Sunday, November 22, 2009

AN AMERICAN OBITUARY

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

WHY UFO'S COME TO U.S.

Why wouldn't they? We're the only country on the planet that welcomes illegal aliens!

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

MY DEAREST SENATOR REID...

In response to your recent epistle...

Take your Government-Run Health Care Plan and stick it.

With kindest personal regards,

A Baby Boomer


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HOUSE OF MALADROITS AND DUNDERHEADS

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC

(Just how many billions did we spend in those non-existent Congressional Districts to stimulate all of those jobs, anyway?)

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

OBAMAS TAKES ANOTHER BOW

This time, he bowed to the Japanese Emperor... Odds are he apologized for America's dropping of nukes to end WWII, as well.

Isn't he sooooo sweet?


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Monday, November 16, 2009

ILLEGAL ALIENS

I wonder whether there are as many illegal Muslims in this country as there are illegal Mexicans.

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Sunday, November 15, 2009

THE OBAMA TRIALS - DAY 3 AND COUNTING

Day 1 was Friday, November 13, 2009. The Justice Department announced it is bringing top Gitmo terrorists to New York for trial. We will count every day until the last trial is over. These trials shall be known as "The Obama Trials," since he is the one who defied American opinion and ordered them anyway.

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Saturday, November 14, 2009

COUNTING ON OBAMA

President Obama stopped at Elmendorf AFB on his way to Asia and spoke to the troops. He said he has now, at last, been to 50 states. I guess that means he only has seven more to go?

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Friday, November 13, 2009

HAPPY FRIDAY 13TH

From your pals in Washington: Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Egor.

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Thursday, November 12, 2009

WHAT DO MAO TSE TUNG, HUGO CHAVEZ AND KARL MARX ALL HAVE IN COMMON?

They're all on Barack Obama's most read list.

(You don't suppose they were all racists, do you?)

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

DUNN DONE

I think the Maoist who launched an all-out attack on FOX News is done done.

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Monday, November 09, 2009

NANCY PELOSI

The Wicked Witch from Hell,
Sits on the right hand of the messiah...

She surely ain't no delightful belle,
And indeed should go bye byah.

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Sunday, November 08, 2009

FAST WAY TO MAKE $1 TRILLION

Take up a collection to remove our dip-shit President, his Maoist staff and Congress.

(Gosh, would that make unemployment rise to 10.3%?)

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Saturday, November 07, 2009

THE GAY MARRIAGE DEBATE

The gays scream and holler that straights have no right pushing their view on the gays. Okay, I accept that argument and, on that basis, the gays have no right pushing their view on straights.

Now, if the gays want it both ways, (pardon the play on words), they'll find less resistance to their agenda in Mexico, because most of the Mexicans have moved here....
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Friday, November 06, 2009

HIGH POINT OF HEALTH CARE PLAN

It has been determined that, when you put the House version of the Health Care Plan on top of the Senate version, the resulting pile is a very tall tale.


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Thursday, November 05, 2009

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

Now that we have an idiot for President, no one is complaining about the price of gas anymore.

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Tuesday, November 03, 2009

20 MILLION AMERICANS UNEMPLOYED

Maybe that's why stores have had their Christmas decorations up since Labor Day...

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Monday, November 02, 2009

115 BANKS FAIL SO FAR THIS YEAR

The Tarp and Stimulus Plans have saved the economy!

God bless the messiah!


Let's show our deep appreciation by rewarding his holiness with the passage of the Government-run Health Care Plan.

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Sunday, November 01, 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009

ABSENCE

Nancy Pelosi won't be around on Halloween night this year....

The bat is in the belfry.

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Friday, October 30, 2009

CONGRESS: DIRTY HALLOWEEN TRICK ON AMERICA

HEALTH CARE BILLS:
Senate, 1,500+ pages.
House, 1,900+ pages.
Shut up, bend over and get out of the way.



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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

U.S. MUSLIM HEADQUARTERS LOCATED?

Check the list of employees at the White House and at top levels of the Administration.

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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

FLY NORTHWEST

Get more mileage for your money.

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Monday, October 26, 2009

BANNED IN WASHINGTON!

Effectively immediately, the following words are BANNED from being used in Washington:

Why?
Why not?
Constitution
Government-Run Health Care
Freedom of the Press
Illegal Alien
Terrorist
Hannity
Beck
Fox

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Sunday, October 25, 2009

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Good God, if they managed to get the "death counseling," government-run option, $900 billion in costs they will admit to, Medicare benefit cuts, and all of the rest of that crap into the bill in OPEN sessions, Lord only knows what they're sneaking in behind closed doors. Now it's up to 1,500 pages and ballooning by the minute... On the other hand, as they all say, who's going to read it anyway?


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Saturday, October 24, 2009

WHY OBAMA DESPISES FOX

The FOX is snooping around in the chicken coop.

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Friday, October 23, 2009

PELOSI SHOULD HAVE PLAYED TRUMPET

She's excellent at double, triple and forked tonguing.

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

CHENEY GETS HOT AT OBAMA

Carter, Clinton and Cosby about to accuse him of blatant racism...

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Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Monday, October 19, 2009

REID TO THE RESCUE!

Senators Dodd and Baucus, along with "Chicago Enforcer" Rahm Emmanuel, have been stumped about how to stuff the President's "Public Option" health plan down up our rears, but their leader, Harry Reid, was able to move them forward by letting it "slip" that the true cost of the pan would be $2 trillion. Now, of course, we'll be revlieved to learn that it's only going to cost us $1 trillion.

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Sunday, October 18, 2009

Saturday, October 17, 2009

ECONOMIC RECOVERY COMPLETE

Bank of America loses $2.42 billion, unemployment up, foreclosures skyrocket.

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Friday, October 16, 2009

NEW NFL OWNERS

I just heard that Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, O.J. Simpson, Charles Wrangel and Jeremiah Wright are going to buy an NFL Franchise...

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

FRANKENSTEIN HEALTH CARE BILL?

Don't you feel really warm and fuzzy with "Mr. Clean" Senator Harry Reid, Senator Christopher Dodd (who should be under investigation for ethics and criminal violations), and the Senate Finance Committee Chair Max Baucus meeting behind closed doors with White House "Strong Arm" Rahm Emanuel to piece together the details about a Government-Run Health Care Plan for 300 million people? Gosh, maybe they'll have Doctor Kevorkian as an assisting surgeon...

DID YOU HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO FOX?

Anita "Dunn" did it!

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

NEW GOVERNMENT HEALTH PLAN FOR SENIORS!

Come into my sweat lodge and let's talk about it.

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

DUMB, DUMB, DUMB

When we migrated to this continent, we thought we were so smart, leaving behind high taxes without representation, kings and queens who didn't give a hoot about the little people, wars and plagues.... And, now look at us!

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Monday, October 12, 2009

LOST HOLIDAY?

If Columbus had known what this "new world" of his was going to eventually turn into, he probably would have stayed home.

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

BIBLICAL NEWS REPEATS ITSELF

MESSIAH WINS PEACE PRIZE!

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Thursday, October 08, 2009

CHRIST NEVER EXISTED?

Researchers have been able to produce a fake Shroud of Turin using 14th century technology. Their fake shroud was artificially aged using heat and water, and the "shroud" was then placed over a student who wore a mask to produce the "face" and the "shroud" was rubbed with red ochre in a process that took over a week.

All of which probably explains why David Letterman went after all of those women, because he knew that Christ never existed and therefore, he wouldn't have to worry about the afterlife. And, of course, that would also explain a lot of the goings-on in Washington.


Wednesday, October 07, 2009

OBAMA'S AFGHANISTAN TROOP DECISION

Right after Congress passes his new Government-run Health Care Plan, the Taliban will surrender AND unemployment problems will go away in the U.S.

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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

EXCUSES

Excuses are like assholes; everyone has one...

Guess why the dynamic duo...Barack and Michelle... lost the Chicago Olympics? Because of hard feelings toward the U.S. left over from the Bush Administration.

(Really... Jessie Jackson said so.)

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Monday, October 05, 2009

THIS NUMBSKULL DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE

Obama's answer to the jobless numbers...
What we need is another economic stimulus!


(In fishing lingo, they call it flounder... in farming terms,
they call it manure.)


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Sunday, October 04, 2009

COUNTING

How many positives can you count that Obama has accomplished so far in his Presidency?

(Cash for Clunkers? Does increasing the National Debt count as a positive?)

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Saturday, October 03, 2009

KNOWLEDGE

Well, at least the whole world now knows that Letterman has had sex, and with women at that.

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Friday, October 02, 2009

WHAT? CHICAGO DIDN'T WIN?

We, the taxpayers, sent the two Obama's on two separate planes and we didn't win?

Oh, my. Maybe he should have taken three planes.


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IF ALL TELEVISION STATIONS WENT OUT OF BUSINESS

Obama would lose his identity.

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Thursday, October 01, 2009

BANK OF AMERICA AND ACORN

Bank of America paid absurd bonuses and had questionable transactions with Merrill Lynch. BUT.... They got a government bailout. Now, we see that the government and Bank of America had a common denominator.. ACORN. I wonder what that's all about?

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