I am pro-American. (Take THAT and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.)
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Saturday, July 02, 2011
ON THIS 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND
Remember what your government is NOT doing for you. (My God, that'll take the whole weekend for sure...)
Friday, July 01, 2011
OBAMA MIGHT CUT THE WEATHER SERVICE?
Unless we agree to raise taxes, Obama might cut the weather service? Wahhh! Wahhh! Wahhh! Who NEEDS the damned weather service? (Crap,pal, they might have to cut ObamaCare, too?)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
STATISTICS SHOW
62.683% of Americans turn to another channel or turn their TV off completely whenever Obama gets on the tube.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
WHICH BRINGS TO MIND A SERIOUS QUESTION
If Michelle Obama were to run, could she beat Barack? (Of course. ANYBODY could beat Obama.)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
CHLOROFORM
Commonly used to keep young children to keep from yelling or screaming when locked into the trunk of a car. Also commonly used to induce sleepiness.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
IF BRINGING 10,000 TROOPS HOME IS SUCH A GREAT IDEA...
Why don't we being them all home? Either we're in war, or we're not; there can be no middle ground when it comes to the subject of war.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
IF THEY GRANT ANY MORE WAIVERS ON OBAMACARE...
You and I may be the only ones left on it. Don't forget to fork over your half of the tab...
Sunday, June 19, 2011
MORE OF NOTHING
Out of 200 channels, I used to watch eight. Now, I have 250 channels and watch seven.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
BIGGEST LIE OF THE MONTH AWARD
Obama says he would resign if he was Weiner. (Well, since he IS a Wiener, why won't he resign?)
Monday, June 13, 2011
THE BOOK OF MORMON
The musical comedy garnered awards in the Tonys, while Brigham Young and Joseph Smith rolled over in their graves.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
WEINER LANDS NEW JOB
He's going to sell hot dogs in Coney Island in his shorts. (I wonder if they'll come with buns?)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
THE BRILLIANCE OF WOMEN
Sending themselves cell phone text messages from their computers... and then answering them.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
Thursday, June 02, 2011
RAISING THE DEBT CEILING
I just called MasterCard and told them to raise my credit limit. They were nice and polite and told me they are not a wholly owned subsidiary of Congress.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
SHOCKING REVELATION! CASEY ANTHONY DIDN'T DO IT!
Caley Anthony committed suicide by accidental drowning and then buried herself. Casey wasn't even there; she was out dancing.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
WHENEVER
Whenever you have one bunch of politicians talking about raising taxes and another bunch of politicians talking about cutting taxes, you know damned well they are going to have to pass the Bill before you know what's in it.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
THE PRICE OF GAS IS PLUMETING
That national average price is $3.81. That's what it sells for in Enid, Oklahoma between midnight and 12:01 AM. Everywhere else, it's well over $4.00, but that's the "national average." (Oh, the figures come from the Obama Administration? Okay, that explains it.)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
CASEY ANTHONY
For President! (Finally, there's someone around who is getting more air time than Barack Obama.)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET
Obama headed for Ireland after leaving U.S. - Israeli relations in a big pile of dung. (Maybe he's going to try to get the Olympics again?)
Monday, May 23, 2011
A PERFECT ENDING FOR OBAMACARE
Let's just grant all of the states, all of the business, all of the unions and all of the citizens permanent waivers. That'll do it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
MISSISSIPPI BUNNY RABBIT
Every time they talk about the horrible flooding on the Mississippi, I think about Jimmy Carter in his boat and trying to cross the river while being chased by a giant rabbit. True story; look it up. He's a close friend of Obama's, so you know I'm not exaggerating. (Where we get these Presidents, I'll never know).
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
JUST IN CASE...
Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking recently explained his belief that there is no God and that humans should therefore seek to live the most valuable lives they can while on Earth.
Just in case he's wrong, I will pray to Obama the Messiah before I go to bed tonight.
Just in case he's wrong, I will pray to Obama the Messiah before I go to bed tonight.
Monday, May 16, 2011
GINGRICH ENDS PRESIDENTIAL RUN ALREADY?
He said on "Meet the Press" Sunday that he favors mandatory health insurance for everyone. (No lie; I could not believe my ears.)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
WHO'S NOT RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY
Mike Huckabee and... John Edwards. For different reasons, I presume.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
PORN IN BIN LADEN'S LAIR
'Tits not a surprise; the place was full of booby traps. At his age, he had to be bushed.
Friday, May 13, 2011
PRESIDENTIAL CELL PHONE CALLS
The President is going to be able to call all of us on our cell phones whenever he wants. Did it ever occur to him that maybe we just don't want to hear from the son-of-a-bitch?
Thursday, May 12, 2011
A MOAT WITH ALLIGATORS?
Well, Mr. President, if that's the only answer you can come up with to stop the illegal crossing of our borders, then yes; we Republicans would like to have a moat with alligators.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
IMMIGRATION AND NATIONAL DEBT SOLUTION
We don't we just let Mexico take over the United States? That way, they can pay the National Debt and the immigration problem will be solved.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
AMTRACK CONUNDRUM
The illustrious Senator Chuck Schumer wants to create a "No Ride List" for trains. Hell, I didn't know anybody was riding trains!
Monday, May 09, 2011
Sunday, May 08, 2011
OSAMA BIN LADEN IS ALIVE!
He's holed up with Howard Hughes, Elvis Presley and Amelia Earhart in a Mexican bordello, playing Canasta and plotting to take over NPR.
Saturday, May 07, 2011
SUSPENSE
Al Jezeera says it has an Osama audio tape to release. The question of the day is: Was it recorded before, or after he was killed?
Friday, May 06, 2011
Thursday, May 05, 2011
WHY THEY DON'T WANT TO RELEASE PICTURES OF DEAD OSAMA
They don't want to upset Al Queda. (Jeeeezus H. Christ!!!)
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
OIL COMPANY PROFITS
If we nationalize the oil companies and stick the profits into the Federal coffers, we could be out of debt in five years?
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
AND THE REALLY GOOD THING ABOUT OSAMA'S DEATH?
We finally got all of those damn reruns of the royal wedding off the news.
Monday, May 02, 2011
HEY, FATSO!
If you don't weigh within your allowed weight according to height, sex and age schedules, the Government is going to send you to the "fat farm" that they're going to establish at Guantanamo Bay after they free the terrorists. Instead of "Gitmo," the location will be known as "Fatmo."
They're also planning to levy a "Fat Tax" per pound overweight. Word has it, however, that they will allow you to subtract the weight of your sex organs, which explains why no Member of Congress will ever have to pay the Fat Tax.
They're also planning to levy a "Fat Tax" per pound overweight. Word has it, however, that they will allow you to subtract the weight of your sex organs, which explains why no Member of Congress will ever have to pay the Fat Tax.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
DOES IT OCCUR TO YOU
That with all of that money they blew on the Royal Wedding, they could have paid off our national debt?
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
WINE IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH
But, too much wine rots the brain.
And that explains why they make the decisions they do.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
WHY THIS EASTER IS SO SPECIAL
Obama is running for reelection. (The Messiah needs to run for reelection?)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
ANOTHER OBAMA COMMISSION GOING TO GET CANNED?
Under pressure from advocates and the 2012 re-election calendar, President Barack Obama yesterday enlisted a diverse group of elected officials and religious, business, labor, civil rights leaders and law enforcers to help build support for a long-stalled overhaul of the nation's immigration laws. (Didn't he just can his budget commission for being too honest?)
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
AMERICA'S CREDIT RATING DINGED
Makes you really want to run out and buy some U.S. Savings Bonds, doesn't it?
Monday, April 18, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
PELOSI'S SOLUTION TO BUDGET CRISIS
Merge PBS with Planned Parenthood. No kidding, I'm serious! (Don't you wonder if she takes her brain out of the box it came in, so she can play with it?)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
$38 BILLION?
We had all of this drama and hype for $38 billion? Wasn't this just a big waste of our time and energy?
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Friday, April 08, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
PELOSI WARNS YOU WILL SUFFER
You will suffer if the Republicans get their budget cuts. Your children will not get educated, millions will die from malnutrition, seniors will go without medical care and shelter, the Potomac River will run backwards and all of the straws will fall out of Nancy's broom.
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
IS OBAMA THE EVEREADY BATTERY?
Just running, and running and running.
How long would it take to run to Kenya?
How long would it take to run to Kenya?
Monday, April 04, 2011
MILITARY TROOPS TO WEAR WARM, FUZZY SLIPPERS
To comply with Obama's promise of "no boots on the ground" in Libya.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
ADMINISTRATION APPROVES BONUSES FOR BAILED OUT FIRMS
The Obama Administration's pay Czar has approved big cash bonuses for four firms that have yet to pay back their bailout loans, including AIG. (Don't forget to pay your taxes on time.)
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Friday, April 01, 2011
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