BILL AND HILLARY WENT TO COLLEGE AND GOT EDUCATED

$69 MILLION FOR CHINESE VASE

Flowers extra. 

NANCY TO THE REST OF THE HOUSE

VEGAS SHOULD DRY UP AND BLOW AWAY

After all, they gave us Harry Reid for six more years.  Obviously, they don't need our business...

I WONDER HOW OBAMA CAN FUNCTION

Now that Rhambo is gone. 

QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS

Now that the election is over, I have two questions:

1. Does Iran have the A-Bomb?
2. Is Lindsay Lohan in jail? 

PELOSI DOESN'T WANT TO QUIT

She likes her private Air Force jet. 

(Boehner gets a rubber ducky.) 

ALL SEEING, ALL KNOWING, ALL ENCOMPASSING

Nancy Pelosi. 

OBAMA WILL MAKE PEACE WITH THE REPUBLICANS

And all the King's horses and all the King's men,
Will sit at the table and have lunch with Little Bo Beep and Little Jack Horner. 
(Please pass the gray poop on....)

ONE THING THAT DIDN'T STOP DURING THE ELECTIONS

The killings along the Mexican border. 

(My God!  We still have a border with Mexico?)

WELL NOW, MR. OBAMA...

What do you think of your damned "change" now? 

TODAY

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.  Vote.  Vote American. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Given our current situation and given the legislation that has been passed in 2009 and 2010, and if you are an American and you voted for Obama and his cronies in 2008, are you really going to get up and go vote for them again tomorrow? 

ONLY TWO MORE DAMNED DAYS TO GO

Before this damned "change" is over.  

(My God, you'd think it was really bad PMS or something...)

NO ONE HAS MORE INTEREST IN THE ELECTIONS THAN

The illegals. 

THE POLITICAL CLAMOR IS SO LOUD

Even Lindsey Lohan cannot get a honorable mention in the news.

BEFORE YOU VOTE FOR BOXER

Remember that she voted FOR the Health Care Bill.

CAN THE REPUBLICANS WIN?

  

OBAMA DISSES REPUBLICANS

I guess it's their fault that the damned health care plan was passed?

MIRROR MIRROR

The last place on earth where they should hang mirrors is on the inside of a bathroom door opposite the commode. 

A GREAT NEW WORLD AWAITS US

If we get rid of all the politicians we do not like, soon there will be none left and we can begin to live our lives in peace and solitude. 

NPR

Nitwits, Pickle-heads and Rag-bags

ELECTIONS ARE DOWN TO THE WIRE

I don't know whether that is better than a G-String, or not. 

SMOKE AND MIRRORS =

INCUMBENTS

MILITARY VOTE WON'T COUNT

Once again, overseas military votes won't count.  They still haven't fixed the problem from the last election.  Do you suppose the fact that most military votes are Republican has anything to do with it?

DEMOCRATS PUSH TO HELP SENIORS BEFORE ELECTION

Aren't these the same yokels who told us how great the new health care was going to be for seniors?  You know how they have proven themselves to be... if you can't earn the votes, buy them with the taxpayer's money. 

MR. POPULARITY

As far as testimonial support goes and on the campaign trail these days, Obama is not quite as popular as a turd in a punch bowl. 

REMEMBER THIS ON NOVEMBER 2ND

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

That Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman are having a torrid love affair. 

JUDGE RULES AGAINST DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Don't look at me.  I'm not saying anything to anybody about anything. 

WHY HARRY REID REMINDS ME OF ABE LINCOLN

IF HARRY REID WINS REELECTION...

It'll be a cold day in Wadsworth before I'll ever spend another nickel gambling in that state. 

GOD BLESS NANCY PELOSI

Prettiest smile of the year, according to National Geographic Magazine. 

NO WONDER OBAMA LOVES LINCOLN

"The great thing about the internet is you can make up just about anything even if it's not true"  - Abraham Lincoln

I HEARD THAT

93.26% of Americans who are planning to vote for incumbents in November do not qualify for mental health services under the new Health Care Bill. 

OBAMA STUMPS FOR VOTES

FATHEADS NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, TOO

News leaked out yesterday that the White House is ordering all states which receive federal money report their part-time temporary election workers as being full-time employees. In the meantime, the Gallup Poll is saying that real unemployment rose to 10.1%. 

CHINESE UFO WAS MILITARY TEST

Now THAT ticks me off.  For a while there, I thought we were finally going to find out where Obama was born...

ELECTION QUESTION

Why would the Democrats be running political ads in Spanish in Mexico?

FROM MY INSURANCE COMPNY

I know that Obama said I could keep the same plan I had, but the company is going to cancel it and the rate for something I don't want will be 23% higher than the one I lost.  Obama and all of his friends in Congress who voted for the new plan are lying s.o.b's. 

WHAT S THE SINGLE GREATEST PIECE OF LEGISLATION BARBARA BOXER EVER SPONSORED?

You mean to tell me she's never sponsored any legislation at all? Maybe she's been too busy talking down to Generals? 

You just watch...Those Californians will never be out done.  They'll re-elect her. 

DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Would you rather that Hummer goes out of business, or Hooters? 

ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD ICON BITES THE DUST

So long, Tony. 

HANG ON TO YOUR WALLETS, WATCHES AND PURSES!

Congress is home on recess!

DEFINITION: "FAT CHANCE"

The odds that the Democrats will hold ethics hearings against Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters before the elections.... or ever, for that matter. 

OKAY, EINSTEIN: FIGURE THIS ONE OUT

General Stanley McChrystal was fired by Obama for doing an interview in ROLLING STONE magazine.  Now, Obama has done an interview for... ROLLING STONE magazine.  Go figure. 

Maybe it's an immigration thing.  You know.... a Rolling Stone gathers no mas!

THE MORE I HEAR FROM NANCY PELOSI

The more she reminds me of a bird...

All mouth and no ass!        

MODERN DAY SLAVERY?

Redskin's player Albert Haynesworth says he's "not a slave." 


At $32 million a year, I don't think he's a slave. 


For $31.9 million maybe, but not $32 million. 

DO YOU THINK....

That, maybe, we should should just go ahead and impeach Bush?  

HIYA THERE, SUNSHINE!

Aren't you really pleased to no end that our recession is over and that everything is hunky-dory? 

IT'S SAFE TO DRIVE NOW

Lindsey Lohan is back in the can. 

IT HAPPENS TO ALL BAD POLITICIANS SOONER OR LATER

Over there in Nevada, Gov. Gibbons fell off his high horse...

OBAMA'S NEW DISCOVERY

The Tea Party is for real. 

OUR DAY IS COMING SOON...VERY SOON

FOR THOSE WHO SAY O'DONNELL CAN'T WIN

Back before Christine O'Donnell, there was Scott Brown. 

BILL CLINTON'S ADVICE TO OBAMA

Eeny meeny miny moe....

WHY HARRY REID IS IN TROUBLE

Sharron has a new angle.  It's called "American responsibility." 

SQUIRRELLY

Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to an election, the more squirrelly the politicians become? 

As if that were possible. 

REPUBLICAN PARTY COMMITTEE = HYPOCRITES

They dump on O'Donnell and love Steele? 

FDA GOES TOTALLY AROUND THE BEND

The FDA is about to take all over-the-counter cough medicines off the shelf because 1% of the users convert one of its ingredients to illegal drugs.  It occurs tome that ALL OTC medicines should be removed because someone somewhere will abuse them. 

(While we're at it, let's not forget to ban salt, Chevrolets, hot dogs and apple pie, too.)

DOES OBAMA HAVE A FUZZY NAVEL?

It would certainly match his fuzzy math....

IT'S NO LONGER "BLAME BUSH!"

It's... Blame Boehner. 

So, it's still Obama shuffling through the Kenyan jungle with a BB gun? 

REGARDING THE MOSQUE....

Can't you just see Osama and his radical Muslim cronies just jumping up and down in the streets with glee like they did on 9/11?

I'M NOT ANGRY AT YOU MR. PRESIDENT

I'm just flat pissed off. 

QURAN

I see that the pastor is the one who got burned...

KENYAN RUMOR

Rumor has it that the Kenyans have decided NOT to build a memorial honoring Barack Obama.  They're going to put up a memorial honoring the cuckoo bird instead.

OBAMA ON FAST TRACK

Wants to spend more money on Amtrack.

Now, that's a real winner!

OBAMA CLAIMS 90,000 JOBS CREATED IN PAST 12 MONTHS

Gosh, that's about 7,500 jobs per month, just slightly more than the number of illegal aliens crossing the border every day....

WHEN YOU BRING HOME MORE TROOPS FROM IRAQ...

You add more people to the unemployment lines. 

BARACK'S NEW IDEA FOR THE ECONOMY

STIMULUS.  Lets have a stimulus!  

I just KNEW he'd come through with a GREAT idea!

PRAY FOR HURRICANE EARL

Hope the blow hard will meander up the coast and blow the riffraff out of Washington, DC. 

CHAIRMAN BARACK SPEAKS AGAIN

Tonight he speaks to the nation.  I wonder who he is going to blame for what now. 

LABOR DAY IS COMING

Al Gore invented it. 

PEACE AND QUIET INTERRUPTED

Obama's coming back from vacation. 

BRAND NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN

Take a look a your new health insurance bill.  If that doesn't kill you, you're in damned good health. 

IS OBAMA REALLY A MUSLIM?

He sleeps on muslim sheets, doesn't he? 

WHAT'S THE FASTEST ANIMAL IN THE MEXICAN JUNGLE?

A drug sniffing dog. 

BLOOMBERG RIDES WHITE HORSE, USES SILVER BULLETS

Who WAS that Mosqued man? 

MISSING EAR FOUND?

Egyptian police have found a missing, stolen Van Gogh Painting.

WHY OBAMA DOESN'T VACATION IN CHICAGO

Because Tony Rezko is not in town? 
(Well, where is he?)

OBAMA'S GOING ON VACATION

Oh, there must be a national crisis going on again.....
(Maybe jobs figures? Foreclosures? Deficit? Another Mosque waiting to be built?  Iran going nuclear?  Harry Reid having a snit? Nancy running off at the mouth?) 

WEEKLY UNEMPLOYMENT LAYOFFS SKYROCKET TO 500,000

The economy is just great, terrific, magnanimous, cured.  

The stimulus worked beyond our wildest imagination.  
Everything is just peachy keen, hunky dory and just plain ducky. 

MORE THAN A ONE-TRACK MIND

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0nbo1VOF4M&NR=1

OBAMA SERIOUSLY ILL

He's suffering from electile dysfunction. 

OBAMA SWIMS IN GULF

Chairman Barack took a swim in the Gulf over the weekend and pronounced it safe to swim in and to eat fish from.  I don't know if anyone noticed or not, but he was black when he came out.....

IF JEB BUSH RUNS

Will Ben Quayle be his running mate? 

CHARLIE RANGEL

At the rate the Ethics Committee is proceeding, it's likely he will die of old age before any official charges get filed. 

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO OBAMA, PELOSI AND REID

It's Friday the 13th!

WHAT IS A "DEADLOCKED" JURY?

If the jury doesn't reach a verdict, they line them up and shoot them. 

WHAT CHARLIE SHEEN AND MEL GIBSON HAVE IN COMMON

They're both obviously so much in love with their wives. 

WASHINGTON D.C. OUTLAWS NATIONAL ANTHEM

A group of high school students attending a conservative leadership conference in D.C. says they were ordered by a security guard to stop singing the national anthem during a visit to the memorial. The guards insisted that the students were in a National Park and their political singing constituted an unlicensed demonstration. 

WHY POLITICIANS SHOULD BE GEOTHERMAL EXPERTS

Geothermal experts are always in hot water. 

ENERGY SAVER

If we can keep Chairman Barack on TV 24-7, everyone in the country will have their TV's off, 24-7.  We should be able to decrease our electrical energy usage by 50% or more and... who knows, maybe we'll even get to know our families again and get back to more traditional values.     

NEW SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

Now, finally, after all of these years she has the opportunity to practice law. 

TODAYS WORST JOKE

Barack Obama. 

ONE THING ABOUT SARAH PALIN

She's looking more and more like Tina Fey every day. 

ILLEGALS: POINT TO PONDER

If the child of illegals was born in the United States, he or she automatically becomes a U.S. citizen.  There's an argument to be had straight out of the abortion issue:  If a child was conceived on the desert sands in the U.S., why shouldn't that child be a U.S. citizen even if born in Mexico? 

Huh? 

JOHN KERRY AWARDED THIRD PURPLE HEART

Although Kerry was never able to prove that he was awarded the two previous Purple Hearts, he has now been awarded a third... for protecting his Naval Command from taxation by moving it from Massachusetts to Rhode Island. 

CHAIRMAN OBAMA'S WEBSITE

http://www.chairmanobama.com/

ONE SURE WAY FOR CHAIRMAN BARACK TO RAISE HIS STANDINGS IN THE POLLS...

Resign.