80% OF BLACKS HAVE UNFAVORABLE VIEWS OF WHITES

Prove me wrong.

40% OF WHITES HAVE UNFAVORABLE VIEW OF BLACKS

That's what the poll says. That begs to ask the question, not asked in the poll for some mysterious reason, what percentage of blacks have an unfavorable view of whites?

I guess I'll have to ask Jeremiah Wright.

PIG IN A POKE

Trying to figure out which of the two candidates would be better at working with and leading Congress to better manage our country is like trying to figure out which lunatic would be better at running the asylum.

WHY OUR GOVERNMENT SUCKS

IF YOU HAVE A BAD ECONOMIC PROBLEM...

Throw money at it.

ALLAN GREENSPAN FOR PRESIDENT

That says it all.

MCCAIN'S EMAILS

Show me a President who is into emails, and I'll show you a President can't get the job done because he doesn't know how to use the telephone.

WASILLA, AK FASTEST GROWING CITY IN U.S.

Wasilla, popolation around 10,000 in 2008, has taken a sudden jump to 20,000.... That's 100% growth rate in just two weeks! The phenomenal growth is due to journalists and media types trying to dig up dirt on Sarah.

The Alaskan Tourist Bureau reports the highest volume of traffic at the Anchorage Airport in 413 years.

PALIN NOW BEING REFERRED TO AS THE "REPUBLICAN'S BLOW-UP DOLL."

Obviously, they're hoping to pinch her on her butt so hard that she'll fart and blow away.

PALIN MISS-PRONOUNCES NUCLEAR

Michael Seitzman caught her saying "nucular."

Well, she SHOULD be criticized for that. After all, Obama didn't mispronounce "pig," did he?

My God, when I heard she mispronounced "nucular," I damned near missed the urinal!

BILL CLINTON EXPLAINS TO BARACK WHY PALIN MUST BE STOPPED NOW!

If McCain/Palin beat Obama/Biden, Obama is finished and Hillary doesn't stand a chance against Palin in 1012.

Oh, shit.

BUSH DOCTRINE

Now THAT was a dumb way to phrase that question to a woman. The BEAVER doctrine would have been much better. Everyone knows that, if you have a beaver you are the ultimate authority over everything.

CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL RATINGS SOAR!

It's a fact! 23% of Americans now think Congress is doing a good job...up from 22% two weeks ago!

SEPTEMBER 11, 2008 AKA: 9/11

The media is all off to Alaska to get the real skinny on "Lipstick" while all of the rest of the world stands still. It's ironic, isn't it? Russia is still in Georgia and has broken the cease fire, Korea's midget President has been sidelined by a non-existent stroke while the Koreans have begun to reassemble their nuclear facility and have built another long-range missile launch pad, Russian planes have been visiting Venezuela, Iran's midget President is threatening Israel again, another major U.S. financial firm is teetering on the verge of collapse, and our media is off on the quest to find out about lipstick and pigs.

The real surprise to me is that Congress, now back in session, hasn't already funded a $100 billion research project to find out the relationship between pigs, pit bulls and lipstick.

My God, this country really sucks right now..... big time!

LIPSTICK

The dumb S.O.B. called her a pig?

Well, drag out the hamhocks, lima beans, grits and watermelons.

Things just got nasty, and no amount of rib sauce will make the stench go away.

JEREMIAH WRIGHT HAS BEEN SHACKING UP!

News is out! He's been cavorting with one Elizabeth Payne.

Ah, what an upstanding, outstanding, righteous and good man of the cloth.

Right, Barack?

REMEMBER THAT TAX REBATE YOU JUST GOT?

DON'T CASH IT! The government needs it back to cover their costs on the FreddieMac and FannieMae debacles because the "economy is strong!"

Hurry up, now and get that money in the mail!

As for me, I'm heading for the three-ply toilet paper.

WHY OBAMA'S FORMER PRIMARY ENEMIES BACK HIM NOW

Here's how the game is played. You can't lie, cheat, steal from the public unless you're in power. The guy at the top of the dogpile gets to steal more, but if you're not in the dogpile at all, you don't get anything. So, you fight and scratch, bark and bite and shoot to kill the rest in the dogpile in order to get to the top, but if some other mutt head beats you out, he gets the cream of the dog bones and you'd better damned well go and lick his balls or you're going to starve to death.

OBAMA: THE GREAT MESSIAH, OR SATAN REINVENTED?

I don't know either. Guess we'll have to ask William Ayers, or Jeremiah Wright, or Louis Farrakhan or one of his nine other apostles

OBAMA'S NIGHTMARE AND A NEW WORD

He just awakened to discover that he's in the middle of a clusterfuckup.

DEFINITION OF A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

I think that McCain defined himself at HIS convention
But, Obama still remains undefinable.

FOR GOD'S SAKE! YOU WOULD THINK SHE'S A LEPER!

May be that she's even tested positive for Americanism or patriotism!

Well, I've got news for YOU! Obama's got hemorrhoids!

Na, na, na, na na nah!

NEW MILITARY COMMAND

New command for the WAF'S, WAC'S and WAVES:

"Tits up for the Vice President of the United States!"

ONCE AGAIN I MUST DEFEND MY HONOR

Every time one of these scandals surfaces, I am attacked my hundreds of people who blame me. Once again, I must defend my honor. Sarah Palin's daughter is pregnant. I had nothing to do with it.

Why are they always accusing ME of these things, anyway?

Bill Clinton

OBAMA DECLARES PALIN'S DAUGHTER'S PREGNANCY "OFF LIMITS"

Is he the father or is he just being the Messiah again?

REPUBLICAN CONVENTION KICKS OFF; GUSTAV MAKES LAND

America is full of blow hards....

POLITICAL HISTORY IN THE MAKING? Maybe Not!

Heard it said we'll either have the first black President or the first woman Vice-President. I guess the presumptuous toads don't figure Nader or Barr can win.....

HERE WE GO AGAIN

Louisiana's going to get another blow job.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE MCCAIN'S VP CHOICE

Wow!

ANTHONYS TO JOIN O.J. SIMPSON

Caylee Anthony's parents are going to continue to search for Caylee while O.J. continues to search for Nicole's real killer?

HILLARY DISAPPOINTED ME

She didn't wear her nice, yellow canary outfit when she gave her speech.

GOOD OLD BILL DOES IT AGAIN!

Hickory, dickory dock
The Bill ran up the clock....

It wasn't Bill? It was a mouse? Oh.

FAR-LEFT LIBERAL MEDIA BARES ITS UGLY FANGS

The verbal, almost physical assault on Michelle Malkin bordered on tyranny. These guys should go pick on someone their own size.... like pissants.

NEW POLITICAL PARTY

The 50% of Democrats who don't like Obamama and the 50% who don't like McCanncann are joining together to form a new party.

They're going to call themselves the "Boot Camp" Party, because they'll be Left, Right, Left, Right....

OBAMA TALKS RUSSIANS INTO BACKING OFF!

Obama has proven that his strategy of sitting down to talk things out is the right way to go. Word is that he's been engaged in secret talks with Sputin and Sputin has agreed to withdraw all Russian troops from all of Georgia and to compensate Georgia for damages as soon as hell freezes over.....

DEMOCRATS NOT HAPPY WITH THEIR CANDIDATES

Judging by the way things are starting in Denver, what with the riot police already showing up and everything, it appears that there is dissension in the rank and file.

If it's any comfort to anyone, the Republicans appear to be ingredients of the same dissension stew.

DENVER OMELETTE

Obama yo' mama, Clinton, Edwards, Polosi, Reid, with a light touch of Clooney, all beaten up with eggs and grilled. Easy on the cholesterol.

Topped with Gray Poop thereOn.

REPUBLICAN PARTY IS THE "WHITE" PARTY

Does that supposed to infer that the Democratic Party is the "Black" Party?

Uhh, Howard Dean, unless I'm missing something, I think you must be in the wrong party.

IRAN INTRIGUE

Hey! How come we don't hear anything about General Electric and Iran centrifuges and nuclear plans anymore?

For that matter, how come no one has ever discussed the close relationship British Petroleum, aka BP ARCO, has with Iran?

Okay, sorry I asked. Yeah, it's none of my beeswax. But, I sure am getting tired of not getting the facts. This must either be a total lack of Freedom of the Press, or a massive failure of the press to do its job.

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Rielle Hunter

EDWARDS DESERVES VICE PRESIDENTIAL BID

He's proven beyond any doubt that he meets the qualifications for being a top leader of the country and a top politician within his party.

He likes to fuck around.

He likes expensive haircuts.

He likes manipulating the truth.

He likes playing with other peoples' money.

MEDIA SITTING THIS ELECTION OUT ON ITS BUTTS

We depend on the press and the media for knowledge, for the facts. We're getting awfully close to a Presidential election. But, we don't know any more about McCain's family or Obama's family than we do about the man in the moon.

OBAMA WHINES AGAIN!

That damn book is UNFAIR and that damned author is biased! It's full of lies and bullshit, just like the book he wrote about Kerry! So, you OWE me your vote!

MR. PUTIN, PLEASE GET OUT OF GEORGIA!

Please. Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on it?

PUTIN vs EDWARDS

We continue to hear more about Edwards, his tryst and his "love child" than we do about Russia's invasion of Georgia. After all, priorities are priorities, right?

I wonder if Edwards tipped that barber who gave him a $400 clip job?

COLIN POWELL BACK IN THE NEWS: Will He Be Obama's Running Mate?

Well, that would certainly balance the age factor out.

BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT ABOUT TERRORISM

The Nation of Islam is complaining about our reference "Islamic Terrorists." They say that unfairly suggests that all of Islam support terrorism. Government agencies, including the State Department, seem to agree, and are suggesting that the media only use the term, "Terrorists."

Well, that's really generic. White terrorists? Christian terrorists? Irish terrorists?

But, I agree. In 2008, we need to be more sensitive to the feelings of other peoples. So, MY suggestion is that we go ahead and change the terminology. From now on, let's just call them "Islamic Motherfuckers!"

L.A. VENTURES FURTHER INTO LALA LAND; Bans Fast Food Restaurant Growth

The city council has banned any new fast food restaurants in South Los Angeles for the next year because the people there are too fat. 30% of the people living in that area are overweight, while only 19% of those in the rest of the city are overweight.

Evidently, L.A. is starting to tilt, in more than one meaning....

HEY, OBAMA! HEY, MCCAIN! IT'S YOUR MOVE!

Russian Checkers, any one?

RUSSIA BLAMES GEORGIA: Carter Denies Responsibility

Price of peanuts goes up.

OBAMA'S ENERGY PLAN: One Step Beyond

If all of us in this country would quit using our air conditioning in our cars, businesses, and homes, we could cut our national energy usage by 30% .

I'm therefore proposing that Congress pass a law, as soon as they get back from their cruises to Alaska and Hawaii, to make it illegal to use air conditioning... any time, any place, for any reason.

Let's start with the Capitol. The way I figure it, with their abundance of hot air all of the incumbents will be sweating their collective balls, (or lack of them), off and they'll then resign. Finally, we may be able to get something done in this country.

This government is a joke. And THAT'S not funny!

GEORGIA OR RUSSIA?

Who will win more Gold Medals?

PARIS HILTON HAS BETTER ATTRIBUTES THAN THE OTHER BOOBS!

Now, why did I give up the whole joke in the headline?

Freudian slip?

Maybe I was just trying to make a clean breast of things?

EDWARDS

Looks as if Edwards got screwed out of the Vice Presidency... (double entendre)

A MOMENT IN HISTORY

8:08:08 08-08-08

Don't be late
Don't matriculate
Don't procrastinate
Don't speculate
Don't fornicate, pontificate, participate, master.....
Oh well, just don't do it.

HOUSE ENERGY COMMITTEE BREAKS FOR SUMMER RECESS!

HILLARY'S SALIVATING!

With Obama plummeting in the polls and her holding on to her delegates, Hillary might make a dramatic comeback in the Democratic Convention!

Forget the Gray Poop-on, just pass the Preparation H.

EVERYTHING IS TURNING UP ROSY?

My God! Congress leaves on vacation and right away, gas prices drop and the illegals are going to deport themselves! First thing we know, the UFO guys are going to teach us how to create unlimited pollution free renewable energyand Osama is going to trot out of the mountains and raise his hands in surrender!

MEDIA NOT REPRESENTING THE TRUE FACTS

They cite one poll or another and say that McCain and Obama are even, depicting that McCain has "caught up" to Obama. A www.whitehouse.com combination of the 12 top polls in the country shows:
McCain: 41.8 %
Obama: 46.3 %
Other: 11.8 %
Lord, God Almighty! Does that mean you can't trust the media?

ONE WAY TO KEEP THE POLITICIANS IN WASHINGTON

Would be to make them all pass a sobriety test before they board an outbound plane.

WHERE GAS PRICES ARE LOWER THAN NATIONAL AVERAGE

In and around Crawford, Texas and Washington, D.C.

I wonder why that is?

THE ONLY THING LOWER THAN A POLITICIAN...

Is a snake's belly.

IS BUSH A PUPPET ON A STRING?

Seems to me that every time Obama points out something he would do if President, Bush does it.
Please pass the Obama baked beans.....

THE TERMINATOR IS GOING TO BE THE TERMINATOR?

California layoffs?

AN AFFINITY FOR ASSININITY?

New York City is the latest in an endless parade of idiotic governmental mandates. They're making it illegal for you to text message on your cell phone while crossing a street, because you might get run over.

Next thing you know, they're going to make it illegal for men to pee while standing up, because they get water on the knee!

CHEAPER THAN GAS!

If we can find a way to harvest all of the hot air coming out of Congress, we won't even need gas!!!

THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN CONGRESS....

Is their baseball team.

LOUZY, DAMNED CATCH 22

If we banned all of the political sniping, carping and sniveling from TV,
there'd be nothing left to watch except reruns.

WHAT'S MY OPINION OF CONGRESS?

They're all so low, those worthless numb skulls all need parachutes to jump off the edge of a dime.

TWO MORE BANK FAILURES

Either the Feds are not doing their jobs and monitoring banks closely enough, or the economy really IS in deep shit.

Oh well, who needs banks anyway? We've got plenty of plastic!

MEXICAN REVENGE

If you don't want our illegals, we'll send Sal Monella up there to getcha!

OBAMA'S REASON FOR NOT VISITING GI'S?

Maybe he was afraid he'd get booed off the stage?

SAN FRANCISCO: Topless and Lawless

If you're an illegal alien in The City and dancing in a topless joint, you'll get double-indemnity, in more ways than one.

OBAMA TAKES BERLIN BY STORM!

Sig hail!

IS MCCAIN ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH?

He sure let Obama pull the magic carpet out from under him in Iraq when Obama got their President, the Khard, to publicly agree that a 16-month troop pullout would be great. Time to wake up from your nap, John?

Obama Is DEFINITELY A Sniveler!

See July 19th post. McCain is closing the gap in the polls and right away, Obama is crying that the news media is giving McCain preferential treatment. Fact is, McCain never got much publicity on HIS Middle East trip at all, and they're giving Obama constant coverage; even Kat Couric went along! Obama is very favored by the news media, getting almost two times the name mention as McCain.

So, this is just one more instance of Obama crying like a baby in the schoolyard. To me, he's starting to sound like a snot-nosed sniveler. Is that what we want in a President?

ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL POLL

After Obama's trip to Iraq and Afghanistan, who will be best prepared to deal with terrorism?

A. McCain
B. Obama
C. Nader
D. Bin Laden

NEW PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE? He's Got My Vote!

T-Bone Pickens!

PHIL GRAMM SAYS WE'RE A NATION OF WHINERS?

Doesn't that stance epitomize how we see Congress, as a bunch of pious and elitist bastards that have lost touch with the American electorate?

THE NEW YORKER MAGAZINE COVER PROVES ONE THING

If Obama wins, we're going to have a cry baby for a President.

Wah, wah!

MORE PRESIDENTIAL POLLING

Where does McCain stand on illegal immigration?

A. Way out in left field
B. Same as Obama
C. No habla espanol
D. All of the above

BUSH'S ECONOMY SPIRALS OUT OF CONTROL

He says it's not so bad, but how does this make you feel:

They're scaling back, and even cutting out altogether, military patrols of U.S. nuclear energy facilities because they can't afford it any more......

DR. MICHAEL DEBAKEY CLOCKED OUT

His heart's no longer in it.

PRESIDENTIAL POLL TAKES OFF!

Who would be better at dealing with Iran?
a. McCain
b. Obama
c. Paris Hilton
d. Bullwinkle

THE GREAT VAST NO NEWS CONSPIRACY

I mean no disrespect to Tony Snow or Tim Russert, and I do not wish to detract from the joy of those escapees from the Columbian Jungle Prison, but where's the news? FOX was on Snow all weekend, and CNN Headline News was on the escapees all weekend.

In the meantime, there's been gradually declining news and now a virtual blackout when it comes to Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Korea, the economy, the energy crisis, Social Security, the borders, terrorism.... Not that we Americans would be interested in such things?

The only way you can find out what the hell is going on in the U.S. is to get on the Internet and check out the BBC or the CBC.

INDYMAC BANK COULD BE JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG

Let's see.... Countrywide, INDYMAC, FannieMae, FreddieMac.....
Bank of America? Nations Bank? Wells Fargo? How low could the list be?

Not to worry though.... Good old George says the economy is in fine shape, remember?

I don't know about you, but I'd just as soon go to the bank and draw my money out and stick it under the mattress. Problem is, I can't afford the gas to get there......

So Long Tony

Thanks for the Snow job.

US - RUSSIAN MISSILE CRISIS

Seems to me that our plans to put missiles in Czechoslovakia is somewhat akin to the Soviet Union's attempt to put missiles in Cuba.

Now, don't get all fired up over that thought.....

OBAMA: LAST TANGO WITH JACKSON? Special Post

At the very least, Obama will soon be speaking in a higher octave after having been verbally emasculated by the very Reverend Jesse Jackson.

Jackson apologized for whispering off screen that Obama was talking down to Blacks and that he should have his "jewels" chopped off.

But, anyone who will just close their eyes and listen to how Obama talks and what he says would have to agree with Jesse, and that's the first, and probably last time in my life that I could ever agree with Jesse Jackson.

The upside of this flap is that we no longer have to speculate as to whether or not Obama has Cabinet or VP plans for Jackson.

KENNEDY'S TUMOR

Probably explains why he doesn't think right. (Play on words intended).

AMERICAN'S PASSENGERS BOO CREW

The crew was over an hour late, at the gate.
Passengers booed them for being late, at the gate.
The crew took the bait and closed the gate.
"We're not flying from this gate, on this date.
You certainly know your fate. Even if we're late, wait.
For now, it's checkmate, at the gate on this date. "

OUR SHIP OF STATE WAIVERS IN IT'S DIRECTION

Senator Jesse is no longer at the Helms.

OBAMA STEALS THE SHOW FROM MCCAIN

Has emergency landing in St. Louis

THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!

Would you believe that it's more profitable for farmers to grow corn for ethanol than hops for beer?

QUALIFICATIONS FOR THE PRESIDENCY

I don't recall anywhere in the history of this country that says a chap is qualified to be President just because his plane got shot down over enemy territory. Likewise, I know of nothing that says that a guy is qualified because he's Black and because he's finally decided he'd best start wearing the American Flag on his lapel.

Frankly, I'm beginning to think that this country would be far better off with four more years under Bush, and the mere thought of that sends shivers down my spine.

THE IDIOTS WE ELECT

As you know, it is now illegal to talk on a cell phone in California unless you are using a hands-free device. However, it is LEGAL to drive in California while shaving, reading the newspaper, listening to your boom box turned all of the way up and..... holding a banana to your ear.

Maybe I should start selling banana phones?

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

Don't forget to thank your armed forefathers for the privilege of celebrating it.

IT'S ALMOST TIME TO DECLARE YOUR INDEPENDENCE...

And divorce your Congressman!

ANYONE WHO CARRIES A CONCEALED GUN ON A PLANE

Should not be arrested
Or otherwise tested;
He should be shot,
On the spot.

IF OBAMA CHANGES HIS POSITION ON ISSUES JUST ONE MORE TIME....

He will have tied Bill Clinton's record, and Obama isn't even President yet!

Whew! This guy's fast!