WHY NOT LEGALIZE DRUGS?

After Obama gets reelected, the whole nation will need to be on drugs, anyway... just to survive. 

ROMNEY'S V.P. PICK

It's gonna be a toss-up between Al Gore and Hillary Clinton? 

WITH ALL THAT RUCKUS OVER AT THE GSA....

I'll bet the BSA and the Campfire Girls are just shaking in their boots.

SO LONG, MIKE

Mike Wallace gave us some real, honest reporting... nothing like Wolf Blitzer. 

OBAMA'S CHIEF ACCOMPLISHMENT IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS

He was "present." 

47 MILLION AMERICANS NOW LIVE IN POVERTY

Obama says his economic policies are working. 

LINE BY LINE?

Mr. Obama said, if you will recall, that he was going to go through the budget line by line looking for ways to save money. 

GSA?

Uh, well, let's skip that line. 

HUMILIATION

Why do the people humiliate themselves by voting? I probably won't vote because I have dignity. I will have to close my nose in order to vote for one of them.  What a great choice... Obama vs. Romney.  It'll be somewhat akin to voting for Charlie Keene vs Lindsay Lohan. 

PELOSI SPEAKS

THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING YOU

The Federal Government and other law enforcement agents have been following citizens around by using GPS to track cell phone movements.  So far, no word about how many Washington politicians have been tracked to call-girl apartments. 

SUPREME COURT SHAKING IN BOOTS

Obama vows big trouble if they overturn ObamaCare. 

I'LL JUST KEEP BLOGGING RIGHT ALONG...

Needless to say, I was not one of the winners of the $640 million. 

On the bright side?  Neither was Nancy Pelosi.   

ON THE CRITICAL CONDITION LIST

ObamaCare. 

OBAMA MAY NOT RUN IN 2012!

April Fool's

FIRST TIME IN RECORDED HISTORY A POPE HAS BEEN SPEECHLESS

FIDEL CASTRO ASKS "WHAT DOES A POPE DO?"

NFL PASSES NEW RULE FOR OVERTIME

Players must clock out at the end of the 1st half and clock back in just before the beginning of the 2nd half in order to receive overtime pay. 

TWO DRINKS A DAY

Two drinks a day are good for your heart and help reduce deaths from other disease, according to a recent study.  


I think I'll be fine until Christ returns. 

WHY THE CAPTAIN ON JET BLUE WENT BONKERS

He'd just found out that he wife is going to vote for Obama in November. 

HAVING THEIR DAY IN COURT

It seems to me that the day has finally come when...
The Supremes are having their day in Court. 

SANTORUM'S GREATEST SPEECH

If Mitt wins the Republican nomination, vote for Obama. 

LUNACY DEFINED

Nancy Pelosi

REMEMBER THAT BRIDGE TO NOWHERE?

How about an oil pipeline to nowhere... Texas to Oklahoma?  


Now, do you really think that any pipeline company in the world is going to build a pipeline to nowhere?  


Obama does. 

OBAMA'S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

He gets the prize and we pay the price. 

SPERM AND ILLEGAL ALIENS

Sperm is like illegal aliens; millions come in, but only one works. 

ROMNEY GOT 52% OF THE ILLINOIS VOTE!

He should have... Illinois is traditionally a Democrat State.

TOTAL DENIAL

That's when you get when you ask a left-wing Democrat a direct question. 

ROMNEY GETS 83% OF THE VOTE!!!

In Puerto Rico, right after Santorum made an ass out of himself.  Finally, he gets more than 50%! 

DEFINITION OF "SPIN"

Obama

He needs to be put on the "finish" cycle.

EXIT STAGE LEFT

Rod Blagojevich.  Hair today, gone tomorrow? 

CHU ON THIS

Energy Secretary Steven Chu was FOR higher gas prices before he was against them.  Oh, and he was FOR bigger Solyndra loan guarantees before he was against them.  You'd almost swear he's a Senator from Massachusetts. 

RON PAUL WINS!

4th Place..... (Well, at least HE'S consistent!)

THEIR EYES ARE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER

It could probably be shown by facts, deeds and figures that there are no distinctly natural criminal classes except Congress and the White House. 

YES, WE NOW KNOW OBAMA WENT TO HARVARD

They've got video of him speaking highly of, and hugging a totally racially radical law professor, Derrick Bell.  (Hmmm... I wonder if it's true that he was attending there on a foreign scholarship?) 

KEYSTONE

It's a great beer... tastes almost like oil. 

CONGRESS IS DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB

Of showing the world what self-serving idiots they truly are. 

NANCY PELOSI'S SMILE

Could freeze hell over. 

REGULAR UNLEADED GAS AT 99 CENTS!

An ounce. 

HERE'S SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT OBAMA

He's Irish.

OBAMA IS DUMBER THAN HE LOOKS

RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND: The story goes that Solyndra went under because foreign countries were able to manufacture, ship and sell solar panels for less than it could make them.  Any other President would have slapped an import tax on the incoming panels. 

NOW THAT IT'S SUPER TUESDAY

I wonder if Ron Paul can finally win an election. 

EGYPTIAN COURT REJECTS MICKEY MOUSE LAWSUIT

Holder's been at it again? 

A RECENT STUDY SHOWS...

Rich people are more likely to lie, cheat and steal.  And just how much has Mr. Obama increased his wealth by during the last three years?

ANDREW BREITBART

Fellow blogger and conservative, a true voice of America, now writing for the Heavenly Press. 

DATING SITES SUED OVER USE OF DEAD SOLDIER'S PICTURE IN ADS

So, if you can smoke pot and have a gay marriage, why can't you date a dead person? 

DAVEY JONES

Is now finally and surely... in his locker.  Oh, and by the way, skip the "e." 

IF YOU DON'T FILE YOUR TAX RETURN...

The IRS won't have anything to audit. 

ROMNEY SPEAKS TO EMPTY STADIUM

Last Friday in 65,000 seat Detroit Lions' stadium, Romney gave a "key address" to a "crowd" of 1,200.  1,100 of them were hot dog vendors. 

IF WE GET RID OF ILLEGAL IMIGRANTS...

Who is going to mow the White House lawn?

IF WE IMPEACHED OBAMA AND BIDEN, WHO WOULD BE PRESIDENT?

Martin Sheen. 

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

That John Edwards is going to get into the Republican Race. 

CAN RON PAUL WIN?

Win what?

REPUBLICAN INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC QUARTET

Gingrich pulls first string violin,
Santorum blasts away at the trumpet,
Romney plays the whoop de doop whatchamacallit,
Paul plays hind tit. 

MAXINE WATERS WANTS TO FORECLOSE YOUR HOME

She's been ranting, raving and screaming, "WE NEED TO TAKE BACK THE HOUSE!"

CONNECTICUT MAN EVICTING 98 YEAR-OLD MOM

He's obviously a Democrat; he says he's doing it for her own good. 

WHAT DO THE PRESIDENT'S THINK?

When they look at what is happening to our country today, I suspect they are all spinning in their graves. 

OBAMA NOW DICTATING TO YOUR KIDS

"Shut up and eat your lunch."

WHY I LIKE POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS

It gives me an excuse to go down to the topless bar and watch the polls. 

NOW THAT WE'RE GETTING CLOSER TO THE ELECTIONS

Why isn't Obama talking about his plans to bring Khalid Sheik Mohamed to New York City for a civilian trial? 

HOW TO LOWER YOUR SMARTPHONE BILL

Get the government to pay for it.  After all, they are a necessity, you know.  

OBAMA'S NEW JOB

He's giving tutoring lessons... in back-pedaling. 

WHAT OBAMA SAID TO TAXPAYERS WHEN HE DELIVERED HIS BUDGET

"Happy Valentine's Day, sweethearts!"

OBAMA DOES NOT EXIST

"The U.S. Government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or than an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race." ~ Phil Larson of the White House Science and Technology Department.  Therefore, Obama cannot exist.  

SO LONG, WHITNEY

You introduced so many of us to great music. 

GREECE JOB

I would surmise that, should Greece file bankruptcy and the European Union should fail, that would be known as a "Greece Job?"

ROMNEY THE DIP

They say that, inspite of recent political wins, Romney's national lead is dipping.  So, I vote that from now on, he shall be known as "Romney, the Dip." 

DONALD TRUMP LIKES MITT ROMNEY

Maybe they'll carve their initials in a tree on the White House lawn. 

OBAMA'S NOT SO SMART

He set up ObamaCare to cut care to seniors and save money, but he doesn't realize that after they die he can no longer collect their taxes. 

IF OBAMA TRULY BELIEVES IN JESUS...

Why is he always doing unto others what they do not want done?

IF THEY HATE THE RICH SO MUCH...

Why are they always buying lottery tickets? 

NASA WANTS MAN ON THE MOON

NASA wants to put another man on the moon.  I vote we just send Obama back there.  Don't you think he's really from outer space? 

ARE YOU ON THE LIST?

Once upon a time, they called it the "Nixon Enemy List."  Now, it's the Obama Enemies List.  If you're name is on it, you're ass is grass.  Right, Rush?

OBAMA'S NEW JOBS PLAN IS LIKE A SUPERBOWL

PUNT! 

HOW TO ANNOY A LIBERAL

Vote for Newt. 

SUSPENSE

Today's the big Republican Primary vote in Florida.  I wonder if they're going to end up arguing over chads again. 

SHREWD NANCY

Pelosi picked the right district to live in.  No way could she get more than two votes in any other district in the country. 

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

Was the last time a politician said something nice about his opponent. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty has a great fall
And all of the king's horse and all of the king's men
Couldn't put Obama back together again. 

SPEAKING OF NEWT'S PROBLEMS WITH HIS EX-WIFE

What ever happened to Monica Lewinsky? 

MITT'S NEW NICKNAME

FANG. 

WHY6 WE HAVEN'T HEARD MORE ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT'S PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

It was on NBC.  No one was watching. 

CARNIVAL CRUISE ANNOUNCEMENT

Ocean cruise ship for sale, cheap.  4,000 person capacity plus crew.  Captain included free.  Slight damage, needs TLC. 

JOE PATERNO

Joe has died and will most assuredly soon be in grave condition. 

WHAT DOROTHY DID NOT SEE IN KANSAS IN THE WIZARD OF OZ?

An oil pipeline. 

SEVEN INDICTED FOR INSIDER TRADING

None of which were Members of Congress because Members of Congress made themselves immune from the law.  (Correct, Madame Pelosi?) 

ROMNEY SHOULD NOT RELEASE HIS TAX RETURNS

Until Obama releases his birth certificate.

PRETEND YOU'RE ON A CRUISE....

Every time I see a picture of that cruise ship, laying on its side in total distress, I think of America's national debt. 

DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS

I hate to say it, but Romney looked like one several times Monday night in the Fox Debates.  Other times, he looked a little sleazy, like a used car salesman. 

AND THEN THERE IS THE WOMAN WITH TWO VAGINAS

She's been on talk shows recently and no, her name is NOT Nancy Pelosi. 

CRUISING COMMENT

"I don't know about you, but I've got this sinking feeling..."

RICK PERRY ASKS

Are you better off now than you were $4 trillion ago? 

HOT SHOTS

KIM JONG UN, the new pipsqueak in Korea, fired off three missiles this last week.  He's waiting for Obama to go there and bow? 

OBAMA'S DEBT MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

Give me $1.2 trillion more.  NOW.

BARBOUR SHOP

I beg your pardon!

AWAY WITH YOU, YOU DOLTS!

Prince Romney speaking of the other pretenders to the throne after his New Hampshire triumph. 

EXIT STAGE LEFT

The Pentagon, thanks to Premier Obama. 

RICK PERRY'S MEMORY RETURNS

Now he remembers the three departments he wants to axe: Commerce, Energy and.. and.. and.. Education.  Was that right? 

DARTH VADER BURGERS?

The Belgian fast food chain, Quick, is going to be offering a "Darth Vader Burger."  And here I thought Barack was going to be offering burgers with his Rose Garden beers. 

AFTER IOWA: What Was That Song?

"Michelle, Michelle... bye, bye Michelle."

AMERICA'S MOST WANTED

Now on Lifetime on Friday nights.  FOX evidently decided that catching fugitives was no longer worth air time. 

THIS IS THE DAY WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR

The Iowa Caucus.  Certainly, this day will live in the annals of history.  Big whoopie!   Gosh.  Golly.