Thursday, February 28, 2013

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Monday, February 25, 2013

HOW TO ROB THE VICE PRESIDENT'S HOUSE

1. Make a little noise outside

2. Wait for the sound of two shotgun blasts

3. Have at it, my friend; the danger is gone. 

Sunday, February 24, 2013

WHAT ARE THE ODDS...

Of Jodi Arias marrying Oscar Pistorius?  (I guess, maybe, it's a dead issue.) 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

POINT TO PONDER

Two-thirds of all gun-related deaths in the United States are suicides. 

Friday, February 22, 2013

TRANSPARENT

Def: Having the quality of horse manure

Syn: El toro poopoo

Use: "I have the most transparent administration in history."

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

SEQUESTRATION

THE GREATEST LIE EVER TOLD
Der: Sequester
Synonym: Castrate
Use: "If those damned citizens won't do as I say, we'll sequester them."
Also, sequestration refers to separation or segregation, particularly of funds of money.
Use: "It's all about how to sequester the people from their money."  

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

WHY SO MANY SEX SCANDALS IN CONGRESS?

Look up sex congress on Google. 

Monday, February 18, 2013

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR

That Barack Hussein Obama has sent in his application to be the next Pope. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

WHY IZZIT...

That the price of guns is now going up faster than the price of gold? 

Saturday, February 16, 2013

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ASTEROID AND A HEMORRHOID?

AN ASTEROID CAN NEVER BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Friday, February 15, 2013

SMELL THE FRESH BOUQUET

Take a Carnival cruise today. 

Thursday, February 14, 2013

TODAY'S THE DAY!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, BARACK!


AMERICA LOVES YOU!

Yep, you can bet your sweet bippees on that one...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

THIS VALENTINE'S DAY...

Don't forget to send Nancy Pelosi some dandelions. 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

MANIFESTO

STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH

Monday, February 11, 2013

BRENNAN GRILLED

Over easy, no steak sauce. 

Sunday, February 10, 2013

BREASTS, BUTTOCKS BANNED BY CBS FOR GRAMMY'S

There's going to be some really weird looking women at that event! 

BUSHES HACKED!!!

No, no, this is not a porno site.  The Bush emails have been hacked.  Word is they're blaming Obama. 

Saturday, February 09, 2013

TOO BAD O.J. WASN'T AT THE SUPER BOWL

They wouldn't have run out of juice... (I don't think he was out driving around in his Bronco)

Friday, February 08, 2013

INFLATION ROARS

Those of us who shop once a month got a big shock this week.  The average cart full of groceries went from $200 to $285; the pet shop tab almost doubled from $$65 to $110.  That's outrageous AND they've both down-sized everything!  At the butcher shop, however, my normal monthly $80 tab only went up to $85.  From now on, I'm doing all of my shopping at the butcher shop. 

Thursday, February 07, 2013

CAN SCREAMS FOR HELP!

The budget can has been kicked down the road so many times that both of its lids are falling off and it's full of dents and scars, barely clinging on to life. 

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

KING RICHARD'S BODY FOUND

I always thought he was buried in Yorba Linda, California, next to his wife Patricia. 

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

HAGEL

Must never have had a good Jewish bagel.

Monday, February 04, 2013

SURPRISING DISCOVERY ON GLOBAL WARMING

Scientists hired by an agency of the Obama Administration have proven beyond a reasonable doubt that guns cause global warming.     

Sunday, February 03, 2013

THE BIG GAME

Obama vs. The Truth

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Friday, February 01, 2013

PELOSI PROVIDES RELIGIOUS ANSWER

She has proven beyond all reasonable doubt that politicians have no souls.