GOODBYE 2010

Good riddance to the worst year in American history. 

OMINOUS THOUGHT

This will be the year for 9/11/11 and Barack Obama and Janet Napolitano are in charge of our national security. 

IMPORTANT REMINDER FOR 2011

Do not renew any subscriptions for more than a year.  Do not accept any extended lottery winnings for 20, 26 or  30 years.  You should, however, go into debt to buy things if you can extend your credit for five or ten years.  

Remember: The world will end in 2012. 

AREN'T THE HOLIDAYS WONDERFUL?

Obama's not on every channel every hour...

THANK GOD FOR CHRISTMAS

Well, that pretty much says it all....

CONTRADICTIONS

Obama is off surfing in Hawaii and
Santa Claus is nursing a hangover at the North Pole. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND TO ALL EXCEPT THE LEFT WING LIBERALS, A GOOD NIGHT. 

NOW THAT WE HAVE DONE AWAY WITH DON'T ASK, DONT TELL...

Will Santa Claus come out of the closet? 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Does Santa Claus really wear a thong? 

JANUARY 2, 2011

4,328 Republican hopefuls announce they are candidates in the 2012 Presidential election. 

PLANNED NYC MOSQUE MAY MOVE

Play me a little traveling music, Otis.  

IF CALIFORNIA GOES BANKRUPT

What will they do with all of the fruits and nuts? 

LET'S PLAY THE PERCENTAGES

Congress has a 13% approval rating.  Let's impeach the other 87%. 

THE BEST CHRISTMAS AMERICA COULD EVER HAVE

Go ahead.  Shut the damned government down!

DEAD ON ARRIVAL

Omnibus Bill. 

MORE THAN A THOUSAND BOTTLES OF CARTER'S LITTLE LIVER PILLS

Omnibus earmarks. 

OBAMA'S REAL TAX STANCE

When he says that failing to stop the Bush Tax cuts for the upper income brackets will cost the country $700 billion, what he's really saying is that he already spent the money. 

GREAT NEWS FOR REPUBLICANS

Although he's a nice guy, nice guys finish last.  Michael Steele has announced he will not seek another term as Chairman of the Republican Party. 

CONTRIBUTIONS NEEDED FOR WORLD TRADE CENTER MOSQUE

As you know, those working so diligently to build the new World Trade Center Mosque have encountered many obstacles.  Although they have applied to the United States for additional funding, which they may receive, they are still in dire need of funds above and beyond what has already been contributed by George Soros and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  This is truly an American cause.  Please forward your contributions today.  (Pending results of current tax legislation, contributions may, or may not be, deductible.) 

SAN FRANCISCO SWIMMING IN MONEY

In what is obviously the only city in the entire United States to have money to spare, a move is on to increase pay for school board members from a $500 monthly stipend to an annual $50,000 plus benefits.  They must have received a Congressional earmark... 

HOW IS IT THAT WHEN YOUR TAXES REMAIN THE SAME

...they call it a tax cut? 

How is it that if they do not increase or decrease taxes, they say it's going to cost the country $900 billion?  How is it that, when they exempt union members from the Health Care Plan that WILL cost us $800 billion, they don't talk about it?  ♦

WILL CONGRESS GET ANYTHING AT ALL DONE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?

Don't ask, don't tell. 

BRAND NEW TAX PLAN

They have just decided to stop taxing the American people altogether.  That's right, Congress will dig into their own personal pockets and pay taxes back to American citizens starting January 1.  

 

IS GEORGE SOROS BEHIND WIKILEAKS?

For the moment, only The Shadow knows. 

WILL BARRY, HARRY AND NANCY GIVE AMERICANS A REAL CHRISTMAS GIFT THIS YEAR?

Word floating around in Washington is that they have finally realized the message Americans delivered on November 2nd and they want to make things right.  In the background, they are working on new legislation that will require taxpayer approval for any spending that exceeds the annual budget.  AND... They're going to reward government departments that cut expenses by giving them 10% of the cuts back in employee bonuses.  

Really.  Honest.  Would I lie to you?  (And, while you're at it, please pass the gray poop on...)

THE SINGLE MOST AUDACIOUS WORD IN THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE

CHANGE

THEY'VE ALL BEEN REJOICING IN SEARCHLIGHT

I just heard that there has been a month long celebration going on in Searchlight, Nevada, Harry Reid's claimed home town.  Town resident Franny Frump puts it this way:  "He got reelected.  That means the bastard will stay out of town for another six years." 

WITH ALL OF THE FLAK MOVING AROUND IN WASHINGTON

You don't hear much about Toyota these days...

WHY BARNEY FRANKFARTER LOVES CHARLIE RANGEL

Rangel's law-breaking ways keep the heat off of Frankfarter. 

HOW TO SOLVE SOME OF THE PROBLEMS IN CONGRESS

Send them all home until the next session... without pay.   

IF ANYBODY EVER

Sends me another Jaquie Lawson email greeting, I'm going to scream.