NORTH KOREAN BUFFALO FINGER

That's what that tin-horned, pipsqueak, loudmouth bully-midget, Kim Yong Il has managed to give to Barack Hussein Obama and the United States of America.

Buffalo fingers taste sooooo good with humble pie, don't they?

PLANT AN ACORN

And watch it grow, and grow, and grow.

NEW TAX IDEA GAINS WEIGHT

A new tax idea circulating around Washington is gaining favor. It is called the "FAT TAX." The idea is that you will be taxed according to how many pounds you are overweight. Not only will this encourage people to lose weight, but it will reduce the national cost of health care and will reduce the energy costs of hauling lard butts around. Because the affluent are can afford to eat more, this tax will also help to redistribute the wealth. Weigh-ins will be held on the Friday preceding every April 15th, which will be declared a national holiday known as FAT FRIDAY.

I, THE LOWLY ZINGER, NOW HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY OFF THE NATIONAL DEBT!

I've been saving, saving, saving and finally, the day has come! All I have to do now is collect all of my beneficiary funds from the Nigerian lawyers who've been e-mailing me!

Whooppee!

SOTOMAYOR IS GUARANTEED HER SEAT ON THE COURT

The Messiah has spoken.

GLOBAL WARMING

Nancy Pelosi on the Hot Seat.

DON'T COUNT ON ACORN TO TAKE AN HONEST CENSUS

If they show up at my stoop for American Census information, they're going to be in for a big awakening.... And you can count on that!

JOE BIDEN IS THE SINGLE, MOST INTELLIGENT GUY IN WASHINGTON

Sad as it is, that's the truth!

ROSY NEWS ON UNEMPLOYMENT FIGURES!

Bill Clinton finds a job!

HEAVENLY COMPARISON

When you gaze at some of those startling pictures from Hubble, you come to the sudden realization that there almost as many stars in the universe as there are assholes in Washington.

CLUELESS IN WASHINGTON

The highest unemployment in recent history. A stock-market in turmoil. A housing industry in shambles. A national treasury with empty coffers. States, counties, and cities facing bankruptcy. An automobile industry that's literally on the ropes.

And now.... Gas prices on a renewed upswing at the pumps.

And Congress wants us to rush out and spend the paltry $250 they just sent us?

The just don't have a clue, do they?

FRANKFARTER MAKES IMPORTANT SPEECH

Uhhh, don't look now, Barney, but nobody's listening.

GEITHNER NEVER GIVES UP TRYING TO GET IT RIGHT

You've heard about the humongous stimulus checks being mailed out, and how some of that money will have to be repaid because the Treasury Department used the wrong tables in determining the amount of the checks.

Well, 10,000 checks recently sent out went to dead people. Yes, mistakes do happen, don't they? In one case, the recipient had been dead for 35 years. That's probably about how long it will take for Geithner to get his 2009 income tax figured out....

FANCY NANCY'S NEW COMEDY T.V. SHOW

"TO TELL THE TRUTH!"

THE ARGUMENT FOR TOSSING ALL WASHINGTON POLITICIANS OUT OF OFFICE

It's the only chance we have of getting rid of the graft and corruption and raising the collective I.Q. level above 40.

WE SHOULD ALL COZY UP TO ACORN

Before long, they're going to be the only ones left in this country with any money.

OBAMA CHANGES HIS MIND...

More often than a Nevada whorehouse changes sheets.

PELOSI IS A FINE, UPSTANDING AMERICAN

Congressional liar.

HILLARY CLINTON FOR SUPREME COURT

Wanda Sykes for Secretary of State.

IF GUNS WERE OUTLAWED

The Taliban wouldn't be able to take over Pakistan.
The terrorists would not have been have to take over the planes.
Drug cartels wouldn't be able to collect their money.
There would be no gangs.
Hell's Angels would cease to exist.
We wouldn't need cops.
The economic crisis would be solved.

Ahhhh, wouldn't life be grand?

THERE'S ONE THING FOR SURE THAT OBAMA IS GOOD AT

Spending other people's money.

IT'S TRULY THEIR DAY

Happy Mothers Day to all of you in Washington!

IF OBAMA TRULY DOSN'T HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE

In that case, he was never born. Therefore, he doesn't exist.

THE END OF AN ERA

WHAT Republican Party?

JUST ASK AN INDIAN

Now that the Government is taking over the banks...It's a good time to go back to sticking your money under the mattress.

(Remember those billions that the Government was keeping in "trust" for the Indians that the Secretary of Interior can't now account for? There's no records?)

WHY IS IT THAT THE WHITE HOUSE NOW TOTALLY REFUSES TO DISCUSS THAT FLIGHT AROUND NEW YORK?

Maybe it never happened. It was a figment of our imagination. That must be the case because.... it just so happens that there is no manifest. That, of course, means that no one was on the plane.

THEY SIMPLY MUST GET RID OF OUR GUNS AND OUR RELIGION

Those seem to be the two things they fear most.

HAS ANYONE IN WASHINGTON EVER READ THE CONSTITUTION?

Just curious.

REPUBLICANS SAY "NO DEAL" TO SPRING TRADING!

Is it true that the Dems offered to trade Christopher Doddledung for Spector?

WORSE THAN SWINE FLU: FRANKFARTER & DODDLEDUNG HAVE WORLDWIDE IMPACT

It's rarely mentioned, but the world's economic crisis originated right here in the Congressional halls of the good old U.S. of A. As a matter of fact, Barney Frankfarter and Christopher Doddledung both had their hands in it.

Today, over there in Germany, Turkey and Greece.... There is rioting in the streets on May Day over the economic situation. People are getting killed.

Do they have a vaccine for THAT?