BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT ABOUT TERRORISM

The Nation of Islam is complaining about our reference "Islamic Terrorists." They say that unfairly suggests that all of Islam support terrorism. Government agencies, including the State Department, seem to agree, and are suggesting that the media only use the term, "Terrorists."

Well, that's really generic. White terrorists? Christian terrorists? Irish terrorists?

But, I agree. In 2008, we need to be more sensitive to the feelings of other peoples. So, MY suggestion is that we go ahead and change the terminology. From now on, let's just call them "Islamic Motherfuckers!"

L.A. VENTURES FURTHER INTO LALA LAND; Bans Fast Food Restaurant Growth

The city council has banned any new fast food restaurants in South Los Angeles for the next year because the people there are too fat. 30% of the people living in that area are overweight, while only 19% of those in the rest of the city are overweight.

Evidently, L.A. is starting to tilt, in more than one meaning....

HEY, OBAMA! HEY, MCCAIN! IT'S YOUR MOVE!

Russian Checkers, any one?

RUSSIA BLAMES GEORGIA: Carter Denies Responsibility

Price of peanuts goes up.

OBAMA'S ENERGY PLAN: One Step Beyond

If all of us in this country would quit using our air conditioning in our cars, businesses, and homes, we could cut our national energy usage by 30% .

I'm therefore proposing that Congress pass a law, as soon as they get back from their cruises to Alaska and Hawaii, to make it illegal to use air conditioning... any time, any place, for any reason.

Let's start with the Capitol. The way I figure it, with their abundance of hot air all of the incumbents will be sweating their collective balls, (or lack of them), off and they'll then resign. Finally, we may be able to get something done in this country.

This government is a joke. And THAT'S not funny!

GEORGIA OR RUSSIA?

Who will win more Gold Medals?

PARIS HILTON HAS BETTER ATTRIBUTES THAN THE OTHER BOOBS!

Now, why did I give up the whole joke in the headline?

Freudian slip?

Maybe I was just trying to make a clean breast of things?

EDWARDS

Looks as if Edwards got screwed out of the Vice Presidency... (double entendre)

A MOMENT IN HISTORY

8:08:08 08-08-08

Don't be late
Don't matriculate
Don't procrastinate
Don't speculate
Don't fornicate, pontificate, participate, master.....
Oh well, just don't do it.

HOUSE ENERGY COMMITTEE BREAKS FOR SUMMER RECESS!

HILLARY'S SALIVATING!

With Obama plummeting in the polls and her holding on to her delegates, Hillary might make a dramatic comeback in the Democratic Convention!

Forget the Gray Poop-on, just pass the Preparation H.

EVERYTHING IS TURNING UP ROSY?

My God! Congress leaves on vacation and right away, gas prices drop and the illegals are going to deport themselves! First thing we know, the UFO guys are going to teach us how to create unlimited pollution free renewable energyand Osama is going to trot out of the mountains and raise his hands in surrender!

MEDIA NOT REPRESENTING THE TRUE FACTS

They cite one poll or another and say that McCain and Obama are even, depicting that McCain has "caught up" to Obama. A www.whitehouse.com combination of the 12 top polls in the country shows:
McCain: 41.8 %
Obama: 46.3 %
Other: 11.8 %
Lord, God Almighty! Does that mean you can't trust the media?

ONE WAY TO KEEP THE POLITICIANS IN WASHINGTON

Would be to make them all pass a sobriety test before they board an outbound plane.

WHERE GAS PRICES ARE LOWER THAN NATIONAL AVERAGE

In and around Crawford, Texas and Washington, D.C.

I wonder why that is?

THE ONLY THING LOWER THAN A POLITICIAN...

Is a snake's belly.

IS BUSH A PUPPET ON A STRING?

Seems to me that every time Obama points out something he would do if President, Bush does it.
Please pass the Obama baked beans.....

THE TERMINATOR IS GOING TO BE THE TERMINATOR?

California layoffs?

AN AFFINITY FOR ASSININITY?

New York City is the latest in an endless parade of idiotic governmental mandates. They're making it illegal for you to text message on your cell phone while crossing a street, because you might get run over.

Next thing you know, they're going to make it illegal for men to pee while standing up, because they get water on the knee!

CHEAPER THAN GAS!

If we can find a way to harvest all of the hot air coming out of Congress, we won't even need gas!!!

THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN CONGRESS....

Is their baseball team.

LOUZY, DAMNED CATCH 22

If we banned all of the political sniping, carping and sniveling from TV,
there'd be nothing left to watch except reruns.

WHAT'S MY OPINION OF CONGRESS?

They're all so low, those worthless numb skulls all need parachutes to jump off the edge of a dime.

TWO MORE BANK FAILURES

Either the Feds are not doing their jobs and monitoring banks closely enough, or the economy really IS in deep shit.

Oh well, who needs banks anyway? We've got plenty of plastic!

MEXICAN REVENGE

If you don't want our illegals, we'll send Sal Monella up there to getcha!

OBAMA'S REASON FOR NOT VISITING GI'S?

Maybe he was afraid he'd get booed off the stage?

SAN FRANCISCO: Topless and Lawless

If you're an illegal alien in The City and dancing in a topless joint, you'll get double-indemnity, in more ways than one.

OBAMA TAKES BERLIN BY STORM!

Sig hail!

IS MCCAIN ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH?

He sure let Obama pull the magic carpet out from under him in Iraq when Obama got their President, the Khard, to publicly agree that a 16-month troop pullout would be great. Time to wake up from your nap, John?

Obama Is DEFINITELY A Sniveler!

See July 19th post. McCain is closing the gap in the polls and right away, Obama is crying that the news media is giving McCain preferential treatment. Fact is, McCain never got much publicity on HIS Middle East trip at all, and they're giving Obama constant coverage; even Kat Couric went along! Obama is very favored by the news media, getting almost two times the name mention as McCain.

So, this is just one more instance of Obama crying like a baby in the schoolyard. To me, he's starting to sound like a snot-nosed sniveler. Is that what we want in a President?

ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL POLL

After Obama's trip to Iraq and Afghanistan, who will be best prepared to deal with terrorism?

A. McCain
B. Obama
C. Nader
D. Bin Laden

NEW PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE? He's Got My Vote!

T-Bone Pickens!

PHIL GRAMM SAYS WE'RE A NATION OF WHINERS?

Doesn't that stance epitomize how we see Congress, as a bunch of pious and elitist bastards that have lost touch with the American electorate?

THE NEW YORKER MAGAZINE COVER PROVES ONE THING

If Obama wins, we're going to have a cry baby for a President.

Wah, wah!

MORE PRESIDENTIAL POLLING

Where does McCain stand on illegal immigration?

A. Way out in left field
B. Same as Obama
C. No habla espanol
D. All of the above

BUSH'S ECONOMY SPIRALS OUT OF CONTROL

He says it's not so bad, but how does this make you feel:

They're scaling back, and even cutting out altogether, military patrols of U.S. nuclear energy facilities because they can't afford it any more......

DR. MICHAEL DEBAKEY CLOCKED OUT

His heart's no longer in it.

PRESIDENTIAL POLL TAKES OFF!

Who would be better at dealing with Iran?
a. McCain
b. Obama
c. Paris Hilton
d. Bullwinkle

THE GREAT VAST NO NEWS CONSPIRACY

I mean no disrespect to Tony Snow or Tim Russert, and I do not wish to detract from the joy of those escapees from the Columbian Jungle Prison, but where's the news? FOX was on Snow all weekend, and CNN Headline News was on the escapees all weekend.

In the meantime, there's been gradually declining news and now a virtual blackout when it comes to Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Korea, the economy, the energy crisis, Social Security, the borders, terrorism.... Not that we Americans would be interested in such things?

The only way you can find out what the hell is going on in the U.S. is to get on the Internet and check out the BBC or the CBC.

INDYMAC BANK COULD BE JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

Let's see.... Countrywide, INDYMAC, FannieMae, FreddieMac.....
Bank of America? Nations Bank? Wells Fargo? How low could the list be?

Not to worry though.... Good old George says the economy is in fine shape, remember?

I don't know about you, but I'd just as soon go to the bank and draw my money out and stick it under the mattress. Problem is, I can't afford the gas to get there......

So Long Tony

Thanks for the Snow job.

US - RUSSIAN MISSILE CRISIS

Seems to me that our plans to put missiles in Czechoslovakia is somewhat akin to the Soviet Union's attempt to put missiles in Cuba.

Now, don't get all fired up over that thought.....

OBAMA: LAST TANGO WITH JACKSON? Special Post

At the very least, Obama will soon be speaking in a higher octave after having been verbally emasculated by the very Reverend Jesse Jackson.

Jackson apologized for whispering off screen that Obama was talking down to Blacks and that he should have his "jewels" chopped off.

But, anyone who will just close their eyes and listen to how Obama talks and what he says would have to agree with Jesse, and that's the first, and probably last time in my life that I could ever agree with Jesse Jackson.

The upside of this flap is that we no longer have to speculate as to whether or not Obama has Cabinet or VP plans for Jackson.

KENNEDY'S TUMOR

Probably explains why he doesn't think right. (Play on words intended).

AMERICAN'S PASSENGERS BOO CREW

The crew was over an hour late, at the gate.
Passengers booed them for being late, at the gate.
The crew took the bait and closed the gate.
"We're not flying from this gate, on this date.
You certainly know your fate. Even if we're late, wait.
For now, it's checkmate, at the gate on this date. "

OUR SHIP OF STATE WAIVERS IN IT'S DIRECTION

Senator Jesse is no longer at the Helms.

OBAMA STEALS THE SHOW FROM MCCAIN

Has emergency landing in St. Louis

THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!

Would you believe that it's more profitable for farmers to grow corn for ethanol than hops for beer?

QUALIFICATIONS FOR THE PRESIDENCY

I don't recall anywhere in the history of this country that says a chap is qualified to be President just because his plane got shot down over enemy territory. Likewise, I know of nothing that says that a guy is qualified because he's Black and because he's finally decided he'd best start wearing the American Flag on his lapel.

Frankly, I'm beginning to think that this country would be far better off with four more years under Bush, and the mere thought of that sends shivers down my spine.

THE IDIOTS WE ELECT

As you know, it is now illegal to talk on a cell phone in California unless you are using a hands-free device. However, it is LEGAL to drive in California while shaving, reading the newspaper, listening to your boom box turned all of the way up and..... holding a banana to your ear.

Maybe I should start selling banana phones?

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

Don't forget to thank your armed forefathers for the privilege of celebrating it.

IT'S ALMOST TIME TO DECLARE YOUR INDEPENDENCE...

And divorce your Congressman!

ANYONE WHO CARRIES A CONCEALED GUN ON A PLANE

Should not be arrested
Or otherwise tested;
He should be shot,
On the spot.

IF OBAMA CHANGES HIS POSITION ON ISSUES JUST ONE MORE TIME....

He will have tied Bill Clinton's record, and Obama isn't even President yet!

Whew! This guy's fast!

AMERICAN CARNAGE

As of June 27th, 4,113 American military personnel have been killed in Iraq while fighting to keep terrorism out of the United States and to bring lasting freedom to that country.

Not to diminish that loss, it should be noted that 42,642 Americans were killed on U.S. Highways in 2006 while fighting for nothing.

Or, to look at it another way, 4,113 killed in Iraq since 2003 and well over 170,000 killed on U.S. highways in the same time. ... fighting for nothing.

The smart guy would say, "U.S. car sales are down. Let's ship a bunch of cars to the Middle East and give them to Al Queda and Hamas and let them drive themselves to death....

THEN we can bring the troops home.

CONGRESS SCORES AGAIN!!!

Congress meets the energy crisis head on, shrugs its collective shoulder, wrings it's hands in despair, breaks for vacation.

Score now Congress 114,784 American citizens 0

(My God, what a shut out! Have they no mercy? If they would just do SOMEthing about ANYthing, we could at least get ONE point on the scoreboard.....)

YOU CAN'T USE THE TOILET!

The economy is already in there!

SUPREME COURT RULING

The Supremes have ruled that we lowly beings DO have the Constitutional right to bare arms.

Thank God for that! I was afraid I was going to have to toss out all of my T-Shirts!

SIGN ON TIJUANA BILLBOARD

"WILL THE LAST MEXICAN TO CROSS THE BORDER PLEASE TURN OUT THE LIGHTS?"

BREATHLESS CIRCUS ACT!!!

Which clown is going to win? Big Bad Johnny McCain or Bummmbling Barracks Obamama?

(Yawn) And puhleeeeze..... Pass the Gray Poop On.

GOD BLESS GEORGE CARLIN

He always told it like it is and made us laugh about it when he did.

GAS, OR NO GAS: That Is The Question

Is it not ironic that the loudest critics of soaring prices at the pump are the environmentalists who say, "Don't drill?"

POLITICALLY CORRECT, AND DEAD

I heard today on the news that the main reason Israel should not attack Iran to take out their nuclear weapons facilities is that such an action could turn the Middle East into an enraged "ball of fire."

Obviously, the answer is to allow Iran to go ahead and make their nukes and to turn Israel and US into a ball of fire.

Isn't that somewhat akin to saying, "If a guy breaks into my house in the middle of the night, I'm not going to shoot at him until he rapes my wife and shoots at me?"

HOW CAN YOU TELL MC CAIN & OBAMA APART?

I recognize that you were looking for a wisecrack here but, if you will close your eyes and just listen to what they have to say, you can't tell them apart.

Neither one of them has anything to say that's worth listening to. But.... you can certainly smell it, especially if you're down wind.

WEIGHT

When a man or woman lays naked in the night, and when they pray to God for forgiveness of their sins, and when they admit their shortcomings and mistakes in life...

They weigh a helluva lot less than they will on the bathroom scales in the morning.

EENIE, MEENIE, MINEE, MO

Oops!

WILL HILLARY RUN WITH MCCAIN?

There's a rumor going around that she would be willing to switch parties and that McCain is actively considering the idea.......

NOT ALL POLITICIANS ARE CORRUPT

It's just that 98% of them give the other 2% a bad name....

WATCH OUT, BIN LADEN!!!

Bush is gonna getcha, Bush is gonna getcha.

It's almost been seven years since 9/11. Maybe he's got the seven year itch?

Can't you just hear it now? "Okay, boys. It's time to get Osama. Just remember, no tanks, no planes, no missiles, no guns.... and when you finally locate him, be nice and polite."

HOT DOGS, HAMURGERS, RIBS AND STEAKS

No tomatoes, please.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

BRITISH PRINCESS ROMPS IN THE NUDE

A drunken British Princess Eugenie frolicked and cavorted in the nude with classmates at Marlborough College the other night. Reports are they were stressed over exams and decided to "let their hair down."

Personally, I think Eugenie plans to become an American actress.

IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH!

Watch out for black cats, broken mirrors and politicians.

WHERE'S DICK CHENEY?

I'd swear the guy has disappeared!

NOW THAT HILLARY IS OUT.....

All of the women in the country are suffering from postpartum depression.

WHERE HAS ALL THE WATER GONE?

Got up this morning and the pool was totally empty, except for the SHAM WOW at the bottom.

NEW SIGN POSTED OUTSIDE POLLING PLACES

Look alive!

PRAYER CAN BE BENEFICIAL TO YOUR HEALTH

That's what the docs are saying. There must be some truth to it. Every time I go to see a doctor, I pray.

HILLARY, EXIT STAGE LEFT

For now.

WHY HILLARY SHOULD BE VP

Remember the old saying.... The Vice President is in charge of vice?

You know, like... Whitewater, Rose Law Firm books, FBI files, Travelgate..........

BRAND NEW DEMO CAMPAIGN BUTTON

OBAMA AND BIG MAMA
WILL GET OSAMA AND HIS LLAMA!

FINALLY, THE PRESIDENTIAL BATTLE IS JOINED

But not at the hips.

AH, THE SMELL OF FRESH SPRING AIR IN AN ELECTION YEAR!

Kinda' reminds you of driving by a sewer plant with your windows down, doesn't it?

GOING AROUND THE INTERNET - ON BECOMING ILLEGAL

FORMS ARE GOING FAST- SIGN UP TODAY!

Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin

731 Hart Senate Office Building

Phone (202) 224 3254

Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

IS WRIGHT RIGHT?

Has Obama forsaken his religion for political reasons?

IS SESAME STREET REALLY GONE FOREVER?

Have you noticed that Hillary no longer wears her Big Bird outfit?

Going Around The Internet...

A taxpayer voting for a Democrat is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

I HEAR BUSH GOT BUSHWACKED!

GREAT SCOTT!!

CRACKER JACK BOX

It occurs to me that we might look in one for a decent Presidential candidate.

HIGHWAY ROBBERY

Gas prices.

Madame, The Problem With This Presidential Election...

Is that there STILL is no one running who I wish to vote for.

HONOR THY FOREFATHERS

God bless those who fought and died for our country
God give us the sense of purpose and resolve to do the same
It is their memory, purpose and resolve
To which we owe our lives and the lives of our children.

McCAIN VEEP RETREAT

McCain is inviting some potential VP candidates to a Memorial Day barbecue retreat at his Sedona, Arizona compound. No doubt, he'll feature his famous Costco beef ribs.

I wonder how much gas they're going to burn over that? I get heartburn just thinking about it. Thank God I wasn't invited....

Hillary Should Be Candidate

If she had the popular votes she is entitled to have from Florida and Michigan, she'd beat Obama.

Meanwhile, back to Gore. He should have been President in 2001, and 9/11 would never have happened, we would not be in Afghanistan or Iraq, and the temperature would be 12 degrees cooler this summer. Of course, Hillary would also be Vice President and ready to take over in 2009, and this Obama irritation wouldn't be here to deal with any way.

WHAT HAPPENS IF HILLARY LOSES?

You don't think she'd run for VP with McCain, do you? Hmmmmm?

McGOVERN IS GOING TO BACK OBAMA?

Isn't THAT just the cat's meow!

GAS TAX SAVINGS A FARCE: Here's The Fact

You're going to save a whopping 18 cents per gallon at the pump?

If gas is selling at $3.75 a gallon, what does that mean?

It means you're saving 5.76 ounces per gallon, or 34.5 teaspoons. Or, if you take an 8 ounce coffee cup and fill it not quite 2/3 full.... well, you get the picture.

You can figure how how much farther you can drive your car for that 18 cents, but by the time you do the math, the price of gas will be $4.00 a gallon.

GAS PROBLEM SOLVED!!!

Just substitute all of the hot air in Washington for gas at the pump and we'll have enough fuel to last forever!!!

FUEL GOUGED AMERICANS: You Have No Rights!

Welcome to the U.S.S.R. (United States Socialist Republic)

GITMO TERRORIST PRISONERS: We Have Rights!

Oh boy! More people with rights that trump ours.......

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS: We Have Rights!

Happy May Day.