BARON HILTON

He had more beds than Heidi Fleiss and Stormy Daniels combined.  

THE EMPORERS HAVE NO CLOTHES

The Democrats have no cohesive platform.  They, like pornography, have no redeeming values.  Hence, they have no choice but to make total assholes out of themselves.  

And they are. 

CREEPS COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK

All of the important and highly reputable people in Washington DC are running to Andrew McCabe's defense against impending indictments.  You know... people like Brennan, Clapper, Comey, Lynch, Strozk, Rice...
 

DEMS DON'T CARE IF CRIMINALS HAVE GUNS

But... they DO want YOUR guns. 

INSANITY 101

Insanity is best exemplified by looking at the Democrats who, for almost three years, have continuously thrown crap up against the wall in an effort to undo the results of the 2016 election... repeating over and over again their vitriolic lies and false charges... all the while getting absolutely nowhere.  

AND THE DEMOCRATS NOW PLAN TO IMPEACH...

Rush Limbaugh.  

POMPOUS BASTARDS

House Judiciary Democrats.

TRUMP DOESN'T STAND A CHANCE IN 2020

That's according to CNN, MSNBC, Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler. 

T. BOONE PICKENS

Self-made oil billionaire, philanthropist, humanitarian.  RIP

 

BE CAREFUL TODAY

It's Friday the 13th and Congress might make a huge mistake and do something right.  

MAJOR PROBLEMS IN CONGRESS

The lizards and buzzards have returned from summer vacation.  

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR

If we ever get rid of all of the dumb politicians in this country, there won't be any politicians left.  

PLASTIC WHY'S

Why is that plastic straws are not okay, but... plastic politicians are?  

"THE BLOB" RETURNS

China's Chang'e-4 lunar rover, now on the moon, has found something rather strange and perplexing...  an oddly colored "gel-like" substance that can't be explained.  The substance is described as a "gel with a mysterious luster."  Word has it that it is oozing toward Earth and it doesn't like Democrats.  

UNBORN WHAT?

Left-wing liberals are flocking to sign petitions protecting unhatched eagle eggs.  These same "thinkers" refuse to support legislation protecting unborn human fetuses.  

CALIFORNIA'S GUN AMMO BOONDOGGLE

California's new law requiring a $19 background check in order to buy ammo is turning the Nevada desert into a green pile of money.  Several Reno and Las Vegas stores ran out of ammo over the Labor Day weekend as gamblers from California crossed the border for their final summer fling and picked up ammo to take home with them.  

HOW DIM CAN DIMWITS GET?

So Walmart is going to stop selling ammo, as if doing so will stop anyone from shooting up one of their stores.  Top management has taken leave of their senses, just like they did when they started locking up all of their merchandise.  

Next move will be to stop selling bananas because someone might slip on a peel. 

VALERIE HARPER

So long, Rhoda. 

HIATUS

I'm on hiatus until further notice.

VITAMIN D HELPS PREVENT DEMENTIA?

They say vitamin D helps prevent dementia.  I have a bottle of D pills... I just can't remember where I left it.  

IS EPSTEIN REALLY DEAD?

What if this is all just a cover up and Epstein actually was released in secret?  Could he and Bill Clinton actually be holed up, (so to speak), in a Nevada brothel?  

Jest askin'... 

NEW YORK TIMES: NEW MONICKER

The New York Times needs to stop calling itself a newspaper and start admitting it is the Propaganda Journal of the Socialist-Democrat Party. 

MUSLIM AYATOLLAHS MAKE DEMANDS OF CONGRESS

The two Muslim 'twits in the House are demanding that Congress submit to their will, decertify the State of Israel and recognize the Palestnian State.  They expect all of us to cower and comply or there will be hell to pay.  

Another Jihad is not out of the question.  

THE MUSLIM WITCH

Defiant, ugly, typical Muslim witch Rashida, after raising hell at being denied entry into Israel, whined that her sick grandmother who was on her death bed lived there and Rashida needed to go see her.  So, Israel relented and said she could come see her sick grandmother and she said that she wasn't goin' to no stinckin' Israel.

I guess either grandma doesn't mean that much to Rashida, or grandma isn't all that sick.

URGENT QUESTION

Just what existing or proposed gun laws would have prevented the Philadelphia shooting rampage?  

MORE ICING ON THE CONSPIRACY CAKE

As it turns out, Epstein's guards falsified logs.  Who would have guessed?  And then there were those screams coming from Epstein's cell that nobody's talking about? 

SAD DAY

It's a sad day in America when it's easier to abort a full-term fetus than it is to deport an illegal alien. 

BETO COMING AFTER YOUR KNIVES

Beto says he's going to confiscate guns. "At the end of the day, if it's going to save lives, if it's going to prevent the kinds of tragedies that we saw in El Paso, Gilroy, and Dayton...then let's move forward and do it." 

On that basis, he'll be after your kitchen knives by the end of the week... some guy just stabbed four people in California.  

JEFFREY EPSTEIN

Isn't it amazing how many people who were in some way associated with the Clintons... have died under mysterious circumstances when on the very precipice of revealing some sinister, dark secret about Bill or Hillary?  

WASHINGTON REDSKINS AGREE TO NAME CHANGE

To the surprise and relief of many Americans, the Washington Redskins will  apparently  drop their politically sensitive name  in 2019.     Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Washington  Redskins, announced yesterday the organization is dropping "Washington" from the franchise name, which, beginning with the 2019 season, will be simply known as "The Redskins."  Snyder stated in his surprise announcement (he finds) the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and does not conjure  a suitable image for young fans of football.  

SURE FIRE WAY TO PREVENT MASS SHOOTINGS

Make a law against owning any gun magazine.  That'll do it... yes sir.  

THEY NEVER HAD GRASSHOPPERS IN VEGAS...

When the Mob was in charge.

HOW TO ELIMINATE METHANE GAS

Abolish Congressional Democrats.  

AOC: FLAPPING HER GUMS...

Trying desperately to become relevant.

BOOBS

French beaches are featuring topless tanning this year.  Just thought you'd like to keep abreast of the latest news...

TOILET SEAT COVERS: SHOULD YOU, OR SHOULD YOU NOT?

What a question to start the month off with!

PYRAMID MYSTERY SOLVED

For centuries mankind has been trying to figure out how the great pyramids in Egypt were built, what with having to move all of those giant stones up to the very pinnacles of the structures.  Researchers have now determined that they were actually built from the top down.  

MINNESOTA IS FULL OF REAL WINNERS

Republican Daniella Stella from Minnesota was planning on running against Ilhan Omar in 2020, but... Daniella has just been charged with felony shoplifting.
 

HOP TO IT

Things are hopping right along in Vegas after hordes of grasshoppers arrived for a gambling junket.  

MUELLER HEARINGS PROVE BEYOND A DOUBT...

Democrats are ignorant.  

IT'S ABOUT TIME

The Justice Department has announced it has launched investigations into "big tech" companies to see if they have stifled competition, hurt consumers or monopolized segments of the tech industry.  Silicon Valley is hoping the investigations will be over in just a "nanosecond."  

SPARTACUS BOOKER PROVES HE'S MANLY

Unable to win a verbal debate with the President, Cory Booker now says he wants to punch Trump.  What a man.  What a real man! 

AOC

Should lay off the LSD.  
 

ILHAN OMAR IS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN?

It certainly appears that she got here under fraudulent circumstances.  Word is that she is not even an Omar... So, how can she be elected to Congress?  

UNDER SIEGE

The Democrat Party seems to be under siege by enemies of the United States.  The Mad Dogs rule.  

One day, a long, long, long time ago... America didn't tolerate this bullshit. 

WHO ARE THEY?

Would someone please post the names of the 95 Members of the House who voted to impeach President Trump? Or, do they wish not to be identified?  

THE MAD DOG SQUAD

The four radicals members of the Mad Dog Squad surely have their panties in an uproar these days.   Where's Jack Nicholson to tell them they can't handle the truth?  

NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL

They say it will take 75 to 100 years to fully restore the Notre Dame Cathedral.  Joe Biden will probably be there for the dedication.  
 

CAT FIGHT AT THE O.K. CORRAL

I have absolutely no empathy for Nancy Pelosi and her fight against those fascist libs in the House.  She created that mess. 

NEW SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE: WHO REALLY BUILT THE PYRAMIDS?

Word came out last weekend that scientists have determined the ancient pyramids of Egypt were actually built by Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden.  

ROSS PEROT

 An astute businessman whose presidency could have saved us from the mess we're in.  

BLOW JOB

Those Democrats sure are well-practiced at blowing smoke, aren't they?  

HOW DARE THEY?!!

Congress has the lowest approval rating in decades.  Neither party has done a damned thing for this country since before Obama.  They are despicable and despised.  

How DARE they demand a raise!!!

MISS INDEPENDENCE DAY 2019

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

AOC

Should hop on a plane and go run Venezuela.  

THEY SHOULD SECEDE FROM THE UNION

The town of Statesville, North Carolina is suing an RV dealership there that flies a huge American flag.  The city says it has an ordinance against large flags and that... it's annoying.  

How nice.  

DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES: VOICES FROM PURGATORY #1

All Democrat presidential candidates say they'll give illegals free health care.  But if you, as a citizen, don't have insurance and refuse to buy it, you're either going to jail, pay a hefty fine, or both. 

A MESSAGE TO ALL DEMOCRATS

CLICK THIS

 

A HUUUGE DEMOCRAT SWITCHEROO

For well over two years, the Dems have been saying there is no crisis at the southern border and Trump is full of el toro poo poo.  Now, faced with the reality that over 80% of the country has had enough of the illegals and the Democratic stonewalling, and on the eve of their presidential nomination debates, they suddenly announce there is a huge crisis at the border and that Trump is to blame for it.  

But... of course they're going to fix it.  

SO... YOU DON'T MIND AN ILLEGAL ALIEN LIVING IN YOUR TOWN?

CLICK THIS!

JERRY NADLER HAS BEEN TO MARS

It appears that Jerry Nadler has been to Mars.  Scientists have discovered high levels of methane gas there.  

A REAL QUESTION ABOUT THE NRA

Have you ever heard of a member of the NRA being charged with the commission of a crime while using a gun?  

 

WHEN?

When are the Democrats going to put up a candidate who has even the bare minimum of Presidential qualifications?  

FOX NEWS TURNS TO THE DARK SIDE

The morning after President Trump's historic kickoff for his 2020 reelection bid, the front page of FOXNEWS.COM had not even one word about the event.  
 

AMERICA'S #1 SPY IN CHIEF

WHERE DO YOU STAND?

Are you willing to stand on the side of righteousness for His name's sake?  

CHUCK SCHUMER IS OUT ON THE PROWL

Residents in Fort Bend County, Texas have spotted an alligator with a knife stuck in its skull.  

PELOSI HAS NO COMMENT?

President Trump, in an overseas interview with Fox News’ Laura Ingraham, called Pelosi “a nasty, vindictive, horrible person.”  Pelosi responded: "I'm done with him. I don't even want to talk about it."  That's it, Nancy...  the time to sit down and shut up is when you're faced with the ugly truth about yourself.  

SEND HER

Send Pelosi back to Sicily.  

HOW TO GET THE BORDER WALL BUILT

Award the contract to Nancy Pelosi's brother-in-law.  

CONTROL DELETE

Given the way Congress has been conducting itself for years, do you really want to reelect your U.S. Senator and Representative? 

PGE: BACK TO THE DARK AGES

California's PGE Electric Company has already begun to cut off service to customers when it deems the fire danger to be too high.  Some 14,500 customers in Butte and Yuba Counties have been without electricity throughout the weekend.  That means spoiled food in refrigerators, lots of sweat without air conditioning and no gas for generators. 

The liberals are in charge.  There are more widespread outages looming throughout the State.  If you don't like it, that's just too damned bad.

DEMOCRATS HAVE HUUUUGE MOVEMENT

Top Democrats including Nancy Pelosi have announced that they have already begun moving forward the impeachment process against President Trump... all 44 of them.  So much noise about so little substance...  

GILLEBRAND HAS IT ALL WRONG

She says the NRA is absolutely the worst organization in this country.  She has it all wrong.  The NRA, unlike the Democrat Party, is comprised of law-abiding Americans. 

DEMOCRATS CONTINUE TO MARCH ON

FOR THE VERY LAST TIME...

CLOSE THE DAMNED BORDER!
 

TERMINIX CALLED TO CAPITOL

The place is infested with dirty, rotten rats. 

BART STARR

Football loses a legend. 

HOW TO GET RID OF DEMOCRATS

Wear 1,000 cloves of garlic around your neck.  

(P.S. It also gets rid of RINOs.)

NEW $20 BILL

They're not going to replace the face of Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.  They're going to use Maxine Waters instead.  

LOUDEST AND LONGEST SOUND EVER CREATED; TURNED WATER INTO STEAM

Scientists have confirmed the loudest and longest sound ever created.  It was the wailing cry of the desperate Democrats when Donald J. Trump was elected President.  

PENTAGON ADMITS IT INVESTIGATES UFOS

Maybe we'll get to the answer of where Obama came from yet!

NANCY PELOSI: CLASSY LADY

Nancy Pelosi, shutting down a question from Kelly Anne Conway, says she doesn't talk to "staff."  

Well... whoooop eeee do!  Look at the highbrows on that jackass! 

TALKING ABOUT THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK...

Nancy Pelosi came right out yesterday and accused President Trump of a cover up. 

GLOBAL WARMING CAN BE STOPPED

Tell all politicians to keep their mouths shut; worldwide hot air emissions will decrease by 79%.  
 

GAME OF THRONES

Why is everyone so upset about commodes?  

EVEN IF I COULD THINK OF SOMETHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT A DEMOCRAT...

I wouldn't. 

DEMOCRAT SLOGAN FOR 2020: M.A.D.A.

"Make America Dumb Again!"
 

HAS ROSENSTEIN FLIPPED?

Or does he realize his fat is finally going to be on the fire? 

TIM CONWAY

A second star has passed.  Once a quick wit, sometimes just a twit or a nitwit... let his wit be lit as God sees fit. 

HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?

Doris Day has passed. 

WHY I DISAGREE WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP

It's not a swamp.

It's a sewer.  

PELOSI: WE CANNOT ACCEPT FOUR MORE YEARS OF TRUMP

Well, we Americans cannot accept one more day of Fascist Democrat rule.  

HOW CNN THINKS

CNN decided it could no longer tolerate the stench of its own quarters, so it is moving into a posh, lavish new place and laying off 100+ staffers in order to pay for it.  It also seems that plunging ratings and declining advertising revenues are draining their bank account, but they'll at least go out in style.  

SOMEONE SHOULD INVESTIGATE...

How many illegals are already registered to vote.  

SHIP OMAR

Back to Somalia.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN...

A Democrat without a mean, scurrilous scowl on his/her/it's face? 

SWALWELL SWALLOWS HIS BRAIN

Presidential candidate Eric Swalwell snidely remarked that the word "woman" is not mentioned in the U.S. Constitution.  Well... neither is the word "man."  

WHY THE DEMS WANT BARR GONE

The real underlying reason the Dems are now creating a chorus of demand for Barr to resign is that they are desperately afraid of what he is going to find as he turns his attention to Obama-Clinton-Russia collusion, Clinton Emails and the FISA Court.  What he is about to find could finish off the Democrat Party for decades to come.  

CALIFORNIA'S NEWSOM FULL OF EL TORO POOPOO

California raised the gas taxes to fund the high speed rail, which they decided not to build.  They did not decrease the gas taxes and now California has the highest gas prices in the nation.  Governor Gavin Newsom wants to start an investigation into why the gas prices are so high....