GOODBYE 2010

Good riddance to the worst year in American history. 

OMINOUS THOUGHT

This will be the year for 9/11/11 and Barack Obama and Janet Napolitano are in charge of our national security. 

IMPORTANT REMINDER FOR 2011

Do not renew any subscriptions for more than a year.  Do not accept any extended lottery winnings for 20, 26 or  30 years.  You should, however, go into debt to buy things if you can extend your credit for five or ten years.  

Remember: The world will end in 2012. 

AREN'T THE HOLIDAYS WONDERFUL?

Obama's not on every channel every hour...

THANK GOD FOR CHRISTMAS

Well, that pretty much says it all....

CONTRADICTIONS

Obama is off surfing in Hawaii and
Santa Claus is nursing a hangover at the North Pole. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND TO ALL EXCEPT THE LEFT WING LIBERALS, A GOOD NIGHT. 

NOW THAT WE HAVE DONE AWAY WITH DON'T ASK, DONT TELL...

Will Santa Claus come out of the closet? 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Does Santa Claus really wear a thong? 

JANUARY 2, 2011

4,328 Republican hopefuls announce they are candidates in the 2012 Presidential election. 

PLANNED NYC MOSQUE MAY MOVE

Play me a little traveling music, Otis.  

IF CALIFORNIA GOES BANKRUPT

What will they do with all of the fruits and nuts? 

LET'S PLAY THE PERCENTAGES

Congress has a 13% approval rating.  Let's impeach the other 87%. 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS AMERICA COULD EVER HAVE

Go ahead.  Shut the damned government down!

DEAD ON ARRIVAL

Omnibus Bill. 

MORE THAN A THOUSAND BOTTLES OF CARTER'S LITTLE LIVER PILLS

Omnibus earmarks. 

OBAMA'S REAL TAX STANCE

When he says that failing to stop the Bush Tax cuts for the upper income brackets will cost the country $700 billion, what he's really saying is that he already spent the money. 

GREAT NEWS FOR REPUBLICANS

Although he's a nice guy, nice guys finish last.  Michael Steele has announced he will not seek another term as Chairman of the Republican Party. 

CONTRIBUTIONS NEEDED FOR WORLD TRADE CENTER MOSQUE

As you know, those working so diligently to build the new World Trade Center Mosque have encountered many obstacles.  Although they have applied to the United States for additional funding, which they may receive, they are still in dire need of funds above and beyond what has already been contributed by George Soros and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  This is truly an American cause.  Please forward your contributions today.  (Pending results of current tax legislation, contributions may, or may not be, deductible.) 

SAN FRANCISCO SWIMMING IN MONEY

In what is obviously the only city in the entire United States to have money to spare, a move is on to increase pay for school board members from a $500 monthly stipend to an annual $50,000 plus benefits.  They must have received a Congressional earmark... 

HOW IS IT THAT WHEN YOUR TAXES REMAIN THE SAME

...they call it a tax cut? 

How is it that if they do not increase or decrease taxes, they say it's going to cost the country $900 billion?  How is it that, when they exempt union members from the Health Care Plan that WILL cost us $800 billion, they don't talk about it?  ♦

WILL CONGRESS GET ANYTHING AT ALL DONE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?

Don't ask, don't tell. 

BRAND NEW TAX PLAN

They have just decided to stop taxing the American people altogether.  That's right, Congress will dig into their own personal pockets and pay taxes back to American citizens starting January 1.  

 

IS GEORGE SOROS BEHIND WIKILEAKS?

For the moment, only The Shadow knows. 

WILL BARRY, HARRY AND NANCY GIVE AMERICANS A REAL CHRISTMAS GIFT THIS YEAR?

Word floating around in Washington is that they have finally realized the message Americans delivered on November 2nd and they want to make things right.  In the background, they are working on new legislation that will require taxpayer approval for any spending that exceeds the annual budget.  AND... They're going to reward government departments that cut expenses by giving them 10% of the cuts back in employee bonuses.  

Really.  Honest.  Would I lie to you?  (And, while you're at it, please pass the gray poop on...)

THE SINGLE MOST AUDACIOUS WORD IN THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE

CHANGE

THEY'VE ALL BEEN REJOICING IN SEARCHLIGHT

I just heard that there has been a month long celebration going on in Searchlight, Nevada, Harry Reid's claimed home town.  Town resident Franny Frump puts it this way:  "He got reelected.  That means the bastard will stay out of town for another six years." 

WITH ALL OF THE FLAK MOVING AROUND IN WASHINGTON

You don't hear much about Toyota these days...

WHY BARNEY FRANKFARTER LOVES CHARLIE RANGEL

Rangel's law-breaking ways keep the heat off of Frankfarter. 

HOW TO SOLVE SOME OF THE PROBLEMS IN CONGRESS

Send them all home until the next session... without pay.   

IF ANYBODY EVER

Sends me another Jaquie Lawson email greeting, I'm going to scream. 

LESLIE NEILSON

Has caught the last "airplane" out of town. 

THANK GOD IT'S MONDAY

I am so sick and tired of relaxing and enjoying life that I just can't stand it. 

A DIFFERENT KIND OF THANKSGIVING

I'm going to pack up my microwave and head for North Korea and I'm going to nuke the hell of them.  

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and I'll be back Monday. 

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE TSA RULES...

Why get on the plane?
 
Seriously, if no one flies, I'm sure the airlines will straighten TSA out. 

HILLARY DONE WITH ELECTIVE OFFICE

Hillary Clinton said yesterday on the Fox Chris Wallace show that she will not seek the Presidency and that she is happy doing what she is doing and, finally, that she is completely done with all elective offices.  

This, of course, clears the way for Barack Obama to run for re-election in 2012 and for Nancy Pelosi to run in 2016.  

(I'm so happy, I could just shit.) 

NEW FAULT FOUND IN ROCKIES

There's a new fault found in the Rockies that's making the news.  Why doesn't anyone talk about the humongous fault running through Washington, DC?  Oh, I understand.  It's all about the quakes vs the quacks. 

THEY SAY SARAH PALIN CAN'T BEAT OBAMA

Hell, the way Obama is running this country, even Jimmy Carter could beat him in 2012. 

NEW YORK TERRORIST TRIAL STRATEGY

Ahmed Ghailani gets off.  Great job, there Eric.  Yes sir, great job.   

(You Obama guys are just so terrific.  Really.  Of COURSE I'm sincere.  Really.) 

WHO IN THE HELL IS PRINCE WILLIAM?

Doesn't he have some sound up in Canada someplace?  Is he related to Prince Albert in the can?  Or, the other Prince in the entertainment biz?  Whatever, I'm not looking forward to his picture on the throne......

I THINK WE SHOULD RAISE EVERYONE'S TAXES

Just kidding, just kidding. 
(That wasn't funny....)

I LOVE THANKSGIVING

It's the one day out of the year when big thighs are a good thing. 

SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO CHARLIE?

I guess Rangel decided not to wrangle. 
Where are Charlie's angels when he needs them?

ALCOHOL CUTS RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS RISK IN HALF

Peeple who drink alcohol are lesh pron to the crippppling diseash called rhoomatoid arthritis compared wist non-drinkersh, according to a resent Scandinavianianian shtudy.       

 

SO THEY'RE GETTING RID OF TELEPHONE BOOKS?

My God, what is this country coming to?  Just a few months ago, Northern Tissue decided to make its tissue paper more narrow by 1/2 inch and now the phone books are going.  Next thing you know, honest politicians will be gone, too!

BILL AND HILLARY WENT TO COLLEGE AND GOT EDUCATED

$69 MILLION FOR CHINESE VASE

Flowers extra. 

NANCY TO THE REST OF THE HOUSE

VEGAS SHOULD DRY UP AND BLOW AWAY

After all, they gave us Harry Reid for six more years.  Obviously, they don't need our business...

I WONDER HOW OBAMA CAN FUNCTION

Now that Rhambo is gone. 

QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS

Now that the election is over, I have two questions:

1. Does Iran have the A-Bomb?
2. Is Lindsay Lohan in jail? 

PELOSI DOESN'T WANT TO QUIT

She likes her private Air Force jet. 

(Boehner gets a rubber ducky.) 

ALL SEEING, ALL KNOWING, ALL ENCOMPASSING

Nancy Pelosi. 

OBAMA WILL MAKE PEACE WITH THE REPUBLICANS

And all the King's horses and all the King's men,
Will sit at the table and have lunch with Little Bo Beep and Little Jack Horner. 
(Please pass the gray poop on....)

ONE THING THAT DIDN'T STOP DURING THE ELECTIONS

The killings along the Mexican border. 

(My God!  We still have a border with Mexico?)

WELL NOW, MR. OBAMA...

What do you think of your damned "change" now? 

TODAY

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.  Vote.  Vote American. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Given our current situation and given the legislation that has been passed in 2009 and 2010, and if you are an American and you voted for Obama and his cronies in 2008, are you really going to get up and go vote for them again tomorrow? 

ONLY TWO MORE DAMNED DAYS TO GO

Before this damned "change" is over.  

(My God, you'd think it was really bad PMS or something...)

NO ONE HAS MORE INTEREST IN THE ELECTIONS THAN

The illegals. 

THE POLITICAL CLAMOR IS SO LOUD

Even Lindsey Lohan cannot get a honorable mention in the news.

BEFORE YOU VOTE FOR BOXER

Remember that she voted FOR the Health Care Bill.

CAN THE REPUBLICANS WIN?

  

OBAMA DISSES REPUBLICANS

I guess it's their fault that the damned health care plan was passed?

MIRROR MIRROR

The last place on earth where they should hang mirrors is on the inside of a bathroom door opposite the commode. 

A GREAT NEW WORLD AWAITS US

If we get rid of all the politicians we do not like, soon there will be none left and we can begin to live our lives in peace and solitude. 

NPR

Nitwits, Pickle-heads and Rag-bags

ELECTIONS ARE DOWN TO THE WIRE

I don't know whether that is better than a G-String, or not. 

SMOKE AND MIRRORS =

INCUMBENTS

MILITARY VOTE WON'T COUNT

Once again, overseas military votes won't count.  They still haven't fixed the problem from the last election.  Do you suppose the fact that most military votes are Republican has anything to do with it?

DEMOCRATS PUSH TO HELP SENIORS BEFORE ELECTION

Aren't these the same yokels who told us how great the new health care was going to be for seniors?  You know how they have proven themselves to be... if you can't earn the votes, buy them with the taxpayer's money. 

MR. POPULARITY

As far as testimonial support goes and on the campaign trail these days, Obama is not quite as popular as a turd in a punch bowl. 

REMEMBER THIS ON NOVEMBER 2ND

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

That Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman are having a torrid love affair. 

JUDGE RULES AGAINST DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Don't look at me.  I'm not saying anything to anybody about anything. 

WHY HARRY REID REMINDS ME OF ABE LINCOLN

IF HARRY REID WINS REELECTION...

It'll be a cold day in Wadsworth before I'll ever spend another nickel gambling in that state. 

GOD BLESS NANCY PELOSI

Prettiest smile of the year, according to National Geographic Magazine. 

NO WONDER OBAMA LOVES LINCOLN

"The great thing about the internet is you can make up just about anything even if it's not true"  - Abraham Lincoln

I HEARD THAT

93.26% of Americans who are planning to vote for incumbents in November do not qualify for mental health services under the new Health Care Bill. 

OBAMA STUMPS FOR VOTES

FATHEADS NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, TOO

News leaked out yesterday that the White House is ordering all states which receive federal money report their part-time temporary election workers as being full-time employees. In the meantime, the Gallup Poll is saying that real unemployment rose to 10.1%. 

CHINESE UFO WAS MILITARY TEST

Now THAT ticks me off.  For a while there, I thought we were finally going to find out where Obama was born...

ELECTION QUESTION

Why would the Democrats be running political ads in Spanish in Mexico?

FROM MY INSURANCE COMPNY

I know that Obama said I could keep the same plan I had, but the company is going to cancel it and the rate for something I don't want will be 23% higher than the one I lost.  Obama and all of his friends in Congress who voted for the new plan are lying s.o.b's. 

WHAT S THE SINGLE GREATEST PIECE OF LEGISLATION BARBARA BOXER EVER SPONSORED?

You mean to tell me she's never sponsored any legislation at all? Maybe she's been too busy talking down to Generals? 

You just watch...Those Californians will never be out done.  They'll re-elect her. 

DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Would you rather that Hummer goes out of business, or Hooters? 

ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD ICON BITES THE DUST

So long, Tony. 

HANG ON TO YOUR WALLETS, WATCHES AND PURSES!

Congress is home on recess!

DEFINITION: "FAT CHANCE"

The odds that the Democrats will hold ethics hearings against Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters before the elections.... or ever, for that matter. 

OKAY, EINSTEIN: FIGURE THIS ONE OUT

General Stanley McChrystal was fired by Obama for doing an interview in ROLLING STONE magazine.  Now, Obama has done an interview for... ROLLING STONE magazine.  Go figure. 

Maybe it's an immigration thing.  You know.... a Rolling Stone gathers no mas!

THE MORE I HEAR FROM NANCY PELOSI

The more she reminds me of a bird...

All mouth and no ass!        

MODERN DAY SLAVERY?

Redskin's player Albert Haynesworth says he's "not a slave." 


At $32 million a year, I don't think he's a slave. 


For $31.9 million maybe, but not $32 million. 

DO YOU THINK....

That, maybe, we should should just go ahead and impeach Bush?  

HIYA THERE, SUNSHINE!

Aren't you really pleased to no end that our recession is over and that everything is hunky-dory? 

IT'S SAFE TO DRIVE NOW

Lindsey Lohan is back in the can. 

IT HAPPENS TO ALL BAD POLITICIANS SOONER OR LATER

Over there in Nevada, Gov. Gibbons fell off his high horse...

OBAMA'S NEW DISCOVERY

The Tea Party is for real. 

OUR DAY IS COMING SOON...VERY SOON

FOR THOSE WHO SAY O'DONNELL CAN'T WIN

Back before Christine O'Donnell, there was Scott Brown. 

BILL CLINTON'S ADVICE TO OBAMA

Eeny meeny miny moe....

WHY HARRY REID IS IN TROUBLE

Sharron has a new angle.  It's called "American responsibility." 

SQUIRRELLY

Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to an election, the more squirrelly the politicians become? 

As if that were possible. 

REPUBLICAN PARTY COMMITTEE = HYPOCRITES

They dump on O'Donnell and love Steele? 

FDA GOES TOTALLY AROUND THE BEND

The FDA is about to take all over-the-counter cough medicines off the shelf because 1% of the users convert one of its ingredients to illegal drugs.  It occurs tome that ALL OTC medicines should be removed because someone somewhere will abuse them. 

(While we're at it, let's not forget to ban salt, Chevrolets, hot dogs and apple pie, too.)

DOES OBAMA HAVE A FUZZY NAVEL?

It would certainly match his fuzzy math....

IT'S NO LONGER "BLAME BUSH!"

It's... Blame Boehner. 

So, it's still Obama shuffling through the Kenyan jungle with a BB gun? 

REGARDING THE MOSQUE....

Can't you just see Osama and his radical Muslim cronies just jumping up and down in the streets with glee like they did on 9/11?

I'M NOT ANGRY AT YOU MR. PRESIDENT

I'm just flat pissed off. 

QURAN

I see that the pastor is the one who got burned...

KENYAN RUMOR

Rumor has it that the Kenyans have decided NOT to build a memorial honoring Barack Obama.  They're going to put up a memorial honoring the cuckoo bird instead.

OBAMA ON FAST TRACK

Wants to spend more money on Amtrack.

Now, that's a real winner!

OBAMA CLAIMS 90,000 JOBS CREATED IN PAST 12 MONTHS

Gosh, that's about 7,500 jobs per month, just slightly more than the number of illegal aliens crossing the border every day....

WHEN YOU BRING HOME MORE TROOPS FROM IRAQ...

You add more people to the unemployment lines. 

BARACK'S NEW IDEA FOR THE ECONOMY

STIMULUS.  Lets have a stimulus!  

I just KNEW he'd come through with a GREAT idea!

PRAY FOR HURRICANE EARL

Hope the blow hard will meander up the coast and blow the riffraff out of Washington, DC. 

CHAIRMAN BARACK SPEAKS AGAIN

Tonight he speaks to the nation.  I wonder who he is going to blame for what now. 

LABOR DAY IS COMING

Al Gore invented it. 

PEACE AND QUIET INTERRUPTED

Obama's coming back from vacation. 

BRAND NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN

Take a look a your new health insurance bill.  If that doesn't kill you, you're in damned good health. 

IS OBAMA REALLY A MUSLIM?

He sleeps on muslim sheets, doesn't he? 

WHAT'S THE FASTEST ANIMAL IN THE MEXICAN JUNGLE?

A drug sniffing dog. 

BLOOMBERG RIDES WHITE HORSE, USES SILVER BULLETS

Who WAS that Mosqued man? 

MISSING EAR FOUND?

Egyptian police have found a missing, stolen Van Gogh Painting.

WHY OBAMA DOESN'T VACATION IN CHICAGO

Because Tony Rezko is not in town? 
(Well, where is he?)

OBAMA'S GOING ON VACATION

Oh, there must be a national crisis going on again.....
(Maybe jobs figures? Foreclosures? Deficit? Another Mosque waiting to be built?  Iran going nuclear?  Harry Reid having a snit? Nancy running off at the mouth?) 

WEEKLY UNEMPLOYMENT LAYOFFS SKYROCKET TO 500,000

The economy is just great, terrific, magnanimous, cured.  

The stimulus worked beyond our wildest imagination.  
Everything is just peachy keen, hunky dory and just plain ducky. 

MORE THAN A ONE-TRACK MIND

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0nbo1VOF4M&NR=1

OBAMA SERIOUSLY ILL

He's suffering from electile dysfunction. 

OBAMA SWIMS IN GULF

Chairman Barack took a swim in the Gulf over the weekend and pronounced it safe to swim in and to eat fish from.  I don't know if anyone noticed or not, but he was black when he came out.....

IF JEB BUSH RUNS

Will Ben Quayle be his running mate? 

CHARLIE RANGEL

At the rate the Ethics Committee is proceeding, it's likely he will die of old age before any official charges get filed. 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO OBAMA, PELOSI AND REID

It's Friday the 13th!

WHAT IS A "DEADLOCKED" JURY?

If the jury doesn't reach a verdict, they line them up and shoot them. 

WHAT CHARLIE SHEEN AND MEL GIBSON HAVE IN COMMON

They're both obviously so much in love with their wives. 

WASHINGTON D.C. OUTLAWS NATIONAL ANTHEM

A group of high school students attending a conservative leadership conference in D.C. says they were ordered by a security guard to stop singing the national anthem during a visit to the memorial. The guards insisted that the students were in a National Park and their political singing constituted an unlicensed demonstration. 

WHY POLITICIANS SHOULD BE GEOTHERMAL EXPERTS

Geothermal experts are always in hot water. 

ENERGY SAVER

If we can keep Chairman Barack on TV 24-7, everyone in the country will have their TV's off, 24-7.  We should be able to decrease our electrical energy usage by 50% or more and... who knows, maybe we'll even get to know our families again and get back to more traditional values.     

NEW SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

Now, finally, after all of these years she has the opportunity to practice law. 

TODAYS WORST JOKE

Barack Obama. 

ONE THING ABOUT SARAH PALIN

She's looking more and more like Tina Fey every day. 

ILLEGALS: POINT TO PONDER

If the child of illegals was born in the United States, he or she automatically becomes a U.S. citizen.  There's an argument to be had straight out of the abortion issue:  If a child was conceived on the desert sands in the U.S., why shouldn't that child be a U.S. citizen even if born in Mexico? 

Huh? 

JOHN KERRY AWARDED THIRD PURPLE HEART

Although Kerry was never able to prove that he was awarded the two previous Purple Hearts, he has now been awarded a third... for protecting his Naval Command from taxation by moving it from Massachusetts to Rhode Island. 

CHAIRMAN OBAMA'S WEBSITE

http://www.chairmanobama.com/

ONE SURE WAY FOR CHAIRMAN BARACK TO RAISE HIS STANDINGS IN THE POLLS...

Resign. 

NEW YORK CITY INFESTED WITH BEDBUGS!!!

Limbaugh moves out!

THEO ALBRECHT DIES

I'd never heard of the guy either.  A German, at age 88 he was the Co-Owner of Trader Joe's and, with $16.7 billion, one of the wealthier people on the planet.   He is survived by his brother and partner, Karl, 90. 

OBAMA APPEARS ON "THE VIEW"

What's next?  Beavis and Butt-head? 

LOOKING FOR WORK?

There are two high-paid jobs available in Bell, California.....

TONY HAYWARD IS LEAVING

And going to work for Goldman Sachs? 

PROOF NANCY PELOSI IS NOT TWO-FACED

THE FASTEST WAY TO OBAMA'S HEART

Change your last name to Alinsky. 

WHO IS THE GREATEST SCREEN FACE SINCE CLARK GABLE?

Why Barrack Obama, of course.  Just ask him. 

NEW UNEMPLOYMENT CLAIMS RISE AGAIN

Don't worry about it.  Obama saved 89 million jobs last week. 

GEITHNER: ECONOMY IS WEAK

Well, don't worry about that, pal.  Just get your taxes done, okay? 

HEY THERE, SPORT!

How's that Hopey, Changie thing working out for you???????????

OBAMA'S NOSE GREW AGAIN YESTERDAY

He told the new Prime Minister that he is well on the way to reducing the American deficit by half.

I don't know what Obama smokes for sure, but I sure would like to try some.   

HOW TO CLEAN GULF SHORES

Remember that ad about "Ring Around the Collar?"  Just Wisk it away!

THE MUSLIMS WANT THEIR HOLIDAYS ON OUR CALENDAR

Why don't they get their own damned calendar? 

WITH ALL OF THE T.V. TIME OBAMA GETS...

I thought he'd be playing in the British Open. 

I'VE RECEIVED SO MANY DONATION REQUESTS THAT HAD A NICKEL IN THEM...

I can now afford to buy a yacht and retire. 

NAACP UPSET ABOUT TEA PARTIER'S USE OF WORD

They don't seem to like the use of the word "monkey" to describe President Obama. 

I agree.

"Baboon" is much more appropriate.  

WHERE'S AL GORE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?

He could have invented a way to stop the oil leak!

OBAMA SAYS HARRY REID'S AN ASSET

I wonder if he's the yankee or the yankor. 

STEINBRENNER

There he went, by George. 

A VERY SMALL CROWD

Number of Americans who want to have a beer with Obama. 

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Did Eric Holder ever attend law school? 

PELOSI'S SOLUTION TO IMMINENT DEMOCRAT SLAUGHTER

More Town Hall Meetings.  For once, she has me licking my chops....

OBAMA, REID AND PELOSI

Three Dog Night. 

THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN HELL

Would be to get locked up into a room with three Dell Computer technical support people. 

NOW THAT LEVI HAS APOLOGIZED

Everything in Wasilla is finally okay again.... (Please pass the gray poop on)

NOW THAT LARRY KING IS LEAVING CNN...

Maybe CNN will hire Glenn Beck back? 

ARIZONA SHERIFF THREATENED BY MEXICAN DRUG CARTEL

Maybe, if they kill a Sheriff, Obama will send another 500 troops down there. 

NEW OIL SKIMMER

I wonder if it can slurp up stupid chairmen of national political parties....

IF WE SPEND ANOTHER $800 BILLION ON STIMULUS

We can kill another 3 million jobs and Hussein can SAVE another six million jobs and we'll all live happily ever after. 

OBAMA IS LIKE MERRILL LYNCH

When he speaks, the world listens... to another channel. 

OBAMA'S NEW IDEA ON IMMIGRATION REFORM

Put Jan Brewer in jail. 

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR ABOUT CLINT EASTWOOD

He's not going to star in a new movie about former Senator Harry Reid to be called "DIRTY HARRY."

INEFFECTIVE & DANGEROUS

President Barack Hussein Obama. 

HE'S LEFT THE COUNTRY AGAIN

Obama's off to his favorite G Spot. 

AMNESTY FOR THE ILLEGALS!!!

Obama doesn't have his green card!

THE GREAT THING ABOUT OBAMA IS...

Everytime you think the guy has just done the dumbest thing on the face of the earth.... He outdoes himself again. 

HAVE YOU HEARD THE LATEST ONE ABOUT AL GORE?

He invented the massage.

OBAMA TO MC CHRYSTAL

Bye bye, now. 

DUDLEY DO-RIGHT RIDES AGAIN!

Bullwinkle headed back to London to go yachting.     

MC CHRYSTAL PUTS FOOT IN PRESIDENT'S MOUTH

Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall when they meet Wednesday? 

I DROPPED IN TO NANCY'S NEW OFFICE THE OTHER DAY

There's no truth to the rumor that it smells like a French Whore House.  Italian maybe, but not French.

OIL LEAK: Two Step Solution

1. Plug the damned leak.

2. Keep the damned politicians out of it. 

BP WINS COVETED AWARD

They got a Tony. 

FLOGGING BP IN A CONGRESSIONAL HEARING...

IS LIKE THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK. 

ALVIN GREENE

FOR PRESIDENT. 

PELOSI'S NEW FEDERALLY-FUNDED DIGS

Is there any truth to the rumor that Pelosi's new San Francisco office has a gold-plated marble commode and bidet in it?  At a cost to taxpayers of almost $19,000 a month, I surely would hope it does. 

OBAMA FOUND THOUSANDS OF FRIENDS IN GULF

It's the birds; they keep yelling his name over and over again, "Barrrack!  Barrrack!"

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Is there anybody in the country who is still paying any attention to what Obama has to say? 

SOMETIMES I THINK THE COUNTRY WOULD BE BETTER OFF

If Lady Gaaaa Gaaaa were President. 

PRESIDENT URGES PEOPLE TO GO INTO SMALL BUSINESS

Support mandatory health care. 

ILLEGAL AMNESTY IDEA

Send the illegals to the Gulf.  For every 10 lbs of tarballs they collect, they get to stay here another year. 

CASE CLOSED: It's in the Math

If 63% of the drivers in Arizona have no license, and if 97% of those without a license are illegals from Mexico then, if you pull over a driver in Arizona and ask to see his license after he just ran over six citizens, you are guilty of racial profiling.  Guilty, guilty, guilty.

IT'S OVER! NOW WE KNOW...

Who's going to be taking Harry Reid's job in November.  

TODAY'S A PRIMARY ELECTION DAY

ANYONE CAN BECOME ANYTHING IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY

After watching Obama in the White House, I am now convinced that any asshole can become President. 

ADVICE FOR THE PRESIDENT

CONTAIN THE DAMN OIL SPILL!  

CLEAN UP THE DAMN MARSHES!

STOP THE DAMN ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION!

GET THE DAMN PEOPLE EMPLOYED!

QUIT SPENDING THE DAMN MONEY!

CANCEL THE DAMN HEALTH CARE BILL!

PLUG THE DAMN HOLE!

IMPORTANT REMINDER

WHY I DISLIKE BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA

He never offered ME a big plush job not to run against Barbara Boxer. 

TIGER WOODS TO GULF OIL RESCUE!

Expert at plugging holes required. 

WHY DID OBAMA GO TO CHICAGO?

To hide under his bed. 

IS THIS WHY WE FIGHT WARS?

So the Obama's of the world can steal our country? 

JOE SESTAK: HOW GUILTY IS THE WHITE HOUSE?

That depends on what your definition of "is" is.  

GARY COLEMAN DIES

Here's hoping he finds some different strokes. 

PLUG THE DAMN HOLE!

Where's Hans Brinker when you need him? 

ART LINKLETTER

All of us kids of the world will miss you.

BEST PLACE TO WATCH 2014 SUPERBOWL - Flip a Coin

HEADS: In the shiny new World Trade Center Mosque

TAILS: In the Court room with Khalid Sheik Mohamed

(How about in the White House with Ayatollah Barack Hussein Obama?)

NORTH KOREA MOVES TROOPS TO BORDER

Obama meets Congress about Cap and Trade. 

NOT A HOT DOG

ANTHONY WEINER. 

DON'T PLAY "CHICKEN" IN NEVADA

Republican Primary Senatorial Candidate Sue Lowden will surely lay an egg if you do. 

NEW INTELLIGENCE CHIEF

I hear he's going to be a genuine Clapper!  (As in, "I can't remember the name, but the face rings a bell?")

WHERE DO YOU PUT A WITCHES BREW?

In a Calderon. 

HOW TO RESOLVE THE GULF OIL TAR PROBLEM

TAR THE CZARS.

I CAN'T FIGURE THIS OUT

There are more Liars in Congress than there are Members....

IRAN EXPORTING ENRICHED URANIUM TO TURKEY

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.  (You can have the damned drumsticks!)

IT'S AN ILL WIND

WHICH BLOWS NO INCUMBENT OUT OF OFFICE

WHAT TO DO WITH GULF OIL TAR

Let's all get some feathers, add it to the tar, and head over to the White House to revisit the Obama Care issue...

FOCUSED

All of Congress... On the polls. 

DON'T GET MAD; GET EVEN

WHITE HOUSE DOCS: OBAMA SUFFERING FROM E.D.

Excessive Dishonesty. 

TEA PARTY WINS AGAIN!

More incumbents bite the dust! (Does anyone back there in Washington get the message yet?)

NATIONAL HEALTH CARE PLAN

Greece has one!  (Got any spare change for a country that's down on its luck?)

SO LONG, LENA

You gave this world far, far more than Barack Obama ever will; you had both dignity and soul. 

GREECE IS JUST THE KIND OF PLACE OBAMA & COMPANY LOVE

A government deeply in debt, run by Socialists and unions, going over the cliff while trying to borrow more money. 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

And a tip of the hat to Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and Maxine Waters. 

GOING UP

Gas prices. 

BAD DAY

Alzheimer's Association sent me an invitation to their website, and now I can't remember where I put it. 

YESTERDAY WAS CINCO DE MAYO

Did you remember to take an illegal out for lunch? 

BEND OVER

Obama wants us to fund Greece's bailout.

ON THIS AUSPICIOUS DAY

Happy Cinco de Mayo, thanks and a tip of the hat to Arizona Governor Jan Brewer!

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT DISSENSION IN THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORP?

Rambo took care of it. 

SPEAKING OF IMMIGRATION...

Remember back in October of 2008 when Obama was asked why his aunt was in the country illegally?  Remember he denied knowing his aunt, let alone knowing that she was here, let alone illegally?  (Oh, shades of Jeremiah Wright!)  

Remember, he said she'd have to leave?

Well, she's still here.  (Like, hey man!  Now I know why he's in favor of amnesty?  It's part of his new "fairness" doctrine!)

BAD NEWS FOR BP/ARCO

Red Adair died in 2004. 

BLACK HOLE

Obama spending machine. 

WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS

A wholly owned subsidiary of Obama, Emanuel & Gibbs, et al

FIRE AND WATER

Did I hear that they are going to set fire to the oil floating in the water on the Gulf?  If it works, will that prove that Obama is the Messiah? 

IRRELEVANT

If you can't believe a single word he says, then he is irrelevant.  It's time to quit listening to Obama and to ferret out the truths for ourselves. 

WHEN I LOOK AT ARIZONA

I see a state that's willing to do mow its own lawns. 

RENDELL CALLS TEA PARTY "PATHETIC"

Isn't he such a sweet boy?  Don't you just want to pinch his cute little cheek? 

ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time, the wicked Goldman Sachs was making investments for clients that were destined to fail.  

Once upon a time, the "good" overseers, the S.E.C., were holed up, (play on words intended), behind closed doors watching porno and not paying attention to the wicked, wicked ways of Goldman Sachs.  

Once Upon a time, the wicked Goldman Sachs fell apart, but the "really good guys," the White House,  took our money and saved Goldman Sachs. 

And now, all of the Kings, Queens and Princes of Goldman Sachs are working for the White House. 

Isn't that a sweet and lovely tale?  (Shut up and get out of the way.)

PRICE OF BOOZE TO SKYROCKET

Them folks in Washington is gonna start taxing VATS!  

(But only on booze that's bein' sold to people making over $250,000 a year, remember?  You betcha there, feller!)

HYPOCRITE =

Barack Obama, after TARP, stimulus, Health Care and hiring two dozen Goldman Sachs execs... 

"We've got to reign in spending and tighten up Wall Street."

UNBELIEVABLE SCANDAL ROCKS CATHOLIC CHURCH!!!

Sex abuse scandal in the Catholic Church?  Wow, what'll be next?  

(Maybe they're practicing to become politicians?)

SPEAKING ICELANDIC

How do you say "Good morning," in Iceland?  

"Cough, cough."

ATTENTION ALL ICELANDERS

Get your ashes out of here!

PRESIDENT NEEDS TO ENFORCE SANCTIONS?

Iceland needs to be isolated for contributing to the world's greenhouse effect.  (Hop to it!)

HOW TO CLEAR ALL OF THE RADICALS OUT OF THE CAPITOL

1. Grab a seat in the gallery.
2. Stand up.  
3. Shout, "Let's have a Tea Party!"

They'll all be out the door in a heart beat. 

FASTEST WAY TO CUT GOVERNMENT SPENDING

History shows that whenever Congress is in session, it spends money.  Therefore, let's limit sessions to 60 days per year meeting every other year. 

OBAMA'S WORST MISTAKE YET

If he cancels NASA's Space Program, he doesn't stand a chance of ever seeing home again!

POLITICIANS EVERYWHERE ARE SMILING

Today is income tax day and you, you sweet little thing you, are going to be sending them more money to spend.  Now, don't forget to put a stamp on the envelope and sign your check.  

OH, HAPPY, JOYOUS DAY!

(P.S. Here's today's free tax tip: If there's any money left in your bank account, you have made a mistake on your tax return.  Go back and refigure.)

TEA PARTY RACIAL SLURS?

Since there are no video or audio recordings to back up claims that the Tea Party members voiced racial slurs on the steps of the Capitol in March, we are now asked to buy into the argument that the Tea Party must be covering it up?  Duhhhh, there were tons of media and press there, all with cameras and recorders that did not pick up the alleged racial slurs.  We all know that the media and press are owned by Obama and Associates.  

(How lame can you get?  I swear, sometimes I think these guys are as dumb as posts.  The rest of the time, I know they are.)

AHMADINEJAD TAKES SHOT AT OTHER WORLD LEADER'S "SHORTCOMINGS"

He's got a lot of nerve to talk.  He's only 4'8". 

CHEERS!

At this time of the year, I am reminded that Harry Reid says that the payment of income taxes by Americans is "voluntary."  And that, of course, explains why we have IRS agents and tax courts.  

(Oh well, at least we know they are spending our money wisely.  Well, turtles DO need to cross the road, don't they?  And, don't forget the salamanders!) 

WHITE HOUSE MUSIC

If all of the Czars
Played guitars,
They'd send Skynard
To the vineyard.  

INSTEAD OF DESTROYING OUR NUKES

Why don't we just sell them to Iran? 

HOW ABOUT THE "FAIR" TAX?

Let those who voted for Obama because he promised that taxes would not go up.... Let those who believed Obama when he said his Health Care Plan would actually reduce costs...

Let those guys pay the increased taxes. 

Let those of us who didn't believe a damned thing he said get a tax rebate. 

That's fair.  

You like the S.O.B. so much, YOU pay the freight! 

MILLIONS OF AMERICANS RISE IN UNISON!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said yesterday that Barack Obama is “new to politics” and a very weak leader. 28 million Americans got off their asses, rose to their feet and gave each other the “high five.” Mahmoud for President! Mahmoud for President!

PUTTING FRANK AND DODD IN CHARGE OF FINANCIAL REFORM

Is like putting the fox in charge of the chicken coop. 

TIGER SWINGS AGAIN!

No, no, no!  I mean, he's back on the golf course!

OBAMA ON THE DEFENSIVE ABOUT BECK AND LIMBAUGH

They're picking on him...trying to turn people to hate him. 

Well, to be frank about it Mr. President, nobody likes a snot-nosed bully. 

IS ANOTHER CIVIL WAR IMMINENT?

Well, the way those far-left liberals talk, it most surely would not be civil.....

WOMEN

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=sXzrUztyd1Y

NO EASTER EGG HUNT AT THE WHITE HOUSE THIS YEAR!

The President and Congressional Democrats have already laid the biggest egg in history on the American public. 

MORE THAN 50% OF AMERICANS SAY

Obama should be dethroned. 

INSIDE STORY: OBAMA MAY RESIGN!

APRIL FOOLS!

BACK TO PLAYING AN OLD GAME

Chinese Checkers. 

REPUBLICANS BLEW THEIR TOP

They spent $1,964 at a Hollywood topless club last month. 

OBAMA FLIES THE COOP!

Cheeez... If only he'd taken Hillary with him, they might've gotten strafed by anti-aircraft guns and rockets while they were landing! 

(Did she ever explain that fib?)

NOSE JOB

With Obama's appointment of 15 high-ranking administration officials being made the instant Congress adjourned for recess, and with at least one of those appointees being under attack by both Republicans and Democrats, it appears that a defiant Obama is really rubbing their noses in it. 

FROM THE ASHES OF OPPRESSION

SHALL RISE THE EAGLE OF DEMOCRACY!

DON'T BOTHER HIM...HE'S BUSY

LEFTOVER TARP AND ERA MONEY

Is it true that they've been using it to artificially prop up the stock market? 

ABOUT THE DRUG ISSUE

They’re going to have to nationalize some pharmaceutical companies to keep expenses down. Government-issued medication will be the next shoe to drop.

NOW THAT OBAMA HAS WIPED OUR NOSES IN IT

Just think... In  few years, we'll be subjects instead of citizens. 

HELP WANTED

Will someone please place a dead fish in the back of each Congressional limo? 

TODAY WE WILL FIND OUT WHICH POLITICIANS ARE AMERICANS

and who isn't. 

IF THIS IS A DONE DEAL...

Then why does Obama have to bang heads in the House today?

ONE THING YOU DEFINITELY WON'T FIND IN WASHINGTON

An honest day's work. 

HOW TO TELL WHEN PELOSI'S LYING

When she starts pointing her finger, glaring and stuttering...

PETERED OUT

Peter Graves came and went. 

Thanks for the entertainment. 

SAINT PATRICKS DAY SURPRISE

Barack O'Bama is not Irish. 

JUMPING INTO A TOYOTA THESE DAYS....

Is akin to being a senior citizen looking at the new health care plan.  It's a wreck waiting to happen. 

DOESN'T IT DELIGHT YOU TO KNOW...

You're going to be paying for your health insurance and out of pocket costs for the next four years PLUS you're going to be paying higher taxes PLUS you're going to be paying for a health plan that doesn't come into effect for another four years PLUS you're going to have to listen to Nancy, Harry and Barack chirping gleefully about it the whole damned time? 

IF YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE...

Pelosi is sending you to jail.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUkzV8h3Wp0&NR=1

SOLUTION TO THE CORRUPTION

I vote we defund the positions of President, Speaker of the House, and Senate Majority Leader.  

Post haste.

(Heck, that'll save us tons of money.)

THE THREE STOOGES RUN AMUCK

PELOSI ADMITS IGNORANCE

Nancy Pelosi says they have to pass the Health Care Plan so she can find out what's in it. 

RABID DINOSAUR FOUND NEAR SEARCHLIGHT, NV

CORRUPTION IN THE WHITE HOUSE?

Naaaaww..... You've gotta be joshin' me.   

RUMOR MILL

There's absolutely no truth to the rumor that Nancy Pelosi is being nominated to receive next year's Nobel Prize for Peace.  (At least, I don't think so.)

WHAT KILLED THE DINOSAURS?

No government run health care plan...

JOBS RUMOR UNTRUE

There's no truth to the rumor that New York Governor David Paterson is switching jobs with Congressman Charles Rangel...

WILL NANCY DO IT AGAIN?

Will she again shut off the House switchboard and Internet so that we can't contact our representatives? 

EARTH'S AXIS MAY HAVE SHIFTED?

Scientists say the earthquake in Chile may have shifted the earth's axis.  Do you suppose that would explain why Barack Obama is off his beam? 

WISHFUL THINKING

It's too bad that Barack Obama's father didn't know how to use condoms. 

NEW SHOW TO SAVE NBC?

RUMOR HAS IT:

NBC, in a desperate attempt to reverse its slumping ratings, is thinking about a new show to fill the 10:00 PM time period vacated by Jay Leno in his move back to the late slot.  The program would feature a nightly recap of events in Washington from an insider's view, including the latest in ethics violations, sexual escapades, corruption, and back-room deals, with guest appearances from such stalwarts as Charles Dodd, Barney Frank and Charles Rangel.  The show will be hosted by and known as "THE BARRY, HARRY AND NANCY COMEDY HOUR." (Just what we need, more face time with Obama.)

OUR GOVERNMENT DOES NOT NEED TO GROW...

It needs to GROW UP.

HOW TO COVER 15 MILLION MORE AND SAVE MONEY!

Make the illegals buy their OWN health care insurance!

HEALTH CARE SUMMIT

WE KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU!

IN RESPONSE TO YOUR HEALTH CARE SUMMIT

TODAY'S THE BIG DAY

Obama gets to preempt national T.V. for six (6) solid hours for his health care propaganda and indoctrination campaign. Sieg Heil!

FEBRUARY 25TH HEALTH CARE SUMMIT

Don't you wonder who is going to get paid off to do what in this chapter?

LOST IN SPACE

President Barack Hussein Obama

AMERICAN SHOWDOWN IN THE "NOT SO O.K." CORRAL

This week marks a monumental showdown on Health Care between Barack Hussein Obama and the American will. At least we know he's NOT a straight shooter.

WHO'S IN CHARGE NOW?

So long, General Haig.

OBAMA SAVING NATIONAL ENERGY

It seems that every time he gets his face on T.V., people are turning the damned thing off. 

OBAMA IS LOSING IT

Every day that goes by, he becomes less and less relevant.  


Instead of "Your Highness," what should we start calling him?  Hmmm.  Maybe I should not have asked that....

ABSURDITY GROWS IN WASHINGTON

Within hours after word came out from scientists that global warming is essential a farce, a plea came to quit flushing your toilet so often to help prevent climate change.Like... Why don't we just start saving it altogether and ship it off to the Capitol about once a month?  Or, would they even notice? 

PRESIDENTIAL KISS OF DEATH

If I was a Democrat, the very last thing I'd want right now would be for Obama to come and campaign for me.  In fact, I'd even pay him to stay out of my state! 

FAT POLICE GET UGLY

Those pious, condescending jackasses have started calling fat people names.

PRESIDENT'S DAY REMINDER FOR OBAMA AND CONGRESS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nEoW-P81-0

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, BARACK!

The entire country loves you!

You are such a wonderful potentate.....

CLINTON IN THE HOSPITAL

Hillary and Chelsea showed up. Monica was conspicuous by her absence.

GALLUP POLL: 18% OF AMERICANS APPROVE OF CONGRESS!

I had no idea it was that high....

NARCISSISM 101

Barack Hussein Obama

DARTH VADER THREATENS CONGRESS

If they don't confirm his nominees, he'll name them during the summer recess.  (Where's Luke Skywalker when you need him?  Oh?  He just drove into town in his pickup with Massachusetts plates?)

JOHN MURTHA

It's not often when you encounter someone who gets the hair up on the back of your neck. He did.