POSSIBLY ANCIENT BIBLICAL TEXTS FOUND

The codices turned up five years ago in a remote cave in eastern Jordan.  The bottom of each metal page is authentically inscribed: "Made in Taiwan." 

OBAMA TO RUN FOR SECOND TERM

IF HE WINS, YOU CAN KISS THIS COUNTRY GOODBYE. 

2012 RUNNING MATES

IT HAS BEEN LEAKED TO THE PRESS THAT BARRAK OBAMA

HAS CHOSEN SYLVESTER STALLONE FOR HIS RUNNING

MATE AND NANCY PEOLOSI FOR SECRETARY OF STATE

THEY WILL RUN AS "SAMBO, RAMBO, AND BIMBO."

GOOD NIGHT, GERALDINE

Have a great ride in your Ferraro. 

HOMELESS IN WASHINGTON

WISCONSIN SCREWS JUDGE

A judge last week issued a temporary restraining order blocking Secretary of State Doug La Follette from publishing the collective bargaining measure amid court challenges, thereby preventing it from taking effect.  But, in a separate move, the nonpartisan Legislative Reference Bureau published the law, saying they were required by statute to do so within 10 days of passing the law.  The Judge was seen buying Kaopectate and a pound of cheese at the local supermarket. 

NO WAR IN LIBYA

It's a "kinetic military action."  

Where do these bimbos come from, anyway? 

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

The love of my life is gone. 

WILLIAM SHATNER TURNS 80

Now, doesn't THAT make you feel old!!!

OBAMA SAYS GHADAFI MUST GO?

I've got new for everyone: Ghadafi has been on the commode ever since the first missile was launched.  I never knew anyone could "go" that long!

AT&T BUYS T-MOBILE

$39 billion.  The way they are spending money, you'd think they were members of Congress. 

JAPAN'S GIFT TO GHADAFI

Japan would like to give Ghadafi their Reactor 4 at the Fukushima Nuclear Plant. 

REASON FOR OBAMA'S TRIP?

Does Obama's trip to South America in the middle of crisis have anything to do with radiation from Japan reaching the U.S.?  Could it be that we have Chicken Little in the White House? 

OBAMA'S TRUE LEADERSHIP ON LYBIAN SITUATION

VIVE LE FRANCE!

DID YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT OBAMA?

He's Irish!

(So much for the Kenyan theory.)

TIPPER GORE & NANCY PELOSI

Showed up together at a Grateful Dead movie.

No kidding.  I'm serious.   

WISCONSIN: LEADING THE NATION?

I wonder how much of the Federal Government budget we could cut if we trimmed their wages and benefits.

UNION BULLIES

Where's Mr. T when you need him? 

THOSE DOGGONE JAPANESE

Sure do have radioactive personalities!

ENOUGH OF CHARLIE SHEEN!

The way the media is following him, you'd think he was Barack Obama on the face of the Earth, or something! 

OBAMA AND SHEEN ARE VERY MUCH ALIKE

They've both lost touch with reality. 

WHY DO WE WANT TO GET RID OF RADICAL MUSLIMS?

When we're letting radical Mexicans cross the border every day? 

SOMETIMES I THINK

If got got rid of all of the politicians in Washington who are on drugs, we'd HAVE to shut down the government!

UNEMPLOYMENT SKYROCKETS

Charlie Sheen is out of work. 

WHY HASN'T WISCONSIN LEGISLATURE ACTED?

Under Article IV of its Constitution, the Legislature can compel the missing Senators to attend and, should they refuse, expel them for contempt.  So, what's the big deal here?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY GAS PRICES ARE GOING UP

Especially when there's such a large and natural supply of it in the halls of Congress. 

WHAT'S FAIR FOR ONE

Since Obama has decided not to enforce the national gay marriage law because he doesn't like it, I have decided to ignore the IRS law this year because I don't like it. 

CONGRESS UNDER INVESTIGATION!

The National Transportation Safety Board, NTSB, has announced it is investigating and reviewing all underground natural gas pipelines in the country.  As it so happens, the largest natural gas line in the country passes right through both Houses of Congress. 

OPT OUT

Maybe Obama will let all "57" states opt out of his Health Care Plan? (I always thought 57 was the name of a sauce...)

LET'S DANCE

Those guys in Washington all think we’d be upset if the government shut down.  Actually, I think the stock market would go through the roof and we’d all be dancing in the streets. 

CHARLIE

Has lost his sheen.