BAD JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

They say that the costs to install a suicide prevention barrier net on the Golden Gate Bridge is way too high.

I guess that makes it a dead issue.

DISGUSTNG

For some reason, all of the whites are moving out of the neighborhood of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

TRANSITION

That's all we're hearing now, "Transition, Transition, Transition."

Do suppose Obama had the slightest idea that he was going to end up being a woman?

NEW NATIONAL HOLIDAY?

BLACK TUESDAY!

First Tuesday of November!

WELL, THE YEAR OF UGLY CAMPAIGNING IS FINALLY OVER

Pardon me while I change the fucking channel.

WRITE-IN "JOE THE PLUMBER!"

MATHEMATICAL DEDUCTION

If ACORN, a Democrat Party supporter, says they produced 1,300,000 new voter registrations, and we presume from the math provided so far that 50% are fraudulent and that there will only be a 50% national voter turnout, why not take 25% of the number of "registrations," or 325,000 and deduct that number from the Obama totals on November 4th in those states where ACORN operated?

Let's just call it a "redistribution of the vote."

ONE WAY TO GET THE DEMOCRATS TO START TALKING....

Is to have Joe Biden make a gaffe.

BORROW IT, DAMN IT!

If you don't have any money to spend, get another credit card and spend the limit to the max, right now. We need to get the economy moving. Oh, if the bank doesn't have the money to give you on a credit card, the government will lend it to them and then you can have your credit card and spend, spend, spend. If you don't pay it, we'll just raise taxes on everyone else to cover it. So, go and spend, spend, spend.

Oh? That's the attitude that got the country into this mess in the first place? Well, who cares? Borrow, borrow, borrow. Spend, spend, spend. Don't waste any time, now! Get with the program!

MCCAIN GETS STONG UNION ENDORSEMENT

National Plumbers Association

I DIDN'T KNOW RUSH LIMBAUGH WAS A RACIST

What does he race?

NO RESTRICTIONS ON BAILOUT MONEY?

That's what AIG says. They can do whatever their little old hearts want to do with it. Thank you, Mr. Paulson, for showing us how fucking brilliant you are. Hope you have fun with the next $700 billion.

On Anatomy

Colin Powell has endorsed Obama. I always knew Colin was an asshole. Assholes always get it in the end.

MONEY TRAIL?

Wouldn't it be something if we discovered that all of that money that was being sent overseas by businesses with terrorist ties was not coming back... to Obama's campaign coffers?

JOE THE PLUMBER

AND HIS CUTE CUCUMBER!
WILL PAY MORE IN TAXES,
THAN HE SPENDS IN PROPHYLACTICS!

LATEST ELECTION POLL - ACORN SPECIAL

JUST IN from the swing states....

ACORN POLLING SERVICE HAS OBAMA LEADING MCCAIN BY 112% OF THE VOTE TO MCCAIN'S 4% OF THE VOTE!

ANOTHER CONGRESSIONAL PECKERHEAD BITES THE DUST

No wonder they can't get anything done!



They stick "it" here, they stick it there, they stick it everywhere! They'll screw anyone. That's their operative word..."SCREW!"

NUTS ARE IN SEASON

ACORN

YES, CONGRESS CREATED THIS MESS, TOO!

Vote 'em Out! Vote ALL incumbents OUT!

LET'S EXPORT OUR FINANCIAL WOES

Close down Ford, GM, Chrysler and sell only foreign-built cars and trucks. Sell the airlines, banks, mortgage companies, farms, and grocery chains to foreign investors. This way, we don't own anything and all of the financial woes belong to them, and we can pay off our national debt.

We're getting sold down the river anyway, so let's make a total commitment out of it.

WHAT HAS OBAMA GOT TO HIDE?

Why won't he tell us about his past at Occidental, Columbia or Harvard? A President's life should be like an open book, and if he won't open it, he most certainly shouldn't be President.

NOW THEY'RE GOING TO BUY BANKS? HAVE THEY TRULY GONE MAD?

They put almost $1 trillion into the fiancial markets and the DOW had it's biggest drop in history. The populace is all ready to march on Washington and to demand accountability for their actions, and now the bastards want to buy banks?

The way you fuckers have screwed up the money in this world already, I'll be damned if I'm going to leave my money in ANY bank that you get your hands on!

At least you commies could send us all a jar of Vaseline!

HANG ON TO THOSE PENNIES!

The way things are going, you'll be able to buy shares of blue-chip stock with them by the end of the month.

IS CONGRESS WORTH IT?

When we total the monetary value of the elements in our bodies and the value of the average person's skin, we arrive at a net worth of $4.50! Let's see, if we melt them all down and sell their ingredients, that'll be roughly 525 Congress Members times $4.50 or..... $2,362.50, just a tad short of the $700 billion bailout bill.

NOW, THEY'RE CRYING IN THEIR CRIBS!

"It's not fair. We did what we thought was best for the country. What do they know, anyway? 78% of them are angry? We saved their butts from being hurt by our mistakes and they're angry anyway? There's a movement on to vote us out of office? Those ingrates!"

ANOTHER BAIL OUT COMING SOON TO A WALLET NEAR YOU?

Bush hinted at it when he said that we're not out of the woods yet. Now, the smell of raw sewage has oozed out into the media, which hints that another bailout "may" be needed.

You don't suppose those bastards have decided to wait until after the elections to spring this on us, do you?

FOUR WEEKS TO GO UNTIL ELECTION DAY

Four weeks to go until we throw the bastards out.

SIMPSON GUILTY

Guess he can't make his mortgage payments. Thank God we kicked in $700 billion to help him out.

AH, THE SWEET SMELL OF BULLSHIT

$250,000? WHO GIVES A DAMN?

How many average Americans who are going to pay this $700 billion along with children and grandchildren... Even care whether the FDIC insurance is $100,000 or $250,000? Just how many of them even have over $10,000 in the damned banks in the first place?

FREE HORSE MANURE AND BULL SHIT: Excellent for Lawn and Garden Fertilizer

Our over-supply is your lucky day! All you have to do is send a truck to get it and you can have as much as you want.

Contact:
Superintendent of Capitol Services
United States Capitol
Washington, DC
(202) - BULL-SHIT

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE RUSSIAN SHIPS AND VENEZUELA?

Just thought I'd ask, while those idiots in Washington are playing football fumble, if they're paying any attention to anything else while they stand around in the halls of Congress with their fingers up their asses.

THE REASON FOR THE MAD RUSH TO COMPLETE THE BAILOUT?

The sooner they get it done, perhaps, the more time we have to forget about it before the election? Now, why in God's name would the bastards in Congress be worried that we might get even at election time by voting them out?

Paybacks are a bitch?

SO LONG, PAUL

It was a long haul, Paul
But you had a great ride;
Now that you're on the other side,

You'll be missed.

CLOSE IT DOWN

We need to close down two things:

The stock market

Congress.

$700 billion problem solved.

LOATHSOME POLITICS

We're in a time of national crisis and Reid tells the two national Presidential candidates that they have no standing to be involved in it... and they're both United States Senators?

Who in the fuck does Reid think he is?

BAIL, BAIL, BAIL US ALL OUT!

I'm against the $85,000,000, 000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000, 000 to America in

a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000

bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman

and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals
$425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,0 00 to every person 18+ as a

We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000, 000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000 .00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads

Put away money for college - it'll be there

Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car - create jobs

Invest in the market - capital drives growth

Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks

who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company

that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed
Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth le t's really do it...instead of
trickling out

a puny $1000.00 ( "vote buy" ) economic incentive that is being proposed
by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult
U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General.

Sell off the real estate.

Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work."

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion

We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in
Washington DC .

And remember, The Family plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because
$25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

GET OUT THE SKILLETS!

These Congressional yokels are fighting like barracudas and piranhas over the taxpayers' $700 billion. Maybe we should have a good old fashioned fish fry.

80% OF BLACKS HAVE UNFAVORABLE VIEWS OF WHITES

Prove me wrong.

40% OF WHITES HAVE UNFAVORABLE VIEW OF BLACKS

That's what the poll says. That begs to ask the question, not asked in the poll for some mysterious reason, what percentage of blacks have an unfavorable view of whites?

I guess I'll have to ask Jeremiah Wright.

PIG IN A POKE

Trying to figure out which of the two candidates would be better at working with and leading Congress to better manage our country is like trying to figure out which lunatic would be better at running the asylum.

WHY OUR GOVERNMENT SUCKS

IF YOU HAVE A BAD ECONOMIC PROBLEM...

Throw money at it.

ALLAN GREENSPAN FOR PRESIDENT

That says it all.

MCCAIN'S EMAILS

Show me a President who is into emails, and I'll show you a President can't get the job done because he doesn't know how to use the telephone.

WASILLA, AK FASTEST GROWING CITY IN U.S.

Wasilla, popolation around 10,000 in 2008, has taken a sudden jump to 20,000.... That's 100% growth rate in just two weeks! The phenomenal growth is due to journalists and media types trying to dig up dirt on Sarah.

The Alaskan Tourist Bureau reports the highest volume of traffic at the Anchorage Airport in 413 years.

PALIN NOW BEING REFERRED TO AS THE "REPUBLICAN'S BLOW-UP DOLL."

Obviously, they're hoping to pinch her on her butt so hard that she'll fart and blow away.

PALIN MISS-PRONOUNCES NUCLEAR

Michael Seitzman caught her saying "nucular."

Well, she SHOULD be criticized for that. After all, Obama didn't mispronounce "pig," did he?

My God, when I heard she mispronounced "nucular," I damned near missed the urinal!

BILL CLINTON EXPLAINS TO BARACK WHY PALIN MUST BE STOPPED NOW!

If McCain/Palin beat Obama/Biden, Obama is finished and Hillary doesn't stand a chance against Palin in 1012.

Oh, shit.

BUSH DOCTRINE

Now THAT was a dumb way to phrase that question to a woman. The BEAVER doctrine would have been much better. Everyone knows that, if you have a beaver you are the ultimate authority over everything.

CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL RATINGS SOAR!

It's a fact! 23% of Americans now think Congress is doing a good job...up from 22% two weeks ago!

SEPTEMBER 11, 2008 AKA: 9/11

The media is all off to Alaska to get the real skinny on "Lipstick" while all of the rest of the world stands still. It's ironic, isn't it? Russia is still in Georgia and has broken the cease fire, Korea's midget President has been sidelined by a non-existent stroke while the Koreans have begun to reassemble their nuclear facility and have built another long-range missile launch pad, Russian planes have been visiting Venezuela, Iran's midget President is threatening Israel again, another major U.S. financial firm is teetering on the verge of collapse, and our media is off on the quest to find out about lipstick and pigs.

The real surprise to me is that Congress, now back in session, hasn't already funded a $100 billion research project to find out the relationship between pigs, pit bulls and lipstick.

My God, this country really sucks right now..... big time!

LIPSTICK

The dumb S.O.B. called her a pig?

Well, drag out the hamhocks, lima beans, grits and watermelons.

Things just got nasty, and no amount of rib sauce will make the stench go away.

JEREMIAH WRIGHT HAS BEEN SHACKING UP!

News is out! He's been cavorting with one Elizabeth Payne.

Ah, what an upstanding, outstanding, righteous and good man of the cloth.

Right, Barack?

REMEMBER THAT TAX REBATE YOU JUST GOT?

DON'T CASH IT! The government needs it back to cover their costs on the FreddieMac and FannieMae debacles because the "economy is strong!"

Hurry up, now and get that money in the mail!

As for me, I'm heading for the three-ply toilet paper.

WHY OBAMA'S FORMER PRIMARY ENEMIES BACK HIM NOW

Here's how the game is played. You can't lie, cheat, steal from the public unless you're in power. The guy at the top of the dogpile gets to steal more, but if you're not in the dogpile at all, you don't get anything. So, you fight and scratch, bark and bite and shoot to kill the rest in the dogpile in order to get to the top, but if some other mutt head beats you out, he gets the cream of the dog bones and you'd better damned well go and lick his balls or you're going to starve to death.

OBAMA: THE GREAT MESSIAH, OR SATAN REINVENTED?

I don't know either. Guess we'll have to ask William Ayers, or Jeremiah Wright, or Louis Farrakhan or one of his nine other apostles

OBAMA'S NIGHTMARE AND A NEW WORD

He just awakened to discover that he's in the middle of a clusterfuckup.

DEFINITION OF A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

I think that McCain defined himself at HIS convention
But, Obama still remains undefinable.

FOR GOD'S SAKE! YOU WOULD THINK SHE'S A LEPER!

May be that she's even tested positive for Americanism or patriotism!

Well, I've got news for YOU! Obama's got hemorrhoids!

Na, na, na, na na nah!

NEW MILITARY COMMAND

New command for the WAF'S, WAC'S and WAVES:

"Tits up for the Vice President of the United States!"

ONCE AGAIN I MUST DEFEND MY HONOR

Every time one of these scandals surfaces, I am attacked my hundreds of people who blame me. Once again, I must defend my honor. Sarah Palin's daughter is pregnant. I had nothing to do with it.

Why are they always accusing ME of these things, anyway?

Bill Clinton

OBAMA DECLARES PALIN'S DAUGHTER'S PREGNANCY "OFF LIMITS"

Is he the father or is he just being the Messiah again?

REPUBLICAN CONVENTION KICKS OFF; GUSTAV MAKES LAND

America is full of blow hards....

POLITICAL HISTORY IN THE MAKING? Maybe Not!

Heard it said we'll either have the first black President or the first woman Vice-President. I guess the presumptuous toads don't figure Nader or Barr can win.....

HERE WE GO AGAIN

Louisiana's going to get another blow job.

THERE'S ONLY ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE MCCAIN'S VP CHOICE

Wow!

ANTHONYS TO JOIN O.J. SIMPSON

Caylee Anthony's parents are going to continue to search for Caylee while O.J. continues to search for Nicole's real killer?

HILLARY DISAPPOINTED ME

She didn't wear her nice, yellow canary outfit when she gave her speech.

GOOD OLD BILL DOES IT AGAIN!

Hickory, dickory dock
The Bill ran up the clock....

It wasn't Bill? It was a mouse? Oh.

FAR-LEFT LIBERAL MEDIA BARES ITS UGLY FANGS

The verbal, almost physical assault on Michelle Malkin bordered on tyranny. These guys should go pick on someone their own size.... like pissants.

NEW POLITICAL PARTY

The 50% of Democrats who don't like Obamama and the 50% who don't like McCanncann are joining together to form a new party.

They're going to call themselves the "Boot Camp" Party, because they'll be Left, Right, Left, Right....

OBAMA TALKS RUSSIANS INTO BACKING OFF!

Obama has proven that his strategy of sitting down to talk things out is the right way to go. Word is that he's been engaged in secret talks with Sputin and Sputin has agreed to withdraw all Russian troops from all of Georgia and to compensate Georgia for damages as soon as hell freezes over.....

DEMOCRATS NOT HAPPY WITH THEIR CANDIDATES

Judging by the way things are starting in Denver, what with the riot police already showing up and everything, it appears that there is dissension in the rank and file.

If it's any comfort to anyone, the Republicans appear to be ingredients of the same dissension stew.

DENVER OMELETTE

Obama yo' mama, Clinton, Edwards, Polosi, Reid, with a light touch of Clooney, all beaten up with eggs and grilled. Easy on the cholesterol.

Topped with Gray Poop thereOn.

REPUBLICAN PARTY IS THE "WHITE" PARTY

Does that supposed to infer that the Democratic Party is the "Black" Party?

Uhh, Howard Dean, unless I'm missing something, I think you must be in the wrong party.

IRAN INTRIGUE

Hey! How come we don't hear anything about General Electric and Iran centrifuges and nuclear plans anymore?

For that matter, how come no one has ever discussed the close relationship British Petroleum, aka BP ARCO, has with Iran?

Okay, sorry I asked. Yeah, it's none of my beeswax. But, I sure am getting tired of not getting the facts. This must either be a total lack of Freedom of the Press, or a massive failure of the press to do its job.

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Rielle Hunter

EDWARDS DESERVES VICE PRESIDENTIAL BID

He's proven beyond any doubt that he meets the qualifications for being a top leader of the country and a top politician within his party.

He likes to fuck around.

He likes expensive haircuts.

He likes manipulating the truth.

He likes playing with other peoples' money.

MEDIA SITTING THIS ELECTION OUT ON ITS BUTTS

We depend on the press and the media for knowledge, for the facts. We're getting awfully close to a Presidential election. But, we don't know any more about McCain's family or Obama's family than we do about the man in the moon.

OBAMA WHINES AGAIN!

That damn book is UNFAIR and that damned author is biased! It's full of lies and bullshit, just like the book he wrote about Kerry! So, you OWE me your vote!

MR. PUTIN, PLEASE GET OUT OF GEORGIA!

Please. Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on it?

PUTIN vs EDWARDS

We continue to hear more about Edwards, his tryst and his "love child" than we do about Russia's invasion of Georgia. After all, priorities are priorities, right?

I wonder if Edwards tipped that barber who gave him a $400 clip job?

COLIN POWELL BACK IN THE NEWS: Will He Be Obama's Running Mate?

Well, that would certainly balance the age factor out.

BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT ABOUT TERRORISM

The Nation of Islam is complaining about our reference "Islamic Terrorists." They say that unfairly suggests that all of Islam support terrorism. Government agencies, including the State Department, seem to agree, and are suggesting that the media only use the term, "Terrorists."

Well, that's really generic. White terrorists? Christian terrorists? Irish terrorists?

But, I agree. In 2008, we need to be more sensitive to the feelings of other peoples. So, MY suggestion is that we go ahead and change the terminology. From now on, let's just call them "Islamic Motherfuckers!"

L.A. VENTURES FURTHER INTO LALA LAND; Bans Fast Food Restaurant Growth

The city council has banned any new fast food restaurants in South Los Angeles for the next year because the people there are too fat. 30% of the people living in that area are overweight, while only 19% of those in the rest of the city are overweight.

Evidently, L.A. is starting to tilt, in more than one meaning....

HEY, OBAMA! HEY, MCCAIN! IT'S YOUR MOVE!

Russian Checkers, any one?

RUSSIA BLAMES GEORGIA: Carter Denies Responsibility

Price of peanuts goes up.

OBAMA'S ENERGY PLAN: One Step Beyond

If all of us in this country would quit using our air conditioning in our cars, businesses, and homes, we could cut our national energy usage by 30% .

I'm therefore proposing that Congress pass a law, as soon as they get back from their cruises to Alaska and Hawaii, to make it illegal to use air conditioning... any time, any place, for any reason.

Let's start with the Capitol. The way I figure it, with their abundance of hot air all of the incumbents will be sweating their collective balls, (or lack of them), off and they'll then resign. Finally, we may be able to get something done in this country.

This government is a joke. And THAT'S not funny!

GEORGIA OR RUSSIA?

Who will win more Gold Medals?

PARIS HILTON HAS BETTER ATTRIBUTES THAN THE OTHER BOOBS!

Now, why did I give up the whole joke in the headline?

Freudian slip?

Maybe I was just trying to make a clean breast of things?

EDWARDS

Looks as if Edwards got screwed out of the Vice Presidency... (double entendre)

A MOMENT IN HISTORY

8:08:08 08-08-08

Don't be late
Don't matriculate
Don't procrastinate
Don't speculate
Don't fornicate, pontificate, participate, master.....
Oh well, just don't do it.

HOUSE ENERGY COMMITTEE BREAKS FOR SUMMER RECESS!

HILLARY'S SALIVATING!

With Obama plummeting in the polls and her holding on to her delegates, Hillary might make a dramatic comeback in the Democratic Convention!

Forget the Gray Poop-on, just pass the Preparation H.

EVERYTHING IS TURNING UP ROSY?

My God! Congress leaves on vacation and right away, gas prices drop and the illegals are going to deport themselves! First thing we know, the UFO guys are going to teach us how to create unlimited pollution free renewable energyand Osama is going to trot out of the mountains and raise his hands in surrender!

MEDIA NOT REPRESENTING THE TRUE FACTS

They cite one poll or another and say that McCain and Obama are even, depicting that McCain has "caught up" to Obama. A www.whitehouse.com combination of the 12 top polls in the country shows:
McCain: 41.8 %
Obama: 46.3 %
Other: 11.8 %
Lord, God Almighty! Does that mean you can't trust the media?

ONE WAY TO KEEP THE POLITICIANS IN WASHINGTON

Would be to make them all pass a sobriety test before they board an outbound plane.

WHERE GAS PRICES ARE LOWER THAN NATIONAL AVERAGE

In and around Crawford, Texas and Washington, D.C.

I wonder why that is?

THE ONLY THING LOWER THAN A POLITICIAN...

Is a snake's belly.

IS BUSH A PUPPET ON A STRING?

Seems to me that every time Obama points out something he would do if President, Bush does it.
Please pass the Obama baked beans.....