PELOSI NEEDS TO STOP DRINKING

And enter a Venezuelan rehab. 

THE LAST TIME PELOSI ACTED LIKE AN AMERICAN

Was the day before she was born in 1840. 

PELOSI HAS THE VIRUS!

Mad Cow Disease. 

BUY UNDERWEAR AND BOOZE IMMEDIATELY

Hanes is converting it's manufacturing plants from underwear to face masks.  Distilleries are switching from making booze to making hand sanitizer. Unless we act now, it's only a matter of days before we'll all be naked and sober!

San Jose cops have stopped arresting bank robbers because they're too busy arresting people who are violating the Governor's stay-at-home orders.

LIBERAL LOGIC 101

Let me see if we can follow the Liberal Democrats "Logic" in Today’s World...

If a mentally-ill dude pretends to be a woman, you are required to pretend with him.

It’s un-American for the census to count how many Americans are in America.

Russians influencing our elections are bad, but Mexicans voting in our elections are good.

It was cool for Joe Biden to blackmail the President of Ukraine, but it’s an impeachable offense if Donald Trump inquires about it.

 Twenty is too young to drink a beer, but eighteen is old enough to vote.

 Sexualizing children is bad, but 11-year-old drag queens are good.

Illegals aren't required to show ID, but citizens can't buy cough medicine without it.

It’s okay for Iran to have nukes, but duck hunters should turn in their shotguns.

Citizens are fined if they don’t buy their own health insurance,

---

People who have never owned slaves should pay slavery reparations to people who have never been slaves.

Inflammatory rhetoric is outrageous, but harassing people in restaurants is virtuous.

People who have never been to college should pay the debts of college students who took out huge loans for useless degrees.

 Immigrants with tuberculosis and polio are welcome, but you’d better be able to prove your dog is vaccinated and you don’t have coronavirus. 


 Irish doctors and German engineers who want to immigrate must go through a rigorous vetting process, but any illiterate Central-American gang-banger who jumps the southern fence is welcome.

We demand that the government be in control of our health care, but then we are outraged when the government makes our health care decisions.

 $5 billion for border security is too expensive, but $1.5 trillion for “free” health care for illegals is not.

Men are evil misogynists, and a hooker named Stormy Daniels is a national treasure.

 If you cheat to get into college you go to prison, but if you cheat to get into the country you go to college for free.

Politicians who say that the President is not above the law put illegal immigrants above the law.

 Kids can’t bring peanut butter to school, but they can bring measles, mumps, small poxs and coronavirus.

 People who say there is no such thing as gender are demanding a female President.

It’s terrible when the President says that Puerto Rico’s politicians are corrupt, but it’s wonderful when Puerto Rico’s politicians are kicked out of office for corruption.  

Illegals don’t pay taxes, but they get tax refunds.

We are $22 trillion dollars in debt, but we should throw money at every perceived problem like drunken sailors.

We see other countries going Socialist and collapsing, and it seems like a great plan to us.

We demand high minimum wages for unskilled labor, and we demand unlimited illegal immigration of people who will work for peanuts.

Voter suppression is bad, but not allowing the President to be on the ballot is good

Fourth-of-July parades are bad, but parades of women dressed as vaginas and men dressed as women are good.

Some people are held responsible for things that happened before they were born, and other people are not held responsible for what they are doing right now.



Did I miss any?


 

OGRE

THE GAMBLER FOLDS HIS LAST HAND

Kenny Rogers

 

URGENT WARNING ABOUT CORONAVIRUS FACE MASKS!

Since we all now know that wearing a face mask does not prevent you from getting Coronavirus, but that is does prevent someone with Coronavirus from transmitting the disease by coughing, if you see some idiot wearing a face mask in public, run like hell! 

IF YOU LIKE LOTS OF SEX

Don't get the Cooronavirus.  

TP

The tissue is the issue.  Thank God I have drapes. 

I HAD A DEMOCRAT FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT

They don't have much meat to them and they'e a bit crispy.  

TODAY'S FACTOID

Most Americans who drink water pee... except Democrats.  

THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US

Word is they might close down Congress for a few weeks due to the Coronavirus scare.  

HARVEY WEINSTEIN

Bye bye now.  

NO KIDDING?

Now is not a good time to take a cruise?  

CONGRESS IN SODDING FEAR

Members of Congress are frightened out of their wits at the possibility of getting the Coronavirus.  They're actively looking for a way to close down, as opposed to doing their jobs and being there for the nation in a time of crisis. 

THE ONLY THING LOWER THAN A DEMOCRAT...

... Is the stock market.  

REVOLVING DOOR?

I wonder if all of those people who supposedly left the country when Donald Trump became President are going to leave again when he gets reelected?  

WEINSTEIN MOVED TO RIKER'S iSLAND PRISON

I guess he will not be in the same prison or cell where Jeffrey Epstein "committed suicide."  

POCAHONTAS HAS TAKEN HER LAST PONY RIDE

No further comment necessary. 

POCAHONTAS ON ICE?

Elizabeth Warren has retreated to her wigwam in Massachusetts to wait it out; she wants to see if it'll be Joe or Bernie who offers her the VP slot if she drops out of the race.  

DEMS STOP FIGHTING TRUMP!

They're more interested in stopping Bernie!

TIMELY ADVICE

Boil your Corona before you drink it. 

TRANSFERRING CORONAVIRUS

So the Coronavirus originates in China and now the never unflappable Dems are blaming President Trump for it.  Is there no end to their lunacy?