Some One Nailed Santa Claus To A Cross?

Where I come from they'd say that was a bad mistake.

They should've nailed a politician......

ZING! ZING! OH, THE WONDERFUL ZINGS OF CHRISTMAS!

If There's Any Member of Congress Who Thinks They Earned Their Pay This Year

You need to see a psychiatrist.

ZING

Merry Christmas, All Of You "Non-Documented Aliens"

Suck it up big time, because Congress obviously doesn't have the guts to do their job.

Suck us dry. Clean out our welfare dollars, our health money, our educational funds... even our social security. Why should we care if you're not paying your way and you're sending what money you do make back home? Why does it matter that we have real American citizens living here who don't qualify for the freebies you get?

There's no reason that we should give a damn about the Native Americans who were here before us and don't, in many cases, have electricity or running water because our Congress can't afford to fund their needs. You are illegal, and that makes you"entitled."

Suck it up. Big time.

ZING!

So, "Holiday Sales" Are In A Slump?

Back to my post of December 15th.

Most Americans don't give "Holiday" gifts. We give birthday gifts, wedding gifts, graduation gives, and Christmas gifts.

Since the pompus bastard retailers quit playing Christmas music and took "Christmas" out of their advertising and in-store signage, I guess they're telling us we don't HAVE to buy Christmas gifts anymore because Christmas does not exist.

That's not a ZING. That's the truth, and I hope they all go "belly up."

How Many?

Fish does it take to make a school?

Geese does it take to make a gaggle?

Ducks does it take to make a flock?

Jets does it take to make a squadron?

Ships does it take to make a fleet?

Wolves does it take to make a pack?

Cows does it take to make a herd?

Assholes does it take to make a Congress?



Just thought I'd ask.



ZING!

Exit, Stage Left

What this country needs right now is a good strong leader.

All current Presidential candidates should now leave the stage.

ZING

The Odds That Iran Has Actually Shut Down Its Nuclear Program

Are about the same as the odds that you'll find a snowball in hell.

ZING!

Calling All Retailers - If You Don't Believe In Christmas

I don't believe you need my Christmas shopping money.

You humbugs and your "Holiday Shopping" have taken the ZING out of the most important American tradition of all.

May the fleas of the camels of the Three Wise Men infest your armpits.

If The Guys on Steroids Get Off Scott Free....

Why shouldn't Pete Rose be in the Hall of Fame?

No ZING Intended.

Global Warming =

Hot Sex!

Yummy Zing Zing!

Today's News Flap: Morticians Strip For Calendar

Personally, I think it's a dead issue.

Zing

The Body's Not Even Cold Yet And Already They're Going After Evil's Estate

When you hit the cemetary plot, how come they never fight over who gets to pay your debts?
And, what a major let down, if you'll pardon the play on words.....

ZING!

More People Think Washington Sucks Than Support Hillary & Obama Combined

Over 67% think Congress is doing a bad job. And those idiots are out there spending tens of millions of dollars trying to get us to vote for their re-election? Or for their Presidency?

This isn't about ZING! It's about CHING! CHING!

There's Viruses On The Pornsites!

Is that why the Bureau of Indfian Affairs doesn't have internet access?

Zing!

Today's News: Flu Shots May Cause Erratic Behavior

Everyone in Congress has had their flu shots.

'Nough said.....

ZING!

Potato Chips Are Bad For You

Even baked. Those nasty chips are going to kill you. If you eat potato chips on as regular basis, you'll be dead by the time you're 50.

I should know. I eat potato chips all of the time and I'm in my 60's and I feel as if I had been dead for over ten years. In fact, my doc told me that I've got at least 20 years left in me. Can you imagine, feeling like you've been dead for over 30 years?

Good God, man! I think I'll switch to pretzels!

ZING!

So, They Found The Bodies Of The Last Two Missing Russian Royalty

Bludgeoned, shot, burned, doused with bottles of acid, and buried.

Gosh, I didn't realize that Hillary HAD any Russian's on her enemies list.....

ZING!

One Good Way To Vote

Is to vote for the candidate who wants to control your life the least.



Someday, hopefully, we'll find one.



ZING!

The Main Thing Wrong With Government

Is government.

Zing!

Why Hillary Wants to Be President

She's not intelligent enough to be a hooker.

ZING!

Washington DC Restaurants To Close On Thanksgiving Day

All of the turkeys will be out of town.

Zing

Explanation for Barrack Not Placing Hand Over Heart During Pledge & National Anthem

He has no heart.

Zing!

Hillary Has Dirt On Obama?

Is that why she's commonly referred to as a dirt bag?

ZING!

O.J. Should Get Off

The planet.

Zing!

Hillary Accuses Democratic Opponents of Using Republican Playbook; Mudslinging

Watch out, guys. She's just accused you of being part of that VAAAAAST Right Wing Conspiracy!

ZING!

84 Minutes

Lindsay Lohan serves 84 minutes for DUI, which is probably 84 minutes more than O.J. is going to serve for his Vegas gambit.

My God, how I wish I was a star,
So I could piss on justice from afar;
As they say, only poor people and fools,
Have to follow the rules.

ZING!

Lawyers Win Again!!

O.J. is bound over for trial? Think of the legal fees going down the commode on THIS one!

ZING

Hillary Suffers From the O.J. Syndrome

O.J. is a sociopathical liar, a psychotic manipulator. He consistently refuses to own up to his misdeeds. "Gun? I didn't know anyone had a gun!"



Hillary? Remember that "vast, right-wing conspiracy?" How about her denial of knowledge of an $850 MILLION dollar illegal campaign contribution? Always blaming it on others, never accepting responsibility.



Doesn't anyone comprehend reality? Hillary killed Kato!

O.J. Didn't Do It

And, as soon as his legal problems are resolved, he's going to go out and look for the guy who did.

No kidding.

ZING!

Musings of an Old Man

A long, long time ago, when we were young and frisky, there was a very strong period of nationalism in this country. We, as citizens, willingly "gave to the common good," as Hillary is now poised to demand that we do. We gave willingly because we had deep-rooted spiritual, ethical and moral values and beliefs in a noble purpose... freedom and democracy.

In the late '50's and early '60's, when the liberals and socialists began to invade our university systems beginning with Berkeley, my father prophesized that our own tolerances would eventually be our downfall, and that our values would be eroded over time as the teachings of the liberals and socialists were spread through the education structure of our nation. Here we are, barely 45-50 years later, and his prediction is reality. We no longer have the belly to fight the good battles, the spine to stand up for what is right, or the courage to speak openly of our convictions.

If I've said anything that is not politically correct, I of course must apologize.

ZING!

DaVinci Code Cracked!

"Can you hear me now?"

Zing!

Hillary's Convictions

We hear she calculates that most of Bill's friends will be out of jail by the time she wins the Presidency, so they will be available to fill spots in HER administration.

ZING?

Washington is Full of Lipids and Lizards

We need to turn them ALL out and start fresh. None of they are doing anything but partying, yapping, and living high on the hog. They didn't get the message in the last election; we want some value for our damned tax dollars. We want action on the problems and issues we are facing.

The Lipids and Lizards are dangerous to our national health.

Zing, Zing, Zing.

POLITICS---ENOUGH ALREADY!

I don't give a DAMN about who is running for election! I'm already sick and tired of the downright cow manure every time I turn on the tube or the radio! And, it IS cow manure, pure and simple.

There's enough cow manure out there to solve our energy crisis three times over. Just convert it to methane gas. Good God, if anyone ever lights a match in the Capital, we'll have a man on Mars in an instant!

ZING!

Kucinich Says Impeach Cheney?

This from a guy who just got out of a UFO?

Zing!

So, What's The Big Deal About a UFO?

Carter was attacked by a giant rabbit while he was fishing on a boat on the Missouri River and look at what a great President HE turned out to be!

(Frankly, I can't even "Zing" at that thought.....)

State Department Full of Weenies

No wonder we're at war!

Zing

Australian Cops Arrest Bar Maid

An Australian barmaid who entertained patrons by crushing beer cans between her bare breasts and hanging spoons off her nipples has been fined. They were probably tea spoons.

ZING!

Clinton & Gore Ride Again!

Tipper Gore for Vice President!

It's part of that vast Left Wing Conspiracy!

ZING!

I.D. THEFT; Why Hillary's Not Worried

Who in their right mind wants to pretend they are Hillary Clinton?

ZING!

Dog Dating Service

There's a new dog dating service on the internet. No, it does NOT have anything to do with the Clintons.

ZING!

Washington DC High-Class Brothel

There is no truth to the rumor that a not-so-secret high-class D.C. brothel has a sign out front, "HILLARY SUCKS!"

No, I'm not kidding. Really!

ZING!

Dark Day in Cheney's Life

Obama

(Sorry, couldn't resist it)......

Zing!

Bushed

That's why he's had more vacation days than any other President.

Zing!

Hillary vs Sex

Now that Hillary has been annointed by the press and media as the next President of the United States, I hereby ask why we cannot cancel the primaries, the conventions and the elections? Not only would we save millions, or maybe billions of dollars in associated costs, but we'll be spared all of those political phone calls, fundraising envelopes in the mail, and annoying ads on television and radio.

In addition, we will be able to focus our email activities back on hot, torrid sex, where it belongs.

ZING!

Warts

Giving Al Gore the Nobel Prize is like putting warts on a toad.



ZING!

Water, Water Everywhere

Watergate, Whitewater, Blackwater......



Oh.... It's a broken sewer line?



ZING!

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

Surely, once having sized up Washington, had Christofer Columbus landed his three sailing ships in America today, he would have hightailed it back to Spain and never mentioned this continent to a living soul.

ZING!!

Primaries Need to be Earlier

The way things are shaping up, maybe like....right after the inauguration?

ZING!

Why we have a humanitarian duty to let criminal illegals in...

We all know that those Mexican jails are overcrowded and treat criminals like dirt.

ZING!!!

Congressional Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Have you noticed that, even with Congress out of Washington on summer break, there's STILL nothing getting done back there?

ZING!

President Seeks Safety

Ducks Congress, Media
Heads for Iraq!

ZING!

Hollywood Is Empty

There's not a living soul there. They rounded up all of the druggies and alkies and took them off to jail.

MY GOD! THERE'S NO ONE LEFT TO MAKE MOVIES!!!!

ZING

Eight More Years of Bush?

If Hillary wins, we'll still have a bush in the White House.....

ZING!

Finding Illegal Aliens

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to, their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

Lindsey or Paris? Who do I MOST want to spend the night with?

Oh? You have to spend the night in jail?

ZING!

Stupid George

You just simply don't pardon anyone until your last day in office.

Right Bill?

ZING!

HILLARY WINS!

Any American who thinks for one second that Hillary Clinton will not be the next President of the United States has not studied the political history of southern governorships. And that includes you, Obama.

ZING!

Exit, Stage South. POR FAVOR!

Maybe we would be better off if Congress moved to Mexico and we kept the illegal Mexicans here.......

ZING! (Or, "El zingo!" if you insist....)

Poor Paris

Now she'll have Pooey Air instead of Perrier.

Zing

Double Entendre'

Paris Hilton Gets Off!

Zing

Keep the Ill Eagles Out

Otherwise, you might get the bird flu.

ZING!

Don Who?

So, who WAS Don Imus, anyway?

ZING!

That's Illegal, Alien

So, you're a citizen of Mexico, retired and living in the United States on Social Security income into which you never paid a dime because you entered the country by walking across the Rio Grande at midnight. Now comes the Internal Revenue Service to collect taxes on that Social Security Income and your answer is? "I'm a citizen of Mexico. I don't have to pay taxes here."

And, the guys in Washington land say, (yawn), "We're gonna build a fence one of these days! We swear to it! Really! Honest to God!"

Well, I'm sick and tired of it! I paid taxes on it when I earned it, now I have to pay taxes on it again when I draw it and those bastards NEVER PAID ANY TAXES!!!

I'm just too pissed off to zing.

Will Brits Give Up?

There IS a rumor going around that Parliament has given Blair until next Friday to solve the Iranian hostage stand off or they are not going to fund his budget to deal with the crisis.

ZING!

Profiling

I wonder how many of those guys who seized the Brits were muslims of Eastern descent?

Zing!

Wave the White Flag! The Terrorists Win!

Surrender, surrender, surrender. Show your true American guts. Surrender!

And you think the French are bad?

Peeee yew and a Zing to you!

Finally, An End to Illegal Immigration?

It seems to me that, after you jail all of the Border Patrol members, illegal immigration will no longer be an issue.

ZING!

The Real Difference Between Anna Nicole Smith and Illegal Aliens

Americans care more about Anna Nicole Smith, (a dead issue, so to speak), than illegal aliens.

Do you suppose that, if we were to be invaded by hostile beings from another planet, that Anna Nicole Smith's dead body would still be THE news of the day?

ZING!

Hillary Wants Out of Iraq

She doesn't know her geography very well. I think she lives in New York......

Zing!!!

Thank God for Hillary!

Now, we'll have someone to get us out of Iraq. Finally!

Next thing you know, she'll be making peace with Osama and that will be good, too.

Please, Monica... pass me a good cigar!

ZING!

When Hillary Wins...

Will they finally burn the Rose Law Firm files?

Oh! Smog and global warming? Can you imagine?

I suspect that, should the files possibly damaging to the Clintons be incinerated, we'd not only have burning eyes,

but also a sincere desire for quick good-bye-byes.

As for that remark, eloquently stated,

Bye-Bye, now!

The Zingerrrr!

The Next VP; Obama or Richardson?

Now that we know for certain who the next President will be, the only question left is who will be the next Vice-President.... Richardson or Obama?

Suck it in, folks.... The handwriting has been on the wall for the last eight years.....

Zing

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Yo, though you lead me into the shadow of death,
Thy Rodham and thy staffs, they comfort me;
Truly, for Bill's name sake,
Thou must travel the great White Waters.

So be it, and so shall ye never be referred to as "Hillary the C-Word" again.
Now and for evermore, thou shalt be known as "Hillary the Rod."
And the world shall know better than to bend over in the shower.

Zing