Doesn't Jimmy Look So Sweet?

Sitting there with his famous Carter grin, giving photo ops for the world while he gets into bed with Hamas, one has to hope that he'll just stay there.

Cardinals

Up until now, I thought they were a sports team.

Coincidence

Was it planned, or was it coincidence that the Pope showed up on income tax day?

Welcome, Mr. Pope

While you're visiting, would you mind straightening out our politicians, entertainers, gays, bankers, lawyers, educators, atheists, agnostics and judges?

Thanks.

OUTRAGED!

FOX News reports that San Jose State University has banned on-campus blood drives. The reason? The gay community says that an FDA Regulation preventing gays from donating blood is discriminatory and a violation of gay rights. Never mind that you and I might end up getting the HIV Aids Virus in a blood transfusion, San Jose State has elected to side with the gay community and to ban blood drives until the Feds withdraw their ban.

San Jose State University should be closed down.

Where Do They Stand On Polygamy

Silence, except for McCain who passed the buck in 2006.

So, I guess, maybe they sit?

For Three Days, They've Been Talking About College Kids Going To A Brothel

In my day, it didn't take anywhere near that long.

Carter To Barter?

Jimmy boy is going to go and barter with Hamas?

Mind if I ask who is paying for the trip?

Mind if I ask, if he gets taken hostage who is going to bail him out?

Mind if I ask if Jessie Jackson is going along?

Mind if I ask what airline he is flying?

Now, the real question is this: I do believe that American travel there is prohibited, meaning Carter has to be going in some official capacity, with some official agenda. So, what's the skinny?

I Have Decided To Run For Public Office

Cumberland County Commissioner in Pennsylvania has admitted video taping his 100 + sex acts with prostitutes. Obvious, being in government is where all of the sex action is, so I'm going to seek office as a member of the Hedonist Party.

Vroooom! Vroooom!

Olympic Torch Burns Newsom

If they couldn't protect it, why'd they agree to allow it through San Francisco in the first place? Maybe they should have used Berkeley; I'm sure the Marines would have been glad to protect it.

Clinton Rumor Proven Untrue

Contrary to rumors circulating in political circles, there is no truth to the story that Hillary Clinton will receive a Medal of Honor for being under fire in Bosnia.

Vice Presidential Candidates

Let's see, who might they pick?

Hillary Clinton - Bill Clinton
Barack Obama - Rev. Jeremiah Wright
John McCain - Joe Lieberman

Oh, this is just sooooo exciting, I could just s--t!

Hillary Caught In Another Lie?

Nawwww. You gotta be outa your mind. Not Hillary!

Polygamist Cult In Texas Cleaned Up

Vote Warren Jeffs for Governor of New York!

If All American Families Would Plant Just One Tree Today...

Not only would we improve the environment, add shade and reduce "global warming," but my uncle in the nursery business would be rich.

Another Viable Presidential Candidate About To Enter The Scene?

One black
One woman
One old fart
Why not a pregnant man?
That way, we'll have the majority of the major issues covered.
Now, if we could only find one of those alien beings from a UFO.....

Where are the Ringling Brothers these days?

RELEASE ALL JAILBIRDS!

Close the prisons!
Close the schools!
We're running out of money for pork!

JANET RENO???? For Vice President???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Thank God it's April Fools Day......

"BLANK" For President!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Any ole' asshole for President
Will do!

May God Bless Americans!

Hypocrites Come In All Colors

For decades upon decades, the blacks in America have been trumpeting the injustices brought upon them by whites, demanding that racial prejudice be wiped off the face of the earth.

In the meantime, we now learn as black leaders come forth in defense of Obama and Wright, black religious groups and churches across the national landscape have been spewing forth anti-white hatred and fomenting anti-American activities.

We should not be shocked, the leaders of black America shout. So, you can't blame Wright and you can't blame Obama. What is, is, "bro."

So, get over it, and get used to it, because Obama's going to be the next President of the United States.

Well, after hearing that presentation yesterday, I would have to surmise that the race card is not only on the table, but the black bigots are lining up to make this into a long, hot summer.

I WANNA BE AN AIRPORT SECURITY GUARD!

Nipple rings have been declared to be a security risk! I'll be the nipple inspector! Inspection room has to be kept at 39 degrees.

Will they let me wear my Chu man chu beard? I promise to keep abreast of any new updates! I'll have this job licked in no time!

Condi And Al Hear The Dance Music

The elephants have been at a disadvantage because they have neither a black or a woman running for office. Having Condi on Big Bad Johnny's ticket would solve that problem, and guess what? Like the little gal on the other side of the dance floor on prom night, she's telling some friends that's she's available to tango.

On the other hand, the donkeys are all braying about their poor choices in Hillary and Barracks and along comes good old Al who just might have a shot at winning, because I just know he invented the fox trot.

Hey, as long as you're passing the gray poop on, pass the popcorn too, will ya?

It's 3:00 AM In The White House; The Phone Rings

"Hi, Honey! It's me, Monica. Is the bitch asleep yet?"

The REAL Hillary Ooozes Out

Dirtmouth
Liar
Conniving
Demanding
Ugly

Future President of the United States.

The Bunny Hop

Think McCain is old enough to remember that? Or, is he TOO old to remember that?

Not that age should matter. Remember, we're keeping sex, race and now age out of this election. Heaven forbid, we're going to have to judge these guys on their ABILITIES?

WHAT A REVOLTIN' DEVELOPMENT THIS IS!!!

Guess What We're Having For Easter Dinner?

Democrat stew!

Isn't The World Of Politics Fun To Watch?

On the other hand, so are hangings.

Hillary Announces Both She And Obama Dropping Out!!!

At least, I think that's what she meant.

She did say that this election should not be about race or about gender......

Doesn't that mean they're dropping out?

"Did You Hear O'Bama's Speech?"

"Oh, yess! He's such an ello-kent speakah!"

"What did he have to say?"

"Uhhhhh. Cud you put some mayo-naze on that?"

Obama's Secret Name Change!

Presidential candidate changed name before entering Politics:

Barak H. Obama's real name is Barney Hennessey O'Bama.

He is a full-blooded Irishman. When asked why he changed

his name he said, "Who in their right mind would ever vote for

an Irishman?".......

Happy St. Paddy's Day to All my Irish friends......you too Barney!!

So, Is It Really Down To Just Hillary?

Thank Gawd she doesn't have any skeletons in HER closet! I mean, with all of the White Water records and Rose Law Firm documents and missing FBI files stuck in there, I don't think she has any ROOM for skeletons in her closet!

ZING!

I'm Not

A Marxist
A Member of Radical Islam
A Member of an Anti-American Church
The Guy Who Refused to Take His Oath of Office on the Bible
The Guy Who Refused to Hold His Hand Over His Heart When the American Flag Passed
The Guy Who Stands for Nothing, But Stands for Everything

I'm not Barrack Obama.

Clinton On Spitzer's Girlfriend!

Just kidding......

Fornicratic Party Takes A Hit!

I wonder why Bill Clinton remains uncharacteristically silent?

New Name For Democrats?

Fornicratic Party of America?

Spitzer For Vice President!

What can I say after that opening?

Zoom, zoom?

Hillary Clinton for Vice President?

Didn't she say she wants to be on the same ticket as Barracks?

Soccer Riots

Kinda look like the Democratic National Convention after Hillary says she'll let Barrack on her ticket if he'll shine her shoes for her.

Wanna Fly A Broom?

It's safer than flying Southwest

The Politicians & Media Are So Darned Smart....

Since they're got it all figured out about what we low-class citizens of the proletariat need in our lives, why don't we just let them cast our votes for us in November? That'll save us from embarrassing ourselves and we can use the time to clean out our houses so that the illegals they're all going to give amnesty to will have a place to live....

ZING!

Whose Election Is This, Anyway?

Ours, or the media's?

ZING!

Garbage

Tomorrow, the garbage man will come and take my discards to the dump.

I wonder if he has ever taken a gander at Hillary's rump?

ZING!

(Anyone know where I can find a wide, wide angle lens?)

Hillary's Secret Strategy; It'll Happen Any Day Now!

Divorce Bill!

ZOING!

Vote ALL Of The Incumbents Out....

Then for sure there won't be any assholes left in Washington.....

ZING!

William Buckley Dies

McCain Only True Conservative Remaining!

Do not pass the Gray Poop-On..... I already have it!

ZING!

Now They're Arguing Who's Going To Handle Terrorism Better: Clinton Or Obama

I say, give them each a derringer and let them duel at 10 paces!

ZING!

Drew Peterson's Third Wife Was Murdered?

My gosh! What'll they dig up next?

ZING!

The Recent McCain Lobbyist Affair Story Is A Red Herring

If you want something to sink your teeth into, take a look at his investigation of Jack Abramoff. Why didn't he investigate the members of Congress who TOOK the money? Moreover, since he was in charge of the Indian Affairs Committee that did the investigation into Abramoff, why did he accept a $100,000 donation from Abramoff's firm?

You don't suppose the Democrats would actually sit on this scandal until after McCain wins his party's nomination would you? Naw.... they play fair. They wouldn't leave the Republicans without a candidate! Right?

ZING!

So, If The Republicans Are Staying Away From The Polls...

They obviously don't like their choices, either.

ZING!

From The Republican Royal Regency: Now Is The Time For All Good Party Members To Rally Around McCain

#1: I don't like McCain
#2: I changed my registration to Independent
#3: I am not a member of the proletariat

No ZING necessary

Speaking of Hillary...

Has anyone heard anything from Bill lately?

ZING!

Politics On TV

Will somebody PLEASE lose the remote?

ZING!

Quirky Berkeley

From the Halls of Monetzuma,
To the shores of Berkeley;
At the distance orb called Luna,
They all stink like dirty Commies.

ZING!

Gitmo Prisoner Trial

Finally, after over five years have passed since 9/11, they're starting the process to bring some of those Gitmo bastards to trial.

Why did it take so long?

Why now? Maybe the Bush Administration is afraid Hillary will win and set them free?

ZING!

If You Elect Me As Your President, I Promise:

1. I'll take the handcuffs off the troops so we can kick shit and win the war in Iraq and get them home.

2. I will not appoint anyone to a cabinet-level post or to a Federal judgeship who is not fully qualified.

3. I will review and improve the ways that people can immigrate legally, and I will do everything within my power to prevent illegal immigration.

4. I will push to remove the Federal income tax and to replace it with a modified consumption tax so that the poor are not penalized.

5. I will work to restore State's rights and control over their own destinies.

6. I will refrain from interfering in the affairs of other countries, unless invited or unless they absolutely endanger the security of the nation.

7. I will support Freedom OF Religion and do everything possible to prevent those who would impose their atheism on our nation.

8. I will support anti-abortion measures except in cases of rape, incest or endangerment to the life of the mother.

9. I will pro-actively work to reduce the size of the Executive Branch of the Federal Government.

10. I will do everything within my power to encourage family values.

P.S. I'm not running.

ZING!

AFTER EIGHT MORE YEARS OF CLINTONS, THEN WHAT?

This great wise one who predicted 12 years ago that Hillary would be the first female President of the United States, now predicts that after she finishes her next eight years, Obama will be anointed by the Clinton machine as long as he picks Chelsea to be his VEEP. And THEN.......

Is this thrilling or not? Just think, you can go to bed tonight knowing what the next 24 years of political rule is going to be like in this country.

Sleep tight. I'M going to sleep tight.... VERY tight, right after I polish off this bottle of scotch.......

ZING!

If Everyone Who Is Pissed Off At The Republican Party Decides To Change Their Registration

There's not a registrar's office in the country that can handle the activity.

ZING

McCain Got 44% Of The California Republican Vote And He WON!

That means 56% of the Republicans voted against him. Yet, they would have us believe that he can beat Clinton in November when only 47% of the Democrats voted against HER.

Please pass the gray poop on.

ZING!

It's That Day When We Pick The Best Candidate...

Having sized up the runners in both parties, I have decided to pick my nose instead.

ZING!

As John Said To Jesus...

Get off your ass and go vote!

No Zing necessary.

It's SUPER TUESDAY!

I can't decide whether to do #1 or #2.

ZING!

Last Night I Prayed And Prayed Before I Went To Bed...

Dear Lord, when I awaken tomorrow please, please show me a LEADER! We need a LEADER!

This morning, I awoke and lo and behold.....

Jesse Ventura was on TV.

ZING!

New Democratic Party Jabberwocky

"Just think! This is the first time in American history that one of the people running for the Presidency will either be a woman or a black!"

Well, whoopeeeeeeee!

If that's all that matters, why didn't they just pick Oprah Winfrey?

ZING!

The Perfect Democratic Solution!

Ted and Hillary should kiss and make up, and then Ted can take Hillary for a nice drive across the bridge, and

ZINGO!

Chappa, Chappa!
Chappa, Chappa!
Chappa, Chappa!
Chappa Quidick!

What's This Flap About Bush Taking Off His Earrings?

ZING!

Clinton and McCain Are Very Close?

Bill says they are close friends?

Is Bill suggesting that, if McCain does not get the Republican nomination, he should consider switching parties so he can be her Vice President?

Is this a threesome, or what?

Zing

Bye, Bye Barack

Ted Kennedy endorsed him?

If I was Bill or Hillary, I'd have paid Ted $10,000,000 to endorse Barack!

ZING!

Too Young To Kill

He was under the legal age, so he did not understand the implications of what he was doing. Therefore, he was not culpable because there was no criminal intent. On that basis, the crime did not happen and the deceased is alive. I rest my case.

ZING!

HEY! All Of You Illegals! WAKE UP!!!!

GET OFF YOUR BUTTS! FORGET YOUR SIESTAS! HEAD FOR THE POLLS! VOTE FOR MCCAIN!

HE'LL keep this country from sending you back to Mexico!

VIVA MCCAIN!

ZING!

Republican Party Funeral Set For November

Since there are no conservatives left in the Republican Party, and since none of the front runners stands any chance whatsoever of beating either Hillary OR Barack, our next President will be chosen by ONLY the Democrats at their convention in July.

The Republican Party can eat shit and die.

No Zing, Just The Facts

Goodbye Mr. Thompson

I really did like you and thought you should stick around. But... Don't let the swingin' door hit you in the ass on the way out.

ZING!

'Tis The Season Of Politics: Snow Jobs Everywhere

Here in northern California, we got about 8 inches of snow last night, enough so that both dogs got cold wieners on their way to the bush!

'Tis too cold to Zing!

McCain Wins South Carolina?

How many votes did he get from illegals?

ZING!

What's All The Fuss About A Picture Of A Moose On The Cover Of GOLFWEEK MAGAZINE?

Oh. Now I get it. Some country clubs don't allow mooses on their golf courses?

ZING!

To A Detractor About Clinton

Upon careful evaluation of your asstoot statement by our highly qualified and professional staff, you should be reminded there are several months left before the Democratic National Convention. While our staff does concede that top Democratic Party officials and key office holders are flocking toward Obama like fleas deserting a sinking rat, and while labor and other influential organizations are also endorsing Obama, you can expect that hairsylist John Edwards and the other remaining candidates will go bye bye, leaving only Clinton and Obama in the running at convention time. But, as afraid of Clinton as they are, I don't think southern Democrats are ready for a black president and I don't think northern Democrats are ready for a black Muslim president, (study his background). Therefore, although the tide today appears in Obama's favor, the seeds of racism have been planted and they will sprout big and strong on the convention floor. So saieth the Lord Unknown Scribbler of the Twelfth and Almighty House of Prophecy.

ZING!

P.S. Whether or not she'll beat McCain remains to be seen.

If Obama Thinks Hillary's Playing Tough Now...

Wait until she's in office and he starts getting audited by the IRS.

ZING!

Writers Strike

Everyone's worried that there won't be anything worth watching on TV with the writers strike ongoing. I have over 100 channels and believe me, there wasn't anything worth watching on TV BEFORE the strike! Those guys DESERVE to be out of work! They couldn't write their collective ways out of a wet paper toilet tissue wrapper!

ZING!

Marine Officer's Defense

"So, your honor, she came over to my house thinking that I was going to propose to her. Instead, I told her it was over, that I was breaking it off for good. Man, she got really burned up over that!"

Zing!

The Zinger Endorses Candidate For President!

As long as every other Tom, Dick and Mary is endorsing someone, I figure why not?

My pick is Britney Spears. I pick her for the following outstanding characteristics, prerequisites it seems, for running for a political office:

1. Skillful liar
2. Psychotic behavior
3. Lack of morals
4. Complete absence of ethics
5. Big mouth
6. Name recognition

But, above all, she'll be a lot easier on the eyes than any of the other candidates. I can just picture her now, getting out of the Presidential limo.......

ZING!

Cause Of Britney Spears' Psychosis Revealed

Her breast implants are leaking.

Zing?

OJ Headed Back To The Can Can

Music to my ears.

Zing.

Obama Math

Washington Post reports campaign funds raised as 20,400,000, funds spent $21,500,000 and cash on hand $36,100,000 (round figures). Now, the way I read is, he's $1,100,000 short.

So, where did he get the $36,100,000 in cash?

Oh, I forgot. He's a Democrat.

ZING!

Hooters Read My Post!

They were so afraid that Hillary was going to lose and come to them for a job that they all jumped in cars, on buses, etc to rush to New Hampshire to vote for her!

And THAT's why the polls were wrong!

ZING!

Should Hillary Lose And Be Out Of Work, We Know Where She'll Never Get A Job

Hooters.

ZING, ZING, anda ZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNOW In New Hampshire?

Somehow, I have the feeling that after all of the politicos leave New Hampshire after Tuesday's primaries, the residents there are going to be left shoveling more than snow......

ZING!

Rudy Finished Where?

What was his last name again?



ZING!

Hillary's Presidential Victory Speech Was Soooo Bad...

When she said, after her third-place finish in the Iowa primaries that, when elected President, she was going to restore America's leadership in moral leadership....

Even Brit Spears went on a bender.

ZING!

Some One Nailed Santa Claus To A Cross?

Where I come from they'd say that was a bad mistake.

They should've nailed a politician......

ZING! ZING! OH, THE WONDERFUL ZINGS OF CHRISTMAS!

If There's Any Member of Congress Who Thinks They Earned Their Pay This Year

You need to see a psychiatrist.

ZING

Merry Christmas, All Of You "Non-Documented Aliens"

Suck it up big time, because Congress obviously doesn't have the guts to do their job.

Suck us dry. Clean out our welfare dollars, our health money, our educational funds... even our social security. Why should we care if you're not paying your way and you're sending what money you do make back home? Why does it matter that we have real American citizens living here who don't qualify for the freebies you get?

There's no reason that we should give a damn about the Native Americans who were here before us and don't, in many cases, have electricity or running water because our Congress can't afford to fund their needs. You are illegal, and that makes you"entitled."

Suck it up. Big time.

ZING!

So, "Holiday Sales" Are In A Slump?

Back to my post of December 15th.

Most Americans don't give "Holiday" gifts. We give birthday gifts, wedding gifts, graduation gives, and Christmas gifts.

Since the pompus bastard retailers quit playing Christmas music and took "Christmas" out of their advertising and in-store signage, I guess they're telling us we don't HAVE to buy Christmas gifts anymore because Christmas does not exist.

That's not a ZING. That's the truth, and I hope they all go "belly up."

How Many?

Fish does it take to make a school?

Geese does it take to make a gaggle?

Ducks does it take to make a flock?

Jets does it take to make a squadron?

Ships does it take to make a fleet?

Wolves does it take to make a pack?

Cows does it take to make a herd?

Assholes does it take to make a Congress?



Just thought I'd ask.



ZING!

Exit, Stage Left

What this country needs right now is a good strong leader.

All current Presidential candidates should now leave the stage.

ZING

The Odds That Iran Has Actually Shut Down Its Nuclear Program

Are about the same as the odds that you'll find a snowball in hell.

ZING!

Calling All Retailers - If You Don't Believe In Christmas

I don't believe you need my Christmas shopping money.

You humbugs and your "Holiday Shopping" have taken the ZING out of the most important American tradition of all.

May the fleas of the camels of the Three Wise Men infest your armpits.

If The Guys on Steroids Get Off Scott Free....

Why shouldn't Pete Rose be in the Hall of Fame?

No ZING Intended.

Global Warming =

Hot Sex!

Yummy Zing Zing!

Today's News Flap: Morticians Strip For Calendar

Personally, I think it's a dead issue.

Zing

The Body's Not Even Cold Yet And Already They're Going After Evil's Estate

When you hit the cemetary plot, how come they never fight over who gets to pay your debts?
And, what a major let down, if you'll pardon the play on words.....

ZING!

More People Think Washington Sucks Than Support Hillary & Obama Combined

Over 67% think Congress is doing a bad job. And those idiots are out there spending tens of millions of dollars trying to get us to vote for their re-election? Or for their Presidency?

This isn't about ZING! It's about CHING! CHING!