SCREAMING NIGHTMARE

One Conservative Republican stuck in a room with 20 left-wing liberal Democrats, in the dark and during a two-day hurricane. 

DOUBLE WHAMMY BLOWHARD

When the politico bags of wind are out on the campaign trail in the middle of a hurricane. 

STORMY WEATHER

All of the way across the northeast.  Also, penetrating the Obama campaign as poll numbers start going south. 

OBAMA'S MOST VALUABLE POSSESSIONS

The media and the press.

FOUR MORE YEARS?

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

Obama's White House

REMEMBER THAT 3:00 AM WHITE HOUSE PHONE CALL?

When Obama got his call about Benghazi, he got on Air Force One and headed for Vegas. 

THAT EXPLAINS IT

I was thinking the other night that the stupid things coming out of Debbie Wasserman Schultz' mouth qualify her to have a full frontal lobotomy.  Upon further reflection, I realize now that she's already had one. 

A STRONG AMERICA

We can do this.  All we have to do is: 

 

PRESIDENTIAL

After last night... Not Obama. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Would you rather watch Monday Night Football or the debate? 

INTELLIGENCE

What the White House lacks, in more ways than one. 

WHO HAS MORE STORIES THAN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS?

Obama.  Everyone in the whole country, except one, came up with the same answer. 

FANG

Obama's new nickname. 

TOWN HALL MEETING

Where they hang politicians out to dry. 

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET

Felix Baumgartner

OBAMA'S ACHILLE'S HEEL?

Benghazi. 

RUDE & CRUDE MACHINE

Joe Biden.

GAFFE

Short for giraffe.  

Also use to describe a high-brow Vice-Presidential remark. 

DYSFUNCTIONAL

United States Government

$50

Remember when you used to be able to fill your gas tank for less than $50? 

FACEBLANK

The look on Obama's mug during the great debate. 

OBAMA LIKES HIM SO MUCH...

Let's give him the Big Bird for Election Day. 

7.8%

The greatest lie ever told. 

OBFUSCATE AND PONTIFICATE

Obama Administration

SEQUESTRATION

The art of separating the taxpayer from his money with his knowing it. 

WHY OBAMA FAILED IN DEBATE

It was the night of his wedding anniversary.  Michelle had just informed him that she had a headache. 

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES

White House reaction to Benghazi, Libya and Naco, Arizona. 

HUGO CHAVEZ

Would vote for Obama if he could vote here.  (How nice.) 

DEBATE

How you catch a fish, with de bate. 

DONKEY

The appropriate symbol of the Democratic Party. 

ZERO

The economic forecast of the Obama future.  ("Just give me four more years, I'll somehow manage to get it right yet!")

FRACK, FRACKING, FRACTOR, ETC

Verb or adjective; terminology used to describe Federal elected officials.  Examples: "Frack Congress!"  Or, "What's that fracking President doing to us now?"  Or, "How are we going to deal with Janet Napolitano and the issue of illegals coming across the border?  Fractor!" And if an official is ill, we send him off to see the "Fractologist." 

FATWA

Overweight wa. 

SO LONG, ANDY

Have a great eternity on Moon River.   

HARRY REID SPEAKS

CASH FOR CLUNKERS

Political contributions to Obama and Biden. 

ME-PAD

1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington   DC

POLITICIAN

Terrorist in a suit and tie. 

AMERICAN?

If this doesn't look just like Hitler all over again, what does? 

REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH

Robin Hood Obama

IN THE CATBIRD'S SEAT

Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman.

FATWA

Michelle Obama and Michael Bloomberg are in favor of legislation forcing Americans to lose weight.  Such regulations shall be known as "Fatwas." 

FUTURE OBAMA VOTERS

Middle East protestors. All they have to do is get across the border. 

LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT

No more talk about Obama, the economy and God.  Sunflowers, anyone? 

QUIT NAGGING

If Obama says he will fix it, take him at his word.  There's no need to remind him every four years that it needs to be fixed. 

JEWISH NOBOBY

Benjamin Netanyahu 

IN THE MOVIES

Prophet Mohammed.

PRICE OF PAPER GOING UP

Treasury printing billions and billions of more dollars. 

FROM DIFFERENT UNIVERSES

God and the Democratic Party. 

ROSE SYRACUSE RICHARDONE RETIRES

After 73 years at Macy's.  Thank God the government built Macy's or she never would have had a job. 

SAWED OFF LITTLE RUNT

Kim Jong-Un

OBAMA'S GREATEST FEAR

"2016 - OBAMA'S AMERICA"

NUMBER ONE MOVIE AT THE BOX OFFICE

YOU'RE FIRED!

Clint Eastwood.

STUCK BETWEEN BARRACK AND A HARD PLACE

Democratic Party

GOD

Definitely not a member of the Democratic Party. 

THIRD-CLASS BIMBO

Sandra Fluke

KILLER RABBIT

Jimmy Carter

TO THE RESCUE

Bill Clinton 

DEMOCRATIC CONVENTON THEME SONG

SEND IN THE CLOWNS

SEX AND THE DHS

Missing in Action from the DHS - Suzanne Barr, (No relation to Candy Barr)

TWO-BIT FLOOZY

Debbie Wasserman Schultz

SORRY ASS

George Sor os

SEXY JANET

It's a tossup between Napolitano and Reno. 

SHORT MAN SYNDROME

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

SPACE CADET

Neil Armstrong, a real pioneer now truly "lost in space." 

REPUBLICAN CONVENTION THEME SONG

Elephant Walk

LOST HIS SHIRT IN LAS VEGAS

Prince Henry

STARCHED SHORTS

Mitt Romney

LADY KILLER

Drew Peterson

LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY

Michael Bloomberg

PARIAH

Missouri Senator Todd Akin

PHYLLIS

It is with deep regret,

We will never forget;

The void in our lives that needed a filler,

Like Phyllis Diller. 

ANTI-CHRISTS

Liberals

ROUGH RIDER

Joe Arpaio

BLACK KNIGHT OF THE APOCALYPSE

Barrrrack Obama

BOWELS IN AN UPROAR

Rush Limbaugh

SNAKE IN THE GRASS

Eric Holder

BLOW HARD

Donald Trump

BUMBLING IDIOT

Joe Biden

STUCK IN THE MUCK

Harry Reid

SMILEY FACE

Paul Ryan

DRAMA QUEEN

Nancy Pelosi

UNACCEPTABLE

Dirty, rotten, lying, sleazy campaign ads.  All they prove is that the politician using them has nothing of favorable substance to discuss. 

HOW TO GET A FREE COLLEGE EDUCATION

Cross the Mexican border illegally. 

SHORT LIST

Midgets for Romney.

DIRTY HARRY

Foul-mouthed, rotten liar... Distinguished U.S. Senate Majority Leader from the great State of Nevada...  The epitome of American liberalism and hatred. 

IT'S TOO BAD

That Obama doesn't have a God to pray to. 

MARS LANDING TONIGHT

Word from the White House is that Obama will personally guide the capsule to a landing from the Situation Room, with Hillary, Harry, Nancy and Joe standing by.  Look for photo's tomorrow. 

REMEMBER AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS?

QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING

If you don't like the fact that Obama and his cronies are destroying our Constitution and our freedoms, shut the hell up and DO something about it. 

CLING ON TO YOUR GUNS AND RELIGION...

Obama is serious about wanting to get reelected. 

WILD BILL TO SPEAK AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

I wonder if Monica will be there?  Cigar anyone? 

FROM THE FRYING PAN AND INTO THE FIRE

Americans who say they built those businesses didn't do that; the government did it for them.  Gosh, who would say such a stupid thing? 

OBAMA HAS MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT

He has fanned the flames of racism more flagrantly than any other citizen in U.S. history. 

MOST OF THE LAWYERS WHO CAN'T GET ANY CLIENTS...

...End up in Congress. 

U.S. DESTROYER FIRES TORPEDO!

SINKS U.S. ECONOMY

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO FOR YOUR PROSTATE EVERY MORNING

HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW. 

THE REAL QUESTION IS....

If Obama was not born in Kenya, and if his Hawaiian Birth Certificate is phony, then just where WAS he born?  It's obviously not in the U.S., so where? 

IT TAKES THE MURDER OF 12 PEOPLE

To get the Presidential candidates to speak with civility toward each other.