DOES ANYBODY KNOW?

When is the World Series this year? 

BLACK TUESDAY

That's what they'll be calling Election Day 2011 if Cain wins the Republican nomination and runs against Obama. 

AS THE WORM TURNS

I wonder why Barack Obama has not called Herman Cain a racist.....

WHY OBAMA'S JOBS BILL WON'T PASS

Believe it or not, the Senate Democrats don't want to vote on it.  Ewww!

INTERESTINTG STATISTIC

48% of the married people in the United States are male. 

LIFE'S GREATEST JOY:

Letting a horribly bad-smelling fart sneak out just before you get off an elevator full of Democrats. 

POLYGAMISTS WANT RIGHT TO MARRY

How any man in his right mind would want two or more women under the same roof is beyond me. 

RELY ON THE GOVERNMENT?

Nearly half of all Americans lived in a household that received some government assistance last year.  I guess that would include President Barack Hussein Obama? 

GOOD JOB, JOBS

Steve Jobs was a visionary and an outstanding entrepreneur.  We will be eternally grateful for his contributions to our technological and digital frustrations. 

CIRCLE JERK

"We've come a long way and now we're turning the corner." ~Debbie Wasserman-Schultz

NOT AT ALL A RACIST REMARK

Herman is raising Cain with Obama. 

PRIME T-BONE STEAKS $4.98 PER POUND!

With meat, $20 extra. 

HOW TO CLEAR ALL OF THE DEMOCRATS OUT OF A WALMART

Walk in the front door and yell as loud as you can, "IMMIGRATION!"

I'VE GOT A HEADACHE

Now they say that Anwar al-Awlaqi, the U.S. born killer of tens of thousands of people, should not have been killed by a drone; he should have been captured, brought to the United States, and put on trial.  Gosh, I will definitely not be able to sleep tonight because we were so blood thirsty that we did this horrible deed. 

QUESTION OF THE CENTURY

I wonder how many of the Republican candidates for the Presidency would refuse to show their birth certificate if they win the nomination? 

STERN LOOK

What the divers did when they found the wreckage of Obama's "Ship of State."

VACANCY

One in seven Las Vegas homes is now vacant.  But, don't worry, don't fret.  Quit yer bellachin' and stand up to march for four more years of great, terrific Presidential leadership from our pal and close personal friend, Barack Hades Obama. (Don't call him Hussein.  Don't ever mention that word in front of him.)

ADOLF HITLER

Spoke the same words to the oppressed Germans that Obama has just expressed to oppressed blacks.  Get off your duffs, forget your sorrows and follow me. 

CAIN SURGES AHEAD

Abel left at the starting gate.  
(Cain won 37% of the Florida straw vote, leaving Perry and Romney biting the dust.)

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Is there a Republican candidate who cannot beat Obama in 2012?


(I'll be back on the 26th.) 

OBAMA TO CUT DEFICIT!!!

Wanna try some of this new stuff I found in New Mexico? It's cool, man, cool. 

I'm on vacation until the 26th, but just had to pipe in. 

HEY THERE, BARACKO!

We know about the 2008 campaign, but just how much money have you collected from Solyndra for the 2012 campaign? 

DANCING WITH THE CZARS

As the fortunes of the occupant of the White House continue to fall apart, as scandals continue to appear and as the 2012 election campaign heats up and Democrats start scurrying for the woodwork, Obama himself is now relegated to being a genuine "Poll Dancer." 

BOLT YOUR DOORS!

Now that he knows no one watches him on the tube anymore, Obama is going to go out into the countryside and get in our faces? 

EXIT STRATEGY

Why izzit that every time he drops a bomb, 
Obama then leaves town? 

NOW THAT THE 10TH ANNIVERSARY IS OVER

We can get back to our normal and spiteful political hatred and rhetoric. 

BUSINESS

On this particular day, it would be a good time for us to pledge to take care of our own business here at home before we go sticking our noses into someone else's business abroad. 

LEAD-PIPE CINCH

Obama is promising the most-sweeping debt reduction plan of his Presidency.  
He's never had ANY debt reduction plan.  
Guess he wins on THIS statement. 

ABOUT THE TIMING OF THE PRESIDENT'S SPEECH...

He scheduled it before the NFL game because his advisers told him that, if his speech came on later and at the same time as the game, there would not be one soul in the country watching his speech except the poor politicos locked up with him under the Capitol dome.  

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT

Of that great Presidential speech we've been waiting for a month to hear.  Gosh.  Gee whillikers.  (Maybe some UFO's will show up?) 

THE TRUTH BE KNOWN

Obama is the real son-of-a-bitch who needs to be taken out. 

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

CONGRESSMEN SHOULD WEAR UNIFORMS LIKE RACE CAR DRIVERS.  

Then we would know the names of their corporate sponsors. 

SINCE TODAY IS A HOLIDAY

I've decided not to zing that meat-head of a President. 

SUMMER IS OVER

Get out the hot dogs and hamburgers and chow down.  Drive the Fat Police nuts. 

UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN ON LABOR DAY

Obama will not have John Boehner over for a beer in the Rose Garden with Joe Biden. 

ONE WAY TO FREE UP PRISON SPACE

Speed up the processing of death sentences. 

PROSTITUTES GET METERED

Hookers in Europe now have to buy meter tickets in order to walk the streets.  (Maybe we should try the same thing with politicians?) 

TONIGHT'S FIGHT CARD

These three 10-rounders would fill any stadium in the country:

• "Packhorse" Perry vs "Mitt the Mitt" Romney
• "Shooter" Cheney vs "Petty" Powell
• "Lucky" Limbaugh vs "Bumbling Barry" Obama

Bring out the ring girls and the beer.  

GALL, TEMERITY AND OTHER ADJECTIVES

There's Congress, mired in a nation with high unemployment, unable to balance a budget or to stop spending our money or to decrease the debt and... they want a raise. 

Please pass the gray poop on. 

JUST THINK...

Labor Day will seen be here and gone and we can get back to listening to Obama's speeches again. 

THEN THERE WAS THE BORDER PATROL AGENT...

Who put his wife on the terrorist watch list.  (Really, it's for real.) 

WHY DIDN'T THEY NAME IT HURRICANE BARACK?

HE'S a genuine blow hard. 

IRENE COULD BE OUR SAVIOR

She could clean all of the rubbish out of Washington. 

THE PROBLEM WITH A BORDER FENCE

By the time we get a fence built along the Mexico border, all of the Mexicans will be living in the United States. 

EARTHQUAKE AND IRENE COULD FINISH OFF U.S. ECONOMY

According to Obama, the  Japanese Tsunami adversely affected our economic recovery.  As did the early Arab spring, high oil prices and the refusal of states to endorse ObamaCare.  Now, we have two natural catastrophes on the heels of each other: the East Coast earthquake and hurricane Irene.  That should just about do us in, but you can get lessons on speaking Chinese at a discount at Harvard, where Obama studied. 

OBAMA THINKS HE'S DOING A GREAT JOB ON ECONOMY

71% of Americans disagree.  29% are Kenyan nationals.

CHARLIE "WRANGEL'S" NEW LOVE INTEREST

Laura Ingraham.  (They fight like they've been married for years....)

SURELY HE JESTS

Barack says, "Think how bad things would have been without me!"

LEGAL WAY TO CUT YOUR ELECTRIC BILL IN HALF!!!

Turn your electricity off from 12 Noon to 12 Midnight. 

PRESIDENTIAL AURA

Obama fiddles around on vacation while America's economy burns. 

OBAMA TAKES A VACATION

Well-deserved, certainly.  Look at all he's done for the nation; he's done so well, he should take a 16-month vacation instead of just 10 days. 

OBAMA CHANGES HIS VOTE

It used to be that he voted in the Senate, "Present."  
Now, he votes in the White House, "Absent."

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Will Barack Obama provide a legitimate birth certificate before he runs in the next election? 

OBAMA'S BUS TOUR

Gosh, that's just like Sarah Palin's and Michele Bachmann's bus tours.  Now, isn't that sweet?  (You mean he's 50 years old and this is his first time on a bus?)

TIM PAWLENTY DROPS OUT

Only 143,773 to go!

PERMANENT VACATION

That's exactly what Congress and the President need. 

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THOSE BRITISH NEWSCASTERS?

Talking about the Democrat Potty and the Republican Potty? 

I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER

"Our government; what a sad thing to watch." ~ Alan K. Simpson

A NEW TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA

Kenyan economics do not work in the United States. 

DON'T BLAME ME!

Blame S and P!  Blame the Tea Parties!  Blame the Republican minority!  Eat your can of peas and don't blame me! 

STOCKS FOR SALE

Cheap!  (Buy 20 shares, get an acre of land in the Florida Everglades for free!)

OPEN LETTER TO BARBARA BOXER

Thank you so very much for voting for the recent increase in the debt limit and stalling the real solution to the problem for another 18 months.  Had you and the 73 other Senators not done so, S and P would not have downgraded America's credit rating, something all of us will cherish and remember forever.  

NOW IS A GOOD TIME...

To stay out of the stock market.  And no, don't buy U.S. Savings Bonds, either. 

S&P DOWNGRADE

Good old Barry has pulled off another one.  Change.  Change you can believe in.  This truly may be the real beginning to the end.  

ON MY WAY TO GUANTANAMO

I've been labeled as a Tea Party Terrorist.  How they're going to fit 25 million of us in there remains t be seen.  Maybe I'll pick up a hostage or two on the way there.   

WHY CONGRESS LEFT WASHINGTON

39 million pounds of turkey have been recalled. 

BAD NEWS IN BLACK ROCK

I was investigating Ancestry.com and found out that my mother had five children and none lived...

FINE PRINT

If you thought ObamaCare was bad, wait until you read the fine print on THIS Bill!

STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE

Is not within a Member of Congress' job description. 

I HAVE MORE MONEY THAN.....

I have $4.92 in cash... that's $2.49 more than the U.S Treasury has left in cash!

THE DEBT-DEFICIT: WHAT'S THE BIG PROBLEM?

The Big Weiner could have had this all sorted out by now!  (Maybe we should ask him to come back on a consulting basis?  We could set Monica Lewinsky up as his Executive Assistant...)

WHY DOES IOWA GET ALL OF THE POLITICAL PLAY?

Because they're all full of C-O-R-N. 

WILL PALIN GET IN THE RACE?

There you go with one of those racist questions again. 

"MEALY-MOUTHED"

Of Presidential stature, i.e. Barack Obama. 

WHAT REALLY TICKS ME OFF ABOUT THE BUDGET CRISIS

No one cares about Casey Anthony anymore. 

SCARE TACTICS NOT SO SCARY

All weekend, the word was that if they didn't have a budget deal by Monday morning, the stock markets would would plummet into an abyss.  Today, we surely know that if we don't raise taxes and the debt ceiling by August 2nd, the end of the world will be upon us.  And a pox on you, too, Barack. 

WHAT'S WORSE THAN LISTENING TO OBAMA MAKE A SPEECH?

Trying to peel a store sticker off a ripe plum. 

OBAMA'S MEAN, NASTY AND ANGRY STREAK

Showing his Muslim roots. 

U.S. DEBT DEAL NEAR!

TRUMP TO BUY WHITE HOUSE!

HOT DOGS FULL OF BAD THINGS

Vampire bats, worms, spiders, rocket fuel, Democrats....

WORLD WILL NOT END ON AUGUST 2ND

It will end December 22, 2012 according to ancient Mayan and other texts.  Therefore, why not raise the debt limit to $20 trillion with a promise to pay everyone back on December 23, 2012? 

GIANT DUST STORM HITS PHOENIX AGAIN

And I thought all of the blowhards were in Washington...

SO LONG: YOU GAVE US LOTS OF JOY

U.S. SHUTTLE MISSIONS END JULY 21, 2011

CASEY IS OUT OF JAIL

Sleep well tonight. 

POST OFFICE ADS TOUT HOW GOOD THEY ARE

Maybe they should take over the Government?  Yeah, and we'll get AMTRAK in there, too. 

OBAMA BRINGS HIS CASE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

He's a basket case. 

PRESIDENTIAL TANTRUM

"DON'T CALL MY BLUFF!"

CASEY ANTHONY MAY CHANGE HER NAME

How about Lizzie Borden?  Maybe... Bloody Mary? 

THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING! THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!

August 2, 2011

U.S. WOMEN HAVE BALLS

Beat Brazilian soccer team!

TO CONGRESS: IF YOU RAISE THE DEBT CEILING

We'll raise the roof.

SO LONG, BETTY

Betty Ford, former President Ford's wife has died.  Now, maybe, Gerald won't have to walk and chew gum at the same time anymore.

NOSTALGIA

Ah, the good old days, the days when Members of Congress got together in the back rooms, puffed on their cigars and hashed out ObamaCare.  Well, the good old days are back and there they are again, huddled behind closed doors, hashing out the national debt and deficit.  Kind of brings a warm, fuzzy feeling to your American future, doesn't it? 

HOW HYPOCRITICAL CAN YOU GET?

There's Obama, unabashedly going after the wealthy and seeking to redistribute what they have rightfully earned, while vilifying the Republicans for going after the unions, from whom he extracts tens of millions of dollars in donations while opening up wide the doors to his Oval Office for them. 

OBAMA'S NEW PROPOSAL ON BUDGET DEFICIT

$600 billion in new tax hikes.  (Kinda makes you want to go right on out and buy a new car or hire another employee, doesn't it?  This guy has the brains of a salamander.)

JOE, I AM NOT ANTI-UNION

I am pro-American.  (Take THAT and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.)

THE END OF THE WORLD IS UPON US

The Casey Anthony trial is over. 

4TH OF JULY 2011

GOD BLESS OUR PRESIDENT

ON THIS 4TH OF JULY WEEKEND

Remember what your government is NOT doing for you.  (My God, that'll take the whole weekend for sure...)

OBAMA MIGHT CUT THE WEATHER SERVICE?

Unless we agree to raise taxes, Obama might cut the weather service?  Wahhh!  Wahhh!  Wahhh!  Who NEEDS the damned weather service?  (Crap,pal, they might have to cut ObamaCare, too?)