WHO WAS JIMMY CARTER'S VICE PRESIDENT?

Beats me.  I don't know either. 

Let's try another one... Who was Lyndon Johnson's Vice President?  

Come to think of it, who is Barack Obama's Vice President? 

OBAMA'S IMAGE

Is darker than HE is.

NAG, NAG, NAG

What is the reason Burger King is moving its headquarters to Canada?  Cpuld it be that in Canada they allow you to put horse meat in hamburgers? 

IF THEY DO CATCH THE GUY WHO BEHEADED FOLEY...

Do you think they'll trade him for another Bergdahl? 

ONE WORD MISSING FROM OBAMA'S SPEECH TO AMERICAN LEGION

TAHMOORESSI. 

OBAMA IS BACK IN WASHINGTON

Yawn. 

PUTIN INVADING UKRAINE

Obama on 12th tee. 

PRESIDENTIAL INTELLIGENCE BRIEFING

The reason Obama never attends them is that intelligence is required. 

EMPATHY

The feeling a President has for the family of a beheaded American journalist after he sinks a 14 foot putt. 

FOOL

A President who thinks anyone listens to him anymore. 

WHY THE FERGUSON NEWS IS SO CONTRADICTORY

The Malaysians are in charge of the investigation. 

RACIAL VIOLENCE

What occurs when Blacks need new tennis shoes and boom boxes. 

LOPPED OFF

The way our politicians in Washington are dealing with radical Islam and I.S.I.S., you would think those politicians have already been beheaded. 

NOAH HAD THE VERY FIRST ONE

Tablet. 

BIG BAD AL

Why is it that every time Al Sharpton shows up someplace, they have race riots? 

HABOOB

Funny tit. 

AS OBAMA WOULD SAY

 "Don't blame me... I didn't have anything to do with it." 

OBAMA SAYS THE PROBLEMS OF I.S.I.S. ARE NOT OURS TO RESOLVE

The Middle East has to resolve those problems.  So, I guess, he's going to make them come here before he does something about it. 

UNDOCUMENTED ALIENS

Mix-breed Chihuahuas. 

MORK THE DORK

I never really cared for his routines.  But, he was so well liked by so many people and he did establish his own genre.  In his own way, he was one of the greats. 

HORSE MANURE

The caballero who knew Hillary Clinton. 

AIR STRIKES

Obama ordered air strikes in Iraq over the weekend.  They were a resounding success; we took out two camels and a goat. 

Gosh, you don't suppose the Nobel Committee is going to be after Obama's Peace Prize, do you? 

SELF-DECEIVING

Getting on a jet plane to leave Washington D.C. for summer vacation thinking you've really earned your pay this year. 

CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS

Recent major password hacks, totaling in the billions in just the last week, make it imperative that you change all of your sensitive passwords again.  For once, I think I can say that a major international disaster is NOT Obama's fault. 

IMPOTENCY

The inability of the President of the largest democracy in the free world to deal with even an honored ex-marine unjustifiably stuck in  Mexican jail. 

SILENCE

That wonderful sound you don't hear after all of the bullshitters leave Washington D.C. for the summer recess. 

JAMES BRADY

This may be a little insensitive, but I don't care.  James Brady was shot with a small .22 pistol; the shot was intended for President Reagan and was fired by a lunatic who was trying to get Jody Foster's attention.  Since then, Brady and his family have been on a relentless campaign to seize all of our guns, long or short.  Good riddance, sir. 

E.P.A.

Egotistical Presumptive Autocrats

BOOMING ECONOMY

The White House says the economy grew by 4% in the second quarter of 2014 in all 57 states. 

BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING BAD ABOUT OBAMA....

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 

CONGRESS IS GOING ON VACATION!

That means they're heading back to your neck of the woods.  Hold on to your watches and billfolds, and expect some big bombshells  before they get out of D.C. this afternoon! 

Gosh, you don't think Nancy Pelosi is pregnant, do you?