FIRST TIME IN RECORDED HISTORY A POPE HAS BEEN SPEECHLESS

FIDEL CASTRO ASKS "WHAT DOES A POPE DO?"

NFL PASSES NEW RULE FOR OVERTIME

Players must clock out at the end of the 1st half and clock back in just before the beginning of the 2nd half in order to receive overtime pay. 

TWO DRINKS A DAY

Two drinks a day are good for your heart and help reduce deaths from other disease, according to a recent study.  


I think I'll be fine until Christ returns. 

WHY THE CAPTAIN ON JET BLUE WENT BONKERS

He'd just found out that he wife is going to vote for Obama in November. 

HAVING THEIR DAY IN COURT

It seems to me that the day has finally come when...
The Supremes are having their day in Court. 

SANTORUM'S GREATEST SPEECH

If Mitt wins the Republican nomination, vote for Obama. 

LUNACY DEFINED

Nancy Pelosi

REMEMBER THAT BRIDGE TO NOWHERE?

How about an oil pipeline to nowhere... Texas to Oklahoma?  


Now, do you really think that any pipeline company in the world is going to build a pipeline to nowhere?  


Obama does. 

OBAMA'S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

He gets the prize and we pay the price. 

SPERM AND ILLEGAL ALIENS

Sperm is like illegal aliens; millions come in, but only one works. 

ROMNEY GOT 52% OF THE ILLINOIS VOTE!

He should have... Illinois is traditionally a Democrat State.

TOTAL DENIAL

That's when you get when you ask a left-wing Democrat a direct question. 

ROMNEY GETS 83% OF THE VOTE!!!

In Puerto Rico, right after Santorum made an ass out of himself.  Finally, he gets more than 50%! 

DEFINITION OF "SPIN"

Obama

He needs to be put on the "finish" cycle.

EXIT STAGE LEFT

Rod Blagojevich.  Hair today, gone tomorrow? 

CHU ON THIS

Energy Secretary Steven Chu was FOR higher gas prices before he was against them.  Oh, and he was FOR bigger Solyndra loan guarantees before he was against them.  You'd almost swear he's a Senator from Massachusetts. 

RON PAUL WINS!

4th Place..... (Well, at least HE'S consistent!)

THEIR EYES ARE TOO CLOSE TOGETHER

It could probably be shown by facts, deeds and figures that there are no distinctly natural criminal classes except Congress and the White House. 

YES, WE NOW KNOW OBAMA WENT TO HARVARD

They've got video of him speaking highly of, and hugging a totally racially radical law professor, Derrick Bell.  (Hmmm... I wonder if it's true that he was attending there on a foreign scholarship?) 

KEYSTONE

It's a great beer... tastes almost like oil.