POT RALLY

Standing around the kitchen cheering while the lobster boils. 

WHY CONGRESS ENDED THE FAA CUTBACKS

They're getting ready for spring vacation and they need to fly home... on time while not sitting next to ticked off Americans.    

CONTRACTORS ANONYMOUS

Bangladesh sweat shop builders. 

IMPEACHMENT

The act of making a peachy pie.  Use one toasted well-done President for making the crust; add chopped, half-baked Senators and Representatives for filling; season with finely ground Cabinet members to taste. 

SHINDIG

Dedication of George W. Bush's library. 

ALZHEIMER'S

“They say brain exercises will stave off Alzheimer’s.  Obama doesn’t stand a chance.” 

AMERICAN TRAGEDY

Excuse for Obama to make a speech.

SOCIALISM

Block parties.  Facebook.  Classmates.com.  Orgies. 

TERRORISM

You have no idea what terrorism is all about until your wife starts throwing plates and frying pans in your direction. 

FERTILIZER EXPLOSION

I awakened the other morning to learn there had been a huge explosion at a fertilizer plant.  At first, I thought they were talking about Harry Reid's office...

PAT SUMMERALL

A great sportscaster.  Now, he's in heaven with his own ball team. 

FLAT TAX

Yes, now they're even taxing flat tires...

MAIL POISON

PELOSI LOVE LETTERS

JONATHAN WINTERS

A great comedian of the times.  And now, what are we going to use for trash can liners? 

CONSTIPATION

What Obama gets when he hears the word, "Constitution"

THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES

It's Income Tax Day.  Just think, the year is 1/3 over and every nickel you have earned so far this year is going toward next year's taxes.  As a matter of fact, most of the country has to work two more months to cover next year's tax bill.  Now's the time to take a break and send good old Barry an email to tell him how much you appreciate his need to spend more money.  Bye, bye now. 

FORGOTTEN WORDS IN WHITE HOUSE

FAST AND FURIOUS

FORBIDDEN WORD IN WHITE HOUSE

BENGHAZI

KENNEDY'S FOR GUN CONTROL

The Kennedys made so much money running rum during Prohibition; just think about how much they can make after guns are banned. 

RETIREMENT

The act of buying four new tires and working for the rest of the year to pay for them. 

ZOMBIE

A hypothetical being that is physically identical in all respects to a conscious person, but is not conscious.  In other words, a devout believer in the Obama dogma. 

MARGARET THATCHER

TO A GREAT LADY WHO DID WONDERS FOR ENGLAND AND WHO WAS A TRUE WORLD LEADER, 

Thank you for your service. 

I'LL DRINK TO THAT

A crocked sot never toils. 

TRANS-GENDER

Did it ever occur to you that might be the reason Obama won't show his real birth certificate? 

THE MORNING-AFTER PILL

Actually, I like the idea of its being available to everyone, regardless of age.  Even guys can take it if they've had anal sex.  That'll certainly reduce the number of asinine politicians in Washington.

BIG MOUTHED, PINT-SIZED PIP SQUEAK

Kim Jong Un

LIFE

You don't need to worry about tomorrow unless the sun rises in the west today. 

NOW, THAT'S DRY!

Obama has been on the spin cycle for so long that even his ears have dried up. 

OBAMACARE #1

ObamaCare is somewhat akin to having a new national and mandatory proctologist. 

OFFICIAL NATIONAL DAY IN RECOGNITION OF OUR NATION'S FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT

Happy April Fool's Day.