bad you can't include a dead fish with it.