RAISING A STINK

An Australian man is suing his former boss on the grounds that the boss bullied him by letting obnoxious farts. 

"I would be sitting with my face to the wall and he would come into the room, which was small and had no windows," he told the Australian Associated Press following a recent hearing.  "He would fart behind me and walk away. He would do this five or six times a day." 

BITTER, DRIED-UP, OLD, USELESS VINDICTVE COW

NANCY PELOSI UNMASKED

NERVOUS AS CATS ON A HOT TIN ROOF

Conservative employees at FOX NEWS.  

BETO

Represents all of the beetles in the Democrat Party.  

EXCITEMENT

The list of candidates for the Democrat Party nomination for the presidency is so far about as exciting as a turd in a punch bowl. 

I LIKE CONGRESSIONAL POLITICIANS

MENU

• Rinse thoroughly to remove bullshit, booze and fertilizer.  
• Season heavily with Kosher salt, Montreal Chicken Seasoning 
• Marinate with Habanero sauce for 11.68 minutes per pound
• Place on skewers, rotate on charcoal rotisserie at 225 degrees for 7.991 minutes per pound
• Slice at 45 degree angle
• Baste pieces in Red's Pure Old Hot Sauce 
• Place on ceramic dish and cook on high in 1200 degree microwave for 76 seconds
• Serve with dipping containers of  mixed melted, unsalted butter and wee wee.  

NEW 2020 REPUBLICAN TICKET!!!

JEB AND MITT IN 2020!!!

Oh, I can hardly wait...

JOE BIDEN...

Still good for a laugh. 

JUDGE JEANINE'S REPLACEMENT AT FOX NEWS?

Former Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Donna Brazile?  

Is FOX NEWS now part of the mainstream media? 

SLEEPLESS ALL WEEKEND

Trying to think of a single person in Congress... Democrat or Republican... worthy of my vote in 2020.  Not a damned one of them gives a hoot about you or me or what is right for the country... not one. 

SABOTAGE OF THE VILE

Once again, the Republicans in Congress have crapped on their party loyalists, pissed all over their membership wishes and shot our country in the foot.  They are vile and they are treacherous; they are not Americans and they'd had better start cleaning out their damned offices, because we are coming after them.   

THE ULTIMATE GOVERNMENT CRAMDOWN

The constant shift to and from... Daylight Savings Time.  

NEXT MOVE FOR NANCY

Now that Nancy Pelosi is virtually being relieved of her position by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, one can't help but wonder what's next for the House Witch... Maybe she'll move into a secluded retirement home, surrounded by her loving illegal friends from down south?  
 

JUST BECAUSE ILHAN OMAR, THE DEMS AND THE MUSLIMS HATE THE JEWS...

... Doesn't mean they don't hate Christians.  

BERNIE SANDERS IS GOING TO TRANSFORM THIS COUNTRY

Barack Obama promised to transform this country and look what HE did to us!

SHARIA LAW TAKING OVER THE HOUSE?

I hear through the grapevine that Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib are demanding the installation of prayer rugs on the House Floor.... facing the East. 

YET ANOTHER DEMOCRAT CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT?

Rumor has it that Kathy Griffin is about to announce her candidacy...

DEMOCRATS ARE LIKE CATTLE

And they're beginning to smell more and more like the stockyards.  

WHAT THE DEMOCRATS WON'T TELL YOU

I have come to the conclusion that the real reason the Democrats hate President Trump so much is that they do not have one single soul in their party who can measure up to his abilities, patriotism, ethics or moral fiber.  Not one. 

HAS PELOSI LOST HER GRIP?

A couple of weeks ago, I suggested that AOC was on a quest to seize the House Speaker's job from Nancy Pelosi.  Well now... Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has openly defied Pelosi on several occasions, even going so far as to respond to questions on the issue from reporters by asserting, "I'm the boss."  

Meow. 

SEX, SEX AND MORE SEX

It's interesting to note that Robert Kraft is being widely criticized for patronizing a spa and having sex, but nobody has called for closing down the spa.  In fact, I would not be surprised to hear that House Dems have been flocking there ever since the news came out...
 

MICHAEL COHEN, THE EPITOME OF...

...SAINTHOOD

CRASH AND BURN

The Democrats seem to have morphed into Kamikaze pilots.  

MUELLER'S NEW JOB

Rumor has it that Robert Mueller has been hired as a special investigator by Rep. Adam, Schiff to investigate Trump-Russia collusion for the House, once Mueller wraps up his job as Special Prosecutor.  
 

IT SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE TO ANYONE...

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was born on Friday the 13th... (1989)

DONKEYS NEVER FORGET

Here we are in 2019, three years down the road,  and the Democrats still can't get over the fact that Crooked Hillary and all of her cronies in the White House, State Department, FBI and Justice Department... and all of her dirty tricks and phony dossiers... couldn't beat Donald Trump in 2016.  

CHALLENGE OF THE YEAR

I urge every American who is convinced that the border crisis is a fraud... contact the Border Patrol and arrange for the first 20 illegals in line to come live with you.  No background checks, no medical checks... just take them in like they want us to allow at the border.  

Are you up up it? 

THE PRESIDENT IS NOW A MAGICIAN

For decades, Democrats and Republicans alike have been complaining about the crisis at our southern border.  Suddenly, with Trump as President, the border crisis went POOF and disappeared!  There IS no border crisis!  

AOC

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a boyfriend?  

ABOLISH PRESIDENT'S DAY

99.9% of Democrats and liberals would abolish President's Day because Trump is President.  

CANCELATION PLEASE

Word has it that Alexandia Ocasio Cortez has canceled her Amazon.com Prime Account...

IF MADURO COMES TO THE UNITED STATES

The Democrats will want to make him a citizen and run him for president.  

JAIL TRUMP

Since Pocahontas can't silence President Trump and the Democrats have no way to deal with his successes, they have unilaterally decided he must be jailed.  That's how Marxist dictators deal with things. 

FRANKIE ROBINSON

A legend forever.  

DEPRAVITY 101

The next thing we know, Democrats will be advocating for using aborted fetus skin to make lamp shades.  

AOC'S LOBOTOMY

Trump is scared: That's what darling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez had to say Tuesday night about President Trump's statement that American will never be a socialist nation.  Somebody should consider reversing her lobotomy.  

CIVILITY

Word missing from the Democrat Dictionary.  

GLADIATOR CUM LAUDE

SPARTACUS FOR PRESIDENT

POCAHONTAS FOR VICE PRESIDENT?  

INSTEAD OF SENDING MORE TROOPS TO THE BORDER...

Why don't we send the Democrats instead?  All of them? 

RUMOR HAS IT...

Paul Ryan is about to accept a huge job with the national Chamber of Commerce.  

DANTE'S INFERNO REVISITED

Somebody should have aborted Governors Andrew Cuomo and Ralph Northam.  

THE NEXT LOGICAL STEP...

Abort all children of conservatives. 

DEMOCRATS: ELIMINATE GOD

A bill drafted by the Democrat-controlled House Committee on Natural Resources would ask witnesses to recite only, "Do you solemnly swear or affirm, under penalty of law, that the testimony that you are about to give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"  The rules proposal places the words "so help you God" in red brackets, indicating they are slated to be cut.  The draft rules also remove the phrase "his or her" throughout the document, changing those two pronouns to "their." 

God has yet to respond but, then again, He does not exist. 

JOE MONTANA: GONE TO POT

Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Montana, looking to hit pay dirt in the legal marijuana industry, has chipped in as part of a $75 million investment in pot operator Caliva. 

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PELOSI...

That five or six Ex-Lax treatments can't cure.  

DANDELIONS

Wouldn't it be something if everyone in the country sent Fancy Nancy a bouquet of dead dandelions for Valentine's Day? 

DON'T YOU WONDER WHY?

Why hasn't Nancy Pelosi declared her mansion in San Francisco to be a sanctuary mansion and invited illegals to seek refuge there? 

PICTURE OF GOD

EVEN VENEZUELA...

Doesn't want Nancy Pelosi.  

THERE ARE OVER 340 MILLION AMERICANS

And then... There's Chuck Schumer. 

SLEEPLESS IN D.C.

Rumor has it that Nancy Pelosi has been unable to sleep as she schemes on how to get revenge on President Trump's embarrassing last-minute cancellation of her junket overseas.   Insiders say she is livid.

Maybe she'll TP the White House? 

IDEA FOR PELOSI

Instead of fuming about President Trump's denial of an Air Force plane to fly her and her Congressional sweethearts on a junket to Europe during the border crisis... why doesn't she just climb on her broom?  

WELL... GOODBYE, DOLLY

Famed actress and singer Carol Channing has died at the age of 97.  

FOLLOW THE MONEY

I wonder who really paid for that chartered jet that flew those Democrats down to Puerto Rico to party hearty with lobbyists while the government was shut down?  

A REALLY SHORT STORY IN MANY WAYS

Jeff Bezos allegedly sent selfie pictures of his penis to his mistress. 

MAJOR NEWS IN DEMOCRAT PARTY!!!

Beto O'Rourke got his teeth cleaned!!!  Front page on all liberal news outlets!!!

ONE THING ABOUT NANCY...

She makes an old hag seem respectable.  

SQUAW OF MANY FEATHERS

Pocahontas Warren.  
 

OMINOUS

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been in office for less than a week now and she's already telling Nancy Pelosi what to do.  

POCAHONTAS IS GOING TO RUN AS A REPUBLICAN?

That's what all of the other Democrats have been doing...

SECRET BORDER DEAL REACHED!

The Republicans and Democrats have reached a secret deal to build the wall along the border... over 700 miles of it.  It'll be 18 inches high, six inches thick and topped with refried beans. 

WILL THE LAST PERSON TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE...

... Please turn off the lights?  

THANK GOD FOR THIS FDAY

Bye, bye Paul Ryan. 

DON'T BUILD THE BORDER WALL

Instead of building a wall along the southern border, why not build it around the Capitol?  Then, we could fill it... one bucket of cow manure at a time until they either suffocate in it or start doing their jobs, working together to build a better and stronger America.   

TIME TO DANCE

CHRISTMAS QUESTION

Is Santa Claus a Democrat or a Republican?  

See you January 2nd. 

OF COURSE THE GRINCH EXISTS!

HE'S THE SENATE MAJORITY LEADER!

SCROOGE WINS

The border wall is now a dead issue.  

Interest rate hikes.

Market tanks.  

Clinton skates. 

The spirit of Christmas has been decimated.  

IRAN

If they didn't have missiles and they didn't have nukes, they wouldn't be Iran.  

COMEY HEARINGS

So much drama, so little substance.  

BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE

Just sayin'...
 

FLEAS

I wonder how many fleas are going to watch the Academy Awards?  

FY

The California Public Utilities Commission  is about to vote on a proposal to start taxing text messages.  I wonder how much it will cost me to send them a simple, but to the point "FY?"

ADAM SCHIFF IS MIFFED

He didn't make TIME Magazine's list of top ten finalists for its "Person of the Year" Award.  
 

MOVE THE NATION'S CAPITOL?

The way things are going at our southern border and with the Dems and liberals in our country... why don't we just give in and move our nation's capitol to Mexico City?  

POLITICAL QUESTION

If Pocahontas runs for President and wins, will she wear feathers in her hair for her inauguration?  

WHI'S DUMBER?

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or the people who elected her? 

COZY AS BUGS IN A RUG

There they were, all so chatty and comfortable... Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and their wives... sitting in the same pew at Washington National Cathedral for George H.W. Bush's funeral... pretty as a picture.  

Then along came Donald Trump and wife Melania and... suddenly the chatter stopped.  Now, I've seen Michelle with a sour puss that would stop a Mack Truck, but what I saw Wednesday would have flash-frozen a 35 pound turkey.  Hillary... well, she was all eyes... straight forward and glowering.  I think she even tried to get up and and leave but... she's so full of shit, she couldn't move. 

As for Jimmy and Rosalyn, and Donald and Melania... they were at opposite ends of the pew, or I think they might have spoken a few civil words to each other and even managed a smile.  

AMERICAN AIRLINES DOES IT... AGAIN

A 67-year-old lady, (not from Pasadena), has trouble communicating and walking due to Parkinson’s and diabetes, and she uses a wheelchair. Her son took his mother up to her flight gate and spoke to the agent there to confirm his mom would be well taken care of.  After she was loaded onto the plane, however, officials cancelled the flight from Chicago O’Hare International Airport to Detroit and, to make a long story short, they all went home... except for Olimpia Warsaw, who was treated to the pleasure and delight of spending the night in the aircraft alone... and in the freezing cold.  

I think they didn't even left her any pretzels. 

BUSH: WHAT A TURN-AROUND

Former President George H.W. Bush died and everything changed.  Suddenly, all of the press, media and Democrats who called him a rotten bastard for years started telling us what a great guy he was.  

WHY NOT IMPEACH MUELLER?

Just askin'   

WHY OBEY OUR LAWS?

Since illegals have broken the law by crossing the border and could go to jail or be deported if caught... just what incentive do they have to obey any of our other laws?  

LET'S FACE IT: WE HAVE A ONE PARTY POLITICAL SYSTEM

And it's not the Grand Old Party.  Exit stage left. 

 

DO HOOKERS HAVE WORMS?

The hookworm, a life-threatening parasite, is found in raw sewage and was thought to be eradicated from the United States.  It has recently resurfaced in Alabama, where residents and hookers are growing increasingly fearful.    

BIG NEWS

Rumor has it that Victoria might tell her secret this week. 

BFD

The big headline last Wednesday was that the Republicans want answers on the probe into the Clinton Foundation.  That's the same question they've been asking since the day after Trump was inaugurated.  After almost two years, that's what the Republicans have accomplished on the Clinton investigations and the corruption within the DOJ, FBI and DOS...  nothing, zero, zip. 

ADAM SCHIFF NOW HAS HIS OWN NATIONAL HOLIDAY

GIVE A PRECIOUS GIFT

Will someone please send 500 bags of turkey shit to Jim Acosta for Thanksgiving?  

GOVERNMENT MAY USE NUKES

California does it again.  Newly-elected U.S. Representative Eric Swalwell, a Democrat, has defended a proposed national mandatory buyback of so-called "assault" rifles, saying that if gun owners don't like it, the government has nukes.  It's ignorant bastards like him who make us gun owners cling on to our guns and our Bibles. 

ROY CLARK

A terrific all-around entertainer has passed.  Hee haw!

WHERE'S MISS MANNERS WHEN YOU NEED HER?

Jim Acosta needs to be taught a whole gamut of manners, but he unfortunately does not work for a news organization that has any of its own.  

SHE'S BAAAACK!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A CITIZEN TO VOTE

That's what Democrat lawyers are saying in Florida.  American veterans gave their lives to guarantee the rights of the rest of the world to run our country?  And a happy Veterans's Day to you too, my friend.  

 

NOW THAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVE HAD THEIR BIG VICTORY...

Maybe they'll finally sit down and shut up? 

I'M JUST SO EXCITED...

Nancy Pelosi is going to be Speaker of the House again?  That's just such great news!  I won't have to use any Ex-Lax for at least two more years...

HERE WE GO AGAIN...

I wonder how many months it will take this time to get all of the Democrat Party campaign signs removed.  

TODAY'S THE DAY

IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME, THEN GET OUT!

“If you support the other candidates, then you should go support the other candidates. Don't be here. One of the things I never understood was why if you're supporting the other guy, you come to my rally. Go to their rally.” 

HILLARY SEZ

Hillary said the other day that all Blacks look alike.  Good luck in 2020, Hillary.  

WILLE MCCOVEY

Baseball will never be the same.