NEW YEAR

Why is it that every new year in this country brings us the same old problems? 

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

That Hillary Clinton and George H.W. Bush are holed up in a hotel room in downtown New York City. 

WHY IS IT...

That deaf people listen to what you are saying much more intently than people with perfectly good hearing? Is there any politician out there who can answer that question? 

PRICK

What they do to your finger when they want a quick blood test.  And you thought I was simply going to say, "Obama," didn't you? 

NOT TO WORRY

Thank God we don't have to worry about the "Fiscal Cliff," Iran, North Korea, Syria, Al Qaeda, Obama, Congress, or the IRS.  The world ended December 21st, remember? 

JACK KLUGMAN

A versatile actor has done his last scene. 

IT'S TRULY CHRISTMAS

Where I am on Saturday morning at 10:00 AM PST, the electricity has been off for ten hours.   Since my water comes from a well powered by electricity, I have no water and no stove.  My old desk top and my brand new desk top are both dark and silent.  My cell phone ran out of juice an hour ago and it's too dark to read.  The battery in this laptop will soon be dead. 


But, some things are good in life.  There's well over two feet of fresh snow on the ground and more coming; I couldn't get out of my driveway if I had to.  I can stand by the wood stove gazing out at the falling flakes while I contemplate breaking into the liquor cabinet or even popping some popcorn on that wood stove.  I'm so totally isolated; even Obama can't get to me. 


And so it is, my friends, that I sign off a day early for the Christmas holiday.  I'll be back on Wednesday the 26th, presuming that the electricity will be back on by then.  Cheers!

BAD MISTAKE

Thursday, I was bad-mouthing Obama because I knew that yesterday was going to be the end of the world.  Well, the end of the world didn't come and I now have a front yard full of Secret Service agents.  Maybe they'll go away if I send out a Columbian hooker...

MAYAN QUESTION

If the world ends before this day is over, who is going to take down the Christmas decorations? 

WHAT'S WORSE?

The 27 deaths in Newtown, or the horde of relentless, prodding reporters, photographers and cameramen sticking their lenses and microphones into every face, nook and cranny while all the town wants to do is to stop and take in what has happened and to start dealing with it? 

HOLY CELL PHONE, BATMAN!

Wouldn't it be nice if the President could ring everybody's cell phone in the entire country when he had something to say? 

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

The Republicans caused Hillary Clinton so much stress that she fainted and had a concussion, and now she can't testify about Benghazi. 

MIND BOGGLING QUESTION

Why does a Ford pickup with Virginia plates have a Confederate flag in its rear window? 

NEWTOWN, CONNECTICUT

MAY GOD BLESS THE VICTIMS, THEIR FAMILIES AND THE COMMUNITY. 

BLUE SHIELD TO RAISE PREMIUMS ANOTHER 20%

Don't you lost LOVE how ObamaCare is costing us less?  Didn't they just raise their rates 20% a few months ago? 

POWER

Only Obama has it. 

HOW CONGRESS SPENDS CHRISTMAS VACATION

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/b4_EdJ-XkUA?rel=0

TODAY IS UNLIKE ANY OTHER DAY

Today is 12-12-12.  Only nine days left until the end of the Mayan Calendar.  You know what THAT means?  There will never ever be a 13-13-13. 

TODAY'S LESSON IN LEADERSHIP

Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi has backed down when faced with a country full of citizens ticked off over his dictatorial leadership demands.  That's a lesson every leader should learn... correct Barry? 

NEW TV SCHEDULE

As long as Obama keeps running around acting like he's God on the face of the Earth, maybe he should confine his speeches to the Sunday morning church hour. 

JOHN MCAFEE ENTERS HOSPITAL

He has a bad virus...

PULLING THE OLD SWITCHEROO

Suppose Syria's Assad defects to Egypt and Egypt's Morsi defects to Syria? 

REMEMBER

PEARL HARBOR DAY

Our President did not duck out on that

9/11

Our President did not duck out on that

BUT AS FOR BENGHAZI

?

TWO TERMS

Let's limit all US politicians to two terms, One in office - One in prison.
Then Hang 'em!

"MAGIC BEANS AND FAIRY DUST"

What the White House "Carney" barker called the GOP budget plan.  Bow wow. 

SCHOOLS TO HAVE MORE HOURS

Several states are adding up to 300 hours to their school years on the basis that our students need to have a better education.  From what I've seen lately, the more schooling a guy has the dumber he is.  Take Harvard grad Barack Obama, for instance...

CAN YOU IMAGINE OBAMA ON ANOTHER PLANET?

You can't just keep banishing him from planet to planet.  One of these days, someone is going to have to stand up to him. 

BENGHAZI MOTTO

If you don't want them to know the facts, dazzle them with bullshit. 

IN JUST 20 MORE DAYS...

The Mayan Calendar will end, and you know what that means? 

No more mayanaise. 

PSORIASIS

Members of Congress and the White House, i.e.: "They are all psoriasis."  (Pronounced "sorry asses")

ONLY UNCLE BEN KNOWS FOR SURE

Can Rice rise to the occasion? 

KHALID SHEIK MOHAMMED

Soon to be on trial in a criminal court New York City.  You don't like it?  T.S. 

WHAT OBAMACARE IS NOT

ObamaCare is not an entitlement; therefore, it cannot be considered for discussion regarding the Fiscal Cliff.  Just ask Barry.  But, watch them go after Social Security and Medicare. 

AS THE ECONOMY SAID TO THE COUNTRY...

"Hi.  I'm the Fiscal Cliff.  Drop over some time."

THE MOST UNWELCOME OBITUARY OF THE CENTURY

TWINKIES

HECTOR "MACHO" CAMACHO

One great box boy. 

LARRY HAGMAN

So long, J.R...  You were such a snarly character. 

IRISH TURKEY

 

SEE YOU MONDAY THE 26TH

COINCIDENCE

What are the odds that two women who knew each other and who were involved in top-military-brass sex scandals would end up visiting the White House on separate occasions for perfectly innocent visits?  Would you call that coincidence? 

TOP SECRET CLASSIFIED CLEARANCE

Any whore can get one.  

GAZA STRIP

What Palestian women do when they take off their Burqas. 

GUESS WHO DOCTORED THE "TALKING POINTS?"

You know those CIA talking points, the ones that Susan Rice says she used to base her statements that the Benghazi massacre was the result of video demonstrations?  Well, Petraeus has testified that the original CIA talking points approved by intelligence gods told the true story about Al Qaeda.  And who did the dirty deed of altering the documents?  

Rose Mary Woods. 

REPUBLICANS

Members if an extinct political party. 

COMPROMISE

The art of reaching a solution where the Democrat gets his way and the Republican caves in. 

SEX SCANDAL

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs...

OBAMANISM

Ruling by absolute, irrefutable power. 

TWADDLE

PERFECT PLACE FOR A PRESIDENTIAL APOLOGY TOUR

Cambodia.  And a very happy Veterans Day to you, too. 

DEAD MEAT

Republican Party. 

OFF

Any chances of business hiring. 

THE REAL HEADLINE SHOULD BE...

MEDIA WINS ANOTHER ELECTION FOR OBAMA!

SILENCE IS GOLDEN

The phones quit ringing off the hook yesterday morning.  Thank God for that. 

TO THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE

Aren't you just sooo happy now that you engineered Romney into the Presidential candidate slot? 

UNDER WATER

Obama's campaign. 

FOREIGN LANGUAGE

Obama's political gutter attacks. 

NEW OBAMA CAMPAIGN SLOGAN

Vote early.  Vote often. 

SCREAMING NIGHTMARE

One Conservative Republican stuck in a room with 20 left-wing liberal Democrats, in the dark and during a two-day hurricane. 

DOUBLE WHAMMY BLOWHARD

When the politico bags of wind are out on the campaign trail in the middle of a hurricane. 

STORMY WEATHER

All of the way across the northeast.  Also, penetrating the Obama campaign as poll numbers start going south. 

OBAMA'S MOST VALUABLE POSSESSIONS

The media and the press.

FOUR MORE YEARS?

SMOKE AND MIRRORS

Obama's White House

REMEMBER THAT 3:00 AM WHITE HOUSE PHONE CALL?

When Obama got his call about Benghazi, he got on Air Force One and headed for Vegas. 

THAT EXPLAINS IT

I was thinking the other night that the stupid things coming out of Debbie Wasserman Schultz' mouth qualify her to have a full frontal lobotomy.  Upon further reflection, I realize now that she's already had one. 

A STRONG AMERICA

We can do this.  All we have to do is: 

 

PRESIDENTIAL

After last night... Not Obama. 

QUESTION OF THE YEAR

Would you rather watch Monday Night Football or the debate? 

INTELLIGENCE

What the White House lacks, in more ways than one. 

WHO HAS MORE STORIES THAN THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS?

Obama.  Everyone in the whole country, except one, came up with the same answer. 

FANG

Obama's new nickname. 

TOWN HALL MEETING

Where they hang politicians out to dry. 

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET

Felix Baumgartner

OBAMA'S ACHILLE'S HEEL?

Benghazi. 

RUDE & CRUDE MACHINE

Joe Biden.

GAFFE

Short for giraffe.  

Also use to describe a high-brow Vice-Presidential remark. 

DYSFUNCTIONAL

United States Government

$50

Remember when you used to be able to fill your gas tank for less than $50? 

FACEBLANK

The look on Obama's mug during the great debate. 

OBAMA LIKES HIM SO MUCH...

Let's give him the Big Bird for Election Day. 

7.8%

The greatest lie ever told. 

OBFUSCATE AND PONTIFICATE

Obama Administration

SEQUESTRATION

The art of separating the taxpayer from his money with his knowing it. 

WHY OBAMA FAILED IN DEBATE

It was the night of his wedding anniversary.  Michelle had just informed him that she had a headache. 

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES

White House reaction to Benghazi, Libya and Naco, Arizona. 

HUGO CHAVEZ

Would vote for Obama if he could vote here.  (How nice.) 

DEBATE

How you catch a fish, with de bate. 

DONKEY

The appropriate symbol of the Democratic Party. 

ZERO

The economic forecast of the Obama future.  ("Just give me four more years, I'll somehow manage to get it right yet!")

FRACK, FRACKING, FRACTOR, ETC

Verb or adjective; terminology used to describe Federal elected officials.  Examples: "Frack Congress!"  Or, "What's that fracking President doing to us now?"  Or, "How are we going to deal with Janet Napolitano and the issue of illegals coming across the border?  Fractor!" And if an official is ill, we send him off to see the "Fractologist." 

FATWA

Overweight wa. 

SO LONG, ANDY

Have a great eternity on Moon River.   

HARRY REID SPEAKS

CASH FOR CLUNKERS

Political contributions to Obama and Biden. 

ME-PAD

1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington   DC

POLITICIAN

Terrorist in a suit and tie. 

AMERICAN?

If this doesn't look just like Hitler all over again, what does? 

REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH

Robin Hood Obama

IN THE CATBIRD'S SEAT

Sheikh Omar Abdel-Rahman.

FATWA

Michelle Obama and Michael Bloomberg are in favor of legislation forcing Americans to lose weight.  Such regulations shall be known as "Fatwas." 

FUTURE OBAMA VOTERS

Middle East protestors. All they have to do is get across the border. 

LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT

No more talk about Obama, the economy and God.  Sunflowers, anyone? 

QUIT NAGGING

If Obama says he will fix it, take him at his word.  There's no need to remind him every four years that it needs to be fixed. 

JEWISH NOBOBY

Benjamin Netanyahu 

IN THE MOVIES

Prophet Mohammed.

PRICE OF PAPER GOING UP

Treasury printing billions and billions of more dollars. 

FROM DIFFERENT UNIVERSES

God and the Democratic Party. 

ROSE SYRACUSE RICHARDONE RETIRES

After 73 years at Macy's.  Thank God the government built Macy's or she never would have had a job. 

SAWED OFF LITTLE RUNT

Kim Jong-Un

OBAMA'S GREATEST FEAR

"2016 - OBAMA'S AMERICA"

NUMBER ONE MOVIE AT THE BOX OFFICE

YOU'RE FIRED!

Clint Eastwood.

STUCK BETWEEN BARRACK AND A HARD PLACE

Democratic Party

GOD

Definitely not a member of the Democratic Party. 

THIRD-CLASS BIMBO

Sandra Fluke

KILLER RABBIT

Jimmy Carter

TO THE RESCUE

Bill Clinton 

DEMOCRATIC CONVENTON THEME SONG

SEND IN THE CLOWNS

SEX AND THE DHS

Missing in Action from the DHS - Suzanne Barr, (No relation to Candy Barr)

TWO-BIT FLOOZY

Debbie Wasserman Schultz

SORRY ASS

George Sor os

SEXY JANET

It's a tossup between Napolitano and Reno. 

SHORT MAN SYNDROME

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

SPACE CADET

Neil Armstrong, a real pioneer now truly "lost in space." 

REPUBLICAN CONVENTION THEME SONG

Elephant Walk

LOST HIS SHIRT IN LAS VEGAS

Prince Henry

STARCHED SHORTS

Mitt Romney

LADY KILLER

Drew Peterson

LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY

Michael Bloomberg

PARIAH

Missouri Senator Todd Akin

PHYLLIS

It is with deep regret,

We will never forget;

The void in our lives that needed a filler,

Like Phyllis Diller. 

ANTI-CHRISTS

Liberals

ROUGH RIDER

Joe Arpaio

BLACK KNIGHT OF THE APOCALYPSE

Barrrrack Obama

BOWELS IN AN UPROAR

Rush Limbaugh

SNAKE IN THE GRASS

Eric Holder

BLOW HARD

Donald Trump

BUMBLING IDIOT

Joe Biden

STUCK IN THE MUCK

Harry Reid

SMILEY FACE

Paul Ryan

DRAMA QUEEN

Nancy Pelosi

UNACCEPTABLE

Dirty, rotten, lying, sleazy campaign ads.  All they prove is that the politician using them has nothing of favorable substance to discuss. 

HOW TO GET A FREE COLLEGE EDUCATION

Cross the Mexican border illegally. 

SHORT LIST

Midgets for Romney.

DIRTY HARRY

Foul-mouthed, rotten liar... Distinguished U.S. Senate Majority Leader from the great State of Nevada...  The epitome of American liberalism and hatred. 

IT'S TOO BAD

That Obama doesn't have a God to pray to. 

MARS LANDING TONIGHT

Word from the White House is that Obama will personally guide the capsule to a landing from the Situation Room, with Hillary, Harry, Nancy and Joe standing by.  Look for photo's tomorrow. 

REMEMBER AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS?

QUIT YOUR BELLYACHING

If you don't like the fact that Obama and his cronies are destroying our Constitution and our freedoms, shut the hell up and DO something about it. 

CLING ON TO YOUR GUNS AND RELIGION...

Obama is serious about wanting to get reelected. 

WILD BILL TO SPEAK AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION

I wonder if Monica will be there?  Cigar anyone? 

FROM THE FRYING PAN AND INTO THE FIRE

Americans who say they built those businesses didn't do that; the government did it for them.  Gosh, who would say such a stupid thing? 

OBAMA HAS MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT

He has fanned the flames of racism more flagrantly than any other citizen in U.S. history. 

MOST OF THE LAWYERS WHO CAN'T GET ANY CLIENTS...

...End up in Congress. 

U.S. DESTROYER FIRES TORPEDO!

SINKS U.S. ECONOMY

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO FOR YOUR PROSTATE EVERY MORNING

HAVE SEX WITH YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW. 

THE REAL QUESTION IS....

If Obama was not born in Kenya, and if his Hawaiian Birth Certificate is phony, then just where WAS he born?  It's obviously not in the U.S., so where? 

IT TAKES THE MURDER OF 12 PEOPLE

To get the Presidential candidates to speak with civility toward each other. 

SO HOLDER DOESN'T HAVE TO GIVE UP THE EVIDENCE

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE? 

THE JOKER

Was really not a joker after all. 

SMOKERS SAY...

"New non-smoking rules are a real drag."

THE HORROR OF AURORA

May God bless the victims and their families, and may God damn the guy who dd it. 

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WTH CHIENSE-MADE U.S. OLYMPIC UNIFORMS

After all, the Chinese DO own our country, don't they?

UNANSWERABLE QUESTION

If you had your choice, would you rather have another 9/11 or four more years of Obama? 

OBAMA IS FINISHED, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

If he doesn't get reelected, he's gone.  If he does get reelected, the Mayan Calendar ends December 21, 2012. 

ROMNEY COMMITTED A FELONY?

HE WHO LIVES IN A GLASS HOUSE SHOULD NOT CAST STONES. 

IF ALL OF THE DOCS QUIT BECAUSE OF OBAMACARE...

All of the malpractice insurance companies and malpractice lawyers will be out of business... kaput.  (That might really destroy the economy...)

WHERE'S THE HOTTEST SPOT IN THE NATION?

It's a tossup between The White House and the Attorney General's Office. 

WOULDN'T IT BE IRONIC?

Obama gets sick and his doc is one of the 83% of the country's docs who have quit... and the only doctor left in town is a lifetime member of the NRA?  (Ewww!  Would I love to be a fly on the wall in that room!)

IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH

Do you know where your President is? 

90% OF THE RACISTS IN THIS COUNTRY...

Reside in the White House. 

THERE IS SOME TRUTH TO THE RUMOR...

That Obama plans on pushing through a $1 TRILLION additional stimulus bill if he is reelected.  Where's he going to get the money... Greece? 

ERNEST BORGNINE

McHale's Navy has sailed on. 

WHY OBAMA DOESN'T ATTEND SUNDAY CHURCH

THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR

That Obama wants to play a round of golf with Rush Limbaugh.   

WHEN OBAMA SPEAKS, CONGRESS LISTENS

It is said that words are cheap.  However once they utter forth out of Obama's mouth and he passes them into law, they get kinda pricey.  That 2,700 page ObamaCare bill surely makes that point. 

SCIENTISTS FIND "GOD" PARTICLE!

SO LONG, ANDY

God bless you and Mayberry, wherever you are...

WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL

I WONDER WHY...

John Roberts left the country...

2,700 PAGES

I guess it's about time we read the damned bill, so we can all know what's in it. 

IT'S NOT A TAX

Well, I guess it IS a tax.  I won?  
 
They're complaining because I said it's not a tax?  


Well, it's not a tax... it's a penalty. 

Anyone want to see my Hawaiian Birth Certificate? 

STOCKTON FILES FOR BANKRUPTCY

The economy is just hunky-dory.  

PELOSI COMMENTS TO AMERICANS ON OBAMA CARE RULING

TODAY'S THE DAY!

Hold on to your bloomers, Barry and Eric... WE are!

SCREWED

Arizona. 

CONTRITE

NIXON'S ADVICE TO OBAMA

"Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself."  Bye, bye Obama? 

SPEAKING OF NANCY PELOSI...

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.

CONTEMPT

The way Nancy Pelosi speaks.   

LEROY NEIMAN

A great easel and a terrific view. 

EXECUTIVE PRIVILEGE

UP YOURS, AMERICA

OBAMA SAYS HE'S "HALF-WHITE?"

His birth stepmother was white. 

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO...

Robert Gibbs? 

RODNEY KING HAS DIED

Beat it. 

OBAMA'S EPITAPH

Blame Bush. 

PROPOGANDA MILL

White House

NEW YORK CITY TO OUTLAW POPCORN

What about hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolets?  (Bloomberg is the classic stick-in-the-mud.) 

NEW WHITE HOUSE ENTERTAINMENT SHOW

"Wanna Hear A Secret?"

HORSE MANURE

Obama's drug of choice?

WE CAN AFFORD TO BRING IN MEXICAN ALIENS

The economy is doing fine, according to El Presidente Baracko Husseno del Obama y Soetoro ala klutzo.   

ARROGANCE AND CONTEMPT

"The private sector is doing fine." 

SPAIN NEEDS $80 BILLION BAILOUT

Let's cough the money up from Obama's budget surplus. 

MICHELLE CAMPAIGNS FOR BARACK

Yawner of the day. 

NEW GOVERNMENT REGULATION

Anyone more than 10 pounds overweight will have $1,000 annually added to their income tax starting in 2013, according to an Executive Order awaiting Obama's signature the day after November elections.  (Just kidding.) 

WHERE OBAMA FEARS TO TREAD

A Roman Catholic Church. 

OBAMA'S CORRECT! HE'S CUT SPENDING!

He's spent less money than any previous 20 Presidents combined....

I WONDER...

Will Obama be on the throne for 60 years?  No offense intended, Madame Queen. 

SUGAR NAZI

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg

OBAMA IS NOT AN AMATEUR

He knows very well what he is doing to this country.  Give him just four more years, and he'll get it done.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Very soon, all of the Mexicans will be living here and we can move to Mexico and live in peace.

IT'S TOO DAMNED BAD...

That Barack Hussein Obama's parents didn't practice birth control. 

PLANNED PARENTHOOD ENDORSES OBAMA

Abort that. 

WHEN MICHELLE SPEAKS...

The world listens. 

WHAT OBAMA REALLY MEANS TO SAY

Is not "Let's redistribute the wealth" but, "Okay all you moochers,get in line!  Your free money is on its way from the working class citizens!"

SPECIAL MEMORIAL DAY POST

Speaking of memories, remember how wonderful things were in this country before we ever even heard the name... Barack Hussein Obama? 

A TAXPAYER WHO VOTES FOR OBAMA

Is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders. 

NANCY IS GETTING ANOTHER STREET NAMED AFTER HER IN S.F.

The first one is called "Princess" Avenue.  Then, there's Nitwit Lane...  Airhead Court...  Healthcare Street... And now... Nancy Pelosi Drive... "No right turns allowed."

DO NOT GAMBLE IN VEGAS

Obama has first dibs on your money. 

FACEBOOK

Will now have to face the music.  But, as the band warms up, they do have a partner... Morgan Stanley.  I don't think anyone wants to cut in on this dance. 

WHAT IF OBAMA DID NOT EXIST?

Who, just who then, would be our national deity? 

SINCE ANN ROMNEY IS FAIR GAME....

I guess it's safe to again bring up the official White House Pinata: