SARAH PALIN BLOWS HER TOP!

Oh, it wasn't Sarah? It's a volcano? When I looked Redbout up in Websters, it said something about breastwork, and I automatically assumed......

Sorry for the confusion.

Today

Today, the dogs gave me a bath.

Today, the dogs cooked breakfast for me.

Today, the dogs made the bed and did laundry.

Today, the dogs wrote checks and paid the bills.

Today, the dogs finished the first draft of my new book.

Today, I polished off the last of the scotch and got half way through the vodka.

Already, this Congress is driving me insane.

WHY CONGRESS IS INVESTIGATING MADOFF

They didn't get their cuts.

In the meantime, Frankfarter is steering $12 billion to his favorite bank and FARP is about to give ACORN $4.2 Billion?

REID NEEDS A DUCK

Send Reid a duckling today!

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird

HAS THIS COUNTRY GONE MAD? MAD? MAD? MAD?

We nowhave in charge of our money a guy who admits he "forgot" to fill out his income tax returns properly. And, we have a Congress and a President who admire him for it.

OBAMA MUST HAVE BEEN INNOCENT

Remember all of those stories about the millions...tens of millions of dollars that the Obama campaign took in illegal foreign contributions? And, remember all of the voter fraud investigations that were opening up in Ohio and others states due to the activities of Acorn and others?

Have you heard anything about those issues lately?

Me neither. Obama must have been innocent.

GUANTANAMO TERRORIST PRISONERS

Send one home with every member of Congress. Pelosi can have five and Murtha can have a dozen. Oh, and save one for Jane Fonda, just for old time's sake.

NOW THAT WE HAVE A DEMOCRAT FOR PRESIDENT...

It's time to play... PIN THE TALE ON THE DONKEY!

WHY DID CAROLINE BACK AWAY FROM THE N.Y. SENATOR'S JOB?

Chelsea wants it.

Uh, oh. Chelsea didn't get it.

MEDIA MANIA

What with all of the media hype over the 44th Prez, I'm surprised they didn't have cameras in the White House bedroom last night to catch the first consummate act after inauguration....

WHAT MADOFF DID TO INVESTORS ILLEGALLY...

Congress does to EVERY American legally.

EXIT STAGE LEFT - ENTER STAGE RIGHT

Otherwise known as "The D.C. Two-Step!"

I wonder if they'll be wearing their tutus.

WHAT? NO KORAN?

I can't believe he's going to be sworn in on Lincoln's Bible! What's more, he's going to Episcopal Church in the morning and Wright's not preaching!

WHY $825 BILLION FOR STIMULUS?

You can go to a sex aid shop and get an anal vibrator for $9.95.

PROCTOLOGISTS HOLD ANNUAL CONVENTION

Congress sticks it to us again!

NEW "ECONOMIC STIMULUS"

I actually thought it might take 60 days before I felt this way....

GEESE GOOSE JET

Boats flock to the rescue. 151 humans alive after getting the bird.

FRAP IS GONE?

I had a dream last night that FRAP was gone. FRAP, in case you didn't know it, is an acronym for Frankfater, Reid And Pelosi.

Yes, I dreamed that FRAP was gone. And the Earth was without form, and void......

OBAMA IS ALREADY TOAST

Word is, he's being run out of town on a rail.

NICKNAMES

So, the press is referring to Blagojevich as "Blago."

I guess that's why they call Frankfarter "Frank?"

U.S. POST OFFICE TO ADD STRESS TO AMERICA?

Isn't it bad enough with having our retirements stolen from us by the economy, our families impacted by rising unemployment and our children saddled with trillions of dollars more in debt?

Evidently not.

Now, the Post Office is seizing upon the opportunity, when we are distracted by these mounting problems, to change the time it delivers our mail.

I think it's time we went back to public hangings.

POMPOUS PRESIDENTIAL POOPLA?

All five living Presidents for a photo op.

Did you notice that the liberals outnumbered the conservatives 5 - 0?

FOX NEWS HAS LOST IT

Top news stories this morning... John Travolta's son dies
Jeb Bush to run for Presidency
Israel invades Gaza Strip.

Now we have their priorities straight...

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO...

John McCain? Remember him?

JIMMY CARTER ON ANOTHER PEACE MISSION?

Word is that he's headed to Chicago to have a sit-down with Blagojevich....

2009: CARPING AS USUAL

The opening salvo of the 2009 political year has already been fired by Harry Reid, resident High Potentate of the U.S. Senate. This brouhaha over the Illinois Senate seat is a sure sign that they have no intentions of getting down to the pressing needs and business of the nation.

NEW YEARS IS FOR CROCODILES & ALLIGATORS

It's all about shoes, boots and purses.