IF CLINTON FAILS

Maybe Megyn Kelly will take her slot? 

C.I.A. RELEASES U.F.O. FILES

The C.I.A. has posted some U.F.O. files from 1949 to 1953 on its website.  Maybe we can finally find out where Obama came from?   
 

HIGH HORSE

A place occupied by FOX NEWS.  
 

TRUMP IS A TERRORIST

FOX NEWS is solidly united against Trump, saying yesterday that his refusal to participate in tonight's debate is "unprecedented" and accusing him of "terrorizing" Megyn Kelly.  Wah, wah, wah.  
 

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG

I wonder how many votes he plans to get from members of the NRA...

DEBATE

To take the worm off the hook.  
 

ESTABLISHMENT

Establishment is a dirty word.  The problem is that everyone thinks an establishment is a haberdashery on Honeysuckle Street.  

A NEW PLANET?

This will surely screw up my horoscope.  

SNOW JOB?

Not in Washington, D.C.  Never  They GIVE snow jobs!!!

CLINTON'S EMAILS

She had nothing to do with it.  It was all a vast, right wing conspiracy.

THAT TAKES BALLS

There are allegations of corruption in tennis matches.  
 

I WAS THINKING ABOUT ENDORSING TRUMP...

But, I didn't want to upstage Sarah Palin. 
 

IRAN IS SO NICE

Those swell fellows just traded five hostages for seven convicts and the dropping of charges against 14 others and the payment of $150 billion.  Aren't they just fabulous?  

WEASEL FARM

Congress. 

IS THERE A SURGEON IN THE HOUSE?

SOMEBODY needs to neuter this president.  

 

THANK GOD FOR JOHN KASICH

Without him, Ohio couldn't exist.  
 

AL JEZEERA GOES BYE BYE

Citing huge financial losses and lack of viewers, the American version of Al Jezeera Network is going off the air in April.  

Good riddance. 

DONALD TRUMP

The greatest hat salesman on the face of the planet.  

 

WHY THE F.B.I. CAN'T PROTECT US FROM TERRORISM

All of its agents are tied up investigating Hillary Clinton. 
 

STATE OF THE UNION

THE GREATEST SNOW JOB IN WORLD HISTORY

IF I WON $800 MILLION...

I'd probably finally quit playing the lotto.  
 

OBAMA PREPS FOR STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

OBAMA CAN'T GET YOUR GUNS...

So he's going to get your sugar instead.  

Start your diet immediately... or else. 

HOW THE GOVERNMENT WORKS

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused.  Then I realized that I was watching the dog chase his tail. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

It's been said that we should just step back and watch the Muslims kill each other off.  

Now I have to ask you... if that fantasy were to come true, who would run our convenience stores and operate our motels?  

BOMBS AWAY?

The way the future is shaping up, it's terrifying that not one... not one... presidential candidate has had any military experience.  

Oh, I forgot... Hillary came under heavy artillery fire when her helicopter was landing in Bosnia.  Yeah, right...
 

IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO READ OBAMA'S EPITAPH

I've never seen the word "horseshit" on a tombstone before.