"I'M SORRY..."

"But, I'll bet you're sorry now." 

WARNING

Anyone who watched the Country Music Awards and laughed at the ObamaCare jokes will be audited by the I.R.S. 

GLITCH

If the ObamaCare website is a "slight glitch," I'd hate to see what a "big glitch" looks like. 

SPIDERBAMA

So, if your insurance company changed your plan in 2012, and Obama said in late 2012 that your could keep your plan.... period.... then why is the insurance company now cancelling your new plan?  When at first you plan to deceive, you're going to get caught in the webs you weave. 

CONEY ISLAND

Where all of the Cone Heads live.... Pelosi, Bloomberg, Reid, Waters....

NOT EVEN RINGLING BROTHERS...

Could put on a circus like the one we have at the White House. 

THERE IS TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

A legislator gave Sebelius a copy of "WEBSITES FOR DUMMIES." 

DECEIT

To take away someone's chair.  As in, Obama sold Americans ObamaCare by deceit, which is why you can't afford to buy any chairs for your house. 

PERIOD

The most regretted word in Obama's vocabulary. 

IT WAS ALL HER FAULT

That's why she's gone...

 

OBAMACARE DYSFUNCTION

CIALIS WON'T HELP. 

PELOSI IS STILL IMMERSED IN IT

"The fog," that is. 

HOW TO MAKE AMERICANS LOSE WEIGHT

Make all chairs and seats narrower.  Let's start with the airlines...

YOU'LL HAVE LOT'S TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS THANKSGIVING

Gosh and gee whillickers... The ObamaCare website is going to be working!  Trust me!

TRANSPARENT

That's Obama: You can see right through him. 

PETULANCE

One of Obama's finer attributes. 

"MONKEY COURT"

The first accurate description I've heard of Congress in years. 

POPE LEFT ALONE IN VATICAN!

The Cardinals are all out of town playing baseball. 

WHERE OBAMACRATS GO TO COLLEGE?

The University of Maryland recently hosted a workshop for interested students to teach them how to pleasure themselves using various sex toys. 

THERE COULD BE TRUTH TO THE RUMOR

That Jesus will not return to Earth because He can't tolerate the politics. 

JFK'S BRAIN MISSING

Researchers say John F. Kennedy's brain has been missing for years.  They also conclude that Obama doesn't have it. 

AMERICA'S MOST WANTED?

BLOGGERS AND TALKING HEADS

Y'all should be in fear of us, shakin' in your American boots, 'cause we just might say somethin' that would upset the President if you read it. 

OH PLEASE, MR. CUSTER!

Find this country a leader!

BIMBO

Nancy what's-her-face. 

NATIONAL DEBT SOLUTION

Why don't we have the American citizens at large settle the amount of the national debt ceiling every two years during the November elections?  Why should we leave the decision up to the "big spenders" in Washington? 

HOW TO NAVIGATE THE OBAMACARE WEBSITE

Step 1: Turn off your computer.
Step 2: Turn on your TV.
Step 3: Tune in to the Mickey Mouse Show.  

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE AUDACITY OF THE PRESIDENT

To shut down the Statue of Liberty in one breath and to say we need to resolve the immigration issues in the next breath?  Duhhh? 

HOW TALKS ARE PROGRESSING

Things are progressing on the budget talks in Washington.  Up until now, they've been getting on TV and saying, "He's an asshole!"  Now, they're looking directly at each other and saying, "You're an asshole!" 

Yep!  That's progress, in Democratic speak. 

Columbus would be so proud he found this continent... 

 

OBAMA GETS THE SHORTS

The new N.S.A. top security domestic spying center in Utah is full of electrical problems. 

KEEP ON TRUCKIN'

That's the saying of the day in Washington, DC. 

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR

That the Washington Redskins are changing their name to the Washington Barack-Baracks. 

NAME CALLING

99% of the politicians give the rest a bad name. 

SHUTDOWN

It's too darned bad we can't shut their flappin' gums down. 

CAD

At first, I thought they were talking about the White House limo, but I now understand they were talking about the President. 

I CHECKED THE OBAMACARE WEBSITE

It said: "Take two aspirin, send in $500.00 and check back in the morning."

FATWAH

An overweight Wah. 

DIGITIZED

The government is requiring all medical providers to digitize all health-related information on every patient and to make that information available on-line to the government health care authorities.  

I've got a digit I'd like to give them....

HEALTH CARE EXCHANGE

I'll trade you my doctor for yours. 

AMANDA KNOTTS

Square knots with an Italian twist. 

TOAD

A person who is deemed to be despicable or contemptible.  Okay... it's a tossup between Reid and Obama. 

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN

The way this government operates, we'll be much better off with them closed. 

ANARCHIST

Anyone who doesn't embrace ObamaCare. 

FORBIDDEN WORDS TO USE AT WHITE HOUSE

FOX NEWS. 

CONGRESSIONAL OBAMACARE WAIVER

THANK YOU

THANK YOU TED CRUZ FOR SPEAKING UP FOR AMERICANS!

SINK HOLE

Where the government is spending all of our money. 

BLACKBERRIES

What you give Obama for Christmas. 

WITH ALL OF THE DEMOCRATS YELLING THERE'S GOING TO BE A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN....

How can they blame the Republicans? 

CHEMICAL WEAPON

Little Ms. Piggy's douche. 

ASHAMED

If I were him, I'd be ashamed of having my name associated with ObamaCare. 

ASSERT

How your fanny feels after it falls onto the cactus. 

GOVERNMENT SHUT DOWN

If it happens, will they send Congress home?  Or, will Congress continue working... without pay? 

IRRELEVANT

Anything Obama says. 

QUIET AS A CHURCH MOUSE

Hillary Clinton. 

POLL DANCER

What Obama did so well until all of his chickens started coming home to roost. 

CONSUMER FINANCIAL PROTECTION AGENCY

Sucking up what little private information about you that has not already been sucked up by I.R.S., D.H.S. and N.S.A... And yes, they DO know what brand of toilet tissue you use. 

PUTIN

Putin, Putin, poodnin pie,
Why'd you make Obama cry? 

EXCEPTIONAL NATION

Obama is correct in saying we are an exceptional nation.  No other country has a leader like him. 

SNOW JOB

What Obama got from Putin for 9/11.

BARRY'S NEW POSSESSION

It's a full year since the Benghazi Massacre and, since Obama has refused answers and stonewalled investigations, he now owns it. 

WHY OBAMA REALLY WANTS TO BOMB SYRIA?

He would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. 

OBAMACARE CHORUS LINE

Remember how they were singing to us the night before they all crammed ObamaCare down our throats?  Here they are again, Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Boehner, Graham, McCain.... a GREAT American chorus on the very eve of a Syrian bombing?

We've really GOT to have this vote, away from the fog of the controversy, so we'll all know what's in it. 

COME UPPANCE

What Obama is now getting in return for his cavalier disregard for American democracy. "We don't need no dictator." 

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

Putin and Obama at the G20 Summit. 

IT'S GOING TO BAD A BAD DAY IN BLACK ROCK....

  If Obama doesn't get his way.   

GOOD RIDDANCE

ARIEL CASTRO

PSST!! HEY, BARRY! HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU!

You come clean on Benghazi, N.S.A., D.O.J., Fast & Furious and the I.R.S. and we'll let you go after Syria. 

IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME

How all of the talking heads who don't even know what a carbine looks like can provide the country with endless dictates about what we should do in Syria. 

ZINGGED OUT

SEE YOU TUESDAY.

HAVE A GREAT LABOR DAY AND A FANTASTIC BBQ

THE PROBLEM WITH SYRIA

Obama didn't bow low enough. 

I HAVE A DREAM

And it most definitely does NOT include Barack Hussein Obama. 

DOWN AND DIRTY

Miley Cyrus

6,567

That's the number of new Federal Regulations that affect you which have been enacted... in the last 90 days. 

DELBERT BELTON

May the two black kids who beat this 88-year-old to death with flashlights in Spokane rot in hell. 

I WAS GOING TO INVITE YOU TO MY PARTY, BUT...

I was reading through the list of people who have been spied on by the N.S.A. and I didn't see your name there!  Oh, lah, dee, dah. 

MIXED UP PRIORITIES

I think the damned press and media should worry a whole lot less about the insignificant things in life, like where Samantha Powers has been and why, and whole lot more about the important things such as what in the Sam hell we're going to do about the jackass we have in the White House. 

SHUCK AND DUCK, BOB AND WEAVE

Obama strategy on Syria

HOW TO GET A RAISE

Go on welfare. 

WHAT ABOUT THE DOG?

We haven't heard a word about whether or not their dog went back to the White House with them!  Did he have to take the Greyhound? 

ANIMAL HOUSE

1600 Pennsylvania House NE

FATWAH

The national war against fat people. 

2,700

The number of "accidental mistakes" the N.S.A. made in violating the law and spyng on Americans... last year. 

SHOW YOUR TRUE COLORS

Buy an Obama mask today!

NUCLEAR WEAPON?

Lois Lerner's private email account. 

BYE, BYE NOW

Jesse Jackson Jr. 

OBAMACARE

A wholly owned subsidiary of the Democratic Party. 

CALIFORNIA

The Golden State, where boys are girls and girls are boys. 

HOT SEX

Tabasco on Weiner. 

RACISM

Obama's answer to everything. 

DOMESTIC SPYING PROGRAM

Television cameras installed to monitor your illegal Mexican gardeners and maids. 

MARTHA'S VINEYARD

Jackal's Summer Hideout. 

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY

The I.R.S., N.S.A., D.O.J., E.P.A., D.H.S., and/or C.I.A., may be listening. 

COMMANDER IN CHIEF

Valerie Jaret

CUCKCOO'S NEST

Presidential Quarters at the White House. 

DALLIANCE

What Anthony Wiener, Elliott Spitzer and Bob Filner all have in common:  They want to dally with the dolly. 

PHONY

Of Presidential origin; that is, the scandals are phony. 

WHY HOLDER IS HANGING ON....

Michelle won't allow Kamala Harris to be the next Attorney General. 

FROM RUSSIA, WITH LOVE

We've got Snowden.  Nyah, nyah, nyah. 

ZEALOT

I'm so confused.  Now, Jesus is being called a Zealot.  I thought Obama was Jesus.  Oh, no... now I get it.  Obama is the Omnipotent One.  I wonder, if the Zealot and the Omnipotent One ever got into an argument, who do you think would win?