OBAMA'S REAL TAX STANCE

When he says that failing to stop the Bush Tax cuts for the upper income brackets will cost the country $700 billion, what he's really saying is that he already spent the money. 

GREAT NEWS FOR REPUBLICANS

Although he's a nice guy, nice guys finish last.  Michael Steele has announced he will not seek another term as Chairman of the Republican Party. 

CONTRIBUTIONS NEEDED FOR WORLD TRADE CENTER MOSQUE

As you know, those working so diligently to build the new World Trade Center Mosque have encountered many obstacles.  Although they have applied to the United States for additional funding, which they may receive, they are still in dire need of funds above and beyond what has already been contributed by George Soros and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  This is truly an American cause.  Please forward your contributions today.  (Pending results of current tax legislation, contributions may, or may not be, deductible.) 

SAN FRANCISCO SWIMMING IN MONEY

In what is obviously the only city in the entire United States to have money to spare, a move is on to increase pay for school board members from a $500 monthly stipend to an annual $50,000 plus benefits.  They must have received a Congressional earmark... 

HOW IS IT THAT WHEN YOUR TAXES REMAIN THE SAME

...they call it a tax cut? 

How is it that if they do not increase or decrease taxes, they say it's going to cost the country $900 billion?  How is it that, when they exempt union members from the Health Care Plan that WILL cost us $800 billion, they don't talk about it?  ♦

WILL CONGRESS GET ANYTHING AT ALL DONE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR?

Don't ask, don't tell. 

BRAND NEW TAX PLAN

They have just decided to stop taxing the American people altogether.  That's right, Congress will dig into their own personal pockets and pay taxes back to American citizens starting January 1.  

 

IS GEORGE SOROS BEHIND WIKILEAKS?

For the moment, only The Shadow knows. 

WILL BARRY, HARRY AND NANCY GIVE AMERICANS A REAL CHRISTMAS GIFT THIS YEAR?

Word floating around in Washington is that they have finally realized the message Americans delivered on November 2nd and they want to make things right.  In the background, they are working on new legislation that will require taxpayer approval for any spending that exceeds the annual budget.  AND... They're going to reward government departments that cut expenses by giving them 10% of the cuts back in employee bonuses.  

Really.  Honest.  Would I lie to you?  (And, while you're at it, please pass the gray poop on...)

THE SINGLE MOST AUDACIOUS WORD IN THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE

CHANGE

THEY'VE ALL BEEN REJOICING IN SEARCHLIGHT

I just heard that there has been a month long celebration going on in Searchlight, Nevada, Harry Reid's claimed home town.  Town resident Franny Frump puts it this way:  "He got reelected.  That means the bastard will stay out of town for another six years." 

WITH ALL OF THE FLAK MOVING AROUND IN WASHINGTON

You don't hear much about Toyota these days...

WHY BARNEY FRANKFARTER LOVES CHARLIE RANGEL

Rangel's law-breaking ways keep the heat off of Frankfarter. 

HOW TO SOLVE SOME OF THE PROBLEMS IN CONGRESS

Send them all home until the next session... without pay.   

IF ANYBODY EVER

Sends me another Jaquie Lawson email greeting, I'm going to scream. 

LESLIE NEILSON

Has caught the last "airplane" out of town. 

THANK GOD IT'S MONDAY

I am so sick and tired of relaxing and enjoying life that I just can't stand it. 

A DIFFERENT KIND OF THANKSGIVING

I'm going to pack up my microwave and head for North Korea and I'm going to nuke the hell of them.  

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and I'll be back Monday. 

IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE TSA RULES...

Why get on the plane?
 
Seriously, if no one flies, I'm sure the airlines will straighten TSA out. 

HILLARY DONE WITH ELECTIVE OFFICE

Hillary Clinton said yesterday on the Fox Chris Wallace show that she will not seek the Presidency and that she is happy doing what she is doing and, finally, that she is completely done with all elective offices.  

This, of course, clears the way for Barack Obama to run for re-election in 2012 and for Nancy Pelosi to run in 2016.  

(I'm so happy, I could just shit.) 

NEW FAULT FOUND IN ROCKIES

There's a new fault found in the Rockies that's making the news.  Why doesn't anyone talk about the humongous fault running through Washington, DC?  Oh, I understand.  It's all about the quakes vs the quacks. 

THEY SAY SARAH PALIN CAN'T BEAT OBAMA

Hell, the way Obama is running this country, even Jimmy Carter could beat him in 2012. 

NEW YORK TERRORIST TRIAL STRATEGY

Ahmed Ghailani gets off.  Great job, there Eric.  Yes sir, great job.   

(You Obama guys are just so terrific.  Really.  Of COURSE I'm sincere.  Really.) 

WHO IN THE HELL IS PRINCE WILLIAM?

Doesn't he have some sound up in Canada someplace?  Is he related to Prince Albert in the can?  Or, the other Prince in the entertainment biz?  Whatever, I'm not looking forward to his picture on the throne......

I THINK WE SHOULD RAISE EVERYONE'S TAXES

Just kidding, just kidding. 
(That wasn't funny....)

I LOVE THANKSGIVING

It's the one day out of the year when big thighs are a good thing. 

SO, WHAT HAPPENED TO CHARLIE?

I guess Rangel decided not to wrangle. 
Where are Charlie's angels when he needs them?

ALCOHOL CUTS RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS RISK IN HALF

Peeple who drink alcohol are lesh pron to the crippppling diseash called rhoomatoid arthritis compared wist non-drinkersh, according to a resent Scandinavianianian shtudy.       

 

SO THEY'RE GETTING RID OF TELEPHONE BOOKS?

My God, what is this country coming to?  Just a few months ago, Northern Tissue decided to make its tissue paper more narrow by 1/2 inch and now the phone books are going.  Next thing you know, honest politicians will be gone, too!

BILL AND HILLARY WENT TO COLLEGE AND GOT EDUCATED

$69 MILLION FOR CHINESE VASE

Flowers extra. 

NANCY TO THE REST OF THE HOUSE

VEGAS SHOULD DRY UP AND BLOW AWAY

After all, they gave us Harry Reid for six more years.  Obviously, they don't need our business...

I WONDER HOW OBAMA CAN FUNCTION

Now that Rhambo is gone. 

QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS

Now that the election is over, I have two questions:

1. Does Iran have the A-Bomb?
2. Is Lindsay Lohan in jail? 

PELOSI DOESN'T WANT TO QUIT

She likes her private Air Force jet. 

(Boehner gets a rubber ducky.) 

ALL SEEING, ALL KNOWING, ALL ENCOMPASSING

Nancy Pelosi. 

OBAMA WILL MAKE PEACE WITH THE REPUBLICANS

And all the King's horses and all the King's men,
Will sit at the table and have lunch with Little Bo Beep and Little Jack Horner. 
(Please pass the gray poop on....)

ONE THING THAT DIDN'T STOP DURING THE ELECTIONS

The killings along the Mexican border. 

(My God!  We still have a border with Mexico?)

WELL NOW, MR. OBAMA...

What do you think of your damned "change" now? 

TODAY

Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.  Vote.  Vote American. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Given our current situation and given the legislation that has been passed in 2009 and 2010, and if you are an American and you voted for Obama and his cronies in 2008, are you really going to get up and go vote for them again tomorrow? 

ONLY TWO MORE DAMNED DAYS TO GO

Before this damned "change" is over.  

(My God, you'd think it was really bad PMS or something...)

NO ONE HAS MORE INTEREST IN THE ELECTIONS THAN

The illegals. 

THE POLITICAL CLAMOR IS SO LOUD

Even Lindsey Lohan cannot get a honorable mention in the news.

BEFORE YOU VOTE FOR BOXER

Remember that she voted FOR the Health Care Bill.

CAN THE REPUBLICANS WIN?

  

OBAMA DISSES REPUBLICANS

I guess it's their fault that the damned health care plan was passed?

MIRROR MIRROR

The last place on earth where they should hang mirrors is on the inside of a bathroom door opposite the commode. 

A GREAT NEW WORLD AWAITS US

If we get rid of all the politicians we do not like, soon there will be none left and we can begin to live our lives in peace and solitude. 

NPR

Nitwits, Pickle-heads and Rag-bags

ELECTIONS ARE DOWN TO THE WIRE

I don't know whether that is better than a G-String, or not. 

SMOKE AND MIRRORS =

INCUMBENTS

MILITARY VOTE WON'T COUNT

Once again, overseas military votes won't count.  They still haven't fixed the problem from the last election.  Do you suppose the fact that most military votes are Republican has anything to do with it?

DEMOCRATS PUSH TO HELP SENIORS BEFORE ELECTION

Aren't these the same yokels who told us how great the new health care was going to be for seniors?  You know how they have proven themselves to be... if you can't earn the votes, buy them with the taxpayer's money. 

MR. POPULARITY

As far as testimonial support goes and on the campaign trail these days, Obama is not quite as popular as a turd in a punch bowl. 

REMEMBER THIS ON NOVEMBER 2ND

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

That Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman are having a torrid love affair. 

JUDGE RULES AGAINST DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Don't look at me.  I'm not saying anything to anybody about anything. 

WHY HARRY REID REMINDS ME OF ABE LINCOLN

IF HARRY REID WINS REELECTION...

It'll be a cold day in Wadsworth before I'll ever spend another nickel gambling in that state. 

GOD BLESS NANCY PELOSI

Prettiest smile of the year, according to National Geographic Magazine. 

NO WONDER OBAMA LOVES LINCOLN

"The great thing about the internet is you can make up just about anything even if it's not true"  - Abraham Lincoln

I HEARD THAT

93.26% of Americans who are planning to vote for incumbents in November do not qualify for mental health services under the new Health Care Bill. 

OBAMA STUMPS FOR VOTES

FATHEADS NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, TOO

News leaked out yesterday that the White House is ordering all states which receive federal money report their part-time temporary election workers as being full-time employees. In the meantime, the Gallup Poll is saying that real unemployment rose to 10.1%. 

CHINESE UFO WAS MILITARY TEST

Now THAT ticks me off.  For a while there, I thought we were finally going to find out where Obama was born...

ELECTION QUESTION

Why would the Democrats be running political ads in Spanish in Mexico?

FROM MY INSURANCE COMPNY

I know that Obama said I could keep the same plan I had, but the company is going to cancel it and the rate for something I don't want will be 23% higher than the one I lost.  Obama and all of his friends in Congress who voted for the new plan are lying s.o.b's. 

WHAT S THE SINGLE GREATEST PIECE OF LEGISLATION BARBARA BOXER EVER SPONSORED?

You mean to tell me she's never sponsored any legislation at all? Maybe she's been too busy talking down to Generals? 

You just watch...Those Californians will never be out done.  They'll re-elect her. 

DECISIONS, DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Would you rather that Hummer goes out of business, or Hooters? 

ANOTHER HOLLYWOOD ICON BITES THE DUST

So long, Tony. 

HANG ON TO YOUR WALLETS, WATCHES AND PURSES!

Congress is home on recess!

DEFINITION: "FAT CHANCE"

The odds that the Democrats will hold ethics hearings against Charlie Rangel and Maxine Waters before the elections.... or ever, for that matter. 

OKAY, EINSTEIN: FIGURE THIS ONE OUT

General Stanley McChrystal was fired by Obama for doing an interview in ROLLING STONE magazine.  Now, Obama has done an interview for... ROLLING STONE magazine.  Go figure. 

Maybe it's an immigration thing.  You know.... a Rolling Stone gathers no mas!

THE MORE I HEAR FROM NANCY PELOSI

The more she reminds me of a bird...

All mouth and no ass!        

MODERN DAY SLAVERY?

Redskin's player Albert Haynesworth says he's "not a slave." 


At $32 million a year, I don't think he's a slave. 


For $31.9 million maybe, but not $32 million. 

DO YOU THINK....

That, maybe, we should should just go ahead and impeach Bush?  

HIYA THERE, SUNSHINE!

Aren't you really pleased to no end that our recession is over and that everything is hunky-dory? 

IT'S SAFE TO DRIVE NOW

Lindsey Lohan is back in the can. 

IT HAPPENS TO ALL BAD POLITICIANS SOONER OR LATER

Over there in Nevada, Gov. Gibbons fell off his high horse...

OBAMA'S NEW DISCOVERY

The Tea Party is for real. 

OUR DAY IS COMING SOON...VERY SOON

FOR THOSE WHO SAY O'DONNELL CAN'T WIN

Back before Christine O'Donnell, there was Scott Brown. 

BILL CLINTON'S ADVICE TO OBAMA

Eeny meeny miny moe....

WHY HARRY REID IS IN TROUBLE

Sharron has a new angle.  It's called "American responsibility." 

SQUIRRELLY

Have you ever noticed that the closer you get to an election, the more squirrelly the politicians become? 

As if that were possible. 

REPUBLICAN PARTY COMMITTEE = HYPOCRITES

They dump on O'Donnell and love Steele? 

FDA GOES TOTALLY AROUND THE BEND

The FDA is about to take all over-the-counter cough medicines off the shelf because 1% of the users convert one of its ingredients to illegal drugs.  It occurs tome that ALL OTC medicines should be removed because someone somewhere will abuse them. 

(While we're at it, let's not forget to ban salt, Chevrolets, hot dogs and apple pie, too.)

DOES OBAMA HAVE A FUZZY NAVEL?

It would certainly match his fuzzy math....

IT'S NO LONGER "BLAME BUSH!"

It's... Blame Boehner. 

So, it's still Obama shuffling through the Kenyan jungle with a BB gun? 

REGARDING THE MOSQUE....

Can't you just see Osama and his radical Muslim cronies just jumping up and down in the streets with glee like they did on 9/11?

I'M NOT ANGRY AT YOU MR. PRESIDENT

I'm just flat pissed off. 

QURAN

I see that the pastor is the one who got burned...

KENYAN RUMOR

Rumor has it that the Kenyans have decided NOT to build a memorial honoring Barack Obama.  They're going to put up a memorial honoring the cuckoo bird instead.

OBAMA ON FAST TRACK

Wants to spend more money on Amtrack.

Now, that's a real winner!

OBAMA CLAIMS 90,000 JOBS CREATED IN PAST 12 MONTHS

Gosh, that's about 7,500 jobs per month, just slightly more than the number of illegal aliens crossing the border every day....

WHEN YOU BRING HOME MORE TROOPS FROM IRAQ...

You add more people to the unemployment lines. 

BARACK'S NEW IDEA FOR THE ECONOMY

STIMULUS.  Lets have a stimulus!  

I just KNEW he'd come through with a GREAT idea!

PRAY FOR HURRICANE EARL

Hope the blow hard will meander up the coast and blow the riffraff out of Washington, DC.