ASTEROID HEADED FOR EARTH

Scientists say an asteroid approaching planet earth could actually impact the planet in about 70 years.  It might even do more damage to life than Adam Schiff.  

"THE BLOB" RETURNS

China's Chang'e-4 lunar rover, now on the moon, has found something rather strange and perplexing...  an oddly colored "gel-like" substance that can't be explained.  The substance is described as a "gel with a mysterious luster."  Word has it that it is oozing toward Earth and it doesn't like Democrats.  

PYRAMID MYSTERY SOLVED

For centuries mankind has been trying to figure out how the great pyramids in Egypt were built, what with having to move all of those giant stones up to the very pinnacles of the structures.  Researchers have now determined that they were actually built from the top down.  

JERRY NADLER HAS BEEN TO MARS

It appears that Jerry Nadler has been to Mars.  Scientists have discovered high levels of methane gas there.  

LOUDEST AND LONGEST SOUND EVER CREATED; TURNED WATER INTO STEAM

Scientists have confirmed the loudest and longest sound ever created.  It was the wailing cry of the desperate Democrats when Donald J. Trump was elected President.  

GLOBAL WARMING CAN BE STOPPED

Tell all politicians to keep their mouths shut; worldwide hot air emissions will decrease by 79%.  
 

HOT QUESTION

If the molten lava spewing out of active volcanoes continues unabated until the center of the earth has been totally emptied and the earth caves in on itself... will there still be any Democrats remaining to blame Trump?

PERPLEXITY 101

Scientists say they can find no reason why the universe should exist.  Therefore, you and I are only figments of our own imaginations.  

And your vote in the 2016 elections did not count?  

 

TODAY COULD BE A BAD DAY

When it gets really dark and the eclipse is full, will Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer grow fangs and start to drool green goop on the bodies of their conservative victims?  

Who knows?  Only The Shadow knows... 

 

MORE NEW EARTHLIKE PLANETS?

Don't believe a word of it.  This is just another lie perpetrated by the Trump Administration and NASA in an effort to make us think they're smart.  Yes, siree Bob!

IF CALIFORNIA FALLS OFF INTO THE OCEAN...

That will be the end of liberalism in this country. 

SCIENCE VS. FACT

Scientists say that by looking at trees, they have been able to determine that the recently-ended California drought is the worst in over 1,200 years.  That's odd; when I look at trees, all I can see is leaves that will need to be raked up in the fall.  

ALIEN SIGNALS

Scientists are perplexed at receiving a mysterious signal from outer space.  Further investigation reveals that it may be some of Hillary Clinton's deleted Emails returning from cyberspace.  

GLOBAL WARMING 101

PURE BRILLIANCE

Obama has to be the only person on the face of the earth who believes the earth rotates 15 degrees on its axis when when we switch from standard time to daylight savings time. 

NEWLY DISCOVERED GALAXY 13.5 BILLION LIGHT YEARS AWAY

And when is the last time you saw a sleek Ford Galaxy?  
 

EINSTEIN'S SPACE-TIME THEORY

If you ravel through space for enough time, you will eventually reach another dimension where politicians do not exist.  
 

A NEW PLANET?

This will surely screw up my horoscope.  

PLAYING WITH THEIR "P.P."

The left-wing, unethical and immoral ogres are so busy playing with their coveted Planned Parenthood that they fail to see the underlying moral depravity of their positions. 

DINOSAUR EGGS FOUND IN JAPAN

Genetic connection to Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid?