AMOK

What Obama is in... A muck. 

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Is wrinkled. 

OBAMA AND O.J. MUST BE RELATED

Neither one is ever to blame for anything. 

OBAMA KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG

He's right and you're wrong. 

ON THE TIP OF OBAMA'S TONGUE

"I am not a crook."

SPEAKING OF TRANSPARENCY

What ever happened to the FAST & FURIOUS investigation? 

A.P.

Out from underneath Obama's thumb? 

NEW HIGH-MILEAGE VEHICLE

It's called a bicycle. 

I.R.S.

Your friendly, neighborhood community service agency. 

PRINCE HARRY

Now has clothes. 

WHY CARTER LIKES OBAMA

Obama makes even Carter look good. 

CONGRESSIONAL HEARING

Non-existent, since they never listen to a word we citizens have to say. 

HUCKSTER

A seller of shoddy goods, i.e.: Obama, Pelosi, Reid and ObamaCare. 

ALIEN BEING

Anyone from Pocatello, Idaho. 

QUACK, QUACK

Lame duck President. 

COVER UP

What you do to roast duck under glass.

AMNESTY

What Obama is going to be looking for when we get to the bottom of Benghazi. 

HOTTER THAN A CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Benghazi Massacre story. 

THE INFAMOUS RED LINE

Drawn by a paper tiger. 

RACIAL PROFILING

Thank GOD they didn't use it in Boston, right? 

GOOD MORNING THERE, SUNSHINE

MOVING RIGHT ALONG ON THE BOSTON MARATHON INVESTIGATION

The F.B.I. is now trying to determine whether or not the two brothers, Tamerlan and Dahokhar Tsarnaev, knew each other. 

F.B.I.

Freackin' Bungling Idiots

POT RALLY

Standing around the kitchen cheering while the lobster boils. 

WHY CONGRESS ENDED THE FAA CUTBACKS

They're getting ready for spring vacation and they need to fly home... on time while not sitting next to ticked off Americans.    

CONTRACTORS ANONYMOUS

Bangladesh sweat shop builders. 

IMPEACHMENT

The act of making a peachy pie.  Use one toasted well-done President for making the crust; add chopped, half-baked Senators and Representatives for filling; season with finely ground Cabinet members to taste. 

SHINDIG

Dedication of George W. Bush's library. 

ALZHEIMER'S

“They say brain exercises will stave off Alzheimer’s.  Obama doesn’t stand a chance.” 

AMERICAN TRAGEDY

Excuse for Obama to make a speech.

SOCIALISM

Block parties.  Facebook.  Classmates.com.  Orgies. 

TERRORISM

You have no idea what terrorism is all about until your wife starts throwing plates and frying pans in your direction. 

FERTILIZER EXPLOSION

I awakened the other morning to learn there had been a huge explosion at a fertilizer plant.  At first, I thought they were talking about Harry Reid's office...

PAT SUMMERALL

A great sportscaster.  Now, he's in heaven with his own ball team. 

FLAT TAX

Yes, now they're even taxing flat tires...

MAIL POISON

PELOSI LOVE LETTERS

JONATHAN WINTERS

A great comedian of the times.  And now, what are we going to use for trash can liners? 

CONSTIPATION

What Obama gets when he hears the word, "Constitution"

THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES

It's Income Tax Day.  Just think, the year is 1/3 over and every nickel you have earned so far this year is going toward next year's taxes.  As a matter of fact, most of the country has to work two more months to cover next year's tax bill.  Now's the time to take a break and send good old Barry an email to tell him how much you appreciate his need to spend more money.  Bye, bye now. 

FORGOTTEN WORDS IN WHITE HOUSE

FAST AND FURIOUS

FORBIDDEN WORD IN WHITE HOUSE

BENGHAZI

KENNEDY'S FOR GUN CONTROL

The Kennedys made so much money running rum during Prohibition; just think about how much they can make after guns are banned. 

RETIREMENT

The act of buying four new tires and working for the rest of the year to pay for them. 

ZOMBIE

A hypothetical being that is physically identical in all respects to a conscious person, but is not conscious.  In other words, a devout believer in the Obama dogma. 

MARGARET THATCHER

TO A GREAT LADY WHO DID WONDERS FOR ENGLAND AND WHO WAS A TRUE WORLD LEADER, 

Thank you for your service. 

I'LL DRINK TO THAT

A crocked sot never toils. 

TRANS-GENDER

Did it ever occur to you that might be the reason Obama won't show his real birth certificate? 

THE MORNING-AFTER PILL

Actually, I like the idea of its being available to everyone, regardless of age.  Even guys can take it if they've had anal sex.  That'll certainly reduce the number of asinine politicians in Washington.

BIG MOUTHED, PINT-SIZED PIP SQUEAK

Kim Jong Un

LIFE

You don't need to worry about tomorrow unless the sun rises in the west today. 

NOW, THAT'S DRY!

Obama has been on the spin cycle for so long that even his ears have dried up. 

OBAMACARE #1

ObamaCare is somewhat akin to having a new national and mandatory proctologist. 

OFFICIAL NATIONAL DAY IN RECOGNITION OF OUR NATION'S FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT

Happy April Fool's Day. 

LOWER THAN A SNAKE'S BELLY

Obama's poll ratings. 

WHTE HOUSE EASTER EGG ROLL

If sequestration were real, we wouldn't have one.  Think of all of the money the government could save on eggs. 

EASTER

Banned at Heritage Elementary School in Madison, Alabama.  Nope... you can't even talk about it.  Go lay an egg. 

GOOD FRIDAY

Bad President

POLL DANCER

Nancy Pelosi

OBAMACARE

It makes me sick just to think about it. 

BACKGROUND CHECK

What we should have done on Obama before we elected him. 

BUDGET

If you can't move it, budge it.   

ASSAULT WEAPON

Michael Moore's mouth. 

SPRING

What you do when you release criminal illegal aliens from prison without legal authority. 

LUXURY

Enjoy a new level of luxury.  Take a Carnival Cruise today. 

CHEMICAL WEAPON

Miss Piggy's douche. 

"KIM JUNG UN"

What you say when you have a bad case of constipation. 

CONSERVATIVE

Unlike others, someone who believes in America, its history, its Constitution and its future.   

HAPPY SAINT PADDY'S DAY, BARACK!

ENTITLEMENT

The government conned you out of it; now they're entitled to it and you can't have it back. 

MISTER CLEAN FACE

http://www.lvrj.com/news/19275809.html

PELOSI

Always lets her mouth overload her asshole.

CARDINALS

I hear that the Cardinals are holding spring training in Rome this year....

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME

One hour less in which to figure out your income taxes. 

FILIBUSTERER

A MAN WHO LIKES THE SOUND OF HIS OWN VOICE. 

LET'S DANCE

CONGRESSIONAL WHITE HOUSE DINNER

EVERY AMERICAN'S DREAM

Government shutdown. 

POT

Where Obama sits while listening to Rush Limbaugh.  

DESPOT

Despot here is different than dat pot there. 

SINK HOLE

Where all of our tax money goes. 

PERPETUAL STATE OF COMBAT

Today's White House. 

PERMANENT VACATION

I'm working on a dream cruise for us Americans.  I want to charter the Carnival ship Triumph for a one way trip up the river for all members of Congress and the occupants of the White House.  Send me $5.00. 

$349 MILLION

The amount of your tax money wasted on Federal agency meetings and conferences in 2012. 

DEVASTATION

What we all woke up to as the first day of Sequestration kicked in...

LIQUOR STORE EMPLOYEE FIRED

-----  You gotta love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A  new employee of the Grant Park Liquor Store in Half Moon Bay, California, was fired immediately after serving his first customer. A Mr. Germander Mohammad Singh came in and asked the clerk if he could recommend a good port. The employee replied, "Try Long Beach .."

INFLAMMATORY RACIST RHETORIC

"Obama is to blame!"  

WHAT HAPPENED TO ATLANTIS...

SEQUESTRATION

HOW OBAMA IS DEALING WITH SEQUESTRATION

HOW TO ROB THE VICE PRESIDENT'S HOUSE

1. Make a little noise outside

2. Wait for the sound of two shotgun blasts

3. Have at it, my friend; the danger is gone. 

WHAT ARE THE ODDS...

Of Jodi Arias marrying Oscar Pistorius?  (I guess, maybe, it's a dead issue.) 

POINT TO PONDER

Two-thirds of all gun-related deaths in the United States are suicides. 

TRANSPARENT

Def: Having the quality of horse manure

Syn: El toro poopoo

Use: "I have the most transparent administration in history."

CHINESE HACKING U.S. BANKS

CHINK, CHINK

SEQUESTRATION

THE GREATEST LIE EVER TOLD
Der: Sequester
Synonym: Castrate
Use: "If those damned citizens won't do as I say, we'll sequester them."
Also, sequestration refers to separation or segregation, particularly of funds of money.
Use: "It's all about how to sequester the people from their money."  

WHY SO MANY SEX SCANDALS IN CONGRESS?

Look up sex congress on Google. 

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR

That Barack Hussein Obama has sent in his application to be the next Pope. 

WHY IZZIT...

That the price of guns is now going up faster than the price of gold? 

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN ASTEROID AND A HEMORRHOID?

AN ASTEROID CAN NEVER BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 

SMELL THE FRESH BOUQUET

Take a Carnival cruise today. 

TODAY'S THE DAY!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, BARACK!

AMERICA LOVES YOU!

Yep, you can bet your sweet bippees on that one...

THIS VALENTINE'S DAY...

Don't forget to send Nancy Pelosi some dandelions.