THIS IS MY LAST POST

Unit next year...January 3rd.  Hopefully, this new year will be better than last, for all of us. 

PARLOR GAMES?

Nancy Pelosi is settling into $10,000 a night digs in Hawaii, as she did last year.  Obama is in Hawaii, too.  I wonder if Michelle knows about this? 

EXODUS BEGINS

Democratic Ben Nelson has announced he will not seek reelection.  He's a  smart man who doesn't want to see the numbers in November.   

WAR HORSE

That's what they call Obama on the golf course. 

REPLACE CONGRESS

With Sesame Street. 

FORGET WASHINGTON

Try and have a 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

Is for Congress and the President to resign. 

NO CHRISTMAS CARD FROM YOUR CONGRESSMAN THIS YEAR

Too much postage and they're trying to balance the budget. 

ENJOY CHRISTMAS IN A SPECIAL WAY THIS YEAR

It will be Obama's last Christmas.  The Mayan Calendar ends on December 21, 2012. 

KIM JONG

Is no longer "IL."

OUR NEXT PRESIDENT

You know, there's not a damned name out there on either side that I really want to vote for.  Where's Mickey Mouse when you desperately need him? 

OBAMA'S POLLS

Are lower than a snake's belly. 

DILEMMA: IF CONGRESS EVER STANDS UP AND DOES ITS JOB...

200 Million Americans will die of heart failure. 

CAN'T MAKE UP YOUR MIND ON REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE?

Maybe we should have another debate...

DID OBAMA CHEAT?

They're saying that Obama may not have qualified for the Indiana presidential race in 2008.  Evidently, there was massive fraud in the process.  Now, I'm sure Obama had nothing to do with that, aren't you?  

Gimmee an "A"
Gimmee a "C"
Gimmee an "O-R-N!"

ROMNEY MUST BE DESPERATE

He got Christine O'Donnell to endorse him. 

PELOSI RIPS CATHOLICS

Nancy Pelosi is ticked off at the Catholic Church for taking a stand against her beloved ObamaCare bill, because the bill provides for birth control contraceptives.  Some businesses may have to provide the coverage against their moral objections.  She is whining about "this conscience thing," as if she had a conscience anyway.  

UNMITIGATED GALL

So, Obama threatened Congress they had better pass his payroll tax cut or they're going to have to spend Christmas in session.  It's too important for the American people.  

And just where do you think our pal Barry is going to be if that happens?  Hawaii on a 17 day vacation. 

WHY DOES OBAMA VISIT HAWAII SO OFTEN?

He likes to be close to his birth certificate. 

BARNEY FRANKFARTER HEADING FOR SPORTS JOB

CNN just reported the actual reason Barney Frank retired

was to become an Assistant Football Coach at Penn State.

NEW MOVIE ABOUT OBAMA

"ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST"

IF OUR GOVERNMENT LOAD GETS ANY HEAVIER

Washington will fall off into the Potomac. 

PELOSI THREATENS GINGRICH

This sounds like Pearl Harbor Day, all over again.  Go ahead, Miss Prim & Proper: make my day.  (As if she thinks HER poo poo doesn't stink.)

WHY WE FUND THE PENTAGON

The Iranians claim they shot down an unmanned U.S. drone.  After 48 hours of being unsure, the Pentagon says they think they are missing a drone from Afghanistan and they're working to try and find out where it is.  Give those guys a raise and put them in charge of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae.   

POST OFFICE SOLUTION

The Post Commission answer as to how to get the USPO out of red ink is..... slow down the delivery service and raise rates.  (Uhh, I hate to say this, but if this idea was going to work, the USPO would already be making billions of dollars in profits.)   

CHRISTMAS DEAL

Do NOT try to impose your atheistic views on me and I will not pray for your soul. 

WE COULD CLOSE DOWN CONGRESS & THE WHITE HOUSE

Without raising unemployment by more than .01%. 

VOTING PRIORITIES

If any Republican candidate except Romney wins, I will vote for them against Obama.  If Romney wins, I’ll be at the bar, drinking. 

OFF TO NEVER, NEVERLAND

Michael Jackson's attorney. 

GOVERNMENTAL QUESTION OF THE YEAR

What do you call a bus load of Congressmen going over a cliff?  

Bye, bye now.  

What do you call the same bus going over the cliff with three empty seats? 

A dirty, rotten, crying and ugly tragedy. 

WHY CONGRESS IS LIKE THE NBA

All they want to do is run around and play with their balls. 

THE EPITOME OF "THE DARK SIDE"

Congress and the President. 

IF I WAS A MEMBER OF CONGRESS

I'd be too damned embarrassed to show my face in public. 

MOVING DAY

I suppose we could move Congress and the President out onto Alcatraz Island and then have it secede from the Union...

CONGRESS & THE PRESIDENT

They'll be the only people out spending our money this Christmas season...

MY THANKSGIVING DAY PRAYER

Please God, shut down our government until after the 2013 Inauguration. 

MICHELLE AND JILL WENT TO THE RACES

At the NASCAR Races in Homestead, Florida, Michelle Obama and Jill Biden were warmly welcomed with lots of "Booooooooooooos."  Look for taxes to go up at the race tracks next year.  

Really, you shouldn't laugh at that, you lazy American.  It's not nice.  

ONE THING WE WILL NOT BE GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS

A full accounting of the stimulus and TARP money. 

I FOUND HIM! I FOUND HIM!

The turkey is in the White House!

OBAMA'S UNCLE WANTS AMNESTY

That's right... Onyango Obama, another illegal alien from Kenya who has been fighting deportation for 12 years, wants amnesty.  He was recently arrested in Framingham, MA on a drunk driving charge, but there is no evidence that he'd been having a beer with his nephew in the Rose Garden. 

BANKRUPT

Obama's ideology. 

THERE'S NO OUTHOUSE AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Which, of course, explains why everyone there is full of s--t. 

AND THE REPUBLICAN NOMINEE IS....

WALLY CLEAVER

THE OPPOSITE OF "PATRIOTS"

Congress. 

PELOSI'S BLOOMERS

OBAMA'S TRIP TO HAWAII

Maybe THIS time he can come back with a real, genuine birth certificate?

THANK GOD FOR JOE PATERNO

Herman Cain is no longer the eye of the storm. 

IT'S 11-11-11

The world ended 11 minutes, 11 seconds ago; you are now officially a figment of your own imagination.... unless you're a Democrat, of course.     

THE REAL QUESTION FOR CAIN

Was he born in the United States? 

SMOKIN' JOE

So long, Mr. Frazier.  Smokin' Joe ain't smokin' no more. 

BUSY BODY

No wonder Herman Cain never accomplished anything in his life; he was too busy chasing women around the office. 

OKLAHOMA HAS AN EARTHQUAKE

Shake those grits, baby. 

ANDY ROONEY

One of those Great American Icons who brought us some order to our lunacy.  Via con Dios. 

RIDDLE

Question:  Who knew nothing, saw nothing and heard nothing? 

Answer: Eric Holder, the fast and furious Attorney General. 

CAIN'S AD: THE SMOKER

With all of the ruckus being created over that ad, all I can say is that God the guy wasn't fat as well. 

ONE OF CAIN'S ACCUSERS

Her name is Jennifer Flowers. 

Just kidding.  Just kidding. 

JUST REMEMBER THIS...

A vote for Obama means more change. 

WHAT OBAMA FEARS MOST

That we WILL cling on to our guns and religion. 

DO THEY HAVE TRICK OR TREATERS AT THE WHITE HOUSE?

No, they have Czars. 

GREAT WORLD SERIES

It was in the Cards... 

REAL LIFE TOP GUN

Eric Holder is going to testify in the Fast and Furious gun scandal. 

MEALY-MOUTHED

"Presidential," as in Barack Obama or Jimmy Carter. 

GUESS WHO'S BEHIND "OCCUPY WALL STREET" NOW

First, it was George Soros and MoveOn.org.  Then the SEIU joined the fracas.  Then Obama backed them.  Now it's the old gang at... ACORN.  

But,then again, you knew that was coming, didn't you? 

FLAT TAX

Now they're actually wanting to tax your flat tires?  Holy sheet, man. 

CONGRESS HAS THE LOWEST RATINGS IN HISTIRY

We can change that in 2012. 

NANCY'S HALLOWEEN

WORLD SERIES BLUNDER

Obama didn't throw out the first pitch, and he's really pissed.  Next year they're going to raise taxes on baseball teams? 

SCREW JACK DANIELS

Lynchburg, Tennessee is just as broke as most cities.  They're thinking about raising taxes on their major local employer, Jack Daniels.  Jack Daniels is having problems because people can't afford the booze.  

'Tis a quandary that will surely drive a man to drink. 

LINDSAY LOHAN'S MORGUE JOB

She missed her first day of community service work sentenced by the Judge, so now I hear it's a dead issue. 

THE ANIMALS ARE LOOSE! THE ANIMALS ARE LOOSE!

Imagine what could happen if all of the inmates of the Congressional Asylum should get loose at the same time! 

HOW TO SHUT OBAMA UP IN ONE WORD

Solyndra. 

HOW TO DEAL WITH BARACK OBAMA

Cling on to your guns and religion. 

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR'S LEGACY

THE ONLY BANK WITH NO FEES

It's "THE LEFT BANK OF THE MISSISSIPPI." 

HARRY REID

I just saw a picture of Harry Reid's father; he was actually a handsome man.  I guess Harry must have inherited HIS looks from his mother's side of the family. 

DOES ANYBODY KNOW?

When is the World Series this year? 

BLACK TUESDAY

That's what they'll be calling Election Day 2011 if Cain wins the Republican nomination and runs against Obama. 

AS THE WORM TURNS

I wonder why Barack Obama has not called Herman Cain a racist.....

WHY OBAMA'S JOBS BILL WON'T PASS

Believe it or not, the Senate Democrats don't want to vote on it.  Ewww!

INTERESTINTG STATISTIC

48% of the married people in the United States are male. 

LIFE'S GREATEST JOY:

Letting a horribly bad-smelling fart sneak out just before you get off an elevator full of Democrats. 

POLYGAMISTS WANT RIGHT TO MARRY

How any man in his right mind would want two or more women under the same roof is beyond me. 

RELY ON THE GOVERNMENT?

Nearly half of all Americans lived in a household that received some government assistance last year.  I guess that would include President Barack Hussein Obama? 

GOOD JOB, JOBS

Steve Jobs was a visionary and an outstanding entrepreneur.  We will be eternally grateful for his contributions to our technological and digital frustrations. 

CIRCLE JERK

"We've come a long way and now we're turning the corner." ~Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

NOT AT ALL A RACIST REMARK

Herman is raising Cain with Obama. 

PRIME T-BONE STEAKS $4.98 PER POUND!

With meat, $20 extra. 

HOW TO CLEAR ALL OF THE DEMOCRATS OUT OF A WALMART

Walk in the front door and yell as loud as you can, "IMMIGRATION!"

I'VE GOT A HEADACHE

Now they say that Anwar al-Awlaqi, the U.S. born killer of tens of thousands of people, should not have been killed by a drone; he should have been captured, brought to the United States, and put on trial.  Gosh, I will definitely not be able to sleep tonight because we were so blood thirsty that we did this horrible deed. 

QUESTION OF THE CENTURY

I wonder how many of the Republican candidates for the Presidency would refuse to show their birth certificate if they win the nomination? 

STERN LOOK

What the divers did when they found the wreckage of Obama's "Ship of State."

VACANCY

One in seven Las Vegas homes is now vacant.  But, don't worry, don't fret.  Quit yer bellachin' and stand up to march for four more years of great, terrific Presidential leadership from our pal and close personal friend, Barack Hades Obama. (Don't call him Hussein.  Don't ever mention that word in front of him.)

ADOLF HITLER

Spoke the same words to the oppressed Germans that Obama has just expressed to oppressed blacks.  Get off your duffs, forget your sorrows and follow me. 

CAIN SURGES AHEAD

Abel left at the starting gate.  
(Cain won 37% of the Florida straw vote, leaving Perry and Romney biting the dust.)

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Is there a Republican candidate who cannot beat Obama in 2012?


(I'll be back on the 26th.) 

OBAMA TO CUT DEFICIT!!!

Wanna try some of this new stuff I found in New Mexico? It's cool, man, cool. 

I'm on vacation until the 26th, but just had to pipe in. 

HEY THERE, BARACKO!

We know about the 2008 campaign, but just how much money have you collected from Solyndra for the 2012 campaign? 

DANCING WITH THE CZARS

As the fortunes of the occupant of the White House continue to fall apart, as scandals continue to appear and as the 2012 election campaign heats up and Democrats start scurrying for the woodwork, Obama himself is now relegated to being a genuine "Poll Dancer." 

BOLT YOUR DOORS!

Now that he knows no one watches him on the tube anymore, Obama is going to go out into the countryside and get in our faces? 

EXIT STRATEGY

Why izzit that every time he drops a bomb, 
Obama then leaves town? 

NOW THAT THE 10TH ANNIVERSARY IS OVER

We can get back to our normal and spiteful political hatred and rhetoric. 

BUSINESS

On this particular day, it would be a good time for us to pledge to take care of our own business here at home before we go sticking our noses into someone else's business abroad. 

LEAD-PIPE CINCH

Obama is promising the most-sweeping debt reduction plan of his Presidency.  
He's never had ANY debt reduction plan.  
Guess he wins on THIS statement. 

ABOUT THE TIMING OF THE PRESIDENT'S SPEECH...

He scheduled it before the NFL game because his advisers told him that, if his speech came on later and at the same time as the game, there would not be one soul in the country watching his speech except the poor politicos locked up with him under the Capitol dome.  

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

Of that great Presidential speech we've been waiting for a month to hear.  Gosh.  Gee whillikers.  (Maybe some UFO's will show up?) 

THE TRUTH BE KNOWN

Obama is the real son-of-a-bitch who needs to be taken out. 

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

CONGRESSMEN SHOULD WEAR UNIFORMS LIKE RACE CAR DRIVERS.  

Then we would know the names of their corporate sponsors. 

SINCE TODAY IS A HOLIDAY

I've decided not to zing that meat-head of a President. 

SUMMER IS OVER

Get out the hot dogs and hamburgers and chow down.  Drive the Fat Police nuts. 

UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN ON LABOR DAY

Obama will not have John Boehner over for a beer in the Rose Garden with Joe Biden. 

ONE WAY TO FREE UP PRISON SPACE

Speed up the processing of death sentences. 

PROSTITUTES GET METERED

Hookers in Europe now have to buy meter tickets in order to walk the streets.  (Maybe we should try the same thing with politicians?) 

TONIGHT'S FIGHT CARD

These three 10-rounders would fill any stadium in the country:

• "Packhorse" Perry vs "Mitt the Mitt" Romney
• "Shooter" Cheney vs "Petty" Powell
• "Lucky" Limbaugh vs "Bumbling Barry" Obama

Bring out the ring girls and the beer.  

GALL, TEMERITY AND OTHER ADJECTIVES

There's Congress, mired in a nation with high unemployment, unable to balance a budget or to stop spending our money or to decrease the debt and... they want a raise. 

Please pass the gray poop on. 

JUST THINK...

Labor Day will seen be here and gone and we can get back to listening to Obama's speeches again. 

THEN THERE WAS THE BORDER PATROL AGENT...

Who put his wife on the terrorist watch list.  (Really, it's for real.) 

WHY DIDN'T THEY NAME IT HURRICANE BARACK?

HE'S a genuine blow hard. 

IRENE COULD BE OUR SAVIOR

She could clean all of the rubbish out of Washington. 

THE PROBLEM WITH A BORDER FENCE

By the time we get a fence built along the Mexico border, all of the Mexicans will be living in the United States. 

EARTHQUAKE AND IRENE COULD FINISH OFF U.S. ECONOMY

According to Obama, the  Japanese Tsunami adversely affected our economic recovery.  As did the early Arab spring, high oil prices and the refusal of states to endorse ObamaCare.  Now, we have two natural catastrophes on the heels of each other: the East Coast earthquake and hurricane Irene.  That should just about do us in, but you can get lessons on speaking Chinese at a discount at Harvard, where Obama studied. 

OBAMA THINKS HE'S DOING A GREAT JOB ON ECONOMY

71% of Americans disagree.  29% are Kenyan nationals.

CHARLIE "WRANGEL'S" NEW LOVE INTEREST

Laura Ingraham.  (They fight like they've been married for years....)

SURELY HE JESTS

Barack says, "Think how bad things would have been without me!"

LEGAL WAY TO CUT YOUR ELECTRIC BILL IN HALF!!!

Turn your electricity off from 12 Noon to 12 Midnight. 

PRESIDENTIAL AURA

Obama fiddles around on vacation while America's economy burns. 

OBAMA TAKES A VACATION

Well-deserved, certainly.  Look at all he's done for the nation; he's done so well, he should take a 16-month vacation instead of just 10 days. 

OBAMA CHANGES HIS VOTE

It used to be that he voted in the Senate, "Present."  
Now, he votes in the White House, "Absent."

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Will Barack Obama provide a legitimate birth certificate before he runs in the next election? 

OBAMA'S BUS TOUR

Gosh, that's just like Sarah Palin's and Michele Bachmann's bus tours.  Now, isn't that sweet?  (You mean he's 50 years old and this is his first time on a bus?)

TIM PAWLENTY DROPS OUT

Only 143,773 to go!

PERMANENT VACATION

That's exactly what Congress and the President need. 

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THOSE BRITISH NEWSCASTERS?

Talking about the Democrat Potty and the Republican Potty? 

I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER

"Our government; what a sad thing to watch." ~ Alan K. Simpson

A NEW TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA

Kenyan economics do not work in the United States. 

DON'T BLAME ME!

Blame S and P!  Blame the Tea Parties!  Blame the Republican minority!  Eat your can of peas and don't blame me! 

STOCKS FOR SALE

Cheap!  (Buy 20 shares, get an acre of land in the Florida Everglades for free!)

OPEN LETTER TO BARBARA BOXER

Thank you so very much for voting for the recent increase in the debt limit and stalling the real solution to the problem for another 18 months.  Had you and the 73 other Senators not done so, S and P would not have downgraded America's credit rating, something all of us will cherish and remember forever.  

NOW IS A GOOD TIME...

To stay out of the stock market.  And no, don't buy U.S. Savings Bonds, either. 

S&P DOWNGRADE

Good old Barry has pulled off another one.  Change.  Change you can believe in.  This truly may be the real beginning to the end.  

ON MY WAY TO GUANTANAMO

I've been labeled as a Tea Party Terrorist.  How they're going to fit 25 million of us in there remains t be seen.  Maybe I'll pick up a hostage or two on the way there.   

WHY CONGRESS LEFT WASHINGTON

39 million pounds of turkey have been recalled. 

BAD NEWS IN BLACK ROCK

I was investigating Ancestry.com and found out that my mother had five children and none lived...

FINE PRINT

If you thought ObamaCare was bad, wait until you read the fine print on THIS Bill!

STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE

Is not within a Member of Congress' job description. 

I HAVE MORE MONEY THAN.....

I have $4.92 in cash... that's $2.49 more than the U.S Treasury has left in cash!

THE DEBT-DEFICIT: WHAT'S THE BIG PROBLEM?

The Big Weiner could have had this all sorted out by now!  (Maybe we should ask him to come back on a consulting basis?  We could set Monica Lewinsky up as his Executive Assistant...)

WHY DOES IOWA GET ALL OF THE POLITICAL PLAY?

Because they're all full of C-O-R-N. 

WILL PALIN GET IN THE RACE?

There you go with one of those racist questions again. 

"MEALY-MOUTHED"

Of Presidential stature, i.e. Barack Obama. 

WHAT REALLY TICKS ME OFF ABOUT THE BUDGET CRISIS

No one cares about Casey Anthony anymore. 

SCARE TACTICS NOT SO SCARY

All weekend, the word was that if they didn't have a budget deal by Monday morning, the stock markets would would plummet into an abyss.  Today, we surely know that if we don't raise taxes and the debt ceiling by August 2nd, the end of the world will be upon us.  And a pox on you, too, Barack. 

WHAT'S WORSE THAN LISTENING TO OBAMA MAKE A SPEECH?

Trying to peel a store sticker off a ripe plum. 

OBAMA'S MEAN, NASTY AND ANGRY STREAK

Showing his Muslim roots. 

U.S. DEBT DEAL NEAR!

TRUMP TO BUY WHITE HOUSE!

HOT DOGS FULL OF BAD THINGS

Vampire bats, worms, spiders, rocket fuel, Democrats....

WORLD WILL NOT END ON AUGUST 2ND

It will end December 22, 2012 according to ancient Mayan and other texts.  Therefore, why not raise the debt limit to $20 trillion with a promise to pay everyone back on December 23, 2012? 

GIANT DUST STORM HITS PHOENIX AGAIN

And I thought all of the blowhards were in Washington...

SO LONG: YOU GAVE US LOTS OF JOY

U.S. SHUTTLE MISSIONS END JULY 21, 2011

CASEY IS OUT OF JAIL

Sleep well tonight. 

POST OFFICE ADS TOUT HOW GOOD THEY ARE

Maybe they should take over the Government?  Yeah, and we'll get AMTRAK in there, too. 

OBAMA BRINGS HIS CASE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

He's a basket case. 

PRESIDENTIAL TANTRUM

"DON'T CALL MY BLUFF!"

CASEY ANTHONY MAY CHANGE HER NAME

How about Lizzie Borden?  Maybe... Bloody Mary? 

THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING! THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!

August 2, 2011

U.S. WOMEN HAVE BALLS

Beat Brazilian soccer team!

TO CONGRESS: IF YOU RAISE THE DEBT CEILING

We'll raise the roof.

SO LONG, BETTY

Betty Ford, former President Ford's wife has died.  Now, maybe, Gerald won't have to walk and chew gum at the same time anymore.

NOSTALGIA

Ah, the good old days, the days when Members of Congress got together in the back rooms, puffed on their cigars and hashed out ObamaCare.  Well, the good old days are back and there they are again, huddled behind closed doors, hashing out the national debt and deficit.  Kind of brings a warm, fuzzy feeling to your American future, doesn't it? 

HOW HYPOCRITICAL CAN YOU GET?

There's Obama, unabashedly going after the wealthy and seeking to redistribute what they have rightfully earned, while vilifying the Republicans for going after the unions, from whom he extracts tens of millions of dollars in donations while opening up wide the doors to his Oval Office for them. 

OBAMA'S NEW PROPOSAL ON BUDGET DEFICIT

$600 billion in new tax hikes.  (Kinda makes you want to go right on out and buy a new car or hire another employee, doesn't it?  This guy has the brains of a salamander.)

JOE, I AM NOT ANTI-UNION

I am pro-American.  (Take THAT and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.)

THE END OF THE WORLD IS UPON US

The Casey Anthony trial is over. 

4TH OF JULY 2011

GOD BLESS OUR PRESIDENT

ON THIS 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND

Remember what your government is NOT doing for you.  (My God, that'll take the whole weekend for sure...)

OBAMA MIGHT CUT THE WEATHER SERVICE?

Unless we agree to raise taxes, Obama might cut the weather service?  Wahhh!  Wahhh!  Wahhh!  Who NEEDS the damned weather service?  (Crap,pal, they might have to cut ObamaCare, too?)

STATISTICS SHOW

62.683% of Americans turn to another channel or turn their TV off completely whenever Obama gets on the tube. 

WHICH BRINGS TO MIND A SERIOUS QUESTION

If Michelle Obama were to run, could she beat Barack?  (Of course.  ANYBODY could beat Obama.) 

MICHELE, MICHELE FOR PRESIDENT!

I'll bet that ticks Michelle off to no end....

NEW YORK GAYS CAN MARRY!

What about straights?  Can they marry, too? 

CHLOROFORM

Commonly used to keep young children to keep from yelling or screaming when locked into the trunk of a car. Also commonly used to induce sleepiness. 

PETER FALK

So long, Columbo

When you get it figured out, let me know...

 

HOW CONGRESS RESOLVES BUDGET CRISIS

All talk and no action. 

IF BRINGING 10,000 TROOPS HOME IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA...

Why don't we being them all home?  Either we're in war, or we're not; there can be no middle ground when it comes to the subject of war. 

OH HAPPY DAY!

Obama's going to make another speech!

DID CASEY DO IT?

No, the duct tape did it. 

IF THEY GRANT ANY MORE WAIVERS ON OBAMACARE...

You and I may be the only ones left on it.  Don't forget to fork over your half of the tab... 

MORE OF NOTHING

Out of 200 channels, I used to watch eight.  Now, I have 250 channels and watch seven. 

ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU

Ask what time it will arrive.

ONE MORE THING ABOUT WEINER...

He's not all a 'twitter anymore. 

THE WEINER'S OUT!

And Nancy Pelosi reacts...

IF OBAMA LOSES

The nation will be able to watch TV again. 

WHY CONGRESS CANNOT PASS A MEANINGFUL BUDGET REDUCTION

Obama will veto it. 

BIGGEST LIE OF THE MONTH AWARD

Obama says he would resign if he was Weiner.  (Well, since he IS a Wiener, why won't he resign?)

THE BOOK OF MORMON

The musical comedy garnered awards in the Tonys, while Brigham Young and Joseph Smith rolled over in their graves. 

WEINER LANDS NEW JOB

He's going to sell hot dogs in Coney Island in his shorts.  (I wonder if they'll come with buns?)

THE BRILLIANCE OF WOMEN

Sending themselves cell phone text messages from their computers... and then answering them. 

RAISING CAIN

Herman is like a good pastry in a bake shop... On the rise. 

WHO HAS THE REAL POWER IN WASHINGTON: Top Three

George Soros
Andrew Stern
John DiFronzo

EUROPEAN E-COLI

Shut up and eat your greens. 

SHACKED

John Edwards with Rielle Hunter.  (No, she's NOT the gal who got the lewd Weiner Twitter)

ROMNEY'S RUNNING

Please pass the gray poop on. 

GUESS WHO'S NOT RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

John Edwards

JACK KEVORKIAN

Finally, he's a dead issue. 

WEINER, WEINER ON THE WALL

Who's the biggest wiener of all?  

RAISING THE DEBT CEILING

I just called MasterCard and told them to raise my credit limit.  They were nice and polite and told me they are not a wholly owned subsidiary of Congress. 

SHOCKING REVELATION! CASEY ANTHONY DIDN'T DO IT!

Caley Anthony committed suicide by accidental drowning and then buried herself. Casey wasn't even there; she was out dancing. 

WHENEVER

Whenever you have one bunch of politicians talking about raising taxes and another bunch of politicians talking about cutting taxes, you know damned well they are going to have to pass the Bill before you know what's in it. 

IT'S MEMORIAL DAY!

Don't forget to toast your buns!

I WONDER IF....

Nancy Pelosi knows what is in the Health Care Bill yet? 

MY NIGHTMARE

Barack Obama's ad is on MY blog!

THE PRICE OF GAS IS PLUMETING

That national average price is $3.81.  That's what it sells for in Enid, Oklahoma between midnight and 12:01 AM.  Everywhere else, it's well over $4.00, but that's the "national average."  (Oh, the figures come from the Obama Administration?  Okay, that explains it.)

TOO BAD

The Brits could have kept the Messiah there... 

WHY NETANYAHU AND OBAMA CLASH

Netanyahu believes in democracy, freedom, liberty and justice. 

CASEY ANTHONY

For President! (Finally, there's someone around who is getting more air time than Barack Obama.) 

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET

Obama headed for Ireland after leaving U.S. - Israeli relations in a big pile of dung.  (Maybe he's going to try to get the Olympics again?) 

A PERFECT ENDING FOR OBAMACARE

Let's just grant all of the states, all of the business, all of the unions and all of the citizens permanent waivers.  That'll do it. 

THERE'S ANOTHER WOMAN IN SCHWARZENEGGER'S CLOSET!

PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSISM

Barack Hussein Obama

MISSISSIPPI BUNNY RABBIT

Every time they talk about the horrible flooding on the Mississippi, I think about Jimmy Carter in his boat and trying to cross the river while being chased by a giant rabbit.  True story; look it up.  He's a close friend of Obama's, so you know I'm not exaggerating.  (Where we get these Presidents, I'll never know). 

NEIL CAVUTO IN FOWL TROUBLE

Some of the turkey's fine feather friends want to cook his goose. 

MEAT LOAF

Yes, that's what Arnold did.  He let his meat loaf. 

JUST IN CASE...

Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking recently explained his belief that there is no God and that humans should therefore seek to live the most valuable lives they can while on Earth.  


Just in case he's wrong, I will pray to Obama the Messiah before I go to bed tonight. 

GINGRICH ENDS PRESIDENTIAL RUN ALREADY?

He said on "Meet the Press" Sunday that he favors mandatory health insurance for everyone.  (No lie; I could not believe my ears.)

WHO'S NOT RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY

Mike Huckabee and... John Edwards.  For different reasons, I presume. 

PORN IN BIN LADEN'S LAIR

'Tits not a surprise; the place was full of booby traps.  At his age, he had to be bushed. 

PRESIDENTIAL CELL PHONE CALLS

The President is going to be able to call all of us on our cell phones whenever he wants.  Did it ever occur to him that maybe we just don't want to hear from the son-of-a-bitch?  

A MOAT WITH ALLIGATORS?

Well, Mr. President, if that's the only answer you can come up with to stop the illegal crossing of our borders, then yes; we Republicans would like to have a moat with alligators. 

IMMIGRATION AND NATIONAL DEBT SOLUTION

We don't we just let Mexico take over the United States?  That way, they can pay the National Debt and the immigration problem will be solved. 

AMTRACK CONUNDRUM

The illustrious Senator Chuck Schumer wants to create a "No Ride List" for trains.  Hell, I didn't know anybody was riding trains! 

POLITICIANS NEVER LIE

They just don't tell the truth. 

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS ALIVE!

He's holed up with Howard Hughes, Elvis Presley and Amelia Earhart in a Mexican bordello, playing Canasta and plotting to take over NPR. 

SUSPENSE

Al Jezeera says it has an Osama audio tape to release.  The question of the day is: Was it recorded before, or after he was killed? 

HERMAN CAIN FOR PRESIDENT

Free pizza for everyone!

WHY THEY DON'T WANT TO RELEASE PICTURES OF DEAD OSAMA

They don't want to upset Al Queda.  (Jeeeezus H. Christ!!!)

OIL COMPANY PROFITS

If we nationalize the oil companies and stick the profits into the Federal coffers, we could be out of debt in five years?

AND THE REALLY GOOD THING ABOUT OSAMA'S DEATH?

We finally got all of those damn reruns of the royal wedding off the news. 

OSAMA IS DEAD!!!

QUIT JUMPING UP AND DOWN, YOU IDIOT!
I SAID OSAMA, OSAMA, OSAMA!!!

HEY, FATSO!

If you don't weigh within your allowed weight according to height, sex and age schedules, the Government is going to send you to the "fat farm" that they're going to establish at Guantanamo Bay after they free the terrorists. Instead of "Gitmo," the location will be known as "Fatmo."

They're also planning to levy a "Fat Tax" per pound overweight. Word has it, however, that they will allow you to subtract the weight of your sex organs, which explains why no Member of Congress will ever have to pay the Fat Tax.

SHOCKING STORY! CASEY ANTHONY DIDN'T DO IT!

Caley Anthony committed suicide and buried herself. 

DOES IT OCCUR TO YOU

That with all of that money they blew on the Royal Wedding, they could have paid off our national debt? 

WELL, THE WEDDING IS OVER

Now for the consummation. 

TODAY IS THE DAY OF THE BIG WEDDING

Somewhere, some place, somebody will get married today.  BFD. 

SIDESHOWS AND CARNIVAL BARKERS

Democrats talk about the budget. 

THE SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO POINTS

The distance between Obama's ears. 

WINE IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

That explains why politicians live so long.

But, too much wine rots the brain.

And that explains why they make the decisions they do. 

INFLATION ROARS BY 19%

Obama's ego grows. 

WHY THIS EASTER IS SO SPECIAL

Obama is running for reelection. (The Messiah needs to run for reelection?)

EASTER SUNDAY AT THE WHITE HOUSE

OBAMA NEEDS SURGERY!

He needs to have a glass stomach so he can see his way around. 

OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE

Cracker Jack box. 

ANOTHER OBAMA COMMISSION GOING TO GET CANNED?

Under pressure from advocates and the 2012 re-election calendar, President Barack Obama yesterday enlisted a diverse group of elected officials and religious, business, labor, civil rights leaders and law enforcers to help build support for a long-stalled overhaul of the nation's immigration laws. (Didn't he just can his budget commission for being too honest?) 

AMERICA'S CREDIT RATING DINGED

Makes you really want to run out and buy some U.S. Savings Bonds, doesn't it? 

NANCY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP?

HAPPY EASTER

Go lay a budget.  (Does anyone smell rotten eggs around here?)

SOLUTION FOR FAA TOWER SLEEPERS

Why don't they just install alarm clocks? (Duh....)

OUR EDUCATION TAX DOLLRS AT WORK

PELOSI'S SOLUTION TO BUDGET CRISIS

Merge PBS with Planned Parenthood.  No kidding, I'm serious!  (Don't you wonder if she takes her brain out of the box it came in, so she can play with it?)

OBAMA CALLS TRUMP A CIRCUS SIDESHOW

And Obama is the main event. 

ARMAGEDDON IS HERE!

2012 budget fight begins!

OUR POLITICIANS ARE LIKE WASHING MACHINES

Agitating.   

$38 BILLION?

We had all of this drama and hype for $38 billion?  Wasn't this just a big waste of our time and energy? 

GADHAFI & REID; PEAS IN A POD

"Throw the women and kids under the bus!"

THE REAL PROBLEM WITH THE BUDGET IS...

They can't make it all add up!

PELOSI WARNS YOU WILL SUFFER

You will suffer if the Republicans get their budget cuts.  Your children will not get educated, millions will die from malnutrition, seniors will go without medical care and shelter, the Potomac River will run backwards and all of the straws will fall out of Nancy's broom.   

HILLARY COULD BEAT OBAMA IN 2012

I think even Charlie Sheen could beat Obama in 2012

IS OBAMA THE EVEREADY BATTERY?

Just running, and running and running. 
How long would it take to run to Kenya? 

MILITARY TROOPS TO WEAR WARM, FUZZY SLIPPERS

To comply with Obama's promise of "no boots on the ground" in Libya.

ADMINISTRATION APPROVES BONUSES FOR BAILED OUT FIRMS

The Obama Administration's pay Czar has approved big cash bonuses for four firms that have yet to pay back their bailout loans, including AIG.  (Don't forget to pay your taxes on time.)

IF YOU'RE NOT WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT...

You're either underpaid or unemployed. 

TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT

HE'S GOT A BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!

POSSIBLY ANCIENT BIBLICAL TEXTS FOUND

The codices turned up five years ago in a remote cave in eastern Jordan.  The bottom of each metal page is authentically inscribed: "Made in Taiwan." 

OBAMA TO RUN FOR SECOND TERM

IF HE WINS, YOU CAN KISS THIS COUNTRY GOODBYE. 

2012 RUNNING MATES

IT HAS BEEN LEAKED TO THE PRESS THAT BARRAK OBAMA

HAS CHOSEN SYLVESTER STALLONE FOR HIS RUNNING

MATE AND NANCY PEOLOSI FOR SECRETARY OF STATE

THEY WILL RUN AS "SAMBO, RAMBO, AND BIMBO."

GOOD NIGHT, GERALDINE

Have a great ride in your Ferraro. 

HOMELESS IN WASHINGTON

WISCONSIN SCREWS JUDGE

A judge last week issued a temporary restraining order blocking Secretary of State Doug La Follette from publishing the collective bargaining measure amid court challenges, thereby preventing it from taking effect.  But, in a separate move, the nonpartisan Legislative Reference Bureau published the law, saying they were required by statute to do so within 10 days of passing the law.  The Judge was seen buying Kaopectate and a pound of cheese at the local supermarket. 

NO WAR IN LIBYA

It's a "kinetic military action."  

Where do these bimbos come from, anyway? 

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

The love of my life is gone. 

WILLIAM SHATNER TURNS 80

Now, doesn't THAT make you feel old!!!

OBAMA SAYS GHADAFI MUST GO?

I've got new for everyone: Ghadafi has been on the commode ever since the first missile was launched.  I never knew anyone could "go" that long!

AT&T BUYS T-MOBILE

$39 billion.  The way they are spending money, you'd think they were members of Congress. 

JAPAN'S GIFT TO GHADAFI

Japan would like to give Ghadafi their Reactor 4 at the Fukushima Nuclear Plant. 

REASON FOR OBAMA'S TRIP?

Does Obama's trip to South America in the middle of crisis have anything to do with radiation from Japan reaching the U.S.?  Could it be that we have Chicken Little in the White House? 

OBAMA'S TRUE LEADERSHIP ON LYBIAN SITUATION

VIVE LE FRANCE!

DID YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT OBAMA?

He's Irish!

(So much for the Kenyan theory.)

TIPPER GORE & NANCY PELOSI

Showed up together at a Grateful Dead movie.

No kidding.  I'm serious.   

WISCONSIN: LEADING THE NATION?

I wonder how much of the Federal Government budget we could cut if we trimmed their wages and benefits.

UNION BULLIES

Where's Mr. T when you need him? 

THOSE DOGGONE JAPANESE

Sure do have radioactive personalities!

ENOUGH OF CHARLIE SHEEN!

The way the media is following him, you'd think he was Barack Obama on the face of the Earth, or something! 

OBAMA AND SHEEN ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE

They've both lost touch with reality. 

WHY DO WE WANT TO GET RID OF RADICAL MUSLIMS?

When we're letting radical Mexicans cross the border every day? 

SOMETIMES I THINK

If got got rid of all of the politicians in Washington who are on drugs, we'd HAVE to shut down the government!

UNEMPLOYMENT SKYROCKETS

Charlie Sheen is out of work. 

WHY HASN'T WISCONSIN LEGISLATURE ACTED?

Under Article IV of its Constitution, the Legislature can compel the missing Senators to attend and, should they refuse, expel them for contempt.  So, what's the big deal here?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GAS PRICES ARE GOING UP

Especially when there's such a large and natural supply of it in the halls of Congress. 

WHAT'S FAIR FOR ONE

Since Obama has decided not to enforce the national gay marriage law because he doesn't like it, I have decided to ignore the IRS law this year because I don't like it. 

CONGRESS UNDER INVESTIGATION!

The National Transportation Safety Board, NTSB, has announced it is investigating and reviewing all underground natural gas pipelines in the country.  As it so happens, the largest natural gas line in the country passes right through both Houses of Congress. 

OPT OUT

Maybe Obama will let all "57" states opt out of his Health Care Plan? (I always thought 57 was the name of a sauce...)

LET'S DANCE

Those guys in Washington all think we’d be upset if the government shut down.  Actually, I think the stock market would go through the roof and we’d all be dancing in the streets. 

CHARLIE

Has lost his sheen. 

JANE RUSSELL

So long, boobsie baby.  Don't forget to wear your bra. 

SNOW IN LOS ANGELES

Happens about as often as sunshine in Seattle. 

U.N. PUTS SANCTIONS ON GHADAFI

Why didn't they just give him 50 lashes with a wet noodle?

SNAKE DANCE

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi on "Dancing With The Stars."

$230,000 PER JOB SAVED

That's what it cost us to get the unemployment rate up to 9.4%. 

WISCONSIN STATE DEMOCRATS HIDE

Now you know what stuff the liberal left is really made of. 

RAHMBO WINS IN CHICAGO

Won't that city ever get rid of thugs? 

HUGE SUPPLY OF CRUDE OIL DISCOVERED

Floating around the bottom of the ocean in the Gulf.  

(Now, I wonder where THAT came from?  Well, it couldn't be from the Gulf oil leak, 'cause Obama says we cleaned that all up, right?) 

HAPPY OBAMA DAY!

Who cares about Washington and Lincoln, anyway?)

THE VERY LAST BUDGET CUT THAT WILL BE MADE

ObamaCare

STOP ALL OF THE HUFFING AND PUFFING

AND JUST CUT THE DAMNED BUDGET!

HAVE YOU NOTICED THIS ABOUT PELOSI?

She's been in a pissy mood ever since they repossessed her private Air Force jet.  

JUST OUT OF UNEMPLOYMENT CURIOSITY

If unemployment is at 9.4% and we have 3 million federal government employees, why haven't they laid off 282,000 federal employees instead of adding 220,000?  Is the President, Congress and government inherently exempt from the rest of the economic bull we are going through?  (Maybe it's part of the Fairness Doctrine?)

DONALD TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT

T. Boone Pickens for Vice President. 

BUDGETARY DRIVEL

Both parties are talking about cutting Social Security and Medicare because we are spending too much money on "entitlements."  

Okay, and so we're adding ObamaCare? 

I JUST CANCELED AOL

The idiots just merged with the Huffington Post. 

NYC STABBING RAMPAGE

A graffiti artist armed with five knives went on a bloody 28-hour rampage across New York City, fatally stabbing his stepfather, ex-girlfriend and her mother, running down a pedestrian with a stolen Lexus and knifing a subway passenger before being arrested in Times Square, police said.  

He was obviously a far-left liberal Democrat.  Conservative Republicans use guns. 

ROBERT GIBBS' NEW VOCATION

After several years of prepping for his new role while being Press Secretary to Barack Obama, Robert Gibbs announced this morning that he is under contract to write a new book for the publishers of GRIMM'S FAIRY TALES....

IS HE, OR ISN'T HE?

Is Mubarak going to resign or not? 


First he says one thing, then he says another.  Maybe he's related to Obama? 

NEW WASHINGTON SCANDAL

New York Representative Christopher Lee has abruptly and without explanation resigned his seat after two terms.  Word is oozing out of Washington that Lee, a Republican, was having "extra marital" activities.  And, I thought that only Democrats did that stuff.  (When are those assholes in Congress ever going to learn, anyway?) 

2011 NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER

HOT DAMN! RUMMY'S BACK!

After a three hiatus, Donald Rumsfield is back on center stage, telling everyone how he was God's gift to the creation of the Iraqi war....

AUDACITY

El Presidente Obama has no business running this country and no reservations about telling Egypt how to run theirs.  

SUPER BOWL IDEA

Why not take the two worst teams in the NFL and have a BATTLE OF THE LOSERS?  (Obama vs. Mubarak?)

WAL-MART LOSING SHOPPERS

They've been dropping brand-named goods and changing things around and shoppers have started to go elsewhere.  One of these days, maybe they'll learn an adage that's over 200 years old:  "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." 

OBAMA'S NATIONAL PRAYER

Obama says he has accepted Jesus Christ and he believes God wants his ObamaCare because, churches can't do it all.  As for me, I'm still clinging on to my guns and religion. 

OBAMACARE IS DISCRIMINATORY

They are giving "waivers" to some companies which means some companies have to comply and others do not.  That's discrimination, pure and simple.  Any law has to apply equally to everyone. 

(Take me, for instance.  I'm a Republican.  I have to comply with the law.) 

SIMPLE SOLUTION TO NATIONAL DEBT

CUT THE DAMNED SPENDING!

THE TRUTH

 

"You were right! Obama's mother DID wear brogans!"

THE KISS?

If Obama gets re-elected, you can kiss this country goodbye.  You think he's been horrible in his first two years?  Just wait until he doesn't have to run for re-election anymore. 

TACO BELL MUST BE RUN BY A DEMOCRAT

Even if it's only 5% beef it's still beef, isn't it?

DON'T GET MAD

GET EVEN IN 2012

LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZQgSU0PmDs

HOORAY FOR OBAMA

I understand that he actually had more viewers last night for his speech than they get on the MTV Skins show.....

HUGE ENERGY SAVINGS TONIGHT

Obama will be giving his State of the Union speech and 53 million American television sets will get turned off. 

THAT SETTLES IT

Eric Cantor says Obama is a U.S. citizen.  Like there was ever a doubt in anyone's mind? 

GOOD RIDDANCE

Keith Olbermann is history.  Maybe NBC and MSNBC are cleaning house, now that Comcast has bought them from GE.  They've got a long way to go: I haven't watched five seconds on either network in years.  Four, maybe, but not five. 

WHY CHINA'S PRESIDENT IS VISITING

He's here to deliver the State of the Union address. 

MOB ARRESTS & ILLEGAL ALIENS

They get 100 or so mobsters and they're running around bragging about it?  What about 15 million illegal aliens?  Let's see, 100 per day..... 36,500 per year..... 411 years...  God forbid any of them have a baby or two.....

OPRAH'S REPLACEMENT ON THE WAY

Japanese scientists are planning to use cloning technology to bring back the mammoth. 

UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO STUDENT PAYS TUITION IN CASH

Must be a Republican. 

OUR GIFT TO IRAN

Worms. 

HEALTH CARE QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Is Gabrielle Gifford being treated under the Obamacare Plan?

ACCIDENTAL MURDERS

That's how Nancy Pelosi describes Tucson. 

MICHAEL STEELE: EXIT STAGE LEFT

Thanks for stepping down.  Now, maybe the Republican Party can move forward. 

HOW TO CLEAR OUT A HALL FULL OF DEMOCRATS

Walk in and shout, "Let's talk Obamacare!"

OBAMA'S TRIP TO TUCSON

His primary purpose was not to be in the memorial service, but to stop by and offer his support for keeping illegal aliens on the other side of the border.  Really.  Yep.  That's a fact, man.  Yessiree.   

TARRED AND FEATHERED

Conservatives and gun owners, almost before the first ambulance got to the hospital. 

TODAY'S PROJECT

At 11 minutes after 11, it will be 1/11/11 11:11.  That is 9-11's.  If the moment passes without a bomb, take an Al Queda member out to lunch. 

HOLY CRAP, BATMAN!

Those who speak out their minds, those who are allegedly credible, the talk show hosts, the Tea Party Members, those who tell lies about the government... those are the people responsible for the tragedy in Tucson by sending the mentally imbalanced around the bend. 

(At least, that's what the Sheriff seems to believe.) 

THE NORTH POLE IS MOVING TOWARD RUSSIA

That's an absolute fact, and at 40 miles per year.  Santa Claus has already called Bekins. 

THE SANDMAN IS SHAKING IN HIS BOOTS

If you put the U.S. Government in charge of running the Sahara Desert, in five years there will be a shortage of sand. 

NO WONDER SHE HAS SUCH A BIG NOSE

At her final press conference as House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said, "Deficit reduction has been a high priority for us. It is our mantra, pay-as-you-go."

THE REASON CONGRESS DOESN'T WANT TO READ THE CONSTITUTION

The same reason they did not want to read the 2,300 Obamacare bill... If you don't know what it says, it does not apply to you. 

LIKE REPUBLICANS RUSHING TO TAKE CHARGE OF THE HOUSE

NASA has been investigating those cases of sudden vehicle acceleration on Toyotas several months ago and they have concluded the drivers were stepping on the accelerator instead of the brakes. 

HAVE I GOT A NAME FOR YOU!

Since Obama knows he made a big mistake, the Administration is in a big hurry to change the name of Obama Care before the next election cycle gears up.  How about this: "BOB", an acronym for the "Bend Over Bill."

NOW THAT MILITARY IS NOT HAMPERED BY DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Meaning that gays can announce to the world that they are gay, why is it that Chaplains cannot publicly announce their faith in Jesus Christ? 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

From Nancy, Harry and Barry.