WHENEVER

Whenever you have one bunch of politicians talking about raising taxes and another bunch of politicians talking about cutting taxes, you know damned well they are going to have to pass the Bill before you know what's in it. 

IT'S MEMORIAL DAY!

Don't forget to toast your buns!

I WONDER IF....

Nancy Pelosi knows what is in the Health Care Bill yet? 

MY NIGHTMARE

Barack Obama's ad is on MY blog!

THE PRICE OF GAS IS PLUMETING

That national average price is $3.81.  That's what it sells for in Enid, Oklahoma between midnight and 12:01 AM.  Everywhere else, it's well over $4.00, but that's the "national average."  (Oh, the figures come from the Obama Administration?  Okay, that explains it.)

TOO BAD

The Brits could have kept the Messiah there... 

WHY NETANYAHU AND OBAMA CLASH

Netanyahu believes in democracy, freedom, liberty and justice. 

CASEY ANTHONY

For President! (Finally, there's someone around who is getting more air time than Barack Obama.) 

FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET

Obama headed for Ireland after leaving U.S. - Israeli relations in a big pile of dung.  (Maybe he's going to try to get the Olympics again?) 

A PERFECT ENDING FOR OBAMACARE

Let's just grant all of the states, all of the business, all of the unions and all of the citizens permanent waivers.  That'll do it. 

THERE'S ANOTHER WOMAN IN SCHWARZENEGGER'S CLOSET!

PATHOLOGICAL NARCISSISM

Barack Hussein Obama

MISSISSIPPI BUNNY RABBIT

Every time they talk about the horrible flooding on the Mississippi, I think about Jimmy Carter in his boat and trying to cross the river while being chased by a giant rabbit.  True story; look it up.  He's a close friend of Obama's, so you know I'm not exaggerating.  (Where we get these Presidents, I'll never know). 

NEIL CAVUTO IN FOWL TROUBLE

Some of the turkey's fine feather friends want to cook his goose. 

MEAT LOAF

Yes, that's what Arnold did.  He let his meat loaf. 

JUST IN CASE...

Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking recently explained his belief that there is no God and that humans should therefore seek to live the most valuable lives they can while on Earth.  


Just in case he's wrong, I will pray to Obama the Messiah before I go to bed tonight. 

GINGRICH ENDS PRESIDENTIAL RUN ALREADY?

He said on "Meet the Press" Sunday that he favors mandatory health insurance for everyone.  (No lie; I could not believe my ears.)

WHO'S NOT RUNNING FOR THE PRESIDENCY

Mike Huckabee and... John Edwards.  For different reasons, I presume. 

PORN IN BIN LADEN'S LAIR

'Tits not a surprise; the place was full of booby traps.  At his age, he had to be bushed. 

PRESIDENTIAL CELL PHONE CALLS

The President is going to be able to call all of us on our cell phones whenever he wants.  Did it ever occur to him that maybe we just don't want to hear from the son-of-a-bitch?  

A MOAT WITH ALLIGATORS?

Well, Mr. President, if that's the only answer you can come up with to stop the illegal crossing of our borders, then yes; we Republicans would like to have a moat with alligators. 

IMMIGRATION AND NATIONAL DEBT SOLUTION

We don't we just let Mexico take over the United States?  That way, they can pay the National Debt and the immigration problem will be solved. 

AMTRACK CONUNDRUM

The illustrious Senator Chuck Schumer wants to create a "No Ride List" for trains.  Hell, I didn't know anybody was riding trains! 

POLITICIANS NEVER LIE

They just don't tell the truth. 

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS ALIVE!

He's holed up with Howard Hughes, Elvis Presley and Amelia Earhart in a Mexican bordello, playing Canasta and plotting to take over NPR. 

SUSPENSE

Al Jezeera says it has an Osama audio tape to release.  The question of the day is: Was it recorded before, or after he was killed? 

HERMAN CAIN FOR PRESIDENT

Free pizza for everyone!

WHY THEY DON'T WANT TO RELEASE PICTURES OF DEAD OSAMA

They don't want to upset Al Queda.  (Jeeeezus H. Christ!!!)

OIL COMPANY PROFITS

If we nationalize the oil companies and stick the profits into the Federal coffers, we could be out of debt in five years?

AND THE REALLY GOOD THING ABOUT OSAMA'S DEATH?

We finally got all of those damn reruns of the royal wedding off the news. 

OSAMA IS DEAD!!!

QUIT JUMPING UP AND DOWN, YOU IDIOT!
I SAID OSAMA, OSAMA, OSAMA!!!

HEY, FATSO!

If you don't weigh within your allowed weight according to height, sex and age schedules, the Government is going to send you to the "fat farm" that they're going to establish at Guantanamo Bay after they free the terrorists. Instead of "Gitmo," the location will be known as "Fatmo."

They're also planning to levy a "Fat Tax" per pound overweight. Word has it, however, that they will allow you to subtract the weight of your sex organs, which explains why no Member of Congress will ever have to pay the Fat Tax.

SHOCKING STORY! CASEY ANTHONY DIDN'T DO IT!

Caley Anthony committed suicide and buried herself. 

DOES IT OCCUR TO YOU

That with all of that money they blew on the Royal Wedding, they could have paid off our national debt?