EVEN AFTER NEW YORK...

GUESS WHO'S STILL IN PRISON?

Michelle Obama.  At least she says she's in prison.  
 

EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO HILLARY, I'M CONVINCED...

This country made a drastic mistake when it allowed women to vote.  
 

VOTER

Fictional member of the Republican Party.  

HILLARY HAS A BOWEL MOVEMENT

Sanders meets with the Pope.  
 

RUSSIAN BUZZ

TAX JOKE OF THE DAY

Just finished off your 2014 Tax Return?  Did you cheat? 

The National Science Foundation recently funded a $600,000 grant to study why people cheat on their taxes.  
 

REAL LIVING ON ANOTHER PLANET

COLORADO
 

GLOBAL WARMING 101

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT?

TWEETY FOR PWESIDENT

EVERYBODY LOVES NEW YORK

Except Ted.  
 

SO, WHO DO YOU THINK...

Paul Ryan is going to choose for his running mate?  

POLITICS AND SEX

It occurs to me that politics is somewhat akin to anal sex. 

GOODBYE MERLE

That Haggard old Okie from Muskogee.  

 

THE JOLLY FAT MIDGET THROWS A TANTRUM

Kim Jong-Il.  
 

TODAY'S THE DAY

When John Boehner, Paul Ryan, Karl Rove, Scott Walker, Lindsay Graham and Mitch McConnell decide who the Wisconsin voters are allowed to vote for in the Republican Party.    
 

LEAD IN THE WATER...

goes straight to your butt.  
 

PURE BRILLIANCE

Obama has to be the only person on the face of the earth who believes the earth rotates 15 degrees on its axis when when we switch from standard time to daylight savings time. 

LAUGH OF THE YEAR

President Obama and other world nations are warning North Korea to give up its nuclear weapons.  

Yeah, right.  

OBAMA'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

APRIL FOOLS DAY
 

MELANIA AND HEIDI

Slimed Republican Wives Club
 

ODD MAN OUT?

John Kasich. 

HOLD IT!

The San Francisco City Council has banned travel to North Carolina after that state passed legislation preventing anti-discrimination protections for gay, lesbian and transgender people.  If they don't have transgender bathrooms, you can't travel there.  So, if your trip happens to take you through North Carolina, you'll just have to hold it.  
 

THE PSYCHO WARDS ARE FULL OF PEOPLE

Who think they have Obama figured out.  
 

IT'S EASTER

Hop to it!  
 

NEW BOOK ABIOUT OBAMA

LAST TANGO IN BUENOS AIRES. 

ROB FORD

Goodbye to the political comedian from Toronto.  

 

GLENN BECK IS PREGNANT

And he's going to have a cow if Trump wins the Republican nomination.  

NEW WASHINGTON OPERA STAR

Pagliano sings.  

Clinton going absolutely berserk.  

MEGYN KELLY

Will never be Trump's Press Secretary.  
 

MITT ROMNEY TO THE RESCUE

Saving the world from Donald Trump

 

PRESIDENTIAL COMPROMISE

Nobody wants Hillary, Bernie, Donald, Ted or John.  

So, why don't we just keep Barack around for another four years?  

Just askin'.....
 

VOTE MITT ROMNEY

For God...

Or Else.    

CAITLYN JENNER

Just loves Ted Cruz....

Oh, boy... or should I say "girl?" 

THE PUPPET AND THE PUPPETMASTER

Rubio and Romney, in that order.  

NANCY REAGAN

A caring, giving and most gracious First Lady.  

THE NEW AMERICAN FASCIST PARTY

Led by Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney.  

Oh, and by the way... your required $250 donation is late and you're going to get a nasty letter in the mail. 

NEWLY DISCOVERED GALAXY 13.5 BILLION LIGHT YEARS AWAY

And when is the last time you saw a sleek Ford Galaxy?  
 

WHO IS THE I.R.S.?

I received a call from a Florida number from a guy with a deep foreign accent saying he was from the I.R.S. and that they were in the process of bringing lawsuit against me. So, I said: "Who is the I.R.S.?" 

I guess he didn't know the answer.  He hung up.  
 

THAT EXPLAINS IT

Obama's mother had the Zika Virus.  

SUPER WEDNESDAY

DESPERADOS

Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz.  
 

LEAP YEAR

Wanna get married?  

 

EXPIRED FOOD

Eat it and you instantly return into a left-wing, radical zombie Democrat.  
 

BRAWL

A GOP presidential debate. 

A FACT ABOUT MITT ROMNEY

If he really wants to scuttle Trump's candidacy, Romney should come out and endorse him. 

Eww!  Talk about the kiss of death....!!!

THE REAL REASON OBAMA IS GOING TO CUBA

He's looking for a place to live after he leaves the White House.

EPIC FAILURE

Hillary Clinton insists she's been trying all of  her life... her whole life... to tell the truth.

CLINTON'S NEW MANTRA

It doesn't matter what your political or criminal history is or what your job qualifications are; as long as you have a uterus, you should be the next president.  

WHY OBAMA WOULDN'T ATTEND SCALIA'S FUNERAL

Muslims don't attend Christian funerals.
 

HAPPY LEAP YEAR DAY

SCALIA: EVERYONE MOURNS IN HIS OWN WAY

Obama missed Scalia's funeral because he was too busy drooling through this binder full of potential replacements, which he picked up from the Court on his way out the door after viewing Scalia's casket.   

OBAMA'S SHORT LIST FOR THE SUPREME COURT

Loretta Lynch
Eric Holder
Rahm Emanuel
Janet Napolitano
Michelle Obama
John Kerry
 

DONALD TRUMP

For Mr. Congeniality...

MICHELLE OBAMA

For Supreme Court Justice. 

DROOLING AT THE MOUTH

Barack Hussein Obama at the thought of taking 100% control of the Supreme Court.  

ANTONIN SCALIA

A true American patriot... Certainly one of the few.    
 

JIM GILMORE

I just found out Jim Gilmore suspended his GOP presidential race.  Who was Jim Gilmore? 

HAPPY PRESIDENTS DAY

That excludes Barack Obama, of course.  
 

EINSTEIN'S SPACE-TIME THEORY

If you ravel through space for enough time, you will eventually reach another dimension where politicians do not exist.  
 

HILLARY: QUID PRO QUO?

Let's see now... If Barack arranges for Hillary to get off, will Hillary select Michelle to be her running-mate?  

HILLARY WHO?

Yeah.  Who WAS that woman who was running in the New Hampshire primary?  
 

DENNY'S

Black customers must pay in advance for their meals. 

COLOSSIAL DISAPPOINTMENT

Paul Ryan.

DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS

Marco Rubio under attack by Chris Christie at the Saturday night debates.  
 

BORDERS

Why do we even bother?  

FUTILITY

An Iowa Caucus. 

HOLIER THAN THOU

Politicians.  Don't you get tired of their pompous butts?  

RON PAUL

Bye bye, now.  
 

IOWA

The State where half of the people vote for a crook and the other half votes for a Socialist.  That oughta make even Bob Dole sick. 

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If Hillary wins, will she do a poll dance?
 

SHOOTOUT IN DENVER

These rival biker gangs had a shootout in Denver over the weekend.  I wonder how many of them passed their background checks and bought their guns from a licensed gun dealer?  

IF CLINTON FAILS

Maybe Megyn Kelly will take her slot? 

C.I.A. RELEASES U.F.O. FILES

The C.I.A. has posted some U.F.O. files from 1949 to 1953 on its website.  Maybe we can finally find out where Obama came from?   
 

HIGH HORSE

A place occupied by FOX NEWS.  
 

TRUMP IS A TERRORIST

FOX NEWS is solidly united against Trump, saying yesterday that his refusal to participate in tonight's debate is "unprecedented" and accusing him of "terrorizing" Megyn Kelly.  Wah, wah, wah.  
 

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG

I wonder how many votes he plans to get from members of the NRA...

DEBATE

To take the worm off the hook.  
 

ESTABLISHMENT

Establishment is a dirty word.  The problem is that everyone thinks an establishment is a haberdashery on Honeysuckle Street.  

A NEW PLANET?

This will surely screw up my horoscope.  

SNOW JOB?

Not in Washington, D.C.  Never  They GIVE snow jobs!!!

CLINTON'S EMAILS

She had nothing to do with it.  It was all a vast, right wing conspiracy.

THAT TAKES BALLS

There are allegations of corruption in tennis matches.  
 

I WAS THINKING ABOUT ENDORSING TRUMP...

But, I didn't want to upstage Sarah Palin. 
 

IRAN IS SO NICE

Those swell fellows just traded five hostages for seven convicts and the dropping of charges against 14 others and the payment of $150 billion.  Aren't they just fabulous?  

WEASEL FARM

Congress. 

IS THERE A SURGEON IN THE HOUSE?

SOMEBODY needs to neuter this president.  

 

THANK GOD FOR JOHN KASICH

Without him, Ohio couldn't exist.  
 

AL JEZEERA GOES BYE BYE

Citing huge financial losses and lack of viewers, the American version of Al Jezeera Network is going off the air in April.  

Good riddance. 

DONALD TRUMP

The greatest hat salesman on the face of the planet.  

 

WHY THE F.B.I. CAN'T PROTECT US FROM TERRORISM

All of its agents are tied up investigating Hillary Clinton. 
 

STATE OF THE UNION

THE GREATEST SNOW JOB IN WORLD HISTORY

IF I WON $800 MILLION...

I'd probably finally quit playing the lotto.  
 

OBAMA PREPS FOR STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

OBAMA CAN'T GET YOUR GUNS...

So he's going to get your sugar instead.  

Start your diet immediately... or else. 

HOW THE GOVERNMENT WORKS

As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused.  Then I realized that I was watching the dog chase his tail. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

It's been said that we should just step back and watch the Muslims kill each other off.  

Now I have to ask you... if that fantasy were to come true, who would run our convenience stores and operate our motels?  

BOMBS AWAY?

The way the future is shaping up, it's terrifying that not one... not one... presidential candidate has had any military experience.  

Oh, I forgot... Hillary came under heavy artillery fire when her helicopter was landing in Bosnia.  Yeah, right...
 

IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO READ OBAMA'S EPITAPH

I've never seen the word "horseshit" on a tombstone before.