WHO IS THE BEST PERSON TO LEAD THE G.O.P.?

There IS no G.O.P.!!!

OBAMA AND MOUNT RUSHMORE?

He wants HIS face up there? Nahh, there's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor. There's no truth to the rumor.

PAUL HARVEY SAYS "GOOD DAY" FOR THE LAST TIME

An icon of American media information services for over 50 years, Paul Harvey has died. His wit, sarcasm, and truth stood out as a last bastion of Americana in the cesspool of modern-day journalism and news reporting.

NEW CANDIDATE FOR BEING IN CHARGE OF FEDERAL BUDGET?

NEW QUESTION IN AMERICAN ECONOMICS

Now that we've done multi-trillions, what's next? Gazillion? Zillion?

NOW THAT THE FEDS VIRTUALLY OWN CITIBANK

And, given their sterling reputation on the House Financial Oversight Committee for care, ability and agility in handling the nation's money in the past, I think I'm going to trot on down to my local CitiBank Branch, withdraw all of my money, and invest in the Portuguese fishing business.

CALIFORNIA FALLS INTO OCEAN

Of debt.

THE BASIC PROBLEM WITH PALIN

She's too much of a genuine American, with few faults.

She needs to have an adulterous relationship with a 14-year-old, or she needs to get caught with her hands in the government till, and she will then be truly qualified to run for a national political office.

WHY SHOULDN'T THE BANKERS HAVE LAVISH PARTIES?

Now that their banks are flush with transfusion money, now that no one can afford to buy a home or a car and they have no need for a bank loan, what else should banks do with the money? Give it back?

What are you smoking?

ANOTHER NINCOMPOOP IN WASHINGTON

Ray LaHood, Obama's Transportation Secretary, wants Americans to pay by the number of miles the drive as opposed to how much gas they buy.

Now, let's see..... you buy so much gas to travel so many miles, and charging by the gallon instead of by the mile doesn't make sense. What DOES make sense is spending billions of more bucks to install mileage chips in cars to broadcast to a satellite how many miles you drive?

This ninny's horseshit level is dangerously high. No wonder this country is going down the tubes.

SAFE INCOME TAX CUT

The Prez sez that 95% of American working families will benefit by his income tax cuts. Evidently, no one has bothered to tell him that 95% of American working families are unemployed.

HAPPINESS

If happiness is truly a good screwing, then we should all be very happy with Congress.

TO GAMBLE OR NOT TO GAMBLE, THAT IS THE QUESTION

Well, last year we spent around $1 trillion bailing one out every flea in the country and, for a good part, we don't know where that money went. Now, we've added another $800 billion and the market has again plummeted and the Prez is telling everyone not to gamble with their money in Las Vegas; (could it be that the odds of coming up a winner are better in Las Vegas then they are in Washington?)

Next move is that they are going to ask for another $1 trillion....then..... Never mind, you get the idea. It's kind of like a loser in Vegas....chasing after a rainbow that is not there. The problem is, it's OUR money they're gambling with.

BUSH AND CHENEY SPLIT THE SHEETS

Cheney is more than ticked off that Bush didn't pardon Scooter Libby. Odds are that Bush will not respond to any Cheney invites to go hunting.

NIGHTMARE IN BURNEY

I had this awful dream, where God appeared to me in the middle of the night and commanded that I write something nice about politicians.

Oh, yes I know. It's really dumb to argue with God, but..........

SO WHAT IF BURRIS LIED UNDER OATH?

That just makes him a bona fide Washington D.C. politician doesn't it?

NEW FEMALE CREATURE DISCOVERED

What is it? Scientists say it is a tapeworm.

And, how do I know it's a female? Well, it's obviously got four mouths and they're all yakkin'! So, it's either got to be a female or a politician....or both.

Maybe that's what makes Nancy Pelosi tick?

ABOUT THE MEDIA "FAIRNESS DOCTRINE"

Shut your mouth!

AND NOW THAT THE BILL HAS PASSED....

I feel soooooooooo stimulated! Don't you?

CONGRESS GAVE US A STIMULUS BILL FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

Evidently, they have a heart on for us!

I'M NOT SPENDING A DIME ON ANYTHING

It was this blind spending that got us into this mess in the first place, with Frankfarter and his committee forcing banks and mortgage companies to make bad loans. Now, we have more of the same thing, with the Feds hollering to get the money out and no one caring where it really goes.

I have great fear and trepidation that this move was the nail in the economic coffin of the United States.

FRANKFARTER WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE MONEY WENT?

Obviously, he forgot to take his brain out of the jar on the shelf this morning before he went to work.... again!

Maybe he would be a tad more lucid if he stopped by the lunch counter had had some Nancy Pelosi stew....

OBAMA MAY FANCY HIMSELF TO BE A LOT LIKE LINCOLN, BUT...

If I recall correctly, Lincoln didn't have any trouble getting his Cabinet together.

Please pass the Gray PoopOn...

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING "PREPARATION H "BULLET!!

Passage of the Economic Stimulus Bill after Obama whined and wined the Senate.

SENATE WORKS SATURDAY?

Well, Senator Reid, so am I. In fact, I'm going to work Sunday, too. I need to work so I can raise enough money to pay the damned taxes you're going to have to levy to cover this frickin' package of pork "Stimulus" Bill.

I'm stimulated, all right, Harry. Really stimulated.

DUMMY UP, PEASANT!

First, it was $827 billion that was an outrage. Then, they raised it to $938 billion. Then, they "slashed" it to $827 billion and they're running around with condescending smiles telling us that they heard our displeasure and cut $100 billion off the figure.

JUST HOW DUMB DO THEY THINK WE PEASANTS REALLY ARE?

SULLY, WE NEED YOUR HELP

Such a great pilot you are.... Please save us from drowning in debt on the Potomac!

ANOTHER CABINET NOMINEE WITH TAX PROBLEMS?

Thank you, Tim Geithner, for your superb leadership on this issue.

PRESIDENT OBAMA TAKES FIRST TRIP ON AIR FORCE ONE

Let's hope he doesn't get "goosed!"

MEDIA MANIACS

Patrick McDermott, former boyfriend of Aussie-bred Olivia Newton-John and who has been "missing and presumed dead" for many years, is alleged to be alive.

The news has been making the rounds of Television Land, while we remain totally uninformed about what is going on in Israel and the Gaza Strip, Pakistan, Afghanistan, or Venezuela.

The media is soooooooo informative and, please, pass the Gray Poop-on.

SENATE SLASHES ECONOMIC STIMULUS BILL!!!

Reduces price tag from $825 billion to $900 billion...

YESTERDAY WAS GOUND HOG DAY

Put a little more barbecue sauce on it and it'll taste just fine.

SUPERBOWL FIX?

The word floating around on the day after the game is that the officials fixed the outcome. Evidently, one of them is practicing to run for Congress...

JIMMY CARTER GETS THE LAST LAUGH

Sends peanut butter sandwich to Bill Clinton.

SARAH PALIN BLOWS HER TOP!

Oh, it wasn't Sarah? It's a volcano? When I looked Redbout up in Websters, it said something about breastwork, and I automatically assumed......

Sorry for the confusion.

Today

Today, the dogs gave me a bath.

Today, the dogs cooked breakfast for me.

Today, the dogs made the bed and did laundry.

Today, the dogs wrote checks and paid the bills.

Today, the dogs finished the first draft of my new book.

Today, I polished off the last of the scotch and got half way through the vodka.

Already, this Congress is driving me insane.

WHY CONGRESS IS INVESTIGATING MADOFF

They didn't get their cuts.

In the meantime, Frankfarter is steering $12 billion to his favorite bank and FARP is about to give ACORN $4.2 Billion?

REID NEEDS A DUCK

Send Reid a duckling today!

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird

HAS THIS COUNTRY GONE MAD? MAD? MAD? MAD?

We nowhave in charge of our money a guy who admits he "forgot" to fill out his income tax returns properly. And, we have a Congress and a President who admire him for it.

OBAMA MUST HAVE BEEN INNOCENT

Remember all of those stories about the millions...tens of millions of dollars that the Obama campaign took in illegal foreign contributions? And, remember all of the voter fraud investigations that were opening up in Ohio and others states due to the activities of Acorn and others?

Have you heard anything about those issues lately?

Me neither. Obama must have been innocent.

GUANTANAMO TERRORIST PRISONERS

Send one home with every member of Congress. Pelosi can have five and Murtha can have a dozen. Oh, and save one for Jane Fonda, just for old time's sake.

NOW THAT WE HAVE A DEMOCRAT FOR PRESIDENT...

It's time to play... PIN THE TALE ON THE DONKEY!

WHY DID CAROLINE BACK AWAY FROM THE N.Y. SENATOR'S JOB?

Chelsea wants it.

Uh, oh. Chelsea didn't get it.

MEDIA MANIA

What with all of the media hype over the 44th Prez, I'm surprised they didn't have cameras in the White House bedroom last night to catch the first consummate act after inauguration....

WHAT MADOFF DID TO INVESTORS ILLEGALLY...

Congress does to EVERY American legally.

EXIT STAGE LEFT - ENTER STAGE RIGHT

Otherwise known as "The D.C. Two-Step!"

I wonder if they'll be wearing their tutus.

WHAT? NO KORAN?

I can't believe he's going to be sworn in on Lincoln's Bible! What's more, he's going to Episcopal Church in the morning and Wright's not preaching!

WHY $825 BILLION FOR STIMULUS?

You can go to a sex aid shop and get an anal vibrator for $9.95.

PROCTOLOGISTS HOLD ANNUAL CONVENTION

Congress sticks it to us again!

NEW "ECONOMIC STIMULUS"

I actually thought it might take 60 days before I felt this way....

GEESE GOOSE JET

Boats flock to the rescue. 151 humans alive after getting the bird.

FRAP IS GONE?

I had a dream last night that FRAP was gone. FRAP, in case you didn't know it, is an acronym for Frankfater, Reid And Pelosi.

Yes, I dreamed that FRAP was gone. And the Earth was without form, and void......

OBAMA IS ALREADY TOAST

Word is, he's being run out of town on a rail.

NICKNAMES

So, the press is referring to Blagojevich as "Blago."

I guess that's why they call Frankfarter "Frank?"

U.S. POST OFFICE TO ADD STRESS TO AMERICA?

Isn't it bad enough with having our retirements stolen from us by the economy, our families impacted by rising unemployment and our children saddled with trillions of dollars more in debt?

Evidently not.

Now, the Post Office is seizing upon the opportunity, when we are distracted by these mounting problems, to change the time it delivers our mail.

I think it's time we went back to public hangings.

POMPOUS PRESIDENTIAL POOPLA?

All five living Presidents for a photo op.

Did you notice that the liberals outnumbered the conservatives 5 - 0?

FOX NEWS HAS LOST IT

Top news stories this morning... John Travolta's son dies
Jeb Bush to run for Presidency
Israel invades Gaza Strip.

Now we have their priorities straight...

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO...

John McCain? Remember him?

JIMMY CARTER ON ANOTHER PEACE MISSION?

Word is that he's headed to Chicago to have a sit-down with Blagojevich....

2009: CARPING AS USUAL

The opening salvo of the 2009 political year has already been fired by Harry Reid, resident High Potentate of the U.S. Senate. This brouhaha over the Illinois Senate seat is a sure sign that they have no intentions of getting down to the pressing needs and business of the nation.

NEW YEARS IS FOR CROCODILES & ALLIGATORS

It's all about shoes, boots and purses.

BARNEY FRANKFARTER TO RESOLVE ISRAELI-HAMMAS CONFLICT

Let's send Barney Frankfarter over there with $880 billion. Since Congress seems to think that throwing billions at problems will make them go away, giving that kind of money to Hammas should solve THAT problem for a few weeks...... (At least until Obama gets sworn in and can go sit down and have a nice chat with them.)

OBAMA IS NEEDED IMMEDIATELY

Hammas says they won't quit firing off missiles and rockets to Israel until Israel quits bombing them.

Now's as good a time as any for Obama to show up on the scene and sit down and have a nice, polite chat with Hammas to calmly discuss the situation. Maybe we could have Nero show up to fiddle some background music.

WINE IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

That explains why politicians live so long.

But, too much wine rots the brain.

And that explains why they make the decisions they do?

PAKISTANI NUKES

The big worry is what will happen to nuclear weapons in the hands of Pakistan if its government should fall.

I vote they be shipped to Syria.... on the heads of some missiles.

HOW TO FIX NATIONAL HOUSING - MORTGAGE CRISIS

Now that the mortgage rates are at an historical low, let's have all of the failed loans refinanced at the new rate. That way, everyone involved will be able to skip one month's payment, all loans will be brought current, payments will be reduced, and we can get the $700 billion back.

Unsweetened lemon juice tastes better. Even alum tastes better.

NEXT YEAR'S CHRISTMAS PREDICTION

If Congress keeps throwing good money after bad and spending money and ignoring the energy crisis, there won't be any lumps of coal around to stick in our stockings NEXT Christmas!

SANTA IS ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING IN THE WHITE HOUSE

Just ask Detroit.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, GOVERNOR BLAGOJEVICH

I'm not going to ask for the Illinois Senator's seat because I don't want want to risk having my good name associated with those corrupt, ignorant, thieving, malevolent idiots in Washington.

Do you mind if I ask... Is it true that you really wanted the job for yourself?

DEAR MSRS FRANKFARTER & PAULSON

Where's MY goddam Christmas bonus?

An American taxpayer wants to know.

WASHINGTON KNOWS HOW TO LOWER ENERGY COSTS!

They're giving everyone a lump of coal in their stockings for Christmas.

BUSH SURE KNOWS HOW TO SHUCK AND DUCK

Looking at the video of him ducking those shoes proves the point.

THE BIG THREE

EL FORDO
EL GENERO AUTOMOBILS
EL CHRYSLERO

PAULSON WINS NOBEL PRIZE?

I don't think there's any real truth that Hank Paulson is about to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Philanthropy due to his dishing out of over 1.3 trillions of dollars to need businesses. I hear the money isn't really his to give, despite his opinions to the contrary......

Or IS there?

YOU'RE A PISSANT!

That's right, Mr. & Mrs. America; that's exactly what I called you.

Bush, Pelosi, Reid, Paulson, Frankfarter.... Inspite of the fact that less than 40% of Americans are in favor of the Detroit bailout, those guys are going to find a way to make it happen, anway.

Obviously, then, you and I and the rest of America are truly mere pissants in the bigger scheme of our government, "of the people, by the people, and for those in charge."

AUTOMAKERS DESPARATE

Need bail out money before Christmas bonuses can be paid!

THE OLD GUY SEZ......

Americans got sick and tired of having foreigners think we are stupid, so we went to the polls in 2008 and removed all doubt.

WRIGHT IS RIGHT: WE NEVER SHOULD HAVE DROPPED THE A-BOMBS ON JAPAN.

That's probably why they bombed Pearl Harbor.

BLAGOJEVICH AND OBAMA

All Obama needs to say is that he has never heard of Rod Blagojevich and that problem will dry up and blow away.

I DID hear that Rod called Barney in Congress and asked for some bail out money.....

HOW TO TELL WHEN BARNEY FRANK IS LYING TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC

That's when his lips move.

DONKEY KONG

Last night, I dreamed that I saw Jesus riding through the streets of Washington on his jackass. First time I've ever seen a Congressman let a constituent get on his back......

MAYBE I'LL JOIN THE "WHIG" PARTY

Gunmen in drag steal over $100 Million in jewelry.

THE O.J. SHOW

'Twas fitting in several ironic ways that part of the FOX News coverage for the sentencing had advertisements featuring Robert Shapiro of LEGALZOOM.com

GOD MAY HAVE SPECIAL REQUEST FOR BURUEAU OF ENGRAVING AND PRINTING

Actually, the way Congress is now throwing money at everything, maybe it WOULD be a good idea to take "In God We Trust" off our currency. It's really getting to be embarrassing.

A DOUBLE GASSER

The price of fossil fuels rose dramatically this year. So did the price of air travel and anything sold on store shelves that was shipped by trucks and trains.

Now that the prices of gas and diesel have dropped, the cost of eating and air travel have not. Where is the extra money going?

I'd ask my Congressman, but he's too busy trying to figure out a way to get $34 billion of taxpayer money to Detroit.

EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT US!

We're going to have a blonde as Secretary of State!

A LITTLE MINUET?

Can't you just hear the music playing as Obama and Company come on stage?

I hate to say it, but it reminds me of the old Ed Sullivan Show!

NO SMELL

They've finally announced that the country has been in a recession since December of 2007.

No shit, Dick Tracy.

CONTROVERSY ON OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE RESOLVED!

He wasn't born. He was hatched.

INDIAN TERRORISTS ARE HEROES!

Let's celebrate by releasing theirs pals from Gitmo. After all, it IS the holiday season.....The season to forgive and make peace.

(Dear God, how will all of this horse shit nonsense end?)

MORE LEGS ON THE DINNER PLATE?

Just think...if the Indians had given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey we'd all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL

'Tis the LACK of money that builds character.

THE REAL REASON HILLARY WILL BE SECRETARY OF STATE

Somehow, I don't think Rosie McDonnell's mouth is big enough yet.

PRICE OF GLASS SKY ROCKETS!

All of the Congressmen and Senators and government officials leading our nation need glass stomachs so they can see their way around!!

ILLEGAL MEXICANS AGAIN RUSHING ACROSS SOUTHERN BORDER!

Demanding their share of bail out money!

Batney Franks, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid want to include their share in their Social Security checks!

PRICE OF TOILET TISSUE GOING UP!

They're bound and determined to bail out Detroit, the banks, the finance companies, the credit card companies, the cities, the counties, the states...ad infinitum.

CITIBANK LAYOFFS = OUR PERSONAL BAILOUTS!

Pssst! Hey! Since they're laying off all of those folks at CitiBank, there won't be anyone there to record whether or not you make your car payments! I therefore vote..... Let's all quit paying CitiBank!

FREE SEX!

The government is going to screw us every day.

GAYS MARCHING IN THE STREETS

If gays don't give a flying fuck about the fact that Californians have twice voted down the right to gay marriage, then they should ZIP their damn flies and move to Denmark. They have no right to tell me how to vote.

WHITE HOUSE COMPUTERS TAPPED

Monica diaries missing!