THE IMPERIAL PRESIDENCY

Starring Barack Hussein Obama, "The Omnipotent One."

IF THE OMNIPOTENT ONE HAD BRAINS...

He really would be dangerous. 

DIRECTIONAL MALFUNCTION

Those on the left are rarely right. 

DID IT EVER OCCUR TO LAME BRAINED LIBERALS...

That the Right to Bear Arms is a 2nd Amendment right and abortion is not? 

NEW QUANDRY

There I was, stuck in a foxhole and taking fire from three enemy positions.  I stuck my head out long enough to fire a burst of ammo at one of them and was astonished to hear my partner in the foxhole ask me to quit shooting.  "I've got a headache," she said. 

USELESS AS TITS ON A BOAR HOG

Congress.

QUESTION OF THE CENTURY

The November elections proved that at least half of the country is against the debt, spending and the current management of the government.  If the Republicans won't stand up and represent that 50%, who will? 

TACTICAL EVASION

Hillary Clinton in Congress. 

HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR OBAMA

Barry, old chap.  Tell you what... You can have unlimited control of the debt ceiling when you agree that we don't have to pay any more taxes. 

EVEN DURING AN INAUGURATION...

Bill Clinton Never Misses a Trick...

BASEBALL LOSES TWO GREATS

Stan Musial and Earl Weaver.  When Stan swung the bat, the music of baseball happened.  When Earl Weaver left the dugout, umpires cringed.  Now, they're both going on to "extra innings."

FANTASY ISLAND

Where all of the Te'os go.  

OBAMA'S NEW GUN CONTROL IDEA

If he keeps spending our money and raising taxes, pretty soon no one will be able to afford to own a gun. 

BUSINESS

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OBAMA IF HE KEEPS STICKING HIS NOSE INTO MY BUSINESS....

PRESIDENTIAL BLACKMAIL

EITHER YOU GIVE ME WHAT I WANT, OR I'LL QUIT PAYING THE MILITARY AND I'LL STOP SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS. 

NO LONGER A BIG WHEEL

Lance Armstrong

SELLING LIKE HOTCAKES

Guns and ammo.  (Now, do you really think they have the guts to try to come and get them?) 

PELOSI'S NEW FLAT TAX

If you get a flat, they're going to tax it.

THE "OMNIPOTENT ONE"

Barry Soetoro, aka Barack Hussein Obama, (make sure you bow when you mention his name...)

$1 MILLION SEX-CHANGE OPERATION FOR CRIMINAL

Why don't they send that guy over to see me?  I'll do it for free.  (Hand me that paring knife, Eunice...)

HOW OBAMA FLUSHES THE TOILET

By Executive Order.

PERSPECTIVE

Every time I look at what Obama is doing to this country, I become more convinced that the Mayans were correct.  The world did end on December 21st and we all died and went to hell. 

OBAMA GETS RELIGION

President Obama, now sensitive to those who claim he is a Muslim, is making an overt attempt at displaying Christianity.  As a step in that endeavor, this year he has pledged to give up all of those campaign promises he made... for lent. 

REPEALING A CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT

I hear through the grapevine that there's a movement on to repeal the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution.  To date, there's been no denial from the White House. 

CHAD

It's hard to believe it, but it's been 12 years since they found out that chad was pregnant and living in Florida.  And, of course, since Chad was pregnant, George W. Bush won the Presidency, defeating Al Gore who, as we all know, invented the Internet. 

MORE THAN 100 BILLION ALIEN PLANETS

Scientists say there are more than 100 billion alien planets in our galaxy alone.  From a strictly gambling standpoint, that means the odds are more than 100 billion to one that you can't pick the one Obama comes from. 

REIGN

A one-word description of how Obama will govern us for the next four years.  

MY DOGGIE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME

God Bless Patti Paige, a legend in her time.  My, what a great country we had in those days.   

OBAMA'S ENTITLEMENTS

There is growing concern among those in Washington about what title to use when addressing Obama:
Shah
Premier
Pharoah
Potentate
God
Fuhrer
Dictator
Czar
High Czar
Warlord
Absolute Monarch
Tsar
Oligarch
Master
Kaiser
Your Highness
Rajah
Sultan
Sheik
Emir
Khan
High Lama
Lord
Boss
or, simply "Cock of the Walk"

IF IT WAS UP TO ME...

I would personally push every last one of those idiots in Washington over the damned cliff myself. 

HAPPY