JIM GILMORE

I just found out Jim Gilmore suspended his GOP presidential race.  Who was Jim Gilmore? 

HAPPY PRESIDENTS DAY

That excludes Barack Obama, of course.  
 

EINSTEIN'S SPACE-TIME THEORY

If you ravel through space for enough time, you will eventually reach another dimension where politicians do not exist.  
 

HILLARY: QUID PRO QUO?

Let's see now... If Barack arranges for Hillary to get off, will Hillary select Michelle to be her running-mate?  

HILLARY WHO?

Yeah.  Who WAS that woman who was running in the New Hampshire primary?  
 

DENNY'S

Black customers must pay in advance for their meals. 

COLOSSIAL DISAPPOINTMENT

Paul Ryan.

DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS

Marco Rubio under attack by Chris Christie at the Saturday night debates.  
 

BORDERS

Why do we even bother?  

FUTILITY

An Iowa Caucus. 

HOLIER THAN THOU

Politicians.  Don't you get tired of their pompous butts?  

RON PAUL

Bye bye, now.  
 

IOWA

The State where half of the people vote for a crook and the other half votes for a Socialist.  That oughta make even Bob Dole sick. 

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If Hillary wins, will she do a poll dance?
 

SHOOTOUT IN DENVER

These rival biker gangs had a shootout in Denver over the weekend.  I wonder how many of them passed their background checks and bought their guns from a licensed gun dealer?  

IF CLINTON FAILS

Maybe Megyn Kelly will take her slot? 

C.I.A. RELEASES U.F.O. FILES

The C.I.A. has posted some U.F.O. files from 1949 to 1953 on its website.  Maybe we can finally find out where Obama came from?   
 

HIGH HORSE

A place occupied by FOX NEWS.  
 

TRUMP IS A TERRORIST

FOX NEWS is solidly united against Trump, saying yesterday that his refusal to participate in tonight's debate is "unprecedented" and accusing him of "terrorizing" Megyn Kelly.  Wah, wah, wah.  
 

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG

I wonder how many votes he plans to get from members of the NRA...

DEBATE

To take the worm off the hook.  
 

ESTABLISHMENT

Establishment is a dirty word.  The problem is that everyone thinks an establishment is a haberdashery on Honeysuckle Street.  

A NEW PLANET?

This will surely screw up my horoscope.  

SNOW JOB?

Not in Washington, D.C.  Never  They GIVE snow jobs!!!

CLINTON'S EMAILS

She had nothing to do with it.  It was all a vast, right wing conspiracy.

THAT TAKES BALLS

There are allegations of corruption in tennis matches.  
 

I WAS THINKING ABOUT ENDORSING TRUMP...

But, I didn't want to upstage Sarah Palin. 
 

IRAN IS SO NICE

Those swell fellows just traded five hostages for seven convicts and the dropping of charges against 14 others and the payment of $150 billion.  Aren't they just fabulous?  

WEASEL FARM

Congress. 

IS THERE A SURGEON IN THE HOUSE?

SOMEBODY needs to neuter this president.  

 

THANK GOD FOR JOHN KASICH

Without him, Ohio couldn't exist.  
 

AL JEZEERA GOES BYE BYE

Citing huge financial losses and lack of viewers, the American version of Al Jezeera Network is going off the air in April.  

Good riddance. 

DONALD TRUMP

The greatest hat salesman on the face of the planet.  

 

WHY THE F.B.I. CAN'T PROTECT US FROM TERRORISM

All of its agents are tied up investigating Hillary Clinton. 
 

STATE OF THE UNION

THE GREATEST SNOW JOB IN WORLD HISTORY

IF I WON $800 MILLION...

I'd probably finally quit playing the lotto.  
 

OBAMA PREPS FOR STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

OBAMA CAN'T GET YOUR GUNS...

So he's going to get your sugar instead.  

Start your diet immediately... or else. 

HOW THE GOVERNMENT WORKS

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused.  Then I realized that I was watching the dog chase his tail. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

It's been said that we should just step back and watch the Muslims kill each other off.  

Now I have to ask you... if that fantasy were to come true, who would run our convenience stores and operate our motels?  

BOMBS AWAY?

The way the future is shaping up, it's terrifying that not one... not one... presidential candidate has had any military experience.  

Oh, I forgot... Hillary came under heavy artillery fire when her helicopter was landing in Bosnia.  Yeah, right...
 

IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO READ OBAMA'S EPITAPH

I've never seen the word "horseshit" on a tombstone before. 

THANK GOD FOR OBAMA

 

He brought peace to the world in 2015. 

GUN CONTROL 101

Say there, Barry... How about you coming clean on Operation Fast & Furious before you try to impose any gun control on US? 

CREATING ENEMIES

If you want to make an enemy out of a friend or relative, lend him money.  
 

STOP THE MUSIC

Students at George Mason University want the song "White Christmas" banned because it's racist. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

See you Monday. 

ZINGER'S DOG OF THE YEAR AWARD

ZINGER'S MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD

ZINGER'S WOMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD

WE'RE SAFE NOW

Obama's in Hawaii. 

THE RUNS

"Afluenza Teen"

OBAMA ON TERRORISM: PAY ATTENTION NOW...

Obama sez: "If you target Americans, you will have no safe haven."  

Carter says that they are going to transfer out 17 more terrorists back home from GITMO who actively tried to kill Americans and their looking for places to send another 48.  

Get the message?   
 

MISTRIAL

A trial conducted by women. 

ENCRYPTION

The communication of something between people that no one else can figure out... akin to listening to an Obama speech.  
 

OBAMA CROSSED THE RED LINE

He actually went over to the Pentagon.  Gosh, be must really be serious.  
 

RABID DOGS

Snarling, barking, biting, foaming at the mouth... Trump has the media and the Democrats so upset that they are acting like rabid dogs. 

NEW WING

Has the media most recently become the new left wing of the Democratic Party? 

WHY "THE ESTABLISMENT" DOESN'T LIKE TRUMP

They want a president they can control and who will do want they want, regardless of what America wants. 

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Do you feel as safe today as you did on the day before Obama took his oath of office?  

BODY FOR SALE---CHEAP

No one has claimed the body of Tashfeen Malik.  

"CHICKEN LITTLE" OBAMA

Obama is running around crowing in fear that Americans want to go to war against all Muslims.  

The sky is falling.  

If we don't enact ObamaCare right now, Republicans are going to start pushing crippled old ladies in wheel chairs off of cliffs.  

INCOMPTENCE 101

Barack Hussein Obama. 

OBAMA'S A WHAT?

Lt. Colonel Ralph Peters, a frequent FOX NEWS contributor, got into trouble when he said on live air the other night about Obama:  “This guy is such a total pussy, it’s stunning.”  

I guess FOX doesn't like cats; it has suspended Peters. 

"DISRESPECTFUL"

Showing an unveiled picture of the female San Bernardino terrorist.  
 

WHEN THE RUBBER MEETS THE ROAD

Way back in the beginning of time, Barack Hussein Obama said that should the political winds change, he will stand with the Muslims.  It's looking like that time has arrived.  
 

HOW THE ENEMY THINKS

Tashfeen Malik pledged her life to I.S.I.S. just before the San Bernardino attacks.  However, it was workplace violence, not terrorism; Obama and Clinton are coming for your guns.  

TWO DEGREES

We have to decrease global warming by 2 degrees centigrade or 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit.  Otherwise, we're toast.  Well, in those days when we were that much cooler, ice covered most of North America.  

I hate to tell you guys in Yuma, but the president wants you to freeze your butts off.  

 

DON'T BLAME BUSH ANY LONGER; BLAME GLOBAL WARMING

Since global warming causes terrorism, global warming has obviously been around since the beginning of time.  Global warming caused the Crusades.  Global warming caused the World Wars.  Global warming caused the rise and fall of the Roman Empire.  So sayeth the Lord of all Loonies.  

Global warming even causes Republicans to think screwy.  
 

ABOUT THE WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS TREE

How can they be having a Christmas tree in the White House when the White House is refusing to allow Christmas trees in veterans facilities around the country?  The thought kind of makes you hope that a lot of wild bears peed on the White House tree, doesn't it?  

OBAMA'S REASONING

When it comes to gun violence, that is not acceptable and cannot become the norm; therefore, Americans must give up their guns.  

When it comes to terrorism in the United States, we have to accept that as the norm, and deal with it without guns.  

Did Barack do LSD while he was at Columbia?  

HILLARY LIKES TERRORISTS

No one is talking about her emails anymore. 

WAR IS IMMINENT

I wonder if Obama will put boots on the ground to fight the "war" on global warming.  
 

DEAR GOD

Please keep our nation safe this holiday weekend.  Our president doesn't have those capabilities or that mindset.  

 

PICTURE OF ANGRY OBAMA

OBAMA IS NO TURKEY

HE'S A TRAITOR

 

HOW TO PREVENT U.S. TERRORISM

Let the TSA or the Secret Service handle it.  
 

CHESTER NEZ

The last of the Navajo Code Talkers has passed away.  

BOBBY JINDAL

Bye bye, now.  

PARIAH

REMEMBER THIS?

BACKGROUND CHECK

You'll find one in your next box of CRACKER JACKS.  
 

MAN GOES 12 YEARS WITHOUT SHOWERING

I think he's now in the White House. 

WAR

Global warming.  
 

LACKADAISICAL

Obama's statement of support for France in wake of Paris terrorist attack.  

PARIS THANKS OBAMA

Had we stayed in Iraq and Afghanistan, ISIS most likely would not have arisen and Paris most likely would not have been attacked.  
 

IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH

Obama's night to howl...

 

OBAMA WANTS A THIRD TERM

Let him serve it at San Quentin.  
 

AMERICA'S COMMANDER IN CHIEF

HAPPY VETERANS DAY

AND TONIGHT'S BIG LOSERS WILL BE...

George Pataki and Lindsey Graham. 

COMING SOON TO A NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR YOU?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.  

GEORGE WILL AND BILL O'REILLY

Kind of like watching a tempist in a teapot.  

KEYSTONE PIPELINE

Butchered by Hussein Obama's guillotine. 

IT'S SO COLD OUT

It's colder than a Pelosi tit.  
 

OBAMACARE

That big, black hole where your money went.
 

EASY DUTY

How do you defeat 30,000 I.S.I.S. terrorists and defeat Syria's Assad regime?  

Send in 50 Special Forces for training purposes.  

Yep, that'll do it. 

A FINE ACTOR, SENATOR AND GENTLEMAN

Fred Thompson would have made a fine president.  

GOOD RIDDANCE

CHARLES MANSON

WHY?

Why, in a nation of over 300 million people of which 40% are Democrats, can they only come up with the likes of Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton as candidates?