THE HAWAIIAN QUESTION

Well, Nancy Pelosi and the Obama's spent the Christmas holiday in Hawaii, as did Rush Limbaugh. What do you make of that?

(Oh, Rush got chest pains? I figured he'd have a pain someplace else on his body.....)

THIS IS THE YEAR THAT WAS

Now, we enter the year that IS.

Please pass the fizz.

ALAN GRAYSON IS TWO-BIT UNAMERICAN WOULD-BE DICTATOR

And now, Congressman Alan Grayson, let’s see you throw ME in jail for saying what I think. Come on there, big boy. You can do it. Don't be a spineless wuss! Show me what you're made of. Or, are you one of those guys who can talk the talk but, can't walk the walk?

TERRORIST ENTITLED TO BETTER TREATMENT

Did they read the Flight 253 terrorist is Miranda Rights? Did they talk mean to him and accuse him of being a terrorist? Has the President bowed to him yet and apologized for our country? Is he being allowed a copy of the Quran and does his cell face the East?

KATIE COURIC SPEAKS OUT

Katie Couric says she thinks the country is full of anger.

(Have you noticed that they create all of the crap, and then find some way to blame us for it?)

IF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS SO DARNED GOOD...

Why didn't they enact the health care reforms that they like back in 2002 when they were in charge of everything?

(Maybe we shouldn't be blaming the left-wing Democrats for this health care crap we're getting now?)

REID WANTS PEACE?

He needs to stay in Searchlight and leave us Americans alone.

LET'S GIVE OURSELVES A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

A SENIOR'S DILEMMA

Question: I'm over 65, on a fixed income and medicare and have supplemental insurance. Under the new plan they are shoving you know where, they are cutting medicare payouts, which means my supplemental premiums will go up in order for me to have the same coverages I do now. My taxes are also going up. This really puts me in a squeeze. What shall I do?

Answer: Just hang on a few days and the ACORN Rep will be by to give you your end-of-life counseling. (Listen for the jingle, "Ding, ding, ACORN calling?))

BOYCOTT NEBRASKA

Let them sit on their crops and beef until hell freezes over. Then, let's see what good their free Medicaid does them.

UNDER THE WHITE HOUSE CHRISTMAS TREE

A nice big lump of coal?

WHAT'S LOWER THAN A SENATOR'S ETHICS?

Not even a snake's belly.

SEWAGE

United States Senate.

FRANKENSIT SHOWS TRUE COLORS: Follow Up

So Al Frankensit, faced with a national uproar over his ungentlemanly behavior, offers no apologies or explanation other that to say, "Harry Reid told me to do it."

(Aren't those nincompooooops just so, so sweet? They'll even trash each other before they'll take ownership over what they say and do.)

FRANKENSNIT SHOWS TRUE COLORS

Senator Al Frankensnit refused to allow Senator Lieberman another minute to finish his statement in the Senate yesterday, a courtesy routinely given by the next person in line to speak. "Really?" Lieberman asked.

Frankensnit stuck by his guns, (confiscated from a constituent, no doubt), and Senator McCain objected to the treatment, saying he didn't know what in the hell the Senate is coming to.

Ahh, come on John. Shut up and get out of the way.

GOOD BYE TO ORAL ROBERTS

He's not oral anymore.

NATION'S CREDIT PROBLEM

So, the real problem is not that banks are not willing to give credit, it's that people don't want to borrow any more?

Well, in taking a page from the proposed Health Care debacle, the real answer is to require us to borrow or face a $25,000 fine; don't pay it and we get up to five years in jail.

(Maybe we can all learn how to speak Chinese together?)

DOING NOTHING IS NOT AN OPTION

God forbid we should start over on this project.....

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CHICKEN AND THE EGG

We all know the answer to that question. The real question is:

What came first, Congress or the jackass?

OMNIBUS

Omnibus: A mode of travel, as in "I'm omnibus."

WEATHER BAD ACROSS UNITED STATES

Everyone is getting a Washington snow job.

OBAMA TOUTS SMALL BUSINESS LOANS

Let's see now... You're a small businessman and you are going to borrow $100,000 from the government under this great new plan, and then the government is going to tell you who to hire, how much to pay them, and who you can do business with?

Sounds like a terrific program to me.

(Psst! Maybe they'll tell you how many illegal aliens to hire and how to get them signed up for health insurance, too?)

TIGER WOODS AND ELEVEN WOMEN?

My God, he really has one helluva club in his bag!

But, is it legal for PGA play?

NEW PLAN FOR OBAMA TO RAISE MONEY?

What you do is withhold an extra 10% from everyone's pay check, and next year when they want they tax refunds, you just give them an IOU that you will never be able to pay back.

(Oh, California is already doing that?)

NASTY BOXER SHORTS

Instead of wanting to get at the bottom of the false statistics in the Climategate scandal, the illustrious Senator wants those who leaked the Emails to be investigated.

HARRY REID IS...

The rudest, most contemptuous and unpatriotic individual ever to occupy a seat in the United States Senate.

ARROGANCE

Telling Americans to shut up and get out of the way.

SCREW THE OLD FARTS

Take away $500 billion out of their Medicare. Deny them home health care. Raise their premiums. Jack up their taxes. They're old and useless, anyway.

Get it done before Christmas. The "Messiah" has spoken.

(P.S. Don't forget to fund abortions...)

UNEMPLOYMENT

According to Administration figures, consistently proven to be wrong, unemployment dropped from 10.2% to 10.0 % in October. How many people fell off of unemployment? Why can't you just give us figures, like 20.1 million are unemployed or under employed? Percentages don't mean anything and can be manipulated. Oh, you don't know how many? Well then, how can you figure percentages? Weegie board?

SANCTIMONIOUS WHITE HOUSE SAINTHOOD

The number of lies coming out of the White House these days makes Bill Clinton look like a saint.

RACHEL UCHITEL TO PARENTS:

"Guess who's NOT coming to dinner...."

TIGER

IN BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

Here's our illustrious President, egging-on Holder to investigate CIA agents while, at the same time, having to rely on CIA information to tell him what is going on in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, and North Korea, Pakistan, Russia... Or, as William Bendix would say... "What a revolting development this is!"

(Please pass the Gray Poop On?)

FLAT-FOOTED MEDIA

Weekends, nothing ever happens in this world. I guess that's why the media got caught flat-footed with Sunday's Iranian announcement they are building more uranium production sites? You suddenly realize that, if they had bombed the World Trade Center on a Sunday, we would not have known about it until Monday morning....

BAD NEWS

It never fails. Just when you think your stomach can’t take any more bad news coming out of Washington, along comes a guy in a tux and a lady in a red dress.

ZHU ZHU PETS?

The hottest selling toy this season is the electronic hamster. Political pundits are buying them for their offices and giving them names like "Barack," "Nancy," "Harry," and the all-time favorite, "Barney." They even make terrific noises, just like Congress. Oink, oink.

UNEMPLOYMENT QUESTION

When will Obama really get serious about creating jobs?

When he realizes that he's in serious jeopardy of losing his.

SECRET SERVICE AND THE SUGAR PLUMB FAIRY

Well, if they can do it, why can't I?

With that reasoning, I got all dressed up in a fancy Buster Crab business suit and headed for the side door at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. When I reached the gate, Secret Service came out of its little caddy shack and asked me what I wanted.

"I'm here to see the President," I replied.

"What's your name. Let me see your I.D. Do you have an appointment?"

"List," I answered, as I handed him eight S&H Green Stamps sealed in plastic. "I don't need an appointment."

His furrowed eyebrows raised, "First name?"

"End of."

"Endof?"

"Yes, End of. I contributed $10 million to the President's election campaign, and he's invited me over for Thanksgiving dinner with the family."

"Ahh, yes. Here's your name at the bottom of the sheet. Just pull up to the side door and the officer there will escort you in."

At the side door, the officer said, "They told me you were coming, Mr. List, and I had to go all of the way to the bottom of the sheet to find your name. It's out of order. What until I straighten out Rambo on Monday about this inefficiency. Follow me in, I'll take you upstairs."

We went down a long hallway to where a military type was sitting outside a door. He must have been to the beach. "Redneck," I observed.

He immediately opened the satchel that was by his side. "Turkey Dinner," he muttered, as the blood drained from his face.

"Baked potatoes?" I asked.

"Oh, my God! What do I do next?"

"Nuke Iran," I was kidding.

As the officer ushered me in, I could hear the guy at the door saying to someone on the red phone in the satchel, " I KNOW he doesn't look like the President, but he had the codes, man!"

And there he was, the President in all of his glory, decked out in a genuine Martha Stewart designer bathrobe and waiting to greet me. "Hiya there, Mr. List! I really want to thank you for your campaign donations. Glad to have you over for dinner. Maybe we should start by having a beer out on the lawn?"

"No, thank you Mr. President. There's too many cops and professors out there at the picnic table. Anyway, aren't you worried about your Secret Service guys? I mean, with all of the news about the party crashers and everything?"

To which he responded...

TOMORROW IS BLACK FRIDAY?

Obama hasn't even been in office a year yet, and already he has a holiday?

Well, hold on to your change purses, because you're going to need every dime you have left to pay for the Health Care Bill, Cap & Trade, and the war in Afghanistan next year.)

CONGRESSIONAL DESSERTS

Since Congress only has a 21% approval rating, maybe they should finish off their Thanksgiving dinner with an ample slice of humble pie.

QUESTION ABOUT SARAH PALIN

Palin seems to represent fiscal responsibility, adherence to moral values, anti-abortion, ethics....

Do we presume that, when it comes to those values, those who despise Sarah Palin are of the opposite view?

SOTS, SAPS AND SENATORS

Synonyms

AN AMERICAN OBITUARY

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

MAMMOGRAMS AND CERVICAL CANCER SCREENING: CONFUSED?

New Government-Run Health Care Plan...

Get used to it.

WHY UFO'S COME TO U.S.

Why wouldn't they? We're the only country on the planet that welcomes illegal aliens!

MY DEAREST SENATOR REID...

In response to your recent epistle...

Take your Government-Run Health Care Plan and stick it.

With kindest personal regards,

A Baby Boomer

HOUSE OF MALADROITS AND DUNDERHEADS

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC

(Just how many billions did we spend in those non-existent Congressional Districts to stimulate all of those jobs, anyway?)

OBAMAS TAKES ANOTHER BOW

This time, he bowed to the Japanese Emperor... Odds are he apologized for America's dropping of nukes to end WWII, as well.

Isn't he sooooo sweet?